Parents Distraught Daughter

[Gymmom82773]

My 11 year old daughter is just starting her level 9 meet season and is struggling . She had her first meet this past weekend and only scored a 29 AA. Her coach says she will be ok and just has to gain experience and will get better . There are 4 young 9s at our gym ( mine is the youngest , others are 12) they are so close . 2 are out injured and one told the girls yesterday she is quitting . My daughter has been crying non stop and now has to try to train alone with teenagers . Any advice to help her get through this difficult time would be appreciated . She doesn't want to go back to level 8 , she says she would rather stay a 9 even if she doesn't make states ...

 

[Jenny]

no advice but big hugs to your dd. That is a tough one for her. Can you organise some bonding time for her with her injured team mates away from the gym just to tide her over until they get back to full training. Make sure the coach knows how she feels.

 

[bookworm]

My 11 year old daughter is just starting her level 9 meet season and is struggling . She had her first meet this past weekend and only scored a 29 AA. Her coach says she will be ok and just has to gain experience and will get better .

She doesn't want to go back to level 8 , she says she would rather stay a 9 even if she doesn't make states...

Ok two things here...she is 11 and is "just starting her level 9 meet season" and is struggling....(1) 29 AA seems to be a bit more than struggling, and especially if , in her words, she sees not making states as a possibility. ..and (2) My concern as a parent would be , why is my daughter competing 9 when there are clearly issues with her performance? I think that the coach has been incredibly unfair to her by putting her in this position..."do you want to compete 9?" ...well what kid is going to turn it down? ...how was her level 8 season? If she didn't have a decent 8 season, and she's only 11, I don't see why they'd move her to 9 to "gain experience and get better" ...I personally would have her compete as an 8 , and continue to work her 9 skills, and when she's ready, move her to 9....

I've seen girls moved up to levels like this and do horribly all season long and not make states or regionals , and it's very demoralizing for the gymnast and makes for a very LONG season, with not much to look forward to...it's tough to be "that girl" (the one who never places at any meets and watches her teammates do well...) ...I've even seen girls in this position leave the sport after a season like you describe because they feel that they're just not good enough anymore...I'm not trying to be Debbie Downer but I would really take a good hard look at what's happening with your daughter, and if you truly feel she's not ready to do 9 successfully (and that doesn't have to be making Easterns/Westerns but states and regionals should be a reasonable goal for that level) , consider moving her back to 8 for her sake......

 

[Gymmom82773]

Thanks for your advice , the coach wants to see how she does at the next meet and then talk about it . She skipped level 7 , competed level 8 last year , she did well , didn't make regionals but was competitive all year . The coach tells me she is not above what she can do and she gained a lot of 9 skills over the summer and her philosophy is move them as young as you can before fear sets in , have them learn as many high level skills as possible . My daughter wants to make states of course so we will see . I don't want to see her burn out so level 8 might be better for her and for her mental state but I'm going to trust her coach and give it more time.

 

[luvmygymdtr]

I think, also, the fact her 3 other friends are 1) injured, 2) injured and 3) quitting should be a red flag to the coaches judgement. .

 

[Gymmom82773]

I probably should have clarified ...
1) one girl landed short on a double back and injured her foot , waiting for MRI results
2) second girl have Scheurmanns Syndrome in her back (sp?) and is out until she stops growing (18-24 months)
3) the girl that quit had to due to reoccurring concussions not related to gymnastics

I like the coach . I'm just trying to help her train without the girls she's been with since the beginning . They feed off each other in practice and in meets so it's hard now for her .. The older girls are wonderful with her but it's not the same
As far as levels , I think it's too early in the season to move her back . They only had 1 meet adm she was super nervous and had a couple mental mistakes. The coach said we have until deb to declare a level. If she goes to 8, she will be the only 8 at the gym.

 

[Gymmonkeymomma]

She can train higher level skills while still competing at a level (8?) where she is more comfortable and feeling confident.

My DD was the youngest in her group at old gym, she was 10 training L7/8 with 14-18 year olds and it really SUCKED.

 

[bogwoppit]

Gymnastics is one thing but the coach seems to be forgetting she is an 11 year old girl with feelings. Eleven is a magical age in the gym. Many, many changes and emotionally some girls are just falling apart. I am not sure that keeping her at L9 with an AA like that is of any benefit to her mentally.

I went through this with my youngest and in the end I basically told her coach that she was not ready for the level and needed to move down, She subsequently had a great season and was a lot happier.

 

[berrisweetness]

Honestly I don't think it's the skills/level that's the problem. I think it's the fact the others are out and she probably feels alone. You stated if she goes back to 8 she will be the only 8 which wi be worse. I agree with the coach give it time it's only the first meet. Keep us updated.

