Parents Why

[LTmom]

I’m going to say some things you may violently object to, but if you read to the end, I have a serious question.

From reading the posts here, going years back, here are some basic tenets I’ve gathered:
In gymnastics, you should:
-not practice at home, aside from stretching and conditioning and maybe basics like handstands and cartwheels
-not talk about the sport or offer constructive criticism, just let your kid take the lead
-not watch practice
-leave gym at the gym
-calm down, go steady and trust the process

In return, you will be more likely to get a happy gymnast who goes the distance.

Let’s apply this to another sport (swimming, tennis, whathaveyou) or pursuit (piano, painting):
Would you:
-make sure your kid does not practice
-not talk about it
-not watch
-leave swimming at the pool
-calm down, don’t push.....?

Why is longevity the ultimate goal? And such a fragile one that you dare not disturb it? Why is it ok for your kid to try swim team for 1 or 2 seasons and decide it’s not for them, but not ok for a gymnast to love the sport fiercely for a few years, top out while still in compulsories, then decide it’s not for them??

 

[Aussie_coach]

Interesting topic. I don’t think we can compare gymnastics to activities like swimming, painting, tennis and piano, when it comes to home practice. Kids are less likely to injure themselves quite as severely as they would should they choose to do gymnastics at home.

Gymnastics is such a precise sport, very small body errors on basic skills can work their way through skills to make major errors in more advanced skills, it just needs to be studied under more of a watchful eye than most pursuits.

Offering constructive critism can also be an issue, unless the parent is a gymnastics coach themselves. I have heard parents give skill “advice” to kids that is 100% incorrect.

But we have no issue with parents talking about the sport, owatching practice, staying at the gym. We love it when they do! We are so proud of the wonderful work the kids do and we are very happy for parents to watch their kids do amazing things! There is nothing quite like looking up into the viewing area and seeing the sparkle in a parents eyes and the smile on their faces as they watch their child defy gravity and do incredible things!

 

[Noideaaboutgym]

As a swim parent as well, I can assure you that the same “rules” apply.
No extra training other than stretching and optional conditioning, let the coaches coach - just because you think you can offer constructive criticism doesn’t mean you should. Comments about technique are not appreciated as the coaches will have specific things they are working on and having parents pointing out other things isn’t helpful.
Talking about it in the general sense is fine but not questioning specifics.
Watching once they get past the development stage is boring as hell, who seriously wants to sit in the gallery watching 50+ swimmers going up and down for 2 hours? Sometimes I will stay for a chat with other parents but watching doesn’t happen!
And yes longevity is the goal, I don’t want too much too soon, my swimmer is amazing but it doesn’t mean they have to be there every hour there is, that leads to burnout just the same, in fact I have recently refused for increased hours as it isn’t necessary yet, the coaches have stars in their eyes but you need full maturity to ‘make it’ in swimming.
So there you go, very similar as far as I am concerned.

 

[Taxidriver]

A couple of points
You can’t compare a once a week piano lesson with a sport you go 4/5 days a week to.
With regards to other sports lots of others aren’t as dangerous to practice at home as advanced gym skills are.
If my kids other coaches told them not to practice at home like my dd gym coaches then they wouldn’t practice at home. My dd just follow her coaches advice no extra rules needed from me.

I do talk about the sport with my dd but I don’t analyse what I’ve seen her do, I support her and encourage her but I don’t give her coaching tips. Just the same with my kids other sports.

If my dd wanted to give up after a couple of years then I would happily let her however I would hate for her to be giving up because the pressure got too hard from excessively high hours or me pushing her. At the moment she wants to keep doing gymnastics until “she is an adult” that’s her words so I will do all I can to support her in that but if in 6 months time she ready to be done with gymnastics then I’ll support her in that.

For all my kids sports the most important thing for me is that they are enjoying it.

 

[RTT2]

I'd be ok with my daughter loving the sport intensely for several years but ultimately deciding she wanted to do other things and leaving. But it isn't just like tennis or swim team.

Last night we were talking in the car about one of her former teammates quitting and I mentioned to that it's hard for a kid to maintain years of dedication "in a sport like gymnastics", and my daughter asked me, "What other sport is like gymnastics?" I couldn't come up with any other sport for kids that requires such high hours year round. When a kid, and a family, invest so much time, energy, passion, and money into a sport I think it makes sense to want the child to go as far as she/he can without leaving due to injury or burnout, which is why it's a good idea to follow those practices you listed.

