Parents Last Meet before States....still struggling with Vault Fears

[lovofu]

agreed......she was over 9.5 on every event and 8.8 on vault and scared to death....I don't care what her score is on vault so long as she feels less anxious about it.

 

[lovofu]

she can't really say except that she's afraid to get yelled at because she's not good at vault...so I think the fear is fear of punishment if that makes sense.

 

[mariposa]

Sorry she is having fear issues with vault. She is a beautiful little gymnast. My honest advice is that after States (though if it were me, I would pull my daughter immediately and go to States with another gym), you need to find another gym for her ASAP. If the coach has this attitude now, with a VERY young child, I can't imagine the way they treat everyone else. RUN from this gym. Sophia is obviously a very hardworking gymnast and ANY gym would be happy to have to her on their team. This type of coaching is what will burn the love for gym right out of a kid. Poor Sophia.

 

[lovofu]

@mariposa I agree and that's how I feel too but Sophia loves her friends and little team and I"m praying that we'll all get through it.....I also will NOT leave the gym one minute of these two weeks so I can monitor practice...hate to do that but I think it's necessary.

 

[lovofu]

I'm also afraid every gym will be the same...I've heard such stories other places. I never wanted to be a gym hopping family

 

[Megley]

You know, there is an awesome little piece on the Couch Gymnast that Nica Hults' mom submitted after a meet earlier this year where she fell twice on bars. It really hit home for me and made me realize how counterproductive negative coaching can be. Here's part of it:

"The absence of the coaches throwing their famous fits and having seizures every time their gymnasts fall (as Lauren had pointed out in her article) does make a huge difference in the athlete’s mentality. Nica didn’t get any of that abusive mental game from Coach Chris Burdette after the two falls on her bars routine. Instead, he sat her down and walked her through her corrections. He also continued to inspire her by detailing out his game plan on where he plans to take Nica’s bar routine by the end of the season and giving her an idea of what her difficulty score might be as soon as certain skills they are working on are polished and included in her routine. So rather than being beaten down and feeling like a failure, Nica was excited to go back to the gym and work harder to get to the goals her coaches had set out for her by the end of the season.

Nica shared that this is the first time she has felt calm during a meet. I asked if it was because she was only competing two events. She was quick to point out that she still felt nervous even when scratching other events in the past. After some pause, she realized that her training at Texas Dreams has made her feel more prepared. She added that not having to anticipate any rants and yelling from the coaches has also helped her control her nerves."

I really feel like she has hit the nail on the head about positive coaching. The gymnasts are not as nervous because they are not afraid of being yelled at; hence, they perform better. They are excited to get back in the gym and fix the issues. It's genius!

 

[lovofu]

Oh if I can find that for Sophia I will be thrilled.

 

[mariposa]

Every gym is NOT the same. Though I guess it depends on your area though. I feel extremely lucky that my daughter is at a gym with positive coaching. I have seen girls with fear issues on DDs L4/L5 team and coaches have dealt with it very well, no belittling, no cruelty. My DD has had vault issues/fears all season, but her coach has worked with her and been VERY positive the whole time. She has broken down at meets over vault, but coach was still positive. And even though Sophia may want to stay, she is only 7/8, not old enough to decide what is good for her mental/emotional health. I wouldn't be leaving practice either and I would pull her if she is put on vault by herself again, that is abusive and cruel.

And I am not meaning to sound like I wouldn't care about my child's feelings towards her teammates and gym, but I have a ZERO tolerance policy for coaches that treat kids cruelly. It is a huge issue to me and I get very sad when I hear stories like this. I can't imagine letting ANYONE, much less someone I am PAYING, to treat my kid this way. If a teacher did this, we would be outraged and pull our kids from the classroom, but I see parents let coaches do it all the time. I just do not understand it. Love of gym or not, my kid would do NO gym rather than be treated bad by a coach.

Good luck to Sophia at States. Tell her that her fears are very common. I think her vault is really nice and hope that she can find a coach that will work with her through her vault issues, not punish her for them.

 

[lovofu]

I agree totally and I got the owner involved last week.....so we'll see what this week brings....

 

[gymjoy]

Megley, that's interesting. I watched Nica's old coaches go at one of her old team-mates after falling on bars this weekend. The poor girl, who is an awesome gymnast usually, went on to have a pretty bad time on the rest of her events. She didn't stay for awards either. My dh kept commenting on how sad the girl looked. Especially compared to my dd who had had a very bad week, was not competing her full routines on 3 out of 4 event because of her mental state (anxiety and fear - of failure mostly) My dd's coaches were encouraging and proud of what dd did, that she faced her fears. They will start rebuilding her confidence this week.

There are good coaches out there. One's who care about the whole gymnast. Who want confident, happy, successful gymnast. There are coaches who do not use fear and intimidation as their motivators. I know there are some around you - go find them!!

 

[lovofu]

Thanks for all the encouragement...hard to leave and impossible to stay.

 

[mariposa]

It won't be easy to leave, but in the long run, Sophia will be thankful and so will you. Hopefully you can find her a gym where they treat kids kindly. I always wonder when I see gyms that produce really good gymnasts what the kids had to go through to get there. Not that ALL gyms that have really good quality gymnastics and score very high are like that, but so many ARE. I am happy with our middle of the road gym. Our girls do well, maybe not scoring 37s, but they are happy and their emotional well being is safe. Maybe some of the moms in your area that are on this board can give you suggestions of where to go/where to avoid. I would watch the coaches from any gyms you are checking out closely at States, see how they treat the kids. Watch the non-verbal cues, you can tell a lot from that. Though I guess many coaches hide that side from the general public and save their cruelty for in the gym. Not always though. I quickly eliminated a gym from the list of gyms to check out when I watched a coach get MAD at a girl that messed up at the meet, as if the girl wanted to mess up her routine.

