Coaches playing favorites

[bigtiny]

I'm wondering if all gyms/practice groups have problems with coaches playing favorites. And when I say "playing" favorites, I mean PLAYING, as in playing up his favorite against the rest of the kids. He does things like ranking them - and always ranks her first, tells the other girls that they should be like her, etc. Each of the girls are there with their own challenges (including his favorite), but this technique is certainly not bringing them together as a group.

My daughters, who are both in the same practice group, say, "I'm tired of hearing coach talk about ....... Why can't we just go practice?" Of course, the personality of the coach's favorite has transformed as well, as you can imagine. Today, my oldest said, "I'm over it!"

Is this true everywhere....or is this just a bad situation?

 

[drivingmom]

I have seen coaches have favorites and do minor things that indicate that so and so is the favorite. Like she always gives more detailed corrections to her fav, let's her repeat the skill over and over while others get one turn. Making comments or having pictures of her fav., hugging her alot and so on. But nothing like not like what you are describing. Wow now I would have to say something about that to the head coach or owner and I have never complained about coaching ever.

If she is indeed the best in the group, well they do sometimes get pointed out so the other will see how to do the skill.

Sorry for your troubles and it sounds like your girls are way above it!

 

[B Gymnast]

We have a girl in our group that likes to show off a lot and any time we have guest coaches she is the favorite.. for example, we had camp last week and we had a tramp instructor come in and she got to do EVERYTHING first! but once the instructor asked me if I wanted to try my double back by myself (just with a spot on the landing) and she hadn't tried that yet and he ASKED HER IF IT WAS OKAY THAT I TRIED IT FIRST.. so i think that happens every where.. hope it gets better for you,..

 

[mariposa]

I think that it is inevitable that a coach will have favorites BUT they have to know how to deal with that. The situation you are describing is NOT healthy and it pits the girls against one another. I am sure that my DDs coaches have favorites and that she isn't one of them, but I have never noticed. At her old gym, there were a few coaches that did the comparison thing, etc, in an unhealthy way and it bothered me. I think that showing a girl how something should look in a neutral way is okay, but your situation sounds sucky.

Sadly, the favorite usually ends up not having many friends because of jealousy issues, even IF they aren't gloating about it. It actually hurts them more I think.

 

[Blackie6]

We've had a little of that, especially right before states last season. The one really talented girl, obviously was the coaches fav. But being the fav, they also put loads of pressure on her and she was unbearable to everyone around her for the month we were stuck w/her in practice group. They kept telling her "you're gonna win states right?" Felt so bad for her really but glad she's not with us anymore. I tell daughter all the time, being the "bottom feeder" is the best place to be, no pressure, LOL

 

[gymdog]

Sounds like a bad situation. I've been in a similar situation, and it was a nightmare, although the favorite playing wasn't the only problem per se. Definitely wasn't "normal" in that case, it was just bad behavior.

Of course some personalities will click more than others but it's certainly not inevitable to blatantly try and create divisions within a group or put so much pressure on one kid. It's really sad actually, to me. It's just so hard as it is and there is no need for this kind of thing on top of it.

Ranking the kids is definitely not normal to me (I'm assuming you mean in some general criteria, not like a handstand contest which is pretty objective). I wouldn't even bother to rank things like routines, although sometimes I'll rank them on a scale just for that child (i.e. like a scale of 1 to 5, not in relation to other kids). Just doesn't really strike me as that appropriate. They all don't have the exact same goals and abilities so it wouldn't really be fair, and I'm not a judge anyway.

 

[gymgirl19]

I had a problem like this at my old gym. The owner/ head team coach favored her daughter a lot. The daughter was always allowed to work on harder skills, and didn't even have the skills for the level she was competing. Also, she would be on the computer in the back room during warm up and conditioning, then come out when she wanted to. She also coached us alot, on skills she was not able to do. Her mom/the coach never had any problem with it. It was hard to tell the coach about our problems with her. The coaches also favored 2 girls who have been at the gym practically since they were born, and their mother was a huge part of the parents committee. Ultimately, this favoritism was the reason I, along with 3 other team members, switched to a new, larger gym, where we have yet to expierence any favoritism.

