Hello-
I have not read everyone's responses, but I did read your OP. And many parts of it could be my daughter too. I will tell you a bit about my daughter and what we did that worked with her- for her. Each child is different and what works for one may not work for others but, maybe there's a bit of info that you can glean that will work with your daughter.
My DD turned 7 this fall, and is in the 1st grade- so she is in the same general age range as your daughter, she is finishing up a very successful Level 3 season and has begun uptraining Level 4 skills. In many ways sounds very similar to your daughter.
At age 5 I was approached by a member of the pre-team staff telling me they were interested in moving her to the pre-team. After talking to DD about pre-team, and viewing a few pre-team practices we decided to have her try it. It was a disaster. She did not listen to the coach, wait in line, refused to try certain skills, cried a lot... not good. After about a month of this the coach came to me and said she wasn't ready, I agreed. She cried and begged to stay on the pre-team. The coach said she should enroll in the rec classes and come back in a few months and she could give it another try. DD had the skills-- pullover, back hip circle, handstand forward roll, forward roll on beam- that they were looking for, just not the behavior. After a few months, and boredom in the rec program, it became clear the pre-team coach was not interested in working with her. We saw another round of girls begin training for pre-team and I was not approached. DD asked me when she could try again, I explained to her that the staff still didn't think she was ready. She was bored in her class and wanted to quit gym, although I could see she liked it and she expressed that she liked it to me all the time.
I called another gym in the area and asked for a pre-team tryout for DD. DD was now 6 years old. She tried out and was accepted into the program. DD and I spoke at length about whether she thought she really wanted to do this- and what it means and takes to do this (listening, standing in line, trying "hard" things, not crying). She insisted that she did- so we gave it a shot. She began at the new gym. Her behavior was better, but she still lacked the attention to details and ability to take corrections-- she looked distracted all the time. I could tell the new pre-team coaches didn't think a whole lot of her, she was adequate (as were 75% of the girls), but not a standout in any area.
A few months after starting at the new gym testing for Level 3 competition team came up. DD tells me she is soooooo interested in making team, again we have conversations about trying, listening, effort, etc. DD goes to testing and pulls out skills none of us, the coaches included, have ever seen her do-- we were all amazed. A child we all kind of expected (due to her in class behavior and effort) to just skate by with OK scores blew everyone's socks off. She made the Level 3 team. I could still tell the coaches weren't quite sure how the season would go but were willing to give her a chance because they saw she was super competitive- if the top # of pull ups was 7 she did 8, leg lifts 10 she did 11, rope climb 3 secs she did 2.98 secs.
Last summer she started training to compete Level 3 in the fall. Again it was a rocky summer with her effort, behavior, focus looking pretty poor. In the fall she began 1st grade and her teachers started saying she was having trouble with effort and focus in the classroom- she wasn't completing assignments on time- she was testing very strong in all her skills but couldn't produce in the classroom- she could read on a 4th grade level- but when it came time to complete an assignment it took her forever. She had never had this problem at school before- we had seen it in the gym, but now were seeing it in other areas of her life.
I called her PCP and talked with her. She saw DD and decided we should do a trial of a very low dose of Ritalin and see what happens. DH and I were conflicted- we really didn't want to medicate her, but after some conversations and thought were willing to give it a shot for a short period of time. DD began her meds in early Oct.
I saw an almost instant difference in the gym. She was focused, not so silly (still had the capability of being silly, just better able to control it), more mature, able to take corrections, and her Level 3 skills began to improve and get really polished. About a month after she began the meds her coaches stopped me after practice (I did not tell them I was medicating her) to tell me how great DD was starting to do at practice- like something "clicked" with her. At school her teachers reported that she seemed less distracted and was competing assignments in allotted time.
Her Level 3 season began and she did well and has improved steadily all season- her scores have increased every meet and she has placed in the top 3 on at least one event at each meet and even in the top 3 AA. Her coach stopped me the other day as I was picking her up from practice and told me she was the "most improved" on the team and she never would have predicted her season and her gymnastics in general would have gone so well when she first started working with her in the summer.
So- there's our journey thus far. She has wonderful coaches, and has really flourished this year. For DD it took a very low dose of medication to help her focus in all areas of her life. Not sure if this is the path for you, but it has made a world of difference for my DD- both at school and at the gym.
Hang in there- this parenting stuff is hard work. I wish all kids were easy, but 90% of them aren't. I have 2 and they each have their own challenges for better and for worse. Our job as parents is to help them try to grow into independant young adults who will move out of our homes someday, get a job, and support themselves. Until that day the road will be rocky, and often we will feel like crying, like we failed them, like we don't understand them, but we do- sometimes it just takes a little time to figure out what makes them tick.
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