Parents Gym coach gets 20 yrs.

[munchkin3]

I think my creep-o-meter works ok......it has been set of a time or two with respect to my kids.

i trust my kids coaches 100%.

I worry more about school!!!! More kids, less parents more teachers in power positions!

but now I have crossed over to freakishly overprotective mom, and I am not going there.....

i will stay regular overprotective mom and educate my kids....even my 8 yo, and tell them that their creep-o-meter works well too!

 

[Deleted member D3987]

It can happen anywhere, anytime.....these sick people look for certain traits in kids.....

this guys was really bad. I know people who were around during the whole beiger thing and the worst part, is that the brainwashed people and kids really bought into him being the best guy in the world!
that is sooooooooooo terrible!
imagine something like this happens, and nobody from your 'family' believes you????

What I want to know is how he kept getting hired??? Doesn't everyone do a background check?

Apparently he has another case pending and if he gets charged, he will be in for life.

Here is the article....

Sun Sentinel

i'm not at liberty to disclose how this happened, suffice, pond scum like him are very good at being deceptive. and he was very, very good. doesn't matter now, but some new tools will catch the next guy.

 

[Chalky]

Thank you. That was the strongest feeling I have ever had about anyone and it left a lasting impression.

Have you read the book about this? I think the title is "The Gift of Fear". Very interesting and a great read, esp for parents, and young women.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

just my two penneth worth - we had a problem with the head of my old primary school. He was eventually caught and put away but not until years later. His main interest laid with little boys but some little girls suffered too. All his victims were fragile, he preyed on children who's parents had divorced and were having a tough time or who had special needs, or who were very introverted.

My sister and I had none of those problems with him but he didn't like us as we spoke up against anything we didn't like ( I once walked out of school at the age of 8 and walked home when he stood me on a chair and chastised me in front of the class because I was sick in the dining room - milk allergy ).

I have brought my children up to stand up for themselves - its the best protection I can think of. I tell them if anyone asks you to do something you are uncomfortable doing you say "No" and you tell mummy or daddy - you never have to do anything that makes you feel bad.

Hopefully if we can arm our children well enough these predators will not find any prey.

 

[happychaos]

I just wanted to comment on the "I trust my kids coaches 100%". A few people have said it on this thread, and I've heard it other places. The lesson to be learned from these stories is DO NOT trust your kids coaches 100%. Or their teachers, or their friends dad's, or a piano teacher, whatever. Make the decision now to NEVER allow your child to be alone with a male adult, except close family members. I am very, very confident that my DD's coaches are not child molesters. If I thought there was even a remote chance they were, she obviously wouldn't be training there. But folks, the victims of these predators had parents "who trusted the coach 100%". They probably had the same great feelings about their kids coach that you have about your kids coach. Listening to instincts is important, but remember that child predators are often well-liked, respected members of a community. Personally, I have decided that I will trust no one 100% with my child, except a few close family members and longtime friends. This means that I don't evaluate each new adult (coach, teacher, church group leader, whatever) to decide whether I will trust them or not. I have already decided that I will NOT trust them alone with my DD, even if I do get a warm fuzzy feeling when I am with them.

 

[munchkin3]

Trust 100% to coach yes......beyond that no.
i trust that they know to never get to close and personal with any kids, or their families even.

coach, in the gym, at meets, period.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I just wanted to comment on the "I trust my kids coaches 100%". A few people have said it on this thread, and I've heard it other places. The lesson to be learned from these stories is DO NOT trust your kids coaches 100%. Or their teachers, or their friends dad's, or a piano teacher, whatever. Make the decision now to NEVER allow your child to be alone with a male adult, except close family members. I am very, very confident that my DD's coaches are not child molesters. If I thought there was even a remote chance they were, she obviously wouldn't be training there. But folks, the victims of these predators had parents "who trusted the coach 100%". They probably had the same great feelings about their kids coach that you have about your kids coach. Listening to instincts is important, but remember that child predators are often well-liked, respected members of a community. Personally, I have decided that I will trust no one 100% with my child, except a few close family members and longtime friends. This means that I don't evaluate each new adult (coach, teacher, church group leader, whatever) to decide whether I will trust them or not. I have already decided that I will NOT trust them alone with my DD, even if I do get a warm fuzzy feeling when I am with them.

now why would you state that when the professionals say that close family members and close friends may be the first to strike? coaches and teachers are a distant 3rd on this one.

 

[happychaos]

now why would you state that when the professionals say that close family members and close friends may be the first to strike? coaches and teachers are a distant 3rd on this one.

As for psychology professionals, that was me before I retired to be a mom, so thanks for putting great stock in what we say Well, I will leave my DD alone with her father, her grandfathers, her uncle, and a male friend and his wife who are her guardian if my husband and I die. She has valuable and important relationships with these men. Positive male role models are essential for young girls, in many ways. Studies have shown that girls without these relationships are at a higher risk of all sorts of unhealthy behaviors, including earlier sexual behavior, higher likelihood to be in an abusive relationship, and increased drug and alcohol use when compared to peers. My DD would be missing out greatly if I were to keep her at arms length from these men. She is sacrificing nothing by placing boundaries on ALL other men. There is simply nothing to be gained, and too much to be risked by saying "I trust coach 100%". Does this make sense now?

As for family being the first to abuse....kinda true. We always told people "mommy's boyfriend is the most dangerous man in the world".

