For Parents does my attitude need an adjustment - go on - be brutal

[Bobby]

Truthfully, the reason I started off surfing the net - and landed in this fab forum - is because I was seeking info on how gymnastics progression all works nowadays. My 5 yo DD had been attending a pre-school 'kindergym' class this year and loves it.
Having been a gymnast myself, I assumed this qualified me to tell my DD has some talent. (Don't you love an unqualified expert ). And I was disappointed that she was not invited into the team level 1 program for next year (or even the recreational level 1 for that matter).
She will be going to a beginners class next year for an hour pw with other kids who've never done gym before.
My original question was if this means they don't think she's very good, and how I might get them to reconsider. Aussie coach gave me some great initial feedback (in the 'question and answer' thread), and I wondered if any of you have any words of wisdom about whether/how to approach coaches about this sort of thing.
.... BUT after snooping around the other threads I have a new question to add: Do you think I'm too pushy?? Already? With a 5 yo beginner? Who does not yet understand she's missing out on selection so doesn't know or care?
She's so excitable at gym, she certainly doesn't need me to suggest anything to her. She's always the first to volunteer, rarely mucks around, and generally pays attention. And she's progressing very well as it is - with clear improvements on a weekly basis.
I started out thinking I was representing her desire to do more, and yet when I read other threads it also dawned on me that I do actually have some expectation of improvements and progress as well. I won't be satisfied if the only thing she gets out of gym is fun. Although I can honestly say I don't care if she's ever a champion or not. And yet there's a part of me I can't shake that thinks she should either be a contender or else involved in another sport/activity instead where she is.
Are all of you inspirational people as sincere as you sound in just wanting your kids to have fun and be happy? And were you always so evolved or did that happen over time??
I'm sure some of you will be horrified to hear such thoughts from the mother of a beginner!!

 

[gymjoy]

Not horrified, and, honestly, I have often struggled with feeling of wanting my dd to be the best - not just the best she can be. I still have times when my not best nature comes out and I turn into "that" mom. Luckily, my dd will now tell me when I slip into that behavior.
It can be hard to remember that this is their sport and they need to be happy with it on their terms. I have always tried to celebrate my dd's successes, even the small ones. But I know at times I have been pushy and overly competitive. It is such a competitive world out there. We all want our kids to be special in some way. Whether it is at gym or having the honor student bumper sticker or bragging how your 6yo reads at a 6th grade level, we all want some part of greatness and recognition for it.
So relax, let her go to whatever class she enjoys. If she is meant to go on she will in her own time. My dd never did pre-team or developmental team. She is now a very successful gymnast - and still taking her time when she want to in moving up to higher levels.
Best of luck.

 

[NotAMom]

Are all of you inspirational people as sincere as you sound in just wanting your kids to have fun and be happy? And were you always so evolved or did that happen over time??

To speak for myself, this is certainly something that happened over time. And, everyday can be (still) a new experience (including what's being read here). I am far from being the most generous and selfless person/parent. However, every time I felt the frustration and bitterness similar to yours, it called for a reality check. I am also a very stubborn person, so often it takes a lot of convincing to revert my thinking.

The expectation should be according to age. It also has to do with the natural abilities of the child. I, like everyone else, want my children to be the first to succeed and to the one to perform the best. in whatever they do. But, that is not the reality and it's not always for the best (when it comes to future disappointment, burnout, etc.). Particularly starting at a young age, capturing the interest should be the priority and not the competitiveness. IMHO, to stay interested, a child only needs to 1. have fun and 2. feel the experience (by whatever means).

Now, in your situation, my only suggestion is for you to stay objective. Yes, you do sound like you have the qualification to know better. But, that is only as an skilled and educated ex-athlete but not a parent. Parents tend not to make the best judgement calls because of the pride and emotions involved. How about taking a step back and try it again as a unrelated observer. From that angle, not only look for qualifying traits but really try to understand why your child wasn't picked. Maybe that can give you some not-so-obvious insights. Most coaches aren't the best when it comes to communication but it's likely that to them the decisions are justified. (say for instance, it's safety related) If after that, you are still baffled, then I would gather those thoughts and tactfully approach the coaching staff for an explanation.

Good luck!

