Parents Child in DDs age group passed her out skill & performance wise, coach playing favorites

[JessSyd]

To be completely honest my daughter was the social media star up until about a month ago & I guess I am a bit put out that her 3rd place yesterday wasn't even mentioned... There was 23 kids in the comp. There was plenty of pics of both girls together, 2nd & 3rd is a great achievement for the club, 2 podium placers...

Yikes! If a gym has a social media star, they are doing social media wrong. I think there would be a parent uprising at my daughter’s gym if competition photos didn’t celebrate the hard workers as well as the winners, and training photos did not celebrate the newly learned back handsprings as much as it celebrates advanced tumbling passes.

After competitions, my daughter’s gym likes to post about PBs, individual goals nailed, new skills competed, and other things that show they realise it is a marathon, not a sprint, and that supportive encouragement is required along the way.

Next time your daughter is star, it might be your chance to remember this feeling and go ‘hey, it is lovely seeing the photo of my daughter with her medal, but I would love to see everyone else too!’

 

[2G1B]

I just feel she could have been given a mention too, she performed so we'll yesterday. Just odd to exclude her & focus on her team mate.

Were other kids given mentions in the posts with your daughter every time? Were all of her teammates given recognition in the recent past and only your daughter excluded? It sounds like it was just Jess this time and that there have been plenty of times that it has been only your daughter. Maybe they see that your daughter has been pretty prominent in their page and it is time to give another kid some attention. Seriously, you are reading too much into this. Let Jess have her time in the spotlight. Really, you need to step back. You admit that your DD has gotten a lot of social media posts. You admit that your DD is happy with how she did this weekend. You need to relax. You have passed into CGM and you need to step away.

 

[duyetanh]

I just feel she could have been given a mention too, she performed so we'll yesterday. Just odd to exclude her & focus on her team mate.

I am sure this is how every other parent felt when yours was featured. And what about the girls who never have been?
Three hard words for you:
Get over it
Time to stay off social media. Or perhaps not do the sport if this is so hard For you....just remember though that it isn’t your sport and your child is so happy with how she did. Why isn’t this enough?

 

[duyetanh]

Were other kids given mentions in the posts with your daughter every time? Were all of her teammates given recognition in the recent past and only your daughter excluded? It sounds like it was just Jess this time and that there have been plenty of times that it has been only your daughter. Maybe they see that your daughter has been pretty prominent in their page and it is time to give another kid some attention. Seriously, you are reading too much into this. Let Jess have her time in the spotlight. Really, you need to step back. You admit that your DD has gotten a lot of social media posts. You admit that your DD is happy with how she did this weekend. You need to relax. You have passed into CGM and you need to step away.

Jinx. You beat me to it, lol

 

[NutterButter]

Guess what? She performed well with or without the social media shout out! When your DD was on the receiving end of the social media shoutouts did you ever consider that other girls might be slighted at the expense of your DD. In the grand scheme of things who cares if your DD got a shout out....just embrace her success.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

What about the other girls on the team. Have you ever thought how all of them must have felt all of this time? Your DD sounds like she has gotten plenty of time in the spotlight. Let Jess have this. Don't begrudge a kid their time to shine. Work on being happy for each of the kids' accomplishments, even if they beat your daughter. Even if you aren't there yet, fake it. Eventually you will see that it is the right thing.

a thousand times this...............

What about the kids who show up, work hard and didnt even get a medal.........

 

[Deleted member 18037]

To be completely honest my daughter was the social media star up until about a month ago

Were you concerned with all the other girls having their moments back then.....

 

[Deleted member 18037]

So anyways thought all was well & so forth, however the clubs social media has only featured the other little girls achievement & none of my dd's. Lots of pics of Jess & group pics with Jess & on her own. Also congratulating her on her 2nd place all around, no mention of my dd's 3rd...
Disappointed but we have to put up, no other gym options around.
I guess they've made it clear who their priority is

You have too much time on your hands.

 

[Cmumgym]

So anyways thought all was well & so forth, however the clubs social media has only featured the other little girls achievement & none of my dd's. Lots of pics of Jess & group pics with Jess & on her own. Also congratulating her on her 2nd place all around, no mention of my dd's 3rd...
Disappointed but we have to put up, no other gym options around.
I guess they've made it clear who their priority is

I guess they’ve made it clear who their priority is. !?My goodness I wish I could insert palm to face emoji right now. You have had so many people reach out positively to this thread. If you don’t start recognising that this is your issue and learn how to handle it you will be become one of those mothers in the coaches black book. Those mums that the coaches sigh about when they see an email has been sent from you or try to avoid at the end of a meet or practice. Which then ultimately will end up affecting your child’s training. gymnastics is a paid sport and coaches are there as employees and gyms are there as a business but continuing like this your gym can end up saying sorry your becoming nuisance and not understanding a team environment will end up getting you kicked out. Your positive and love when all the attention is on your child but as soon as anyone’s else’s child gets time in the spotlight you go straight to oh well I can see where coaches priority is. Is this just with this sport or is this the way you treat every aspect of your child’s life. This is way past CGM and you have shown no growth from any advice anyone has given you. You will ruin your child’s mental stability continuing like this.

