Parents Do you let your child go with coach to big meets?

[Rapunzel]

No way! Far too many what ifs, what if he gets injured away from home without his family? As an aside from the safeguarding injury.
I'd say that you've seriously considered all the options and you're going.

 

[profmom]

Is your son good enough friends with any of the other regional qualifiers to stay with them? Regardless of all the concerns about misconduct (which I do take seriously), I just think that's a lot of pressure to be with a non-family authority figure 24-7 for the entire time he's out there. I don't know about your guy, but my guy works VERY hard to be on his best behavior when he is with his coach. He never lets his hair down, so to speak. That's fine for a practice, a meet, or even a very long couple of days of clinic, but he needs a little time to unwind and step off the stage, so to speak. Seriously, he would worry about whether his coach was critical of the way he brushes his teeth. For your guy, depending on his maturity and whether he has more trouble focusing with the fam around, I could see letting him go solo, but I think it is very important for him to have some down time when he's not expected -- or expecting himself -- to be on his absolute best behavior.

 

[kitkat]

Here in Canada (Ontario for sure) when your child makes a team - they travel with Team Ontario to events. My daughter has been on several (first one being age 10) and I too was a little frightened at first.
We also went to the meet to watch, we couldn't fly on the same flight or stay at the same hotel. I saw her at the meet and that was it. Once I got through the first one I was totally fine.
Since then she has been on several with Team Ontario or her Coaches themselves.
They do not room with a coach. They room with other gymnasts. I am pretty sure there are laws against that.
I have no problems in her going with the team or with her coaches as a team.
Good luck.

 

[skschlag]

Here in Canada (Ontario for sure) when your child makes a team - they travel with Team Ontario to events. My daughter has been on several (first one being age 10) and I too was a little frightened at first.
We also went to the meet to watch, we couldn't fly on the same flight or stay at the same hotel. I saw her at the meet and that was it. Once I got through the first one I was totally fine.
Since then she has been on several with Team Ontario or her Coaches themselves.
I have no problems in her going with the team or coaches.
Good luck.

But, is she alone with a coach? I am fine if the team is traveling with the coaches. That is a completely different scenario. This is one boy, one coach. To me, that is not ok.

 

[kitkat]

I just amended my post - as I didn't initially see that it was alone. I am sure there are laws here that don't allow that to happen. In all her trips she has made its always been part of a team. I would never nor would Gymnastics Ontario allow a child to room or go with a coach alone. If she was the only one - then I would travel with her.

But, is she alone with a coach? I am fine if the team is traveling with the coaches. That is a completely different scenario. This is one boy, one coach. To me, that is not ok.

 

[twinmomma]

Not only no but heck no. I don't care WHY the gym thinks it's ok. Nobody is going to tell me I can't attend my child's meet. Case in point - My son had a big game yesterday (baseball). It determined whether or not they went to the championship. Tough game, and my son has struggles with being intense and emotional. When it came down to it, he hit the walkoff winning run to send them to the championship. He came out of the dugout after and ran into my wife and my arms and cried he was so happy. Any coach or team or whatever that denies me the opportunity to be there for my kid like that no longer has my kid on the team.

To me, this is another in a line of gym requests that make me question what we are willing to allow in terms of how our kids get treated or handled all in the name of sending them to the elite level. They are still children. Bottom line.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

No adult coach should EVER be alone with a minor gymnast. Gender and age do not matter. This protects everyone from misconduct or reports of misconduct. That the gym would consider this would make me doubt their professional judgment - their liability would be huge. In fact, for all of the youth organizations we've been leaders in, the insurance company would have rules prohibiting this. Travel with a team would be fine. Alone? Never. And that is before consideration of whether I wanted to see the meet.

 

[Galadriel]

my dd went with another gymnast to a big training session with coach, and both roomed with coach in budget hotel.
2 gymnasts shared the double bed, coach on the pull out sofa. one was a teen and one approx 12 yo.
i was okay with this - (dd was the teen). no alarm bells rang and all were female if it makes a difference.
its a tough one to call. better with other gymnasts.
also - you wouldn't have posted if you weren't a little unsure...

 

[leotardmakermum]

I've been following this thread. It rings my alarm bells.

No minors one on one with a non-related adult. This protects not only the child from untoward behaviour, but also the adult from any whiff of scandal.

If the relationship that is fine now between the OP or the OP's son and the coach, were to break down in the future, the trip could be the basis for accusations and allegations. If allegations were to be made about this trip - even if they were untrue - the adult needs to be able to defend him/herself as well. The child needs to be protected AND the adult needs to be protected.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Really???? That's so funny because that would play a big part in my decision. If I had a teenage optional who was going to a big meet for possible scholarship exposure or meet prestige....well, that would make it much more valid to me than an 8 year old L4 going to some "big meet."

And if it was a teenage girl with a male coach...uh hell no. And any male coach stupid enough to put himself in that position wouldn't be teaching my kid anyway! But a heterosexual woman staying with a female gymnast doesn't bother me.