 

[TnTTaxi]

I have to say for me, it was developed over time. My dds both are at a fairly high level for their age, and I have had to back off and remind myself that it is important that it is fun for them. We actually had to make a gym change a few weeks ago because there was sooo much emphasis on winning that my oldest was starting to crack and lose the desire for the sport that she loves. It was hard for me to realize that this was the best for them at this time. I am sure that you are feeling the same way we all have felt at times. Good Luck

 

[emorymom]

Well, here's my story. DD just turned 6.

DD is not obviously brilliant because her main brilliance is that she will, over and over again, for many hours of the week if allowed -- show up. Which I personally believe is the most important attribute of a potential competitive gymnast. But not all have agreed with me.

One of DD's "needs improvement" areas is that she will not necessarily work above expectations. I think she has some issues with not wanting to give 100% in front of other people unless she has to, for fear of failing and looking stupid. I try to support a "work oriented" instead of "outcome oriented" environment for her because of this.

I never wanted DD on a gym team particularly, but I made the mistake of doing too much Mommy and Me with her which led to too many Preschool classes which led into her main short term ambition in life at age 4 being to become a team gymnast.

At this point I'm going to call all starter developmental tracks Hot Shots.

Gym 1 is very competitive and in the neighborhood. DD was there for all preschool classes. (through May 08). At that point they did not have any expectations of her and what was in their heads was that she could not handle the rigors of their version of Hot Shots. However, I was aware by then that DD rapidly moves up or down into the 50% percentile of whatever group she's put in. It was her style (at age 4-5) to work hard enough to not draw attention to herself either way. So I'd watch her do a lazy class and then get to hear at home about how she wants to do 9 classes a week. Sigh. Time to get her into developmental, 'cause I am not going to coach her at home or get very involved beyond advocacy. I need to find her the right expectations.

So we did a rec class at Gym 2 over the summer, big group, asked to be eval'd for Hot Shots. The coach doesn't see them, just the class teachers and was told no.

Fall 08 I found Gym 3, which let her try Hot Shots and cleared her to register. At that gym the first level of Hot Shots does 1 rec class + 1 hour Hot Shots. Since Gym 3 is not close to our house, they OK'd her taking add'l classes at a closer gym.

So DD took a home school hours rec class in 08-09 at Gym 2 -- which happened to be taught by the preteam (Hot Shots) and Level 2&3 Coach. Very small, good times. I also let her take rhythmic at Gym 1, which she'd been taking the year before.

Gym 3 moved her to 3-hour preteam in Feb. I told Gym 1 we were leaving rhythmic 'cause it was too much money since she was going to 3-hour preteam at Gym 3. Gym 1 then finds a space for her in Hot Shots at a price I can afford. She continues to rapidly improve until she doesn't stand out too much.

Gym 2 promotes in June, and wants her in second year Hot Shots (where she would have been if they had just taken her the past summer) with the girls who will compete level 2 in 2010-11.

Gym 1 wants her in Hot Shots with the girls who will compete level 2 in 2011-12. Did I mention they are competitive? The girls they were promoting to the final preteam year (to compete Level 2 in 2010-11) are a year older than DD and look awesome already to me. I don't want her in the group they want to put her in, because I don't want her in 55 minute classes any more for a variety of reasons and they are only offering her 2 hours a week and she's used to doing 5-6 hours and bugging me for more. So mostly family issues.

So I prepared to switch from 3-hour preteam at Gym 3 to 3-hour preteam at Gym 2, which was closer and cheaper.

At the end of the summer 09, just as DD's withdrawal from Gym 3 was final (and we loved that gym, it was just that there were so many other closer gyms and I wanted her to have buddies she could get together with) ... there start to be some problems with Gym 2 unrelated to coaching. During a week off I have DD do a trial week with Gym 4. Now Gym 4 was not previously in the mix because they don't have a preteam program below Level 2 competition. But as to the level 2 team, the price is right and the schedule matches the family's schedule famously.

And DD is accepted to the Level 2 team to compete 09-10.

So now DD is competing level 2 in 09-10 and seems to be catching up ... and loves it.

She has especially, since starting preteam, enjoyed the "rigors" the most. She enjoys winning strength contests in her team, etc. Basically loves conditioning.