 

[Gymmom82773]

Thank you so much for all your comments ! No one understands the gymnastics world outside of it. Let me just say .. I always tell my daughter I am her #1 fan and support her no matter what , I don't care what level she is , her scores , etc ., but she does of course . Because she has moved up the levels so fast she has always kind of been towards the bottom of the level . I did say to her the other day "Do you want to go back to L8?" and she cringed when I said that. I think it might hurt her more mentally to move back than be on the low end of 9. She is the type of kid that wants to be challenged all the time. The next meet will be a big test for her, please keep her in your thoughts. It's in 2 weeks

 

[luvmygymdtr]

You sound like a really wonderful supportive mom

 

[MaryA]

I think it is really hard, once a kid starts thinking of themselves as a certain level, for them to go back. My DD was moved up to level 8 this year based on how she did at level 7 and not because she had her level 8 skills, and now she is struggling. But I'm sure she would say the same as your DD... that she would rather have a rough level 8 season (I would bet money, even though she has not even had a meet yet, that she will repeat 8 next year) than go back to 7, even if she still got to continue training her level 8 skills.

 

[EastCoastGymMom]

If she really wants to stay a Level 9, is it possible for her to skip some meets or scratch certain events she's not ready for yet? Scratching an event might be better than getting a 5/6/7 (not sure what her scores were at the first meet). Or keep training Level 9 until she is truly ready to compete?

 

[Gymmom82773]

Exactly ! I know my daughter will repeat level 9 next year and maybe the year after , she's only 11. It sounds like different gyms have different philosophies , with her gym it seems to pay off when the girls are older . ( 2 of the teenage level 9 girls went to nationals last year and placed high ) . My daughter is always in that young hard age group as well . The hardest jump has definitely been bars for her but she did her overshoot in the first meet which was an accomplishment !

 

[bookworm]

. Because she has moved up the levels so fast she has always kind of been towards the bottom of the level .

This statement would concern me...the coach moves her up the levels "so fast" only to "always be at the bottom of the level"? I'm frankly stunned that your daughter continues in the sport when it appears to have so little reward for her hard work, and it's no mystery to why she views her prospect of not making it to states as real...I know you say you like and trust her coaches, but I would really question their strategies if this is how it has always been...it's one thing to know that your mom is always in your corner ( and that's great) but to start yet another year knowing that you are likely to be at the bottom of the barrel has to be just depressing...I truly feel so bad for her...

 

[B&M's mom]

I was about to post a similar message but Bookwork beat me to it. I understand where you are coming from, I had a 11 year old L9 too. She trained primarily with teenagers from the time she hit optionals. She was isolated and didn't really enjoy the social aspect. Mine did well at the levels. She only got moved up when her skills were ready for that level and when I say ready, they had to be competitive, not just able to chuck it. She's never had fear issues and she's doing some really crazy things these days. (She's a second year L10 this year).

From reading between the lines, it sounds like she could have a good year at L8 while polishing her L9 skills for next year rather than being miserable for an entire year. That youngest age group is the most competitive and in L9 and L10 has the greatest age span. My daughter at that age was competing against 14 year olds who were repeating the level at some meets. Really tough competition. If she's going to be the only L9 in that age group or the only L8 then why not do the level that she can succed at and work on polishing her L9 skills for next year when hopefully some of her teammates come back?

We want our kids to succeed and have fun. Sometimes, we just have to step up and make the call for our kids when we know things aren't right. You titled your post "Distraught Daughter" so you know that things aren't good. The real question is what will make your daughter enjoy herself again rather than come out of a meet upset.

 

[bookworm]

She trained primarily with teenagers from the time she hit optionals. Mine did well at the levels. She only got moved up when her skills were ready for that level and when I say ready, they had to be competitive, not just able to chuck it.
.

As most of you here on CB know, my daughter was fast tracked through the levels to optionals, and once she got to optionals , she did well...placed well at L8 Regionals; made it to Easterns the year she was a 9; and to L10 JOs every year she was a 10....I think if a coach/gym is going to push someone through levels fast, it should be with the caveat that the kid is able to succeed and do well...I'm not saying they have to win everything but they should be able to be competitive, like B & M's mom says...having a kid do a certain level just to say they did and have them fail miserably, is just cruel...

 

[Gymmom82773]

I appreciate all the opinions an advice , I truly do . I wouldn't say she has "failed " yet , she had a tough first meet and she did place 2nd last year at a l8 sectional , scored average 34-35. Our gym is small with only 1 optional coach . I'm willing to see how her 2 nd level 9 meet goes and then I agree , some decisions need to be made . Very few gymnasts repeat levels at our gym , coach says she likes to move them through quick ( mine happens to be extra quick ) lol my daughter is not a natural born gymnast , more an excellent athlete ( was a high level soccer player a while ago ) she does better at the power events such as floor n vault thanks again !

 

[Gymdaddio]

Well back to your question. Advice on how to get her through this. I would tell her that if she really wants to be a Lvl 9, that there is a certain amount of maturity that is demanded. I would tell her that there is no time for "non stop crying." I would tell her to suck it up and then I'd give her a huge hug.

I know I'm a hard *** with a heart.

 

[Gymmom82773]

She is extremely tough and mature for 11 ( she has 2 older sisters who are also gymnast ) she was crying last night mainly because one of her best friends on the team quit , and I have been giving her tons of hugs I know this is a demanding level .. It will be a challenging year for her , hopefully the next meet will give her confidence . Thanks to all