Parents Daughter is pushed from JO to excel

[ocean1859]

Du

I was confused about the skill description as well. Level 5s do two A saltos . I was wondering if maybe it needs to be different than the rest of the routine or if it's two connected saltos?

I probably got the skills wrong. I think it's a series that are done in one pass (3 different elements together possibly). Again, on the beam, it is a series of connected back handsprings.

 

[ocean1859]

She has been a top compulsory JO gymnast. Optional especially L8 and above is entirely a different beast. And your daughter is not there yet.

My daughter was a top (38) compulsory gymnast. She is a good optional gymnast. I love her to pieces and what she did in L3-5 really doesn’t matter. But then I knew that back then. We were never about top anything.

Things get very different at the higher levels. We were fortunate enough that my kid could compete where she was comfortable. For her that meant staying with her tribe and not scoring well because she was missing skills. She understood that.

And I’m sorry I feel like something is missing here. With the quick about face. From everyone including other parent. I find there are 3 sides to things. Yours, there, and what actually is.

I absolutely agree, we are still hoping for an individual meeting and hear more about what exactly is going on with our gymnast. I did try to ask few things in the general meeting and the coaches became very defensive. I watch the practice few times and my daughter doesn’t seem to be far behind from my stand point of judging from other girls. Again, you are right something is missing and I hope to find out soon.

 

[AAAinNOLA]

So in reading through ALL of this ... it *would* concern me if any coaches in any sport for any team denied me a meeting to discuss my child's progress. If you have asked for a meeting (or phone call) and they are not responding, that is a red flag.

THAT BEING SAID - is your daughter 100% transparent with you? Do you watch practice? I ask that genuinely because at my daughter's gym I am aware of several girls who either (1) are not honest with their moms about the skills they are practicing (2) are under the impression they are progressing well or better than average (3) don't share with their moms that they are crying or getting frustrated or lashing out at teammates.

I am not suggesting your daughter is doing any of that BUT I am suggesting that sometimes coaches and teammates see and know more than we realize. Then we end up in a scenario where parents and kids are blind sided ... I can't imagine this was an out of the blue decision to the coaches. If it was then you likely don't want to be there anyway. Just my 2 cents.

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

THAT BEING SAID - is your daughter 100% transparent with you? Do you watch practice? I ask that genuinely because at my daughter's gym I am aware of several girls who either (1) are not honest with their moms about the skills they are practicing (2) are under the impression they are progressing well or better than average (3) don't share with their moms that they are crying or getting frustrated or lashing out at teammates.

If this is the case, an individual meeting should have been called by the coaches ahead of a decision needing to be made so everyone was on the same page. Obviously we only have the OP's side of the story but it does sound like the communication could have been better from the gym to prevent the confusion/hurt.

 

[Dahlialover]

I’m curious, does the change to xcel mean different hours and different coaches or is it the same group and just competing different meets/sessions? Both things warrant a conversation/explanation but it is different depending on the extent of the change.

 

[AAAinNOLA]

If this is the case, an individual meeting should have been called by the coaches ahead of a decision needing to be made so everyone was on the same page. Obviously we only have the OP's side of the story but it does sound like the communication could have been better from the gym to prevent the confusion/hurt.

I believe communication between parents and coaches goes both ways. A parent can check in at any time, email at any time, watch practice, etc .... I know at our gym there are FAR more athletes than coaches. I agree that communication is key and we only know one side BUT ... a lot of times the parents who are most blindsided (by report cards, etc) also have missed context clues or opportunities to get the real details ahead of time. I see it all the time.

 

[Tiffany]

My dd competed L7 in JO last season, came 3rd even after an injury. All summer she worked and did not miss any practice except one week when we had a family vacation. She even asked to stay back and keep training. This is her passion. She was all-around champion last year. She is still working on two skills (have more consistency in them) and now was told to do Excel. She is devastated and I am at a loss for what to do. She is extremely serious and dedicated. We came to this gym to pursue JO since her other gym completely stepped away from USAG. What should ask coaches? Is this even fair?

Leave that gym immediately. Having a coach that believes in you and is willing to work with you is most important

 

[Aussie_coach]

Some coaches and gyms are intimidated by parents. Obviously, as adults, who are responsible for children, they need to move past this. But the coaches may be avoiding the conversation due to their own insecurities or fear of conflict.

While this is not good in the coaches part, ultimately what you need is to get a chance to converse with the coaches, so I would try to find a way to put them at ease while making the request.

Come across as non confrontational in your request. Let them know you are after a quick chat, to get some feedback and get an insight into how to best support your daughter as a gymnastics parent or something like that.

Most coaches deal with kids all day, for many hours a day. That is a very specific type of relationship. A lot of kid interaction, can make adult interaction more intimidating.

I’m definitely not trying to excuse the gym or the coaches for poor communication. Just looking for what may be the best way to get what you need.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

I’m not having my kid at a gym where they won’t talk to me. We’ve changed gyms 2x because I no longer liked what they had to offer/say. But I have always been able to talk. Summer hours are winding down at our current and last gym. So fall hours are being discussed along with levels. Emailed the coach Friday, said hey I need the car Monday so:the kid won’t be driving herself. can we chat for a bit after practice. Coach was like no problem see you Monday.

Some coaches and gyms are intimidated by parents. Obviously, as adults, who are responsible for children, they need to move past this. But the coaches may be avoiding the conversation due to their own insecurities or fear of conflict.……

Most coaches deal with kids all day, for many hours a day. That is a very specific type of relationship. A lot of kid interaction, can make adult interaction more intimidating

Sorry that is an excuse. And unacceptable

You can not go into coaching kids and not expect to talk to parents. That’s part of your job. Just like a teacher. It might not be the favorite part of your job. But it’s part of the job.

 

[Aussie_coach]

How old are the coaches?

Are they all adults?

 

[PeanutsMom]

She has been a top gymnast for years now in JO, even if she won't be able to get to L10, she wants to complete her career as JO, and not excel. It is her sincere desire /dream. She wants to be with her teammates. She likes the challenge of JO versus just having a "good time" or getting medals.

If she has been a top gymnast for years now and an AA champion and 3rd in at least one meet as you stated, then her skills should be consistent or at least up to level. I am sorry, but there are so many mixed messages here. Was the AA in a large meet, like an invitational, or your home gym intrasquad? Was the consistent scores in your area over 37?

 

[LarvaeRabbit]

I really understand your frustration and feel your pain. The gym my daughter is at is very much like this, and we are always left wondering if they're flying by the seat of their pants or if there's a method to their madness? So you have no idea if they need to work on something, if they're being punished, if its behavioral or personality fits, nothing at all. And like you, we don't have a USAG option (or even good Xcel option) that wouldn't be an even bigger time suck logistically. In our case we've come to the conclusion that trying to meet 1:1 with the coaches/ownership just leads to them being defensive and feeling like they're coaching or business acumen is being questioned. We've told our daughter to just approach every practice with her best effort, regardless of where she's assigned. But nobody likes to pour time and money into a black hole without having some honest sense of what the results might be. And of course this is all combined with my other post on another forum about, how long do you let this nonsense continue before you pull the plug and move on to something else in life?