I think you probably know best what kind of environment your child needs.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I found the following response from a cheer board on basically the same topic of whether they were pushing their kids too hard too fast. It can EASILY be related to gymnastics. I guess you just end up coming to an understanding of your gymmie over time. I think we all go through this "process" in some degree:

Well I have a philosophy on psycho cheer moms, especially those who start with very young children. Hear me out:

First year: first year cp is clueless, and mom is clueless. It's all fun and games. The novelty comes from wearing a cheerleading uniform at a young age and getting to wear big glittery bows and glittery makeup with bright lipstick. Mom has no clue about the sport, has no concept of what a scoresheet is, what level play is, what body positions are, and is pretty oblivious to other gyms in the area because she chose the one right down the street from her house. The focus is not on winning at all.....all concern is placed on her own cp and whether or not she will make it through the routine without running off the floor crying or having to go pee pee.

Second year: cp has gained some skills, and mom is starting to learn a little. Mom understands a little about level play and is so tickled that her cp has learned some skill. However, all cp's friends are learning some skill too and the worry sets in about her cp keeping up, or falling behind. Mom also starts to notice that other gyms in the area might have teams that are good and starts to question whether or not this gym is the BEST gym around. She now knows cp will make it through a routine, and starts to crave winning.

Third year: PEAK PYSCHO YEAR: cp has gained more skills, and mom is excited but still nervous because some of cp's friends have gained more skills. Mom gets hard on cp, putting pressure on her to "get better" tumbling, jumps, body positions, etc. Mom is starting to understand score sheets, now knows how to look up performance orders like a pro, stalk you tube and picture websites to see what her cp's team is up against. She is full flegged into having her cp be on a winning team! Now the mom knows all the weaknesses of her cp's gym, and will take every opportunity to point out those weaknesses!! Talk about changing gyms is rampant, unless cp's gym has a winning record. Even if it does there will still be issues mom needs to complain about and the thoughts about whether the grass is greener at the other gyms sometimes wins out and they move. Complaints about other kids, coaches, methods, other parents, etc is at it's peak!!!

Fourth year: Mom is still psycho, but cp is progressing even more and that is enough to keep mom happy, especially if there was a gym change. Mom is into full flegged cheer mania!! She wants that win bad!!! Relationships with other cheer moms have developed, even moms from other gyms. She may still be putting tons of pressure on cp to fix this and that, get this and that etc.

Fifth year: Mom still has hidden anxiety but has stopped telling everyone about it. She has met some other 3rd year psycho moms and realize how insanely idiotic they act. She has come to terms with her own cp's level and has started taking away the pressures, but still quietly encourages improvement. She enjoys some quiet conversation with other 4+ year cheer moms. She fully understands by now what it takes to win, and has accepted that kids develop in different stages. She also understands now that kids will have strengths and weaknesses, including her own cp, and they can all contribute to a team beautifully.

Sixth year: Mom has settled nicely into a happy group of other veteran moms and laughs out loud at the 3rd year moms. She still wants the win bad, but she realizes now that winning is not everything. She has found a peace with her cp, and gives her the tools she needs to succeed, but no longer pushes so hard. This peace continues through the rest of cp's cheer career.

Now obviously there are exceptions, and lots of them. But I have seen this pattern from soooo many moms. Too bad we can't go from 1st year to 6th year and skip the years in between

I guess my advice is, if you enjoy her as a friend, be patient and she will settle back down. If you don't think you can wait a year or two, cut her loose until she's a 5th year mom...haha.

 

[sheplaysinthechalk]

Not horrified - all of the parents here were once the "parent of a beginner"

I'm not gonna lie - from the very moment I found out I was having a girl, i hoped that she would LOVE and EXCEL in gymnastics. This was mostly because as a child I loved and excelled in gymnastics, and that turned into gymnastics playing a really huge part in who I am today. Gymnastics is not only physical - it's full of life lessons.

So, when my dd was out of diapers we started gymnastics. She was loving every minute of it, started flipping around the house, at the park, the grocery store - she just never walked. Constantly flipping on our furniture. She rolled or cartwheeled, or chasse-ed everywhere we went. She is almost 6 now and still doing those things

But, then my dd really started to excel in gymnastics and really started to progress quickly doing skills that (i feel now) she had no business doing as a 3 year old (cartwheels on beam, back walkovers, back limbers, BACK HANDSPRINGS at 3 years old!) Yes, it was exciting to see that she was physically capable of such feats as a toddler. Honestly, the most exciting part of it was that she was so proud of herself. She should have been - a back handspring is a HUGE skill for a 3 year old...