 

[KipWinger]

I'd be ok with my daughter loving the sport intensely for several years but ultimately deciding she wanted to do other things and leaving. But it isn't just like tennis or swim team.

Last night we were talking in the car about one of her former teammates quitting and I mentioned to that it's hard for a kid to maintain years of dedication "in a sport like gymnastics", and my daughter asked me, "What other sport is like gymnastics?" I couldn't come up with any other sport for kids that requires such high hours year round. When a kid, and a family, invest so much time, energy, passion, and money into a sport I think it makes sense to want the child to go as far as she/he can without leaving due to injury or burnout, which is why it's a good idea to follow those practices you listed.

While the intense hours may start at younger ages in gymnastics, other sports do require high hours and years of dedication. As a swimmer, I swam 10 practices a week starting in 8th grade. I started swimming when I was 4 and I was swimming 5 days a week by 9. Of course, that was a long time ago but my nephews practice similar hours today. Similar rules did apply to swimming...but as one of the previous posters said...nobody wants to watch swim practice. And I absolutely agree that gymnastics is very different with regard to the risk of injury and the level of difficulty/precision required.

 

[duyetanh]

The hours I trained swimming are more than my optional child does with gym. And shoulder injuries from the sport such as tendinitis or bursitis (among other injuries, yes even back injuries-we started lifting weights at a very young age) were common.

In terms of stroke technique, I once spent extra time after practice for months on end just trying to fix an ism with my start off the blocks, because I had developed a bad habit that took quite some time to get rid of....I also had to fix corrections on my stroke technique and my turns. I can remember being very frustrated with my stroke some days, but I had a coach who kept encouraging me and understood that off days happen.

As far as parents not watching, heck practice was boring for ME. I can’t imagine watching it. And as far as not talking about it, I seriously believe it’s why I went as far as I did with the sport. My dad stressed me out at a very young age after every meet, showing me splits and splits from other girls (splits in swimming means time intervals at certain parts of the event). He was way too invested. I was actually headed in a downward spiral with the sport, but then my parents got divorced which was a true blessing for all. Our lives, and my swimming blossomed. My mom was so clueless! As long as I was happy, she was happy. When I talked about it, she listened...but she didn’t really have opinions on it all.

Oh and many swim coaches are now banned from the sport or are in jail for being sexually involved with their athletes. One of my best friends coach is;luckily he never thought she was worth his time.

So,,,,yes, I think swimming can be compared to gymnastics. I actually think every sport can be compared. If your child has talent and has possible longevity in the sport, it’s awesome to embrace it. Just don’t immerse yourself in it so far that it becomes yours, not theirs. My kid loves that I don’t live through her for the sport. She said if I was obsessed that she would have quit long ago.

 

[lhmom]

Practicing: safety issue when DD was competing. Practicing back handsprings a totally different issue that shooting hoops in our driveway.
Not watch practice: Now when DD was small, I did stick around for gymnastics practice- wanted to be around if she got injured, etc. She started competing when she was 6 so I thought that was best. Now the last few years that she competed, I was rarely at practice but that was because I had another child who was involved in activities. By that time, I felt comfortable with her coaches and I knew other parents would call me if needed. I certainly don’t watch her practices now either.
Not talk about it: I follow this rule with other sports now just as I did with gymnastics. DD has played basketball, softball and soccer since quitting gymnastics and I am totally her cheerleader . That’s it- if she wants to improve, she has to find that inner motivation on her own.
Longevity: Maybe I am one of the few parents who did this but before she started a competition season, I would ask DD if she still wanted to continue competing. The rule was that if you started a season, you were in for the whole season. I would’ve been totally fine if she had left after compulsories because of the increase in hours. She wanted to continue and she did for another 3 years. I was glad to see that she felt comfortable enough to tell me that she was done after her level 8 season. We totally backed her decision because we knew she was truly done not because she had fears. Not once did we ever tell her that she had to stay in it. We really weren’t looking at longevity at all.

