Parents Comments about body shape on 8 year old

[LindyHopper]

Muscle doesn't weigh more then fat.

A pound is a pound

Yes, a pound is a pound. But a cubic foot of muscle will weigh more than a cubic foot of fat. Simply because muscle is more dense.

A pound of each will be a pound each, but the fat will take up a lot more room.

Eta... late to the party and didn't read all the other responses. Feel free to ignore

 

[LindyHopper]

confusion about what "weight" is. About what "healthy" is.

I totally agree there is confusion here. Some people focus only on weight or BMI.

These people will say that a a gymnast (who is short and muscular with very little fat) who has a higher BMI is "overweight" and a child (of similar height and size, but a higher percentage of body fat) who has an normal BMI is "healthy"

This is a perfect example. The two children are the same size, the muscular one weighs more. And if someone looked at ONLY the BMI of those children the conclusion would be the gymnast is the unhealthy one. And we all know that isn't the case. Confusion abounds.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well.... here goes, I will dive in. So long as the coach isn't confronting the child I really don't see what the big deal is with bringing it up to a parent. And people, gymnastics is not the same calorie burn as soccer or track , it's not. So sometimes it's necessary to educate the parents that they cannot just feed kids anything and expect it to get burned off. It is also pretty common for a parent to get upset, it's in our nature.

 

[John]

Life is hard people are cruel. I make it my point to teach my children how everything in life is about moderation and everything has consequences.

 

[twinmomma]

Life is hard people are cruel. I make it my point to teach my children how everything in life is about moderation and everything has consequences.

Yes. People are cruel. But I'm not going to knowingly place my kid in the trust of a cruel person 18 hours a week. That's child abuse.

 

[gymnastmom05]

Did this coach just out of the nowhere come up to you and discuss her extra weight or was it in response to a question? I know our coach has told us he does not care what our child weighs, how they're built, etc but we have to understand that different body makeups require different things. For instance, someone carrying more weight around in their bottom needs to have a stronger upper body to help them do skills like swing on bars. So I guess if you were asking why she was struggling with something, I could see this being an answer and not necessarily just a coach being nasty. Not sure if that was the case in this instance but just trying to step back and see if this was taken out of context.

 

[jennyj]

Well.... here goes, I will dive in. So long as the coach isn't confronting the child I really don't see what the big deal is with bringing it up to a parent. And people, gymnastics is not the same calorie burn as soccer or track , it's not. So sometimes it's necessary to educate the parents that they cannot just feed kids anything and expect it to get burned off. It is also pretty common for a parent to get upset, it's in our nature.

But how can a parent know whether or not the coach is confronting the kid about her weight? Parents aren't there at practice. My point is, if the coach confronts the parent there is a possibility that there've been comments made to the kid as well

 

[twinmomma]

But how can a parent know whether or not the coach is confronting the kid about her weight? Parents aren't there at practice. My point is, if the coach confronts the parent there is a possibility that there've been comments made to the kid as well

Bingo. Or worse, THINKS the kid can't hear when they make comments about her to other coaches.

 

[Midwestmommy]

An 8 year old child? Scary, the whole conversation. Makes me sad for the child.

 

[RTT2]

The OP said her kid eats a healthy diet, not that she feeds her "whatever."
If my kid's soccer coach approached me to say her skills were good but he didn't like the way her butt looked in the soccer shorts I'd be appalled. Life can definitely be cruel, but coaches shouldn't be.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

But how can a parent know whether or not the coach is confronting the kid about her weight? Parents aren't there at practice. My point is, if the coach confronts the parent there is a possibility that there've been comments made to the kid as well

I don't see what one has to do with the other. I guess you can ask your child as well and get the answer.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

The OP said her kid eats a healthy diet, not that she feeds her "whatever."
If my kid's soccer coach approached me to say her skills were good but he didn't like the way her butt looked in the soccer shorts I'd be appalled. Life can definitely be cruel, but coaches shouldn't be.

How do we know she eats healthy and I seriously doubt she would go online and admit that her kids don't exactly watch healthy. Also it's veery evident in the US that most people do not feed their kids healthy.... that is factual

 

[MILgymFAM]

How do we know she eats healthy and I seriously doubt she would go online and admit that her kids don't exactly watch healthy. Also it's veery evident in the US that most people do not feed their kids healthy.... that is factual

As the recipient of numerous comments and unsolicited pieces of advice regarding my daughter's weight/shape, what I can safely say is that this is a topic you should never have anything to say about as a coach. It really is outside of your purview. I have actually been to a nutritionist about my child- because of a medical diagnosis, and was released by them after a single visit because I had my daughter's diet so well balanced already that she felt it was a waste of my time to see her- yet people ALWAYS assume that my child lives on junk. They're wrong and it is always wrong to assume things about people based on their weight. My two girls are hugely different in weight and yet they both eat the same- healthy- diet. And I would absolutely come on here and say if it weren't. I admit negative things about myself and my kids all the time- I know we aren't perfect, and I don't pretend otherwise.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

As the recipient of numerous comments and unsolicited pieces of advice regarding my daughter's weight/shape, what I can safely say is that this is a topic you should never have anything to say about as a coach. It really is outside of your purview. I have actually been to a nutritionist about my child- because of a medical diagnosis, and was released by them after a single visit because I had my daughter's diet so well balanced already that she felt it was a waste of my time to see her- yet people ALWAYS assume that my child lives on junk. They're wrong and it is always wrong to assume things about people based on their weight. My two girls are hugely different in weight and yet they both eat the same- healthy- diet. And I would absolutely come on here and say if it weren't. I admit negative things about myself and my kids all the time- I know we aren't perfect, and I don't pretend otherwise.