Now having said that, during my dd's phase of being the world's most fearless three year old, it was a giant emotional roller coaster for me. We were (and still are) at a small gym. The coaches didn't know exactly what to do - talked about we should possibly move! Like pick up our family and move somewhere more conducive to her talent! At first I was appalled. I'm not in this for my child to be an olympic champion or even a national champion, or even a college scholarship - why would we move? I soon realized though, that we were at the perfect gym for us. That the coaches and owners care enough about her that they also want what's best for her. We haven't (and probably will never) move for gymnastics.

For me, this "gymnastics is fun" thing is like this: gymnastics has to be fun for kids. Kids learn quickly and easily when the environment is fun and exciting and I think that's really the key. If you really really want your daughter or son to excel in gymnastics - make it fun...so that they WANT to do it...so that they will work hard...so that they will try their very best...I promise, that if gymnastics is made to be fun, then "FUN" is definitely not the only thing that your child will get out of gymnastics - it's just impossible.

Do, though, keep in mind that all children progress in gymnastics at a different rate. Some kids get really good really fast, others it takes awhile, others don't get it and don't get it and one day it clicks and they are crazy good...My dd? She is 5, almost 6. Will compete Level 3 this year. She is working on Level 5 (hoping to skip over level 4)...I really can't think of any expectations that I have for her as far as gymnastics goes. I absolutely cannot picture her as an elite (though i'd LOVE to be able to picture it) So, really what's the goal as far as her progressions go? I don't have any, really. She's doing some very big skills for her age - i assume that this "big skills for her age" will not continue too much longer...

dd also said the "c" word the other day. cheerleading

 

[Gymdad2]

You asked for an honest (I hope not brutal) response, so I will give it a try. To begin with, gymnastics is by its very nature an 'obsessive' sport. I think this is because it is an 'performance sport' and a 'judged sport', both of which emphasize your childs individual performance ability and we parents then to overdo our involvement and intetest. Wealso have to deal with the outcome of their performances in a different way. If your child is playing soccer or baseball, they may have a good game or a poor one, but the end result is that the team won or lost and there is no evaluation of each child's performance. I think its this factor (plus the huge amount of time and money devoted to it) that makes us feel the way we do. Another sport that comes to mind that has these same characteristics is figure skating and we tend to see the same kind of parental involvement there as well.

I do think you have the right to ask your dd's coach, or whoever at the gym did her evaluation, about how they rated her and what her future prospects as a gymnast might be, but if you do so, I think you do need to keep in mind that you are a mom with a biased opinion and they are professionals who are looking for the girls in whom they see the most potential for team gymnastics.

I also think you need to be willing to accept the fact that she may not become a gymnast and that her talents lie elsewhere - another sport, music or who know what she may find to be her thing. She is onlyl 5 and needs to have the opportunity to explore her world and find her place. I wish the best of luck for both you and your dd.

 

[emorymom]

Sometimes gyms just flat out make mistakes about who belongs in developmental. We would have stayed at Gym 1 had they just put her where they wanted her six months after she started developmental, six months earlier.

Meanwhile they promoted one of DD's friends to the class DD should have been in to start with, and the child (1) did not want to be in gymnastics ... mom was just making her as kind of a PE well rounded thing and (2) mom had no idea her child was being groomed for team and thought it was a rec class. When I told her team is 12 hours her jaw about hit the floor and said no way are we ever doing that. So of course the next year, the child is not in gym at all.

I think it's reasonable to question the placement of one's child rec vs. developmental as the child may be in the wrong one in either case!

 

[Billy]

Sometimes gyms just flat out make mistakes about who belongs in developmental. We would have stayed at Gym 1 had they just put her where they wanted her six months after she started developmental, six months earlier.

I think it's reasonable to question the placement of one's child rec vs. developmental as the child may be in the wrong one in either case!

I don't have much in the way of wisdom as I am, admittedly, dangerously close to, if not already, "that mom." (I think the very fact that I know and acknowledge this is what keeps me from officially being "that mom.") But, I do agree with the above post that gyms don't always recognize the gifts of a particular kid and thus may not really know the best place for her.

My daughter was doing rec at a gym we liked but she desperately wanted to be on team. We approached her coach about it but were told no, she's not ready for team, she has to take this rec class and two of those classes and two of those other classes and then maybe she'll be ready for team in another year or two. Unsatisfied with that, we took DD to be evaluated at two other gyms (in order to get multiple opinions). One gym wanted her for their level 3 team and the other for their level 2 team. We decided that she wasn't up to level 3 and moved her to the gym putting her on level 2. Six months later, she competed as a level 2 and went on to win state titles on bars and all-around, suggesting that maybe the original gym either didn't fully understand or didn't care to develop her natural ability.