 

[duyetanh]

I guess they’ve made it clear who their priority is. !?My goodness I wish I could insert palm to face emoji right now. You have had so many people reach out positively to this thread. If you don’t start recognising that this is your issue and learn how to handle it you will be become one of those mothers in the coaches black book. Those mums that the coaches sigh about when they see an email has been sent from you or try to avoid at the end of a meet or practice. Which then ultimately will end up affecting your child’s training. gymnastics is a paid sport and coaches are there as employees and gyms are there as a business but continuing like this your gym can end up saying sorry your becoming nuisance and not understanding a team environment will end up getting you kicked out. Your positive and love when all the attention is on your child but as soon as anyone’s else’s child gets time in the spotlight you go straight to oh well I can see where coaches priority is. Is this just with this sport or is this the way you treat every aspect of your child’s life. This is way past CGM and you have shown no growth from any advice anyone has given you. You will ruin your child’s mental stability continuing like this.

Yes. And you already said how she has done better without you there. That is a true lightbulb moment. Please wake up. Fast.

 

[beachgirl]

Please don't mention Jess again. Period. I have more to say on that, but the first sentence sums it up.

 

[jillc]

You took such great advice about watching practice and I hope you do on this as well.

You need to fundamentally change your thoughts on Jess and your DDs other teammates. This is a hard sport — in the long run, strong teammates are an asset your DD.

My DD is not (nor will ever be) on an elite track. But she scores and places well. But there are so many gymnastics and life lessons she can and is learning from her teammates. And it isn’t really from the girls scoring the highest. Sometimes those are the ones that push you the most. But my DD can learn from everyone.

It is the determination of a girl getting a skill after months and months of troubles and disappointment , the bravery of a girl getting over a fear, the drive a girl perfecting the little details and finally seeing the improvement in her scores, the patience of a girl coming back from injury, the sportsmanship of a girl cheering on her teammates even after she had a really disappointing routine.

Every gymnast will someday be the one struggling, scared, injured, or disappointed. It’s what they do with that and how they learn from it that will matter. Having role models that have showed you the way is so very valuable.

Whether your DDs gym really plays favorites or not... You can choose to buy into that, create this crazy drama, and make it worse — or you can teach your daughter to look at the beauty of how special each teammate is — from the highest to the lowest scoring.

This is what I try to instill in my DD.
And just for a story on how it looks. My husband missed one of my DDs meet this season. She had an amazing meet and scored and placed super well... when her dad called after the meet — you know what she said to him? She didn’t say anything about how she did, instead she said “Dad you should have seen Suzie’s floor routine today. It was so good - she has been really working hard and she improved so much.” Probably my proudest gym mom moment of the season.

 

[Jazzjerz]

To be completely honest my daughter was the social media star up until about a month ago & I guess I am a bit put out that her 3rd place yesterday wasn't even mentioned... There was 23 kids in the comp. There was plenty of pics of both girls together, 2nd & 3rd is a great achievement for the club, 2 podium placers...

It seems like you were really caught up in your daughter’s success when she was the “star”. I can understand that when you are in that position, you may not think about all the other girls in the group that weren’t even mentioned, because you were too busy focusing on your daughter. Now that you are on the flip side of the coin, you have the hidden blessing of being able to see things from others’ perspectives. But it seems that instead of looking at the lesson in this, and empathizing with others, and being introspective about your personal selfishness, you just want to find a way to claw your (Daughter’s) way back to the top...all the other girls be damned. And that makes you a poor teammate, and a poor example to your daughter in this particular life lesson.
To be honest, your seeming inability to see this situation at all rationally, despite many great words of wisdom and advice from so many, makes me wonder if this is all even a real scenario.

 

[2G1B]

It seems like you were really caught up in your daughter’s success when she was the “star”. I can understand that when you are in that position, you may not think about all the other girls in the group that weren’t even mentioned, because you were too busy focusing on your daughter. Now that you are on the flip side of the coin, you have the hidden blessing of being able to see things from others’ perspectives. But it seems that instead of looking at the lesson in this, and empathizing with others, and being introspective about your personal selfishness, you just want to find a way to claw your (Daughter’s) way back to the top...all the other girls be damned. And that makes you a poor teammate, and a poor example to your daughter in this particular life lesson.
To be honest, your seeming inability to see this situation at all rationally, despite many great words of wisdom and advice from so many, makes me wonder if this is all even a real scenario.

