Parents Advice Needed

[alsmom]

My five year old dd is a level 3 gymnast. She is very talented. She is in a group that meets three day a week, seven and a half hours total. At first she was so excited to go to gym. She has all of the level three skills and all of the level four skills accept for a consistent kip. For the last two weeks she does not want to come. She will not go into warn ups and will wait until one of the coaches comes to get her. The head coach of her group is thoroughly frustrated with her. He also does not really talk to me these days. I do not want to push her, but I am conflicted because she has so much talent. Is this a case of let her stop, or a willfull five year old? Has anyone been through this?

 

[bogwoppit]

Well it is a lot for a five year old and frankly some of the most talented gymnasts quit way before they get to competing. Maybe pull her out for a few days and see how that goes. My five year old took a 3 month break from gym for reasons just like yours, she begged and begged to go back, we made her wait a while. Then she continued with gym for 6 more years. The fact that your is talented, or not, is really of less importance than the fact that she is not into gym right now. WHat's with the grumpy coach?

 

[alsmom]

Hhmmm...he is not really grumpy. He is actually a great coach, and she has come so far working with him. I think he is just frustrated with her, for the same reasons I am. I am looking for him for support and advice because he is the 'expert' in this situation and I am not really getting anything. She definitely responds better to the other coach, who is a young girl. I feel like part of this is her role on the team- the cute, tiny five year old who is working out with the 8 year olds.

The most frustrating thing is that she talks gym nonstop- she is going to work on this and wear that Leo, etc...then we get there and she freezes and won't go in.

I think you are right that a break is in order.

 

[MaryA]

Yes, this is a good time for a break. Meet season is still a long way away. Take her out, wait for her to beg to go back, and when/if she does, then lay down the ground rules about going straight into practice, etc.

 

[GymBeeMom]

At this age, all the talent won't matter if it isn't still fun and stress-freee. Take her on a vacation or stay-cation. Let her cartwheel on the beach or handstand at the park. Gymnastics is fun and that's what needs to be focused on , her talent will not disappear with a little break but her desire could come back full-force! If not, then at her age, there are tons of options for talented little athletes Let us know how it goes.

 

[bogwoppit]

The problem with allowing a five year old girl to frustrate you is that it shows and then the kid can feel put out too. She is not doing this on purpose, it is just who she is. When mine went back to gym we told her that she had to go and work hard and do what all the other kids did, not matter what. The next time she decided that she didn't want to do that was mid meet season when she was 12.

 

[Committed]

definitely take a break!! Shes 5. We're on a forced break right now (injury), and DD is struggling with it a little bit, but shes not as devastated as i thought she would be. I think she appreciates taking some time off from her hectic schedule.

 

[gymmiemom]

I agree with the others, let her take a break. Talented or not, gym needs to be fun. Wait until she asks to go back and then wait some more. When you are convinced she is ready to go back, go. But maybe think about a less demanding schedule until she is asking for more time in the gym. No matter how much we love seeing our children succeed in the gym, they have to want it/love it more than we do.

 

[iwannacoach]

Talent should be a gift, rather than a burden. If your dear daughter doesn't even want to walk through the door, and a two week trend certainly says that, then she'd be better off leaving the gym for more than a break....... like maybe a year. She may then be better able to enjoy the sport according to her ability, rather than who's coaching her (based on your info). She should return to the gym, start again from the beginning, and advance, or not, at a rate she can wrap her mind around, rather than her talent, because while "limited ability" can combine with ample portions of mind and spirit to create a gymnast, the reverse cannot be said.

That's just the way youth sports are. Once a young child goes beyond the *only* for fun stage, they need to have the heart and soul it takes to see themselves as an athlete, consider the long term rewards, and set goals.

 

[Faith]

If she's talented, it will make no difference to her eventual success if she starts training at 3,4,5,6, or even 7.

My dd was in rec until 6.5. She was the last to join her team. There is a huge difference between dd, who has a real fire for training, can see where she wants to be, and the itty bitty superstars who have been on team from 4/5, and now at 8 years old are slowly dropping out, they've had enough, and it's not been fun for a long time.

dd is probably the least talented, and the latest starter on her squad. But she has slowly caught up with, and passed, all her more talented team mates. It has to be demoralising too for those kids who've been working hard for years and are used to being stars when the skills aren't coming as quickly as the new kid.