 

[MdGymMom01]

Sometimes gyms just flat out make mistakes about who belongs in developmental. We would have stayed at Gym 1 had they just put her where they wanted her six months after she started developmental, six months earlier.

I totally agree with this statement, and in our case it was cheerleading. DD cheered at gym A (a small gym) for 2 years. She was a very good base but wanted to try being a flyer for her 3rd year. Coach wouldn't have it--said that he spent 2 years training her as a base and that she "was too big" to be a flyer anyway. I am not even going to go into that whole "weight/height" related issue . Anyway we decided to switch gyms the 3rd year and went to a much more competitive big name gym, gym B. She was a flyer on the youth team and did beautifully (she was one of the most flexible flyers with gorgeous body positions in the gym and she had just been flying that year). Her team was actually a 3 time National winning team that year and ranked 10th in the country out of all Level 2 Mini, Youth, Junior and Senior teams. (Sorry for the brag ).

But anyway, my point is that some coaches or gyms have something set in their mind about a person that isn't totally accurate. Coaches have to have an open mind about kids and realize that their talents and strengths may change or drastically improve over time. You can't underestimate kids and what they can do, because more than likely, they will surprise you. Who would have guessed that Shawn Johnson said that her hardest skill to learn in gymnastics was a kip??? She said it took like 2 years for her to learn!!! And look at her now!!!

 

[Bobby]

When I first started snooping out the boards, I occasionally wondered how you saintly people survive the political world of gymnastics, and even whether a few of you were 'doth protesting' just a little much ... but these wonderful responses were so articulate, insightful, and wise that I feel as if I've found some marvellous 'like minds' (although I don't flatter myself to offer many wisdoms in return). Yay to all of you!! (I wish I had an applause icon to put here!!).
(... and feel free to keep the advice coming!! ).

Well, here's my story. ....So now DD is competing level 2 in 09-10 and seems to be catching up ... and loves it.....

Especially glad to hear detailed stories of mummy power in action in a similar scenario. Thank you!!

....I'm not gonna lie - from the very moment I found out I was having a girl, i hoped that she would LOVE and EXCEL in gymnastics. This was mostly because as a child I loved and excelled in gymnastics, and that turned into gymnastics playing a really huge part in who I am today. Gymnastics is not only physical - it's full of life lessons.
...I promise, that if gymnastics is made to be fun, then "FUN" is definitely not the only thing that your child will get out of gymnastics - it's just impossible....

Oh thank the lord I'm not the only one ... And that was quite possibly the most profound fun quote I could have heard in my current situation. I reckon that alone will keep me calm for a couple of years.

... I do agree with the above post that gyms don't always recognize the gifts of a particular kid and thus may not really know the best place for her. My daughter was doing rec at a gym we liked but she desperately wanted to be on team. We approached her coach about it but were told no, she's not ready for team, she has to take this rec class and two of those classes and two of those other classes and then maybe she'll be ready for team in another year or two. Unsatisfied with that, we took DD to be evaluated at two other gyms ....Six months later, she competed as a level 2 and went on to win state titles on bars and all-around, suggesting that maybe the original gym either didn't fully understand or didn't care to develop her natural ability.

And mummy power complete with spectacular ending!!

 

[cathiann]

I skimmed the responses, so not sure if anyone said it. but I wanted to say--let the coach know your daughter might be interested in team. Some gyms wait for the parents to say something--that they have the commitment for gym too (hey, the parent needs it as well as the gymnast!).

As for me--of course I want my girls to do well! Try not to push too much--and to see when they're having fun or not, but I want them to do well at the sport they choose to do.

 

[gymmomntc2e6]

I think as parents we all want our kiddo to be the best at some point at something. I think that is human nature. After all they are a part of us, we love them and want them to succeed.

I too struggle with this at times, especially this year as I have seen DD's teammates pass her in scores at meets etc. She has all the skills the have but her form is a struggle at times. I really, not always but at times - if I am honest with myself, have to force myself not to be disappointed ( not in her if that makes sense) that she is just not as good as her teammates. She seems fine with that. Gymnastics has done so many good things for her, I would not change that. I guess sometimes my brain says (but it never comes out of my mouth) if only she would tighten up she would be hitting first place a lot. Maybe that is not good of me as a parent, I don't know. Sometimes I do get jealous when her teammates are 1st AA and she is 3rd or 6th or whatever. Maybe all of that makes me one of "those" mom's too, I don't know. I am still truely happy for her teammates, they work so hard and deserve to do well.