 

[NOG]

well that just plain stinks! It sounds like your coaches are setting up the team for failure - by that I mean that they will only do well as indiv. and not as a team ever. While I'm sure that each of our coaches have a favorite, I don't that my dd could ever tell. I never see them play favorites or treat any of the girls any differently than others. Some are naturally talented and move on quicker, but that is as it should be. That in no way indicates a favorite. I can understand using a girl for someone to look at, IF her form was impeccable and it was done in the right way- BUT that's not the vibe I'm getting from your post. They sound as if they are playing extreme favorites and to the detriment of the rest of the team. How are they supposed to bond and do well as a Team, if the coaches are pitting them against one another? This sounds like a recipe for disaster! Girls will either never feel good enough, or get fed up and find a gym that will let them shine, w/o taking anything away from another gymmie to do that.

Good luck!!!!

 

[Shelovesthebars]

This is going on with my daughter right now too and it is pretty extreme. My daughter is not the favorite! Every practice the coach rubs it in all of the other girls faces with this other girl and some of the other parents are just plain sick of it too. It isn't her ability level that the coach likes either. She just picks one to favor and it is way too obvious. My daughter is still learning from the teacher and seems not to care anymore though. It is just weird too. It is definately making the favorite girl into a monster too so we can't wait until she moves on. At least the new favortie will take some time to develop into another monster so it will give us some breathing room.

 

[CoachGoofy]

We all have favorites, or favorites-that-day. But if everyone knows who your favorite kids are, then you're doing something wrong. Ranking kids in a group just sounds counterproductive to me. It SUCKS to go to a meet with a bunch of people you resent, or who resent you.

Ugly behavior from coaches is really disappointing.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

childish, boorish and pointless is what it is.

 

[fishchimes]

Definitely speak to the higher ups about that. I know I would steaming if my coach ever played favorites like that.

I think my coach does have a couple of favorites in my group. One has work ethic and the other talent, but not so much work ethic. She tries extra hard to get the talented one to do hard skills. I also think that from the lower levels, one or two young kids with a lot of talent are moved up through the levels unusually quickly, even if maybe some other kids with the same skill set are not being moved up. Kind of like an informal fast track, I suppose.

It's hardly noticeable if you're not me and analyzing everyone who crosses your field of vision, lol

 

[bogwoppit]

But what if the coach was the HC?

 

[coachmolly]

As a gymnast my coaches often had blatant favorites and I was typically not one of them. One coach seemed to really find joy in creating divisions and problems among team members which made for a very emotionally unhealthy environment. With those experiences always in the back of my mind, I try really hard not to show any kind of favoritism among my gymnasts. Like CoachGoofy said, there will almost always be a "favorite of the day", the kid that is working hard, helping out, and just on a roll, but I try really hard to praise and encourage them without being condescending to the other girls in the group. And I have found that, typically, these kinds of days rotate among the girls and within any given week a kid can go from "favorite of the day" to the least productive in the group. So with all of these factors in mind, I try really hard to be as unbiased as possible.
There are certainly personalities that click better and different techniques work better with different children. But I think there is a fine line between coaching tailored to the individual and favoritism.
I find that the girls, at least in my group, feed off of each other themselves without me pegging one against another. If one learns a new skill, the others want to work even harder to learn that skill for themselves. I don't need to make a big show of it. A kid knows when they are behind and that is usually all the push they need to work their hardest to catch up.
The kind of favoritism described in the opening post is destructive. It happened to me as a gymnast and I still remember those coaches and teachers who just did not like me for one reason or another. It's not fair and will just cause these girls to lose their love for the sport as they will feel inadequate and that is unfortunate.

 

[10.0]

I have been guilty as a coach of having favorites, but they are generally favorites of the day, and I don't pit them against each other, give the favorite special favors or rub it in the other faces at least not directly. But here is the deal my "favorite" is a kid who wants to work hard, who is well behaved and truly has a sense of personal accomplishment when they achieve something. I know that sounds stupid and you are thinking, "Doesn't every kid." Well no, at least not at the places I have coached. For every kid like that we had 20 who acted like they didn't want to be there, even so much as getting angry with me over coaching them and acting like I was inconveniencing them. It got to a point for me that I really starting having to seek out that favorite kid each class to keep my passion going. The only thing I did was award the kid extra praise, but in a way such as "____good job on getting your dismount, I am glad you are working so hard!" or "_____ by working as hard as you do and listening to me I can see you progressing and moving up soon." Yes it is said so that the other kids hear it, I want them to get jealous and try harder, and some do, for others they are a lost cause. I don't think that kind of favoring is bad, but the type that everyone else is talking about is. Some kids really try but just as not as talented as others. I would rather work with 1 super motivated talent less kid than 100 super talented snots.

