Parents Is it normal...

[sportsmommy]

My dd has been in gymnastics for about 5 years, on team now for 3. I still dont know what is normal for the sport. I have several things that has happened over the years that just doesnt seem right but because i am not a coach, gym owner, or a gymnast i question it. (Which is why i love the forum)

This time the problem doesnt have anything to do with me but it bothers me. i know it is none of business butI would like to know if its normal.

A gymnast at my dds gym was feeling overwhelmed at gym and wanted to quit. The girls mom never thought she really wanted to quit but she let the girl quit. She spoke with the gym owner. The owner said she would be welcome back anytime. The girl continued to have some private lessions and go to some rec classes to keep her skills and in shape. 5 or 6 weeks have gone by and now the girl wanted to come back. She has been told that since she has been gone for so long that she would have to start back on training team and then after this spring when the new season begins she will be evaluated and see if she is ready to come back. Is it normal after a six week break to have to start that far back? She was going to be competing level 6 this upcoming season. She has been with the gym since tiny tots i think.

 

[JBS]

Yes...at our gym you must wait until next season if you quit for any amount of time.

 

[gymgal]

six weeks may not seem like long but in the world of gymnastics, it's huge, especially as you get up in the levels. The little bit of rec classes she has been doing will not have kept up her conditioning and flexibility, not to mention timing and precision of her skills. I am assuming that meet season is right around the corner. It would not be far to put this girl in a position where she was not ready to give it her best. Both mentally and physically. As the parent, I would want my dd to be sure she really wants to continue. Having her be on the training team without the stress of competition for a season might be the perfect way to keep her in gymnastics.

 

[bogwoppit]

It depends on the gym, some are stricter than others.

 

[sportsmom22]

My dd attends a very laid back, but fairly competitive (in the lower levels) gym. She quit for 5 months and when she was ready to go back I had her talk to the head coach/gym owner. He talked to her about her committment before welcoming her back to the level 4 team. She competed level 4 that year and for a 3rd year too. I'm guessing that if she had not quit, they would have moved her up. I really think it depends on the gym. My dd did take a 1hr tumbling class during this time, so she didn't completely leave the gym. I will add that the only 2 skills that she lost were her splits and her vault, neither of which were strong during that first season.

 

[iwannacoach]

Some team parents would question the logic I'm going to lay out for you because they believe they are consumers paying fair market value for a service. I agree with that position to the extent that parents pay for their child to be on a team for the purpose of training towards the upcoming competition season.

I part company with that statement when children contradict my narrow definition of "training towards the upcoming season" by leaving the program for an extended period of time under the label of quitting. Serious concerns are raised when when anybody quits anything......people who remain wonder what the motive for quitting was, and in any group setting there's often rumor and speculation by many members of the extended group. Not saying the child who leaves has forced a rumor on the gym, just that's what happens to the coaches and gym owners when a kid walks out in the middle of a training cycle, and you can't expect them to invite a repeat perfomance from the returning child. Certainly no child should be held hostage and expected to train, but the same can be said about club owners and coaches.

When the child returns 6 weeks later the coaches are left to wonder whether and when is the next shoe is going to drop. So who cares? I think some programs and coaches don't care. These are the programs that offer a service that completely reflects the team fees they receive, and most of you don't want your children in that sort of program, because in general, there are fewer hours offered, and less capable, less motivated coaches. At a good goal and work oriented club you receive more hours for your money with experienced professional coaches. The bargain price comes with the assumption that the child will commit to a full training cycle during which they will pay team fees, serve as a dedicated partner with the coaching staff, and grow as both a person and a gymnast. Since that is most quality gym clubs' mission, and they can only put so many kids on the team at one time, they are bound to hesitate with a full return of priveleges until the child proves to be 100% commited by "sucking it up" in a team prep group..............

Six weeks at the best part of the training cycle can see kids going from good, consistent back handsprings on beam, to an easily attempted, sometimes stuck bhs series.......it really does make a difference.

 

[JBS]

It depends on the gym, some are stricter than others.