 

[profmom]

And while this has been implicit throughout, don't assume that your boys aren't at risk. They also need to be taught to establish boundaries and recognize when someone -- a relative, friend, coach, teacher, etc. -- is trying to push on them. And don't underestimate how clever and manipulative some of these people can be.

 

[txgymfan]

Please remind your children not to accept uncomfortable touch from anyone at any age. A friend had a boy in her prek class that liked to touch class mates.

 

[aussiebug]

I just hate that this is something that we should have to worry about. It's hard enough to protect our children from bullies, cuts and scrapes etc.

It's awful that these type of people exist, let alone coach/teach.

Sent from my GT-I9300 using ChalkBucket mobile app

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

And while this has been implicit throughout, don't assume that your boys aren't at risk. They also need to be taught to establish boundaries and recognize when someone -- a relative, friend, coach, teacher, etc. -- is trying to push on them. And don't underestimate how clever and manipulative some of these people can be.

I think we also need to reinforce that healthy boundaries need to be established between both genders of coaches and both genders of athletes.

I like to think that because all my dds coaches are female that she is safe, but she still needs to be taught and reassured that if anything feels "not right" that she can say stop and tell us or any other trusted adult.

 

[happychaos]

now why would you state that when the professionals say that close family members and close friends may be the first to strike? coaches and teachers are a distant 3rd on this one.

Dunno, have you ever heard someone say that one is most likely to be in a car crash within 2 miles of home? Why do you think that is? Are the roads closest to home just more dangerous? Of course not. You are most likely to crash on the roads closest to home because you drive on those roads most frequently. To some extent, it's the same with child predators. They abuse family members because that is who they have access too. Your comment is bothersome because it sounds like you're telling parents that they should worry more about leaving their kid alone with uncle Al than with coach Dave. Uncle Al is not more likely to abuse little Susie than coach Dave EXCEPT for the fact that uncle AL is more likely to have unfettered access to Susie. So while you may be technically correct in saying that "close family members or close friends may be the first to strike", a much more appropriate statement would be something like: Most victims know and trust their abuser. And yes, unfortunately this includes coaches.

 

[Seeker]

...but she still needs to be taught and reassured that if anything feels "not right" that she can say stop and tell us or any other trusted adult.

This is very important to discuss with your kids. I went to Child Abuse Prevention training about 2 years ago and one of the things they said was that a lot of younger kids that had been abused said they didn't tell because they didn't think their parents would believe them. I talked to my DD about it (she was 7 at the time) and she did say that she thought I'd believe her teacher over her. So, we talked about those "gut feelings" and what she should do if she ever feels uncomfortable or unsafe. I also told her that I trusted her and I would always believe her. It is important to explicitly state that to your kids, because even though it is obvious to us that if they told us something like that, we would believe them, it isn't always obvious to all kids. We tell them to behave, listen to your teacher, listen to your coach, etc., so it makes sense why they might feel that way.

This was around the time of the Sandusky case, so I was definitely on 'high-alert', but I think that teaching our kids to trust in themselves and their instinct is important. It's also good to talk about what they should do if they find themselves with someone uncomfortable. I mostly worry about her being at a friends and a creepy uncle or cousin is around or on a field trip or something with chaperones that I don't know. She doesn't do many (hardly any) sleepovers and if she does, I make sure that I know the family well. Mostly, she/we prefer play dates to sleepovers and group activities so there isn't a lot of time where she is with someone and I'm not there. And she is never, ever alone 1-on-1 with an adult except me and very rarely my sister. As she gets older, I know that will change, but I hope that I've given her the tools to keep herself safe. You never know what will happen though or what they will encounter, but parental diligence and a lot of open conversation with your kids goes a long way. I hope. ray: ray: ray:

 

[profmom]

We should also keep in mind that the reported stats are just the tip of the iceberg. And in general, crimes committed by non-family members are more likely to be revealed by the victims, believed by adult caretakers, reported to the authorities, and criminally charged and prosecuted by the authorities with full family support. Even so, if I've got the statistics right, your child is more likely to be injured in a car ride on the way to or from gymnastics practice than to suffer this kind of crime (there or elsewhere).

 

[dani4]

Not going to beat this issue to death, but I have one more important point that I didn't see made. In addition to teaching our kids to stand up for themselves, in order to prevent abuse we have to listen to our children- not just when they are making accusations, but regularly. Listen to them and validate their feelings, so they know we are safe places for them to share. If we tell them that they don't really feel the way they say they are feeling on a regular basis ("oh, it's not that bad, you'll be ok!") then when it comes to the big stuff they won't expect us to be their allies and they just won't bother to share.

I also want to second the recommendation for Gavin de Becker's books- The Gift of Fear, and Protecting the Gift, which is about how to keep our kids safe from abuse and violence. He is spot on the money and talks about how to listen to that inner voice that tells you something is not quite right with someone, and what to do about it.

I have some personal experience with this, as I was molested by a trusted family member when I was a young teenager- my cousin's husband, who was a very smart, fun, and good looking guy from a wealthy family. I stayed with them for a summer to attend a summer program and help with their baby. Luckily I reported what happened pretty quickly so it didn't get too far, and I left their home. And for me the worst part of the experience was that afterward my family acted like nothing ever happened, and this guy was still welcomed as a guest in my parents' home (for family dinners and stuff). I'm still angry about it. He and my cousin later divorced and my cousin apologized to me (she didn't believe me at the time), but I can never regain the faith I lost in my family during my teen years.