Safely say? That's a pretty bold statement.... or something

 

[sce]

Well.... here goes, I will dive in. So long as the coach isn't confronting the child I really don't see what the big deal is with bringing it up to a parent. And people, gymnastics is not the same calorie burn as soccer or track , it's not. So sometimes it's necessary to educate the parents that they cannot just feed kids anything and expect it to get burned off. It is also pretty common for a parent to get upset, it's in our nature.

Talking about nutrition and saying an 8yo with a low BMI has too much fat in her butt (or any part of her body) are 2 different things. Body shaming is not okay. Growing kids vary a lot In shape, even the same kid as they cycle through growing phases. Coachp what do you recommend an 8yo do to reduce butt fat? People, please realize that some body fat is healthy. If a child is too thin it can restrict their growth.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Talking about nutrition and saying an 8yo with a low BMI has too much fat in her butt (or any part of her body) are 2 different things. Body shaming is not okay. Growing kids vary a lot In shape, even the same kid as they cycle through growing phases. Coachp what do you recommend an 8yo do to reduce butt fat? People, please realize that some body fat is healthy. If a child is too thin it can restrict their growth.

The conversation was between coach and parent, So Its not body shaming in my opinion. Understand that having limited information (being it all from one side) about this case leads me to believe that the coach was possibly reaching out to the parent to suggest a more healthy diet. As for me and what I would say to a parent. I would stress that excessive weight is limiting skill progression and increasing the likelihood of injury. Because it does.... What would I suggest the parent do about it? That depends on what type of reaction I am getting from the parent. Most parents will get defensive and deny (because they feel like you are suggesting that they are a bad parent and frankly have no idea that many foods are so full of sugar and labeled as "sports" or "energy". And lastly people just hate hearing anything negative about their kids). So the conversation would likely end at that point. But if a parent asked what type of different eating habits should be introduced I would keep it simple. Cut out all the extra sugar. And remember this is just my opinion and I was asked by SCE, so here goes...

No
Gatorade or sports drinks
Soda
juice
Candy
Deserts (including sugar free)
Energy bars
Yogurt
Most cereals
Jelly
limit fruit to one small serving a day, yep
Things that say "no added sugar" (means sugar is in there they just didn't add a bunch more)

In the USA we process sugar into everything, And when it says sugar free, don't do it. Read up on it and I will add that doing artificially sweetened items only ignite the craving for sugar. "I had a coke zero, and man I really deserved this little slice of cake".... On occasion when a parent does ask what I think they should avoid, I am usually met with. "oh no, yogurt is healthy", or "oh no those energy bars are needed and healthy", "oh no she has to have juice", "oh no she has to have energy drinks, she will dehydrate". Consequently all these people think these things are healthy (as many of you here do).... so when asked if the children are eating healthy they say "yes". For grins, go to the fridge and read the back of a yogurt , see how many grams of sugar are in it, then grab a mini snicker bar and see how much sugar is in it... You might be surprised 15 grams of natural sugar per cup of regular yogurt and 8 grams of natural sugar per cup of Greek yogurt, and that snicker bar... about the same. WARNING, when they say ZERO ADDED SUGAR, that means they just didn't add an extra sugar to the already sugar filled ingredients! Yes always look at the word ADDED with skepticism! and if it says sugar free, look up the ingredients and see what they are using and what it breaks down into. Anyways, Kids don't need to eat less, they just need to get off all the sugar that our advertising pumps into them.
Where will your kids get sugar from then? well that one piece of fruit is plenty, because just about everything else we eat breaks down into complex sugars (milk, meat etc...) . What should my athlete drink??? Water, I guess even smart water is probably good although I have never looked it up. Milk, small amount as it does break down into glucose. So as you can see sugar is literally everywhere and as as society we have increased our sugar intake by over 10 times. I don't know how accurate this article is but I am sure you can find others , but it is an interesting read. http://www.divineeatingout.com/food-1/sugar-consumption-now-vs-100-years-ago

 

[Mish]

The conversation was between coach and parent, So Its not body shaming in my opinion. Understand that having limited information (being it all from one side) about this case leads me to believe that the coach was possibly reaching out to the parent to suggest a more healthy diet. As for me and what I would say to a parent. I would stress that excessive weight is limiting skill progression and increasing the likelihood of injury. Because it does.... What would I suggest the parent do about it? That depends on what type of reaction I am getting from the parent. Most parents will get defensive and deny (because they feel like you are suggesting that they are a bad parent and frankly have no idea that many foods are so full of sugar and labeled as "sports" or "energy". And lastly people just hate hearing anything negative about their kids). So the conversation would likely end at that point. But if a parent asked what type of different eating habits should be introduced I would keep it simple. Cut out all the extra sugar. And remember this is just my opinion and I was asked by SCE, so here goes...

