WAG Am I wrong to do this?

[gracyomalley]

sounds like there really isn't an option of doing optional level gymnastics where you are. Some kids move fast and some don't, but scores that low consistently over years means bad coaching, plain and simple! I've seen teen/tween gymnasts with "poor work ethic", other interests, poor form, and lack of strength stall out at L5/L7 - but NEVER with scores that low consistently - and we are in a small region/small state with few options, so most kids who can score 35-36s here are close to stars. I'm not trying to be rude at all, but if your DD is the only one with this little success, then she either doesn't want to do better, or this sport really isn't for her and unless she loves every minute of it she will likely be happier doing something else. If its the norm for girls to struggle to reach score out (which really is a very minimal score at each level...) then its likely not her "fault" in the least and either another program OR if that's not an option then simply acknowledging that there really isn't the option of doing gym much longer in the area. I would seriously question the safety of moving on to optional level skills if a kid can't easily score out of L5....

Things like xcel and high school gym are great - but my guess is not an option if there aren't better programs locally.

Have you been to enough meets with other teams to see WHY she (and the rest of the team it seems) score so badly? If its one event she simply can't do (often bars), then that's different - in optionals there are often ways around that - NOT to be successful, but at least to keep enjoying gym. If she is a consistent poor scorer on all events - then either find different coaches or a new love - but let her be part of the decision - and give her time and info so she can understand it - some small gyms (there is one locally) keep the kids isolated so that they really don't see what other teams do - and I've seen multiple kids from said gym really surprised when they finally have "better" coaching...and although it takes time to fix all the issues that took years to teach wrong, some of those kids are still in gym and enjoying it and doing well now - maybe on their 3-4th year "officially" at a level, but they love gym and are SAFE now.

 

[B.Gold]

What I mean by going no where is she will start Junior High next year. She could play basketball, tennis, softball, run cross country, or cheer with her friends. Pretty soon she will be the only girl her age left at the gym. Most have already moved on. I'm sure she will want to in a couple of years. Then when she decides to do an activity at school, it will be too late. She will not be able to make the team because all of the other girls have been doing these activities for years.

Yes, time to move on in my opinion. I put my children in sports and other activities so they would eventually have a community in High School in which they "belonged". I think you're a very smart, forward thinking mom. Time to help your DD find a new sport.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I do think it is the program, the situation you are in with no other options, the coach who also thinks she should quit, etc that is hurting your dd. That being said it is not too late to pick up another spot now or even in 3 years. My oldest picked up a sport in 8th grade and loves it with a passion he never had for anything else. He lettered in it last year. As a sophomore he came home from school one day and had joined a new team - a sport we have no experience in at all. He has picked it up quickly and lettered this year as a junior. Also keep in mind that gymnastics prepares kids for any sport, so just having done it this long will benefit her.

I do understand the frustration of continuing to pay for something so time consuming and expensive when she doesn't appear to make any progress.

 

[gymdog]

If she doesn't want to quit, then she should go to Xcel. This is what the program was designed for. If she has been in level 5 two years and hasn't scored above a 30, it is not the right placement for her level of physical preparation. This would indicate to me regardless of work ethic there is a coaching problem. The coach should not have placed her where she cannot succeed skill wise. Xcel would be a better placement for a coach who perhaps is not current with the JO advanced compulsories or any program that can't devote enough practice hours to succeed on that path.

 

[juliasmom]

Honestly I would take her to a new gym before I would force her to quit. I think she would surprise you.

If this were an option, we would have done it a long time ago. The next closest gym is over an hour away (she is not my only child so this would not be possible). They are better, but still have few optional girls. I bet we have less than 25 optional girls in the whole state. At her meets levels 5,6,7,8, and 9 are all grouped together, and it's usually less than 30 girls. Not a lot of options...

 

[bogwoppit]

As Gymdog says, this is what Xcel is for.

 

[juliasmom]

Why would it be too late? I picked up soccer in 8th grade and track in 11th and was able to do both well enough to make the team and be happy.