 

[bigtiny]

100 super talented snots.

super talented snots?

You call your gymnasts snots? Wow :lookaround:

 

[CoachAngela]

In any classroom, gym class, or any cluster of children for that matter, the teacher/coach will very likely have a favorite. This, however, does not mean this teacher/coach should outwardly show who the favourite is. In fact, they never should.

From my experience, I have come to decide that there is a difference between treating your athletes equally vs. treating your athletes fairly. And, fairly is the way to go.

Each child under your care does not require equal treatment. To treat each kid equally (that is, exactly the same), coaches are neglecting the fact that each athlete is so very very different.

An example , while learning new skills, the pathway to achieving that new skill will differ for each child. Long Swing Pullover on Bars.. a very naturally talented bar worker, brave athlete of mine, started learning this on high bar from the get go. A more timid, nervous, and physically weaker gymnast, began learning this on low bar until she was ready to move it up to high bar. This does not mean I was favouring one over the other since I let one start initially on the high bar - I was simply being sensitive to each athlete's "gym personality".


I was being fair. Knowing the difference as a coach really helps to mould a great team.

Another aspect of equality vs. fairness coming in to play is work ethic (as mentioned in previous posts). A child who you can TELL is working to their highest potential may merit some more of my attention in one given practice. When there are 10 - 12 girls in one class working all over the beams on their individual skills, and I am only one person, I need to decide where to focus my instruction. I do not do this "equally" (give each girl the same amount of instruction), but rather, fairly.

I direct my attention at whoever NEEDS it. Examples of kids who need my attention - ones starting brand new skills, ones working hard and DESERVING that extra attention, ones struggling and making a habitual mistake. For the ones goofing off or dazing off, simply saying their name usually brings them back to it, and if not, we have further stepts to take. Maybe moving them to a different station, talking to them about why they are not focused, etc


As coaches, treat your kids fairly. As for treating each kid "equally", I think this is absolutely impossible, due to the vast variety of children we meet.

 

[coachmolly]

But here is the deal my "favorite" is a kid who wants to work hard, who is well behaved and truly has a sense of personal accomplishment when they achieve something. I know that sounds stupid and you are thinking, "Doesn't every kid." Well no, at least not at the places I have coached. For every kid like that we had 20 who acted like they didn't want to be there, even so much as getting angry with me over coaching them and acting like I was inconveniencing them.

I typically find my "favorite of the day" in the child(ren) who are working hard as well which may or may not be the most naturally talented child in a group. Unfortunately, there are coaches out there who are much more easily drawn to natural talent than work ethic.

 

[Shelovesthebars]

Coaches generally support work ethic at our gym more so than just talent. However none of this comes into play with my daughter's coach. She doesn't treat them fairly as CoachAngela said. I think she likes the drama. On the other hand, she really is a good coach when it comes to the girls getting the skills they need and progressing. It used to bother my 5 year old but we have talked about it and she is really moving past it and concentrating on getting the skills she needs and enjoying gymnastics dispite the politics. In the end, that is why she is there so she is learning lessons beyond just gymnastics and I am really proud of her.

 

[10.0]

Bigtiny, it looks like maybe you just read the last line of my post and not the entire thing. It was a point I was trying to make. No I DO NOT call my gymnasts snots to their faces, or to anyone for that matter. I think some of them are snots, sorry it is life. I had one kid become physically and verbally abusive with me during class, she has point blank told me she hates gym and her Mom makes her do it, she is always mouthing off so yes in my mind she is a total complete snot, and even if she was the most talented gymnast on earth and acted that way I'd rather coach a gazillion no talent kids. I handle the problem the best I can with the owner and her mother and the kid. I treat her exactly the same as all the others and she has no idea I think she is a snot and never will. That is my point, coaches can have favorites for what ever reason and always will, as correct as we try to be I am just being honest. I do indeed think it is not okay to lavish a favorite kid or rub it in other kids faces. You have to have a pokerface. And as far as playing favorites because a kid has talent is totally wrong especially all the kids want to learn gymnastics and work hard. After all the gymnast and parent make the same commitment as the favored kid money and time wise and they deserve equal attention.