But I am still hung up on the coach requesting the parent to stay behind. That's what freakin'
my alarms.

is the suggestion here that a gay woman (or man for that matter) could be more dangerous? the gay community in gymnastics might not appreciate the suggestion. not judging what you stated...just clarifying.

red flags abound for me on this subject matter. my answer would be NO.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

my dd went with another gymnast to a big training session with coach, and both roomed with coach in budget hotel.
2 gymnasts shared the double bed, coach on the pull out sofa. one was a teen and one approx 12 yo.
i was okay with this - (dd was the teen). no alarm bells rang and all were female if it makes a difference.
its a tough one to call. better with other gymnasts.
also - you wouldn't have posted if you weren't a little unsure...

to follow my other post. yes, this seems to be more common. i should point out that there is only 1 woman on the banned list. she "liked" her team boys. and in the scenario above the coach may have been gay or straight.

after many years of experience on this subject matter, parents (at least 1) should travel with their kids to meets.

if that can't happen, my next choice would be to have my son/daughter travel and stay with the parent of another gymnast. if parents are not allowed to travel, that option would be off the table.

so, if my only option was the coaches? history has shown that it is more likely than not that females can be trusted. and our banned list says as much. but my answer would still be NO to parents not being allowed to travel.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

finally, i have been on trips when kids were injured. always best practice is to have the parent close by. it's logical for me.

 

[cbifoja]

is the suggestion here that a gay woman (or man for that matter) could be more dangerous? the gay community in gymnastics might not appreciate the suggestion. not judging what you stated...just clarifying.

red flags abound for me on this subject matter. my answer would be NO.

Not at all. I simply meant that a heterosexual woman wouldn't typically be sexually attracted to another female and likewise a heterosexual man wouldn't typically be sexually attracted to another male. So for my situation, I wasn't worried about my child's safety in that situation. In addition, I feel very confident that HC isn't a pedophile.

I also don't like it when people equate being gay as being a pedophile. I find it offensive when people take sexual orientation and use it as a reason to keep a gay person away from children. In my opinion, being gay just means you are attracted to the same gender as yourself. It does NOT mean that you are attracted to children. A lot of times, people want to blur that distinction.

I don't think that men are more inherently prone to sexual predation nor do I think that the majority of gay people are sexual predators.

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

finally, i have been on trips when kids were injured. always best practice is to have the parent close by. it's logical for me.

At what age/level would girls typically start travelling to compete on their own? Like kitkat said in an earlier post, girls here travel to represent Ontario from age 9 at the PreNovice Aspire level.

They travel with team coaches and managers and room with other athletes.

We chose to go watch, but we travelled on our own and stayed in a hotel (the athletes stayed in University dorms).

 

[skschlag]

My son has travelled with the team to a meet. That was fine. We all signed medical power of attorney to the coach, etc. He had a blast. We took another teammate to a travel meet last year, and did the same (medical poa) should it be needed.

I would not let him travel 1:1 with a coach.

 

[oplei]

I think that in today's climate any adult who is willing to put themselves in a one on one situation with a minor has not fully thought the matter through. There are too many risks and chances for accusations for both the gymnast and the coach. The initial post is "do I trust the coach?" but the post for the coach is, "do I trust the parents?" It is sad that we live in a culture where interactions require a third party but that's the way it is.
I think that it is interesting that some posters think that unethical/unprofessional (or quite frankly criminals) can be spotted easily. I disagree, some people male/female/young/old/rich/poor can be extremely successful people and still be successful in their criminal activity. I would always encourage caution. I truly believe that the good people in this world outnumber the bad but that doesn't mean you shouldn't be vigilant.

 

[Anna's_Mom]

Traveling the team (without parents) or even two or three gymnasts and a coach doesn't seem any different than sending a child to summer camp, and I started sending my kids at 8. You sign the "you can authorize medical attention for my kid" page and off they go. I'm sure the risk of injury was greater for my son on an outdoor adventure rock climbing trip last summer than my daughter at a gymnastics meet! Of course, due diligence on number of adults, emergency plans, background checks etc. is prudent.

It's only the one-on-one situation that I would absolutely never allow. And frankly, no gym or coach should allow either. For me, that would show such a lack of common sense and awareness of best practices in working with minors that it would trigger an immediate search for a new gym!

It's not a matter of trust -- I would assume we all trust the coaches since we send our kids to them for training. But not allowing one-on-one in a private setting protects everyone. Even if nothing awful happens, someone else could make an accusation, against either the gymnast or the coach, to cause trouble and then there is no defense for anyone.

 

[twinmomma]

A guy I went to high school with is in jail for messing with girls on the swim team he coached and it occurred at the pool locker room with teammates around. Sending them away with coaches? No way in you-know-where. Sorry, I've seen bad things happen and my job is to protect my kid.

 

[auswi]

A guy I went to high school with is in jail for messing with girls on the swim team he coached and it occurred at the pool locker room with teammates around. Sending them away with coaches? No way in you-know-where. Sorry, I've seen bad things happen and my job is to protect my kid.

Absolutely- I have too and sadly after an incident happens and everyone is horrified the child is irrevocably damaged. As I previously posted, the coach/gym in question is naive at best. Most clubs find it good business wise to have a member off to a big meet at a higher level- the implication is that the club coached the kid to that standard so other parents should be confident in enrolling their child at the club- so it might be worthwhile quietly approaching the HC / gym owner to see if they can offer another solution?

 

[wandrewsjr]

This just occurred to my, but are you sure that parent viewing is even allowed at the "meet" we are talking about? Parent viewing is not allowed at National TOPS testing, and it seems likely the meet we are talking about might be National Future Stars testing? I don't know enough about the boys program to know how this event is run.

For National TOPS testing, it is common for coaches to travel with their gymnasts, then the girls stay together in cabins at the ranch while the coaches room together. I don't know if the Men's National training center has this set up, though. As others have suggested, maybe your son and coach could connect with another team and the boys share a room and the coaches share a room.