Maybe she could make it, but I'm not so sure. The other kids have been playing their sport since they were 3. She would definitely have some catching up to do.

 

[thefellowsmom]

First, I am sorry that you and your daughter are in this place. It must be terribly frustrating for both of you.

Your daughter has shown an amazing amount of dedication and love of this sport to put in this much time with that little success. I'm sure you are very proud of her. Most kids would have bailed a long time ago under such circumstances and it is unfortunate that she hasn't had the opportunity to work with coaches that know what they are doing. If there are any other options at all, I would really encourage you to check those out.

If there really are no other options then I think I would agree that it is probably time to move on, but (and this is just my opinion of course) an ultimatum like that can be very damaging. I would encourage you to include her in all of these discussions. Research what all the options are, including other gymnastics options or even staying at her current gym and not progressing (and be really honest about what that is likely to look like and what your concerns about it are), more tennis lessons and other activities she might like to try. Talk to her openly about what junior high will look like and all the opportunities that come with that. Tell her your concerns and ask for her opinion and feelings. Help her to see all her options and the pros and cons of continuing with gymnastics or moving on. In the end, come to a decision together that everyone can live with.

If there are other gymnastics options and she wants to try and is willing to commit to working really hard at it, then I would say give that a chance. If not, then start the conversation now about what options she has beyond this season. But, I truly believe that she needs to be part of this discussion and decision making process. I completely understand and support parents pulling the plug if the child is really unhappy or unsafe without other options, but this just doesn't feel like that but I am certainly not anywhere near your shoes so please take my opinion as just that.

It is easy for us as parents to want a certain experience for our child and we want to encourage them to see the easy way through or the way we think will lead to happy or successful, but we need to remember that they are individuals and their priorities and loves and idea of what their school or sport or life experience should be may not be the same as ours and that is ok, in fact that is what it is all about. I want my kids to grow up to be the most amazing version of who they are, not who I want them to be. Sorry, this is a touchy subject for me. My mother tried very hard with the best intentions to mold me into someone who would have the path she thought would be the best for me. Let's just say that didn't go so well for me. We are who we are.

Good luck to you and your daughter, please keep us posted.

 

[juliasmom]

I have included her on this. By the way, the coach told her to move up or quit the other day before I said anything. I have explained everything to her that I have said on here. She agrees with me, but she said it was just so hard for her to make a decision. She loves going to the gym. We kind of came up with the ultimatum together. Maybe the word ultimatum was not really the correct word. We came to an agreement. I am the one paying. I am giving my money to someone who is not able (or willing may be a better word) to help my child progress. This is not her fault. But still, I feel that I am wasting my money.

 

[juliasmom]

One more thing... Her only goal has been to make it to optionals. She just wanted to do one year of what "she" thinks is real gymnastics. I've tried to be patient, just hoping that she would get there. I'm not sure it's possible for her at our gym. Her coach has promised her for the last two years that the first meet that she scores higher than 31, she could begin level 6.

 

[motigymnasticsmom]

I think its the coaches fault partly. He has strung you both along until now. He knows that he cannot do anything any higher. His main business is cheer. I understand your feelings also about everything. Maybe you could find another gym and perhaps let her try for one more year there.

 

[teksquad]

There are different mindsets that can guide the decision here, but perhaps, her being 12, letting her make the choice would be best. If she loves gymnastics, and is having fun, and getting good exercise, why not let her continue? But, if she also loves tennis...and she will be going to jr high, where school demands may be more...then there may be a time conflict. (and as you said, perhaps budget considerations) Perhaps she should make a choice between the two, and let her enjoy whichever she wants to pursue.

 

[OzZee]

Has the coach given her feedback on what she needs to do to improve?
If yes does she not know how to apply the corrections or not want to? Or is the coach just ignoring her and wanting her to quit. How about the girl above her , does the coach want her to quit to?

I totally get how you feel about your money and time going towards something they can progress in and also the older they get the harder it is to get on a team if they try something new.