I've been wondering about a troll since last week. Just in case I try giving advice, but the thought has certainly been there.

 

[beachgirl]

I too have been wondering if this is a troll.

 

[Former L10 gym mom]

I might be repeating another poster because I haven't been able to read the whole thread, but I will tell you that I understand you. Truly. I was you. I am still you. My daughter retired after high school graduation as a L10ish. She'd taken her whole life. I'm still with you. I'm in recovery. And it's been a year. And it is so so hard. I am actually talking to a counselor now because of all of this. It became us, not just her. Our successes, not hers. It's a slippery slope. You'll be me before you know it if you're not careful. I know that, though it should not have, I would be so frustrated by my daughter's injury after injury, watching her go from the "top" to watching others pass her by. Yes, I should have been happy for all of their successes. Yes, I was. But yes, I was jealous as h*ll. And I struggled the entire time with a constant feeling of guilt for almost being happy to see this sweet girl struggle so it "evened out the field" or some other awful thing. I knew I shouldn't feel that way, but then I would anyway...vicious cycle. I would have to swallow it down. And, though her Mom wouldn't be my favorite person regardless, I probably disliked her more because it was, as yours seems to be, a bit of a mom competition too. Probably more me than this mother, but when you're feeling like she's the underdog (and she used to be top dog), anything said rubs you the wrong way. It's jealousy. That's what it was for me anyway. I also remember, when she was younger like your daughter, being way too much of a coach. I too kept up with what she needed to work on and did it at home. I bought the home beam. I wanted to by the home bars.

I know you are reading this and saying "oh wow, I'm not like you, crazy gym mom!" but I promise you, you are headed down that path. Please, no notes. That mom's gone too far already. I see so much of me in what you are saying and I don't want anyone having to go thru the issues I am going through when they are done - whether tomorrow or 10 years from now.

So, I am hoping this doesn't come across as a know it all crazy gym mom, but I'm wanting to spare you. It hurts. It's not fun. Right now you are so wrapped up in it. I get it. I was totally there. I could buy a 2nd house with the amount of money I spent on privates to get her to learn a backwalkover. I know it's incredibly hard, but try to step back now. The longer you stay this involved, the harder it will be.

Said with love and empathy...

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Why would you think I'm a troll. My daughter is a young gymnast & I was looking for advice on best practice for me as I wasn't liking the road I was heading down... I took the advice & stopped attending the practices, deep down I knew myself that was for the best, I was just afraid she would fall behind if I wasn't able to remind & reinforce her corrections.

I just was a bit put out after the comp that she wasn't given the same recognition, they were in the same age group & level & both made the podium. Even a pic of the two of them would have been nice instead of focusing on just one

 

[Gymmommy2524]

Level 10 mom, thank you so much. That's what I need to hear. I hope you are doing ok. It's so hard, we have some equipment here & the stretching bands & mats & I am guilty of getting her to work at home...
I guess the jealousy is the hardest thing manage as it does turn into a mom comp as well...

 

[Cmumgym]

Level 10 mom, thank you so much. That's what I need to hear. I hope you are doing ok. It's so hard, we have some equipment here & the stretching bands & mats & I am guilty of getting her to work at home...
I guess the jealousy is the hardest thing manage as it does turn into a mom comp as well...

It only turns into a parent comp if you let it. And it’s parents with this mentality that then make competitions allow only give out participation awards because of the negativity that this mind set brings on others and the environment. To not be able to acknowledge others when they do well is a very negative way to view the world. You’ve stated so many times how your child has been given the opportunity many times over of being noticed individually but you can’t handle when others are ? Parents should have to take a test before there children are accepted into this sport. Or any sport in general because this attitude is something I don’t want my child or myself to be open to in any sporting arena or in public in general. High school tactics and jealously ends at 18 it’s unfortunate when people forget that or even more unfortunate can’t escape that

 

[RTT2]

You need to take about ten steps back from this sport and untangle yourself emotionally. Other posters have said this, and I'm going to reiterate it- these girls NEED their teammates. Jess isn't her competition, Jess is her teammate. Jess, unlike you, is going through the same training, conditioning, learning new skills, battling fears, struggling, and working at every practice, and Jess and your DD's other teammates are the ones who can cheer her on during the good times and commiserate with her when practice is tough. She needs them and they need her. Don't ruin that for her by teaching her to view her teammates as the competition.