 

[catherine]

As a professional USA Swiming coach for the past 22 years and former Age Group and D1 swimmer, I can say the same things apply to competitive swimming once the athletes are truly invested. Athletes who have parent support in these areas go the farthest and honestly tend to love the sport the most. I have witnessed so many wonderful athletes fizzle out of the sport due to outside pressures. This is across the board, not just athletes I have coached. It’s a common topic on deck among coaches because it is truly hard to witness. We try to do a lot of parent education and our team has a pretty great retention rate. It is difficult as a coach to see families fall into the same pitfalls and know the likely outcome. Let me add that I am incredibly competitive and if I had not been an athlete and coach, I very well may have made a lot of these mistakes as a sport parent. My 10 year old daughter is growing up as a coach’s kid and hears a lot of our frustrations (my husband is also a swim coach for the older kids and has coached many Olympic Trial Qualifiers....that I coached before him in their developmentental years) and she calls me out on it when I do say something that should be left to a coach to say. It’s hard, I get it. But, if you follow the advice it works! Of course you should be involved enough to know your child is safe though!! That is where I am vigilant as a parent. Some of the things I read on here would be red flags (how some coaches talk to/treat athletes). Just be the love, support and landing pad for your children and yes, trust the process. A happy, healthy athlete should be the real goal.

 

[momnipotent]

Let’s apply this to another sport (swimming, tennis, whathaveyou) or pursuit (piano, painting):
Would you:
-make sure your kid does not practice
-not talk about it
-not watch
-leave swimming at the pool
-calm down, don’t push.....?

These aren’t exactly apples to apples comparisons, but I feel like I behave the same way about both sports-I will go ahead and talk about tennis, which is my older son’s second sport. (To be fair, most of this, except the practice part, applies to my younger son’s musical pursuits as well. That I do make him practice at home for 30 minutes a day...but his total time spent both practicing and in group/private instruction is still less than 6 hours a week)

Practice-First, tennis around here before high school (unless you are at a country club or willing to pay for private lessons) maxes out at 6 hours of instruction a week. Compare that to the number of hours most gymnasts practice. When he is “only” doing 6 hours a week at tennis, would I let him go practice more if he wanted to? Of course I would. If he was practicing 18 hours a week, would I? Probably not, because I want him to be well rounded, well rested, and able to spend time with family, get homework done, and have some down time. Also consider the fact that tennis simply doesn’t have the same potential for injury that gymnastics does. He is much safer practicing tennis on his own than gymnastics on his own.

Talking about it-I talk to my kids about both sports, but in a “how did practice go? Did you have fun? What was your favorite part about today?” kind of way. I do not offer advice or coaching for either, other than “that must be rough, do you need my help talking to the coach about it?” because that is not my job. I pay the coaches to do the coaching so I get to be mom. After a competition, it is “I am so proud of you for giving it your all. I love watching you play/do gym. Ready for dinner/ice cream/whatever.” If my kid is struggling with a skill, I listen if they want to talk about it and reassure them that if they keep working hard they will get it eventually.

Watching-I sometimes watch practice, usually just for short periods of time, but mostly I don’t. There is just so much time spent on conditioning, skills, progressions, and fine tuning in both sports that I don’t find most of practice that interesting. If I did, I would stay and if there was a “no watching” policy, we wouldn’t sign up there. These are my kids, and I have the right to observe practice whenever I want to ensure their well-being. I will go in to see new skills or just to see how they are improving if I haven’t been in awhile.

Leave it at the gym/court, calm down, don’t push- YES! This is their sport, not mine. They are not likely to go to the Olympics, and even if they were, that drive has to come from THEM. I am trying to raise good adults, and I believe the lessons they learn from sports will serve them well into adulthood, but they learn nothing from me pushing them. Am I going to do that into college and their work lives? Call them and push? Is every conversation when they are adults going to revolve solely around their career and how to advance? No thanks. I want well-rounded adult children with a variety of interests and self-motivation who look back at their youth with happiness and have fond memories, even if they don’t play their sports into adulthood. I want a relationship with them that didn’t involve me pushing them to do things they didn’t want to, which leads us into longevity...

My kids can stop whenever they want, but I want it to be because they are truly done and not because I have stressed them into a situation where they aren’t having fun anymore. They need to end on their own terms.

 

[Muddlethru]

Why is longevity the ultimate goal? And such a fragile one that you dare not disturb it? Why is it ok for your kid to try swim team for 1 or 2 seasons and decide it’s not for them, but not ok for a gymnast to love the sport fiercely for a few years, top out while still in compulsories, then decide it’s not for them??

If I understand your post correctly, your question pertains to all sports being equal, why does gymnastics have more "conditions" if you will in staying in the sport. In my opinion, it shouldn't. If an athlete invests themselves wholeheartedly to a sport, the goal should be the same: to stay as long, as successful and hopefully get a college scholarship, be in the national team, etc. or quit when they decide it is not for them.