I think a long break is a good idea, or at the very least cut her hours right back for a year or so, until she is old enough to see why she's in the gym and finds her own drive.

 

[gymgal]

Talent and desire don't go hand in hand. And when you are talking about the real itty bitty kids, that's especially true. Sure, they love learning new skills, but the dedication is rarely there at that age, particularly for the long-term goals stressed by team - conditioning, perfection, etc. And while she might enjoy the attention from being the youngest on the team, there are real drawbacks to such an age difference at her age, particularly if she's the only young one.

Take a break, have her explore other sports and activities. You may find she is just as talented in other areas and shows more desires for those. she is so young. If gymnastics is truly her sport, she will make her way back when she is more ready to dedicate herself to it.

 

[Aussie_coach]

It is really common for kids to not want to go and then to just have a wonderful time when they get there. At 5 it can be something really small, like you came to pick them up late once and that's it now they fear that you are going to move house and abandon them while they are at gymnastics or something else over the top.

why not try leaving her at gym (and going to hide outside or in the car) so she doesn't have the option of hanging off you and needs to go into class.

 

[txgymfan]

Have you asked her why she does not want to go in? If she can't tell you give her the option of taking a week off or quitting for now. She may surprise you with her answers.

 

[alsmom]

She is the 'kicking and screaming' to every activity kind of kid. It is not just gym- dance and, unfortuneately, school are the same. I have told her that if she doesn't want to go we will take a break, and that it is no big deal. She always panics and says no! I want to go to gymnastics!! This morning it was a long while before she went in, and when she came out she said it was so fun and she didn't know why she was so silly at the beginning.

I drop her and run during the week, and she is usually ok. She gets there late because her school lets out after the school the other girls go to. The coach she loves usually comes to get her on those days. On Saturdays her brother has class in the middler of her practice, so it is more difficult to drop her and run.

This week is school vacation. We will see how it goes. If there is no improvement I will have to make the executive decision to take a break.

 

[txgymfan]

I would warn her. If you "cry, scream, etc. " then you will skip one class. Then if she does it again, skip for a week. The third time, drop it.

 

[gymgal]

Ahhhh, the info you gave next changes the while situation, as she is doing this in other activities as well. First, you have to look at possible anxiety. There are several posts about this on CB. After that, I would treat it as attention getting behavior. How is she in school? Why is the one coach getting frustrated with her - what is happening in practice that frustrated him? This may give you more clues as to what is going on.

 

[gymmomtoo]

Does she have trouble with all transitions? My (non-gymnast) son struggled with transitions and changes when he was young. What worked for him was talking things through--preparing him for what was coming, reminding him of what was going to happen. I think that your daughter going in after everyone else has started is also very tough. I know she's only five years old, but I would ask her if you can do anything to help make it easier for her to go in to gymnastics--since she has said she has so much fun once she goes in. Maybe she'll have an idea that will be easy and will help her!

 

[kayjaybe]

Perhaps she is overscheduled. You have her doing gym 3 days/week for 2+ hours/day. How much dance practice does she have?

Kids need time to just be themselves. Play in the yard, ride their bike, color at the kitchen table. She may not be able to verbalize it, but there is a good chance she's got too much going on. Rather than quitting, how about cutting back?

It also concerns me that you see her "role" as the "cute little one amongst the 8 year olds." As others have said, being younger when starting is not necessarily a key to success. And if she is only 5 and already training new level 4 skills, when can she even compete those anyway?

 

[alsmom]

She is absolutely over scheduled. Dance is only and hour a week, but all together it is a lot.

She does not want to be seen as the baby. She does have genuine friendships with the other girls, but lately I have heard then start with the, Oh you are just so cute!...she hates that. If you ranked the girls she is probably the second best on the team(not that it matters, just to show that she is not babyish in comparison). It's a difficult situation, because it does not really make sense to put her with girls closer to her age, because she would be bored with the skills they are working on(my son is in the 4-6 class and yesterday they started cartwheels).

We will see how it goes.

 

[wgagym]

My 5 year old also deals with the same thing with being the tiny, cute, younger than everybody by a few years. She also hates being called cute and being babied by the other girls. She loves them, just not the attention. She also is one of the more talented girls in her group which adds to the cuteness.

This is the reason she throws a fit about going into practice. if certain girls who tend to baby her more get there early and start up the cute stuff with her it is a fight to get her into practice. We just try to get her ready just a few minutes before practice so she can just get right in the gym, because once she is in she is fine.