Yes...much of it depends on timing during the year also. If it is still 7 or 9 months from meets...we may put the gymnast right back in...but in order to come back they would have to pay all tuition from the months that they were gone.

 

[sportsmommy]

I wouldnt expect some one who had been gone from gym to compete if they werent ready. I wouldnt think that going back to training team for a year would help them get back where they need to be. At our gym, training team trains for level 3 for 3 hours a week.

I suppose why it bothers me so much, is that we are a small gym. We have always said we were a family not a team. We all watched this young, talented gymnast struggle with her decision. She loves the sport but she was having some issues with her confidence and her mother thought that stepping away for awhile would help. Even though she said she was quitting the coaches and owner all knew she would be back. And was told that when ever she was ready she would be welcomed back.

 

[iwannacoach]

I don't think it's only a matter of slipping back into the old group and waiting until ready to compete. This child having issues are her own, and by quitting rather than working through them, she's demonstrated a tendency to run away in the face of fear, and iif given her spot back will likely do the same when the next obstacle pops up and her mother feels she needs to step back.

This sport is fairly easy to understand. It requires accepting long term challenges in exchange for long term rewards, and in that sense it reflect life and prepares our children to live in the world around them. I feel sorry for this child, possibly more than you, but not because she's been relegated to a training team, but because her mother passed on a learning opportunity for both her and her dd, and as a result her dd is learning a few unsavory lessons about life.

I'm truely sorry she's going through it now, and she's probably the most sincere, well meaning child I could ever hope to meet, they all are, but restoring full team privelege will only reinforce a notion that leads to continued struggles, a notion that I hasard a guess you would not apply in your work place when faced with a challenge to solve a problem.

 

[bookworm]

A gymnast at my dds gym was feeling overwhelmed at gym and wanted to quit. The girls mom never thought she really wanted to quit but she let the girl quit. She spoke with the gym owner. The owner said she would be welcome back anytime. The girl continued to have some private lessions and go to some rec classes to keep her skills and in shape. 5 or 6 weeks have gone by and now the girl wanted to come back. She has been told that since she has been gone for so long that she would have to start back on training team and then after this spring when the new season begins she will be evaluated and see if she is ready to come back. Is it normal after a six week break to have to start that far back? She was going to be competing level 6 this upcoming season. She has been with the gym since tiny tots i think.

I guess what bothers me about this is the girl is Level 6 , mother discussed it with the gym owner who said she'd "be welcome back anytime" , comes back in a little over a month (while still doing privates when gone) and gets put back to "training level"? Unless her skills have taken a serious nose dive, this seems like a huge disservice to the child. I've read all the "ooh, she walked away this time, what will she do next time" comments (and how do you know there WILL be a next time...almost like you've pegged her as a loser) but something about this whole scenario just doesn't add up to me...it would have been kinder if the gym owner had said to the mom "once she quits , don't bother coming back because her place on the team will be gone"...

 

[iwannacoach]

Simply put, this child is not a loser, and please don't put those words in my mouth. I feel that the parent in this situation let the child down by showing her it's better to avoid a problem than it is to work through it. That is what happened, isn't it. So you may choose to call it as you see it, but I think the problem is one of choosing avoidance, and that choice is affirmed as a viable option when the child is allowed to return to her group as if nothing happened. Please explain to me how that process is going to build the confidence she was lacking when she quit the team.

Supposedly this gym team is one big happy family, coaches included. Why didn't the parent in this situation have confidence in her own dd's ability and the coaches to work through the problem together. If you ask me, the child is suffering more from moms lack of confidence in her own child, and I feel that's a terrible loss for the child.

Stepping back with mom's support, as described by the op, sends a message to dd that she's incapable of affecting her environment and of enlisting the aid of others that are there to support her.

