Coaching your child? Thoughts?

[NGL780309]

My exhusband is a gymnastics coach and our DD is 5 and a level 4. He lives in another state and has never coached her before. She has played plenty of times at his gym. We are here visiting for a month and I was excited to see how things would go with him actually attempting to coach her.

It has pretty much been a disaster and that's putting it nicely. She won't do anything he asks and she acts like a complete brat. She basically acts like she can't do anything. When he does get her to do something she does it with the worst form she can muster while laughing.

After two days of that he basically gave up and now just lets her play. It's a disappointment because we are here for so long and I thought it would be good for her to have that one on one attention.

So I've been wondering if others that have attempted to coach their young children have had the same type of problems or is our DD just a brat?

 

[gymdog]

I think a lot of it really depends on the child's personality but one on one seems hard. I think she would work better with him in a group of similar level children. Otherwise she has no social pressure whatsoever to focus on the gymnastics and corrections. Most kids in that circumstance are going to just try to play. If she can't join a class I probably would just let her play because at that age I think it is not a lot of fun to not have friends to do the class with. They are just not in a place with their gymnastics yet where they see all the bigger goals and want to use one on one time to the best use. Maybe if they are doing a private for a specific skill they don't have, so they see a goal set out like that, but if it's just one on one coaching of everything I think at that age most kids aren't going to respond so well.

 

[cher062]

My exhusband is a gymnastics coach and our DD is 5 and a level 4. He lives in another state and has never coached her before. She has played plenty of times at his gym. We are here visiting for a month and I was excited to see how things would go with him actually attempting to coach her.

It has pretty much been a disaster and that's putting it nicely. She won't do anything he asks and she acts like a complete brat. She basically acts like she can't do anything. When he does get her to do something she does it with the worst form she can muster while laughing.

After two days of that he basically gave up and now just lets her play. It's a disappointment because we are here for so long and I thought it would be good for her to have that one on one attention.

So I've been wondering if others that have attempted to coach their young children have had the same type of problems or is our DD just a brat?

Over the years we have had a couple of parents that were also coaches and they usually didn't coach their own kid. If they were on team the the 2nd coach took charge of their kid. It doesn't really happen that often but I can't say I've seen them act like brats but they do end up in the gym with their parent working and them playing. for the girls on team it does give them the opportunity to get extra practice in. A very nice perk if the girl/boy actually does the work.

 

[Geoffrey Taucer]

Based on my observations of how kids react to being coached by their own parents: if I had kids and they got into gymnastics, I would try to avoid coaching them at all costs.

The thing is, the relationship between a kid and a coach is very different from the relationship between a kid and a parent. Kids do best when their parents are unconditionally supportive of them in gymnastics and do not pressure them to perform -- which is incompatible with coaching by its very nature. As coaches, our job is specifically to critique, to apply carefully-calculated pressure, to challenge the gymnast. In short, one cannot act as a parent and a coach to the same kid at the same time -- one can only fill one roll or the other.

I also think that having a coach as a parent leads to a very high risk of the kid thinking of the gym as a place to play, rather than as a place to train. If the kid is frequently allowed to come in and just play around accompanied by their parent, it's very difficult for them when they then have to -- in the same place while being supervised by the same person -- completely switch gears and turn it into a focused workout.

Obviously it can be done (Nastia being an example), but it's not something that I would ever attempt myself if I could possibly avoid it.

 

[NGL780309]

All very insightful and makes perfect sense. I never thought about the fact that she has been allowed to play every other time she has been here so it must seem strange to now have her dad telling her what to do as a coach.

Unfortunately he doesn't coach club so there aren't any kids her age or level for her to practice with or any other coaches for her to work with. Next time I may arrange for her to work out at a local club with their level 4 team. From my perspective he's such a valuable resource to be taken advantage of, but then again I'm an adult not a 5 year old. To her he's just dad. She actually told him, " You don't even know anything about Level 4!" I couldn't help but laugh.

We are here for a month and I hope her coaches at home won't be too upset that she "played" for the last month instead of working on those last few level 4 skills she needed. When I told her coaches she would be gone for a month (and actually 5 weeks because we are spending a week at Disney after we leave here) they were very concerned. I reassured them she would be working out just the same here. Oops.

 

[kez]

I coach my own daughter who is now 7 years old. I would prefer that she be coached by another coach because I think she would be doing better than she is if this was the case, however, as there are no other options at this time I have to work with her as best we can. During school holidays I try to take her to other gyms so she has the advantage of training with someone other than her mother.

There have been a number of challenges associated with coaching her and I'm sure there are more coming. We have managed to date but it is a very fine line that you walk being a parent/coach. Good luck. i think it would be worthwhile to keep trying. Perhaps your ex-husband could try doing shorter concentrated sessions in between play sessions so its all not too serious until she gets used to his new role as coach.

Incidentally at this time my daughter prefers to train with me. Maybe because she is very comfortable training with me now. This is nice for both of us and I would hope that it would continue this way and that we can find a nice way to blend my role as parent with that of coach. It is however, definitely less complicated being just a parent and not a coach as well. You get to enjoy watching them improve without having to worry about pushing them too much, about the discipline issues etc.

 

[i<3thesmellofchalk]

i am just a gymnast but i know if my mom or dad was a coach i would hate it. when i go to gymnatics i think of it as getting away from parents. you get very close to your coaches and it is like you can tell them anything but it is hard to do that with parents.

 

[Mag_7_Fan96]

It really depends on the child and parent. My mother is a music teacher and I was never able to take lessons with her. We have the same stubborn personality and it never worked. I hated when she corrected me. I always had to have someone else teach me.

 

[gym law mom]

I see several issues regarding dad coaching 5 yo. First, she's 5 years old and this may be a nice play time for her. Second, dad is not normally involved in her gymnastics or her day to day life since you said he's the "ex" and lives in another state. Right now, she may just want dad to be dad since she doesn't see him everyday---or she may be a little confused as to what role he really has in her life.

It might help if he can spend time with her outside the gym building on that father-daughter bond. Then since she said he knows nothing about L4, he could ask her to show him all about it. Might come out of this with some practice time and a stronger father/daughter relationship.

 

[NGL780309]

I think we've found the perfect balance over the last few days. First he tried to coach her which was not working, then he just let her play and the past 2 days she actually went through her Level 4 routines by herself without him dictating what to do next. He offers a word here and there or a spot if she asks, but basically she's doing her own thing. He told her to go condition today and much to my surprise she actually went and did her normal routine of conditioning she does at her gym.

She sees her dad quite a bit and normally gymnastics isn't part of the equation. It's only because we are here for so long that it seemed like working out was a good idea.