I always tell my gymmie how proud I am of her after every meet, and I honestly am, no matter how she does. Because I cod not do what she does, and to me she is awesome and will always be #1.

 

[emorymom]

Deleted most of my post, but the summary was basically that I don't really care if DD never wins anything as long as she's happy and working hard. It's too expensive to be used as playtime, but the benefits in my mind have nothing to do with winning.

 

[TeamDad]

I'm probably the wrong person to respond as I just don't get kiddie gym as far as the competition aspect goes. I have a now 6 y.o boy who is in his second year of rec. I take him once a week for 1+1/2 hours and every week before we go I ask him if he would like to go to do gymnastics.

He loves it and thinks of it as a fun activity and that's the way I would like to keep it. Next year, if he continues, he'll likely move to pre-team and then the following year, if he still wants to, he can join team if he is invited. As long as he wants to go, I'll take him. There really is no rush to compete at an early age for us.

For a little perspective, he is probably more naturally gifted than his sister who didn't start pre-team until she was 8 years old. She is now a L7 and still loves gymnastics. Even with her late start in the sport, she has done well so I don't think there is any wrong approach to it.

Sometimes I watch her at practice and she is still having a fun time with it and enjoys being with her friends at practice. She goes at her own speed, works hard and competes to win. I think she has a good approach to the whole thing. There are other girls her age in the higher levels that took the fast track and seem to have a different expectation from their gymnastics and that's great to.

Nobody knows your daughter better than you so I'm sure you'll make the right decision.

 

[gymjourneymom]

Hello! I want to thank you for posting your deepest thoughts to share with all of us. It's how we all get to know each other better. My best advice..this sport has many ups & downs. And it is a long & twisted road, so it's best to stay level headed & hang on for the ride. Be your DD's biggest cheerleader...no matter what(win, lose, injury, fear/mental block, etc.). It's a journey she's taking you on...enjoy the ride!

I was totally clueless when my DD entered this sport. She had been in a combo ballet/gym class & the teacher recognized her talent & referred us to a local competetive gym. She was placed on the pre-team right off the bat. I would watch her practice(mostly I chatted with other moms). I didn't know much about the sport, I didn't know if she was doing well or not. But she was having fun. I'd see the upper level girls come in with casts & slings & I'd pray that my DD would give this all up before she ever got to that point.

By L4 I'd take her to open gym & her teammates would be diligently working on their beam routines. While my DD rode the Zip line & danced with a cone on her head! When I questioned how come she wasn't working on skills she said "But Mommy I do that in practice, this is my fun time!". She was having fun and I'm thankful! At her 1st L4 meet(my 1st meet too), her 1st event ever was vault...the score came up 9.6. I look at my friend & said "that's good right???". When I realize how little I knew...I'm thankful again!!! Thankful that I was not obsessed with her practicing or learning certain skills, etc. Thankful that I didn't pressure her(she does that enough to herself). I just let her have fun & learn to love the sport. And while she was having fun she was learning so much about herself. Who she is, what she is capable of, what she wants, how to set goals, manage her time, I could go on & on. But none of it happened over night.

Flash forward to today, she still loves this sport, L7/L8. State x3 years in a row. But it has NOT been smooth or easy. She struggles with severe fear issues. Every new skill is a battle against fear for her. I HATE to see her struggle! I still secretly wish she would quit while she's ahead(injury wise). I wish she would take an easier route, like track. So see, we all have our little secret desires. But I am so proud of the strong (mentally & physically) young lady she has become! She still LOVES this sport & I LOVE her...so I support her.

I guess my point to all of this is...it's not always the hardest worker at that young age who endures in this sport. It's the one who LOVES it, that will stick with it & may eventually be that winner you dream of. It should be FUN for her & YOU. This sport becomes such a huge part of your family life, so it's gotta be fun or why do it? We know you love her & want her to succeed. But sometimes you have to let them take their own path & you just cheer them on!

You can't make her a "winner", but you can help her to have a happy childhood. Don't try to have control over the uncontrollable things in life...you'll just make yourself crazy! My key has been to find a good balance between being my DD's best advocate/cheerleader & being totally clueless. I guess you would call me an involved parent, but not an obsessed parent. What's the saying...ignorance is bliss, LOL!!! After all, it is her sport not mine. She's the one putting in the hours & the hard labor. I'm just writing the checks & cheering her on, no matter what. And that's kind of how I always felt about it. Good luck & welcome to CB!!!