However, if it seems gymnasts and their families are more invested in the sport is because they have more invested. It is among the most expensive sport, most required practice hours, and in my opinion more required skills. Unlike other sports, gymnastics plays a much larger role in the athletes lives. Doing gymnastics unlike most other sports leaves little time for anything else. Their best friends are their teammates. And while it is a team sport, gymnasts get individual recognition which is quite fulfilling. It should be ok to for a gymnast to quit just like other sports. It is just not as easy.

 

[2gymkids]

Let’s apply this to another sport (swimming, tennis, whathaveyou) or pursuit (piano, painting):
Would you:
-make sure your kid does not practice
-not talk about it
-not watch
-leave swimming at the pool
-calm down, don’t push.....?

I would argue these apply to most sports. They do not apply to the arts as much because it's a whole different ballgame- less instructional time/more at home practice time, less to get "right" and more open for interpretation, and less room for injury for sure.
But as for sports:
-make sure your kid does not practice (AT HOME)...I'm guessing there are a lot of sports where coaches don't want you practicing specific skills at home so you don't train them wrong, swimming for sure and others, too. Conditioning/endurance is another ballgame though and kids may be able to do things like run at home, sure.
-not talk about it- there is talking about it and then there is TALKING about it. Regular old chatter is fine about any sport, but building it up, talking about it constantly, putting pressure on a kid,etc,is not ok regardless of what the sport it
-not watch- is there any other sport where a parent wants to watch (and dissect) practice? Especially if it's 3-4 hours long? I mean I enjoy watching my kids' riding lessons sometimes but it's one hour a week and I stay maybe once every 4-6 weeks.
-leave swimming (or other sport) at the pool- yes I think in general the sport should be left in the gym/pool/field.
-calm down, don't push- you better believe it! Sounds like a great way to parent no matter the sport.

 

[2gymkids]

And as for the longevity piece...two thoughts. 1) like I said in my last post, I think those are good "rules" regardless of the sport and longevity and 2) by the time a kid is competing in gymnastics, a fair amount of money and time has been sunk into the sport. I imagine not many parents would sign on for a year or two or three of pre-team, assessment fees, leotards, warm-ups, etc, if they thought their kid was going to quit after 6 months on team. Not saying that's right or wrong, but I'm guessing that's where some of that comes from. Add in the fact that gymnasts in general can be an intense bunch and you may have to walk the fine line of not pushing the importance of gymnastics in a kid's life.

 

[Flippin'A]

Gym may also be distinct from many other sports because of the prevalence of mental blocks and fears. Constantly asking "did you make your series today" or watching practice to see can wear a kid down mentally and exacerbate those blocks. Any added pressure from the parents is a bad thing as far as I'm concerned. I'm sure there are other sports where mental blocks come into play (a pitcher in baseball comes to mind,) but there isn't the same fear of bodily harm in that example, just fear of failure or embarrassment. And really, I would treat any sport that has this component the same way.

I would say quitting as a rec gymnast or in the earliest levels wouldn't be any bigger of a deal than quitting rec soccer or basketball. Maybe the issue is that gymnastics gets intense younger than most other sports. When I quit gymnastics as a middle of the pack optional it was tough on me emotionally. I left on a sour note and felt like a failure. I suddenly had a ton of free time I had no idea what to do with. I gained weight and went through puberty. I felt myself losing strength. And I didn't know how to express my frustration to anyone because I didn't have words for it. Again, I'm sure there are other sports that are comparable, but gymnastics isn't seasonal. It's every day and it's a huge chunk of your life, so when it's gone there's a massive hole. Trying to make sure kids have a good experience and stay or leave on their own terms goes a long way toward helping them move on when the time comes.

 

[gymgal]

I have a swimmer in addition to my gymnast and I do think you can compare the two for most aspects. I generally follow the same rules with both of them, as others have said. One thing I didn't see others hitting upon is the fact that what makes gymnastics different from just about any other mainstream sport is that the athlete continues to learn new, harder skills going up the levels and this takes 10+ years to develop. In most other sports, the first few years are spent learning the foundations and then it is all about refining/perfecting skills. Gymnastics also has the "overcoming fear" component. While there is a bit of this in other sports (being hit by a ball, injuries, etc), it plays a much bigger part in gymnastics and I think this is one of the reasons it is even more important for parents to keep a level head, not add to the stress the gymnast is already feeling, whether it be by talking about practices, trying to "help" them through it, or having them practice extra at home.

