Parents What Would You Do?

[harobed.enac]

Hi there,
This is my first time posting.
My daughter is a level 8 and is in an elite program.

Yesterday her coach dumped her lunch out on the floor in front of her teammates and had some others do the same.
She took a picture of her lunch and told her that she has too much and that the food she had would last her for a week.
She is at the gym from 1030am until 8pm (I coach so she has to stay extra until I'm done.)
She then pulled me aside and told me that I'm setting her up to be fat.

She is 9 years old, 4 foot 5 and 55 pounds. We are genetically small as it is.

I am appalled. This was her food for almost 12 hours yesterday:
Made from scratch pasta noodles that I make myself, peas, a small bag of pretzels, a small bag of almonds and cranberries, two protein bars (you know because she is there for nearly 12 hours) and cantaloupe.

I am really upset. I am a vegetarian and I pack nutritious and power-packed food.
Apparently this is not the first time something like this has happened.
I was told that some of her food was taken and eaten by the coaches also.

I am ready to pull her out of the program.

What would you do?

 

[cadybearsmommy]

Leave. Immediately. Find a new gym that treats gymnasts like the human beings they are and with any luck maybe you will be able to coach there as well.

This is absolutely reprehensible. I'm honestly speechless.

 

[MabelSt]

That's crazy- yeah I'd leave, they don't respect her as a person that's not ok

 

[LindyHopper]

Absolutely disgusting behavior. Bad enough that they did that (enough for a whole week--what a joke!), but to take and eat her food is theft.

 

[RTT2]

I'd burn rubber getting out of there. I'm sure it's not that simple, since you work there and it's an elite training program, but that coach is seriously sick. Also, it shows an appalling lack of understanding for the nutritional needs of a growing athlete.

 

[2G1B]

My kid wouldn't be going back. I know that sometimes you can't fully believe what the kids report back; but that they came and told you that you were setting her up to be fat would be enough evidence for me.

My kids are small. I'm not, though I was as a kid. I work hard to teach my kids healthy eating habits that I didn't learn (since I was so skinny I always got to just eat what ever I wanted and was always encouraged to eat more. I teach my kids to stop eating when full, not to eat until their plate is clean. I teach them to make healthy choices most of the time. Etc). But at the same time, I stress to them that they MUST eat enough to keep up their energy and to be healthy. Our ped knows that they are gymnasts and does worry some when they aren't gaining weight and always checks in that the coaches aren't encouraging them to "watch their weight". So far we have been fortunate that that has not happened; but if it did I really would be changing gyms right away.

 

[amiandjim]

Agree with the others!! I would be gone immediately, which I know is not easy for you. I know that we all want our children to succeed and will make sacrifices for them as much as possible, but let's be realistic...even if your daughter makes elite and goes to the Olympics, she still has most of her life ahead of her. This coach is setting her up for low self-esteem and possibly an eating disorder. There are elite coaches out there that do not treat kids this way!!!

 

[Seeker]

My daughter nor I would never set foot in that gym again. It is just not worth it.

 

[e'smum]

all of that is healthy and some of it is very low calorie. i don't know how many hours she is there working out and i'm assuming she's home schooled so does some school working during that time? IMO, that may not be *enough* food depending on how many hours she is working out. she needs to have enough energy to work out! she must be so hungry if she's working out that entire time.

my dd is starting up something similar next year. this year just one long day. last year she came in an extra day for a couple of hours. she goes in directly after school at 3 and comes home at 8:30 with a 1/2 hour to refuel. her coach told her she didn't have enough protein. so i talked to him and less fruit. i now pack a couple of pieces of ham, a cheese stick. 100% juice box. applesauce (no added sugar) and then a sugary snack that she usually eats after practice - a small packet of vanilla wafer type snack. sometimes there are pretzels and a choc chip granola bar. she eats ALL of it. whatever i send gets eaten - except this week the applesauce came home. that is for 5 1/2 hours. and she has a banana on the way. i will say those days she is not really hungry for dinner. so it's very small portions whatever she has. she is 9 and weighs between 50-60. she is still in 7/8 clothing. she is small boned like me. she's a little shorter than her classmates but not terribly. she's def going to be the shortest of my 3 kids.

that coach is an ***. and is going to cause those girls damage with body image. you must know that. are you ready to quit coaching there too?
if it were me, i'd talk to the coach first and tell him your feelings on his (or her) actions and insist it doesn't happen again. if that was scoffed at, then i'd leave.

 

[UnoMas]

Get her grips and get the heck out of there.

 

[triplethreat+1]

I'm with e'smum- if anything I would add some dairy and more fruit- my DD who is the same age/size would easily eat that on a non-gym day! Coach sounds like a throwback to the bad old days. If I wasn't assured this would NEVER come up again I would be leaving. And making sure the gym knew why.
And this comes from someone who leans towards 'weight control' when necessary!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

We would not be in a gym like that. 10 plus hours in gym??? At 9 yrs old. Never Ever

My daughter is 4 ft 7 and 66 lbs. And she in now way has any "weight/size" issues.

You coach there??? And you are surprised????

I am stunned and scratching my head.

 

[dancingimmie]

This is a tough situation and I'm sorry that happened. I was a professional ballerina and when I was young I was weighed in front of my classmates on a weekly basis, starting at age 12.
Assuming this is the first time this has happened. The very first thing I would do is talk to my dd. Tell her what happened was wrong and why it was wrong. Then I would talk to everyone; every coach, the head coach, gym owner, PT, everyone. Make it very clear that this is to never happen again. If anyone has a concern about what your dd is eating they need to talk to you not her.
I know everyone is jumping on the "run away" train and yes, you need to be able to trust them with your dd. But if this is a first "offense" I would talk to all of them first very seriously before I decided to pull her.

 

[Natasha]

Surely this is not for real.

 

[dancingimmie]

Surely this is not for real.

I didn't even think of that...until now...

 

[gymbeam]

thats totally unacceptable. even if the coach had a valid reason to be angry, that response could never be justified.
i'm sorry you've been put in this super tough position.
(and you may want to change your user name because it is pretty easy to figure out your gym, OP.)

 

[emorymom]

What is the employer's position? Are they aware that they are violating safety practices? https://www.usagym.org/PDFs/Education/SafetyHandbook120715.pdf

I agree it is ridiculous.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

This is a tough situation and I'm sorry that happened. I was a professional ballerina and when I was young I was weighed in front of my classmates on a weekly basis, starting at age 12.
Assuming this is the first time this has happened. The very first thing I would do is talk to my dd. Tell her what happened was wrong and why it was wrong. Then I would talk to everyone; every coach, the head coach, gym owner, PT, everyone. Make it very clear that this is to never happen again. If anyone has a concern about what your dd is eating they need to talk to you not her.
I know everyone is jumping on the "run away" train and yes, you need to be able to trust them with your dd. But if this is a first "offense" I would talk to all of them first very seriously before I decided to pull her.

Yeah, ummm no.

If this is for real go now.

 

[LindyHopper]

Surely this is not for real.

With some of what I've heard happens on some college gym teams regarding weight and diet, this happening at a gym with an elite track wouldn't surprise me.

 

[mariposa]

Run away as quickly as you can from that gym/coach.