 

[MdGymMom01]

Hello! I want to thank you for posting your deepest thoughts to share with all of us. It's how we all get to know each other better. My best advice..this sport has many ups & downs. And it is a long & twisted road, so it's best to stay level headed & hang on for the ride. Be your DD's biggest cheerleader...no matter what(win, lose, injury, fear/mental block, etc.). It's a journey she's taking you on...enjoy the ride!

I was totally clueless when my DD entered this sport. She had been in a combo ballet/gym class & the teacher recognized her talent & referred us to a local competetive gym. She was placed on the pre-team right off the bat. I would watch her practice(mostly I chatted with other moms). I didn't know much about the sport, I didn't know if she was doing well or not. But she was having fun. I'd see the upper level girls come in with casts & slings & I'd pray that my DD would give this all up before she ever got to that point.

By L4 I'd take her to open gym & her teammates would be diligently working on their beam routines. While my DD rode the Zip line & danced with a cone on her head! When I questioned how come she wasn't working on skills she said "But Mommy I do that in practice, this is my fun time!". She was having fun and I'm thankful! At her 1st L4 meet(my 1st meet too), her 1st event ever was vault...the score came up 9.6. I look at my friend & said "that's good right???". When I realize how little I knew...I'm thankful again!!! Thankful that I was not obsessed with her practicing or learning certain skills, etc. Thankful that I didn't pressure her(she does that enough to herself). I just let her have fun & learn to love the sport. And while she was having fun she was learning so much about herself. Who she is, what she is capable of, what she wants, how to set goals, manage her time, I could go on & on. But none of it happened over night.

Flash forward to today, she still loves this sport, L7/L8. State x3 years in a row. But it has NOT been smooth or easy. She struggles with severe fear issues. Every new skill is a battle against fear for her. I HATE to see her struggle! I still secretly wish she would quit while she's ahead(injury wise). I wish she would take an easier route, like track. So see, we all have our little secret desires. But I am so proud of the strong (mentally & physically) young lady she has become! She still LOVES this sport & I LOVE her...so I support her.

I guess my point to all of this is...it's not always the hardest worker at that young age who endures in this sport. It's the one who LOVES it, that will stick with it & may eventually be that winner you dream of. It should be FUN for her & YOU. This sport becomes such a huge part of your family life, so it's gotta be fun or why do it? We know you love her & want her to succeed. But sometimes you have to let them take their own path & you just cheer them on!

You can't make her a "winner", but you can help her to have a happy childhood. Don't try to have control over the uncontrollable things in life...you'll just make yourself crazy! My key has been to find a good balance between being my DD's best advocate/cheerleader & being totally clueless. I guess you would call me an involved parent, but not an obsessed parent. What's the saying...ignorance is bliss, LOL!!! After all, it is her sport not mine. She's the one putting in the hours & the hard labor. I'm just writing the checks & cheering her on, no matter what. And that's kind of how I always felt about it. Good luck & welcome to CB!!!

This is an awesome post GJM!!! I love the part about riding the zipline and dancing around with a cone on her head!!! :laughing: Totally my dd as well!!!! Sometimes I am grateful that my dd has a quirky sense of humor because I feel that that is what keeps her grounded in this sport!!

 

[gymjourneymom]

Thanks for indulging me MdGymMom! You know how I love to tell my stories!

Another point I thought of, is that it has always helped me to think of gymnastics; the practice, the money, the time, etc. Not as an investment in her "gymnnastics career", but as indulging my DD's passion for gymnastics. I didn't (& still don't EXPECT) anything from her in return for it(as far as winning goes). I just expect her to try her best & continue her journey, as long as she wants to endure it. I wish I would of had such passion about something when I was her age. I've always been in awe of that aspect of her personalilty. As her mother, why wouldn't I help her to explore it, to the best of her ability & drive?

And should she decide to quit the sport tomorrow(after I was done jumping for joy), I won't look as it as money wasted or time wasted, etc. She's learned all along the way. Whether it was about the sport itself or about herself. Every penny has been money well spent, because it was an investment in my DD's passion, not in her "gymnastics career".

 

[TeamDad]

"the Rock? Is there something special about this rock? Oh, sorry Bog. I guess I got a little carried away with the smiley's Guess that'll be 50 lashes with a wet noodle

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