Parents will often come here and ask "but what about if they are begging for more? I am not pushing them to practice at home. They WANT to do it". There is a coach here (can't remember who it is) who has said (paraphrase): you want them wanting more. You want them eager to get to the next practice, eager to learn the next skill with the coach. If you allow practice at home, that eagerness can dwindle". That's not even addressing the aspect of practicing the skills incorrectly, the higher risk of injury, etc.

 

[GymDadWA]

As a soccer coach I can vouch for the fact that outside of basic fundamentals parents trying to teach their kids "cool tricks" off youtube or something like that offers very little help or can even hinder development when they are focused on before fundamentals. I would say this is true in many sports especially ones that require developing specialized motor patterns like basketball. Imagine how difficult it is for a coach to teach a kid to shoot with proper form when the kid insists on taking thousands of reps in their driveway with really poor form.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Yes, I would apply all that to any sport/activity my kid wants to do.

All those practice hours are expensive child care, freeing me up for, errands, getting stuff off my to do list and most important of all self care for me and if my husband is home, date time.....

No way I want to stay and watch. Give up 12 waking hours a week.to watch any kind of practice. No freaking way. That ship sailed with the one 45 min once a week rec class. I was freaking excited when she went to 2 hours. I did a happy dance because I had time to leave.

I am thrilled that she is managing her own homework, these days. And I’m just needed for the occasional question or edit.

And yes I let my kid take the lead on what she chooses to share with me. In all things. School, sports, music. I like volunteers not hostages.

I am much more concerned with nonverbal cues then what she says. So I know when something is wrong. Might take time to find out the specifics, some leading questions. But she talks when she is ready. In fact I get more out of her when I back off and don’t appear to eager to talk.

And it’s perfectly OK for my kid to be truly done with any sport or activity she wants to be done with.

It’s not Ok for me, as a parent, to be so obsessive and over involved in that activity or sport that she becomes so stressed and burnt out that she quits earlier then if I’d just let her be.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

And there are many kids who leave gymnastics and move into toother things. And are very happy and successful in other things.

And those kids parents are not here any longer.

Those parents are doing one of 2 things.

They are letting their kid take the lead on their other activity. Trusting that process. And dropping them off at that activity.

Or

They are over involved and obsessive about the new activity/sport driving their kid out of that as well.

 

[buttercup]

I have older kids but have followed the same priciples for all 3 of their sports - leave the coaching to thier coaches, conditioning only at home (the other 2 are a rock climber and synchronized swimmer so thats a given), let them know I love watching them do their thing, and that this is their sport - they are in charge of it. I try and catch part of practice every once in awhile, i ask how things are going and listen when the talk and use alot of teminology i dont understand! I am their biggest cheerleader and want to part of their expierience- but the key is it is their sport.

I dont think longevity is truly the goal. Its not enough to just to be in the sport as long as possible but to be able to be wholeheartedly in and happy for as long as possible. Im all for kids compeating for a couple seasons and moving on if its not for them. Its those that move on because the pressure has gotton to much, or the overuse injuries are too bad or the coach has given up on them that make me sad.
These things can be prevented - and the guidelines presented by the OP are things that can help decrease the stress in this (and other) sports. But it's not one size fits all and what worked best for my kid at 8 is different then what works now at 19. I wish kids came with instruction manuals !

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I’m going to say some things you may violently object to, but if you read to the end, I have a serious question.

From reading the posts here, going years back, here are some basic tenets I’ve gathered:
In gymnastics, you should:
-not practice at home, aside from stretching and conditioning and maybe basics like handstands and cartwheels
-not talk about the sport or offer constructive criticism, just let your kid take the lead
-not watch practice
-leave gym at the gym
-calm down, go steady and trust the process

In return, you will be more likely to get a happy gymnast who goes the distance.

Let’s apply this to another sport (swimming, tennis, whathaveyou) or pursuit (piano, painting):
Would you:
-make sure your kid does not practice
-not talk about it
-not watch
-leave swimming at the pool
-calm down, don’t push.....?

Why is longevity the ultimate goal? And such a fragile one that you dare not disturb it? Why is it ok for your kid to try swim team for 1 or 2 seasons and decide it’s not for them, but not ok for a gymnast to love the sport fiercely for a few years, top out while still in compulsories, then decide it’s not for them??

Because Gymnastics has something that no other sport has . And it’s a giant factor that maxes out the anxiety level is a person. When you add parental pressure the bubble often pops . The result is often fear issues
Or a loss of interest . That one factor that no other sport has is FEAR. And it’s is the all encompassing ever mighty stopper of all stoppers.