 

[juliasmom]

Has the coach given her feedback on what she needs to do to improve?
If yes does she not know how to apply the corrections or not want to? Or is the coach just ignoring her and wanting her to quit. How about the girl above her , does the coach want her to quit to?

I totally get how you feel about your money and time going towards something they can progress in and also the older they get the harder it is to get on a team if they try something new.

He doesn't watch them that closely most of the time. He gives the gymnasts an assignment, and then goes to practice with the cheerleaders. Then yells across the gym for them to move to the next area, bars or whatever, and tells then what their next assignment is. He can see them, but his focus is not on them. He will occasionally walk over and watch a routine and offer some corrections. They are usually vague, like jump higher or more power. She doesn't understand what she's doing wrong. He has too much on his plate is the problem. The girl who is a higher level just gets it. She would probably be a 9 or 10 at a better gym. He tells her to do something, and she can just do it naturally.

 

[gymmomtoo]

Given that kind of coaching, I'm not surprised the girls don't do well at meets!

 

[LJL07]

Given the circumstances and given that you do not have a gym option nearby, I think the ultimatum is pretty reasonable. I understand that you shouldn't expect anything tangible to come out of all of the time, money, energy, etc. that these kids put into gymnastics, but I do think seeing some kind of growth/development is reasonable. If they have a cheer program at the gym (if she loves this particular gym so much), could she switch over to that? Sounds like the gym is more geared towards that anyways.

 

[Aussie_coach]

I think as long as a child is behaving appropriately and loving what they do there is no reason to force the to quit. In Australia it's not uncommon to see kids stuck at level four for 3-4 years if not more, because skills like kips just elude them. They still get a lot from what they are doing.

The time and money you spend isn't about skills and scores it's about providing an environment to the child. Through that environment the child develops confidence, self esteem, values, coordination, ability, fitness, strength, flexibility, speed, determination, passion, goal setting, organisation, problem solving, team work, concentration, memory and many other skills that will be invaluable in life.

The prize at the end of this is not medals, trophies, levels or skills. The prize is an invaluable set of life skills that will serve them to become happy, successful and confident adults.

 

[thefellowsmom]

I have included her on this. By the way, the coach told her to move up or quit the other day before I said anything. I have explained everything to her that I have said on here. She agrees with me, but she said it was just so hard for her to make a decision. She loves going to the gym. We kind of came up with the ultimatum together. Maybe the word ultimatum was not really the correct word. We came to an agreement. I am the one paying. I am giving my money to someone who is not able (or willing may be a better word) to help my child progress. This is not her fault. But still, I feel that I am wasting my money.

Sorry i misunderstood. I am glad to hear that you are working through this with her. If you came to this decision together and have a plan then I think you are handling it in a healthy way and it may just be what it is. If there really are no other gymnastics options then now it seems like it is a matter of preparing and coming to terms with it being over for both of you. Leaving this sport is hard and very sad even for those that are really ready. Good luck!

 

[B.Gold]

The prize at the end of this is not medals, trophies, levels or skills. The prize is an invaluable set of life skills that will serve them to become happy, successful and confident adults.

And that can only be achieved doing gymnastics?? This family's area is underserved in regards to gymnastics. There are probably plenty other sports this girl can do in her area where she would get better coaching, be A LOT safer, from the sound of things, and possibly experience more success......and i dare say it.....happiness?? It's this mom's responsibility to help this girl figure it out.

It is soooooo hard to make a change, but there is a whole great big world out there outside of gymnastics.

 

[kandkfunk]

I understand the desire to move on in this situation. It's not a good or healthy gymnastics situation. Given the details you have provided, I would say it is probably bordering on unsafe. You simply cannot learn solid basics and move on to harder and more dangerous skills with a coach who shouts corrections from across the gym. It is clear that the coach is the issue. Your DD may have flourished in a better environment, but that is not the situation. If the coach has openly said he wants your daughter to quit, then that is not a healthy place to remain. Deciding to quit is the hardest part. Once the decision is made, things get easier to accept.

Good luck with whatever you decide!