So while you attempt to have me place a label on her as a loser, you are ignoring the obvious possibility that she is a victim at the hands of her mother who failed to support the "family" in favor of taking the easy way out. Did she mean to send the message I claim she sent, of course not. Did she think she was doing the right thing at the time, possibly. Did the coach blow it by saying she'd be welcomed back with out specifying which group she'd be put in, you betcha. But none of those admissions change my opinion that it is wrong to quit and expect a full return, because it still sends the message that avoiding problems that are staring you down is the way to get what you want and have earned through hard work.

 

[gymgal]

Something more has to be going on that the OP is not aware about. This just doesn't sound right. Perhaps the coaches have seen something in this girl that makes them think she really needs to step away from competition for a year. The mother really needs to sit down with the coaches again and get the full story.

 

[sportsmom22]

I do want to add that when my dd took her 5 month break (I thought she was quitting forever, little did I know), she did so at the end of the competition season. She came back to the gym 2 months before competition season began. I am extremely thankful that the owner allowed her to come back to the team. She LOVES gymnastics like never before. Yes, I let her quit, but made her finish the year. Yes, I let her go back after many nights of crying that she missed gymnastics. She was young and needed a break. Sometimes that is all it takes. We never had anyone at the gym wondering why she left. She often watched the team practice and always had hugs for her team coaches and team mates. This summer she has been out with a broken arm--we tried to let her condition, but it was simply too hard for her to remember that her arm was in a cast. This was a break that we both wished she didn't have, but again she is ready to be back.

 

[mado4]

WOW, I could not disagree more with iwanacoach ! There is a point in gymnastics where you ask yourself if all THIS is worth it. There is a point if there is maybe something in life you are missing out because you spend so many hours in the gym.

And in my opinion the mom did the best she could do ! Let her child make the decision. After this break the girl will probably work harder because gymnastics is worth it !

Think about it why does a little girl join gymnastics in the first place..because her parents want it. There are times when the kids say: I don't wanna go today but we still send them ! There are times when the little girls get older and need to make their own decisions and learn consequences . And she did ! As a mom I would be really proud of her ! You fight in gymnastics every practice . Why can't I do that, why can the other teammate do this skill but I struggle with it …quitting gymnastics is NOT about failing….it is not about failing as a mom because you did't PUSH your kid hard enough ! Kids definatedly need to learn that there are hard times in gymnastics and you have to work hard to go through it ! But a lot of times gymnastics is not the childs dream it is the parents dream. It would be interesting to know how old the child is we are talking about ….

This is written by a former gymnast , a coach and a mother of 2 gymnasts !


For your concern why she is put after 5 months in a training team: in gymnastics 5 weeks are a LONG time. You need to check all the skills again, she needs to gain strength, flexibility and especially get the confidence back in herself. I am sure that after a couple weeks of training there she will be put back in the team !!!

 

[iwannacoach]

She loves the sport but she was having some issues with her confidence and her mother thought that stepping away for awhile would help.

Certainly no child should be held hostage and expected to train, but the same can be said about club owners and coaches.

At a good goal and work oriented club you receive more hours for your money with experienced professional coaches. The bargain price comes with the assumption that the child will commit to a full training cycle during which they will pay team fees, serve as a dedicated partner with the coaching staff, and grow as both a person and a gymnast.

Six weeks at the best part of the training cycle can see kids going from good, consistent back handsprings on beam, to an easily attempted, sometimes stuck bhs series.......it really does make a difference.

WOW, I could not disagree more with iwanacoach !

This is written by a former gymnast , a coach and a mother of 2 gymnasts !

in gymnastics 5 weeks are a LONG time. You need to check all the skills again, she needs to gain strength, flexibility and especiallyget the confidence back in herself. I am sure that after a couple weeks of training there she will be put back in the team !!!

I'm wondering if you read through the entire thread......This child quit because she was having confidence problems. I've always been of the belief that you build confidence by working through an issue and resolving it. How is this child going to build confidence after quitting and then returning to a group of children that has progressed in her absence, and raised the confidence bar even higher. That may cater to her need to feel wanted and included in the group, but it does not address her core issue of confidence. Assuming there were no medical reasons for her confidence problems, the best opportunity for her to build confidence was lost when she quit.