 

[lovofu]

That is so true...if you're in Northern Virginia and have some ideas...they would be welcome.

 

[Azgymmiemom]

Wow...I've read through all of this and I'm shocked. We see kids get disciplined at our gym...but it's always for goofing off or being disruptive...NOT for fears or missing a skill. Incentives are used to get those skills, or some kind of positive practice. My dd spaced out in the middle of her beam routine at one of her very first meets. Her coach suggested that she write it down a few times to help her mentally order the routine. My dd thought this was such a good idea, she wrote it down once every day until her next meet. (see-it's all in the way it is presented) She was also pulled aside at practice and asked if she needed help going through it by herself, to which she replied yes and was grateful for the help. In no way was she ridiculed or yelled at for her mistake. Yes, we teased her a little bit, but it was all in good fun and she could tell that by the tone. In other words, there are sooooo many different ways your dd's coach could have handled this and the low road was chosen. I'm afraid if this is the norm at your gym, your dd is going to quit gymnastics sometime in the near future. She is so young, she may not realize that moving is what's best for her...but kids adapt quickly, and she will make new friends. You have to look out for her, mom-she's too young to do it for herself.

She's a beautiful little gymmie, and it would be a shame for her to quit so soon because of someone else's actions. I hope you find her a new gym home. There are lots of great gyms with great coaches out there.

 

[sportzmomov3]

I'm with mariposa - get out NOW. Why is it hard to leave? Is it because she wants to compete State? So what if she doesn't compete - trust me, there are plenty of years ahead of her for that - is it worth the anxiety that it's causing her (fearing punishment) and you (fearing that something else will happen so you now have to stay for all of practice). IT'S GYMNASTICS. It isn't worth all that drama! LEAVE NOW. If I could use bigger capitals I would.

My DD used to have unspoken fears about beam. I felt like bad mom of the year when she told me that her old coach used to make her miss the next rotation to "punish" her and made her stay on beam until she did extra reps. But instead of crying or being upset, it got her mad, and she did her reps and moved on to the next rotation. Trust me, had I known then what I know now, the coach would have had me in her face that day. Lucky for her that I didn't find this out until after we had moved gyms already and DD was telling me funny stories about gym in general. This was one of them, because she says now beam isn't so bad. In fact, she does fairly well now considering it had been her worst event during her days at the previous gym. The gym philosophy was what changed it for her. The coaches at her previous gym were literally on top of the gymnasts watching them do their reps. Her current gym is just the opposite - the girls are given assignments and expected to complete their assignments under the coach's watchful eye, but not under their thumbs!

Don't make the assumption that all gyms have bad elements, but also know that nothing is completely perfect. There is a gym for everyone, but it's up to you as the parent to find it based on your child's personality and needs. Moving gyms to protect your child's well-being is not being a gym-hopper. My definition of gym-hopper would be the mom who moves her child because a teammate took 1st and her DD didn't (and all the stuff that goes with the CGM persona).

 

[mariposa]

That is so true...if you're in Northern Virginia and have some ideas...they would be welcome.

Link Removed

Not sure if that thread will give you any ideas. I am sure some of the people who know the area will pipe in with advice for which programs you could possibly check out. Definitely watch the gyms you are thinking about at States. Watch the girls, how they interact with their coaches ESPECIALLY when a mistake is made. That is usually when you will see stuff you want to watch out for. Who cares if they are all smiles for the good routines, I wanna know how they act when a girl has an off event.

 

[AlexsGymmyMom]

I am so sorry to hear that your DD is being treated this way! I would RUN from that gym as well! Your DD deserves better than that! It will be hard for her to leave her friends but she will make new ones and will be a happier gymnast for it! My DD is struggling with a couple of fears herself...one of which is being spotted...she does not like anyone spotting her on beam or bars! Instead of making her feel like that was a dumb fear her coach took her aside after the rest of the team had bar rotation and worked with her just maybe holding her arm while casting and then her arm and leg while casting. She still would not let them hold her up in cast. But she will get there with patience. It really helped her feel like they cared about her overcoming her fears! It also made mom feel good with the way it is being handled! Hopefully you can find someplace where Sophia can get help overcoming her fear. Good luck!!

 

[Megley]

Not sure where you are located, but we were super impressed with the coach from Dulles. Small team, but he was wonderful with his little bitty Level 4s at our home meet (even when they fell) and we all noticed and were impressed with how great his Level 7s were on bars at the State meet.

 

[gym monkeys mom]

Life is too short for your 7 yr old to be yelled at by her coach!!! My gosh how many 7 yr olds can even do what she does??

Ok now that is out of my system. Your DD may miss her teammates but she will make new friends 7 yr olds do that and life is to short to pay to have our kids yelled at by a coach!! We as parents would not pay ony one else to yell at our kids like that?

Your DD needs a kind coach, loving, patient and a nurturing enviroment, scores are not all there is to gymnastics. I would run from that gym so fast not worth spending anymore time having your DD yelled at.

She is 7 she will have plenty of time to compete but, how long will it take time to undo the damage being done to her self confidence and emotional state from being humilitaed in fornt of teammates and banished to vault due to fear.

I am sure there are other gyms willing and more capable of taking her on! I would start by visiting clubs you are interested in and ask lots of questions. Ask to chat with some team parents most will be honest over the gyms strengths and weaknesses. By making an informed decision and protecting your DD from further yelling and humiliation you are becoming a gym hopper.

Best of luck to you and your DD. I hope you find a better gym soon!!

 

[gymnut1]

Hugs to you both. Hang in there - hope you can sort something out.