No
Gatorade or sports drinks
Soda
juice
Candy
Deserts (including sugar free)
Energy bars
Yogurt
Most cereals
Jelly
limit fruit to one small serving a day, yep
Things that say "no added sugar" (means sugar is in there they just didn't add a bunch more)

In the USA we process sugar into everything, And when it says sugar free, don't do it. Read up on it and I will add that doing artificially sweetened items only ignite the craving for sugar. "I had a coke zero, and man I really deserved this little slice of cake".... On occasion when a parent does ask what I think they should avoid, I am usually met with. "oh no, yogurt is healthy", or "oh no those energy bars are needed and healthy", "oh no she has to have juice", "oh no she has to have energy drinks, she will dehydrate". Consequently all these people think these things are healthy (as many of you here do).... so when asked if the children are eating healthy they say "yes". For grins, go to the fridge and read the back of a yogurt , see how many grams of sugar are in it, then grab a mini snicker bar and see how much sugar is in it... You might be surprised 15 grams of natural sugar per cup of regular yogurt and 8 grams of natural sugar per cup of Greek yogurt, and that snicker bar... about the same. WARNING, when they say ZERO ADDED SUGAR, that means they just didn't add an extra sugar to the already sugar filled ingredients! Yes always look at the word ADDED with skepticism! and if it says sugar free, look up the ingredients and see what they are using and what it breaks down into. Anyways, Kids don't need to eat less, they just need to get off all the sugar that our advertising pumps into them.
Where will your kids get sugar from then? well that one piece of fruit is plenty, because just about everything else we eat breaks down into complex sugars (milk, meat etc...) . What should my athlete drink??? Water, I guess even smart water is probably good although I have never looked it up. Milk, small amount as it does break down into glucose. So as you can see sugar is literally everywhere and as as society we have increased our sugar intake by over 10 times. I don't know how accurate this article is but I am sure you can find others , but it is an interesting read. http://www.divineeatingout.com/food-1/sugar-consumption-now-vs-100-years-ago

With all due respect, most parents I know, particularly with athlete kids, know this information and do not act in the ways you are describing. We are not all misinformed sugar hogs. The OP was upset because her healthy 8 yo child's butt size was being questioned, not her skills. The OP said the coach said her gymnastics wouldn't look as pretty. If she has a low BMI, is strong and healthy, and is getting her skills, I can't imagine what her butt size has to do with it. If coach was noticing unhealthy eating habits, not working hard, having skill difficulty because of being unfit, this is another story, but again, does not seem to be the case here.

Plus she is 8.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

With all due respect, most parents I know, particularly with athlete kids, know this information and do not act in the ways you are describing. We are not all misinformed sugar hogs. The OP was upset because her healthy 8 yo child's butt size was being questioned, not her skills. The OP said the coach said her gymnastics wouldn't look as pretty. If she has a low BMI, is strong and healthy, and is getting her skills, I can't imagine what her butt size has to do with it. If coach was noticing unhealthy eating habits, not working hard, having skill difficulty because of being unfit, this is another story, but again, does not seem to be the case here.

Plus she is 8.

i never said most parents , I said most parents in reference to parents that I would have a conversation with. The entire response of mine was not in reference to the majority of parent base it was in regards to the parents whose kids are carrying weight. So out of that group most would get defensive .......Because that is the question I was asked by SCE..... and the word many doesn't mean most it means many And "all these people " means those people not all people......

 

[twinmomma]

A coach has NO business. Zero. Zilch. NONE. Speaking to me or my child about her body, or her diet. Sure, coachp's list seems reasonable. Until you realize that it's next to impossible to raise a child without a Gatorade once in awhile, or some birthday cake for crying out loud. Saying "NO" sugar is teaching disordered eating, plain and simple. Teaching moderation is a sustainable option. However, as 99.9% of coaches are not nutritionists or dietitians, and even if they are, unless they are MY kid's dietitian or nutritionist, there is no room for commentary on this. As parents, we need to stop asking coaches what to feed our kids. They are experts in coaching gymnastics. Until they have gone to school for nutrition science and know my kid's dietary and medical needs, step out. Period.

And any comment along those lines will be dealt with swiftly by me as a parent. These are impressionable kids and HIGHLY susceptible to eating disorders simply by nature of their sport, we don't need coaches adding fuel to the fire by talking about things they have no business talking about.

 

[skschlag]

Our team has actually asked the coach for this information. He is bringing in a sports nutritionist to help. He does give suggestions about what our kiddos should be eating/should not be eating, but not in any shaming way. I appreciate the information because honestly, he will listen to his coach more than to me. I don't want him shamed in anyway (and yes, I know that with girls it can be different, but boys are susceptible as well.) but I will be honest in that I do not always know what he is eating. So for him, and I, to have the same information from a reliable source, is great.

Maybe if you think it would help. you could ask your coach to do the same.