I am also a former gymnast, coach, and a parent to three non-gymnasts. Each of my kids have tried the sport and decided it was not for them. All it took for them to "quit" was to stop caring to go. It just wasn't their thing.......Jeez, even I quit before using all my college eligibility, and I'm proud of the choice I made. I quit because I was worn out, had just finished a year where I wasn't enjoying what I was doing, and had an opportunity to start a coaching career.

You say "there are times when the little girls get older and need to make their own decisions and learn consequences. And she did!" So where in the scenario of an "instant return" to the level 6 group is the consequence for this child to learn from.

I don't care one way or the other if this child chooses to quit, and I would never refuse to take a child back who quit because they had lost, and then regained their love for the sport, but I would require they "pay their dues" upon returning to prove they were genuine with their choice to return.

As far as pushing goes.....You've gotten the wrong impression if you think I want this kids mother to "push" her daughter. I want her to ask questions when her daughter says she wants to quit, so she can discover with her dd what the problem is, and make sure with her child that quitting is the right choice after looking at all the options. It just feels to me that this was not done, and too much emphasis was placed on letting a child, inexperienced in life, choose for herself before exhausting all constructive options, with quitting as the last and final constructive option, as I too feel that children need to learn when to move on when the opportunity genuinely presents itself.

 

[sportsmommy]

The little girl leaving was a last resort. It wasnt a " my daughter wants to quit, so she is". It wasnt a decision she took lightly. Sometimes a person needs to step back and reflect on what you really want, whether you are an adult or a 10 year old little girl.

Also, there are other ways to pay her dues besides placing her on training team. I would think placing her on a training team will not prepare her the level she would be competing. There is big difference between our gyms training team and team. Our training team is learning pullovers and round offs. Other than teaching her a lesson, or paying her dues, or however you want to put it what else would she gain?

Might I add again she was a long term member of the gym. Before this started in back in april she never missed practice, went tp every clinic, and did privates when she struggled with a skill. She was not flighty and wanted to quit at every hard ship. Over the years she has faced many challenges and over came them.

 

[gymgal]

There is big difference between our gyms training team and team. Our training team is learning pullovers and round offs. Other than teaching her a lesson, or paying her dues, or however you want to put it what else would she gain?
.

The confidence that she was lacking when she left. And it will take the stress off her to try to catch up with her team. My guess is that the coaches are not looking for her to go back to that team. I wouldn't be surprised if they place her back on the 5 team to give her a year of confidence and great competition season. But that's only my guess, which is why the mother should be talking with the coaches to get a better feel on he plan.

 

[bookworm]

The little girl leaving was a last resort. It wasnt a " my daughter wants to quit, so she is". It wasnt a decision she took lightly. Sometimes a person needs to step back and reflect on what you really want, whether you are an adult or a 10 year old little girl.

Also, there are other ways to pay her dues besides placing her on training team. I would think placing her on a training team will not prepare her the level she would be competing. There is big difference between our gyms training team and team. Our training team is learning pullovers and round offs. Other than teaching her a lesson, or paying her dues, or however you want to put it what else would she gain?

Might I add again she was a long term member of the gym. Before this started in back in april she never missed practice, went tp every clinic, and did privates when she struggled with a skill. She was not flighty and wanted to quit at every hard ship. Over the years she has faced many challenges and over came them.

This! I couldn't imagine even returning her to this gym under these terms, especially if we had been there a long time and had worked through struggles with the staff in the past ...and this was how they responded..."you're welcome back anytime" but neglect to tell them it's for the training group!

 

[lhmom]

I'd say that this mom needs to sit down and discuss this with the coaches since the training team at your gym sounds alot like the pre-team at my daughter's gym. If this girl was training level 6, doesn't make seem to make sense for her to start back at a very limited (3 hours v. I'm guessing a 16+ hour) schedule. It would take alot longer to gain her skills back if she's only training for 3 hours a week. It seems to make more sense to just say that she trains with the team but not compete this season. It sounds like there is more to the story and I hope that the mom can get some answers.