Making daughter quit for lack of improvement?

[Faith]

Yes. Maybe she is apathetic. DD is a good little actress though. She acts like she is SO passionate about gym and would never want to quit and she training so hard so I want to believe her, but then I see how she does not seem to really focus and just wants to goof off with friends than really train hard. It is hard to tell though, really.

Gymnastics is hard though. If she's growing, or hitting puberty, things that were once easy are getting difficult and need more effort. Even doing the same conditioning is getting hard, and increasing it so she can aim for bigger skills near impossible.

Add that to the fact they do long hours training, nearly every day. Hormones are changing sleep patterns. Could it be she isn't getting enough time to rest and recover, so combined with a growth spurt she's just tired? That might explain the slacking off a bit?

I know that's what happened with me- I stopped getting the scores, and doing well in meets, everything seemed difficult and although I loved gym, and loved training, it was just HARD. Back in the day the answer was to train harder, more, yell at the gymnast for not trying, and so I quit. My drive came back a year or so later, but I'd been out too long, had moved away from the gym etc. In hindsight if someone had explained growth spurts to me, and said I could have had a year of no competition, I might have stayed in the sport.

I think it if were me I take the scores/achievements etc out of the equation because that's not necessarily within her control. Discuss her attitude, and if she really want gymnastics. If the answer is yes, then give her 6 months/ a year, which will tie in nicely with her no meets year off. After that point out gym gets serious, competitive, and is a career and a life choice, and a big sacrifice for family. She needs to show some drive and dedication and make you believe she wants it, or you will look for a good alternative program/sport where she can have fun without the pressure.

 

[emorymom]

I have no idea how a gym can justify making each girl pay almost $500 for competition clothes.

Our gym has really really really nice leos and may be the most expensive in the area and the girls spend $300 for leo, warmup and bag. It does not make the scores go up, they have to do that on their own.

DDs previous gym was $175 for a leo that just gets 2 "really's" for being nice, a nice velvet/velour/stoned warmup pant and jacket, and a bag. They looked as good as anyone there. Seriously. You can get a lot of stones with a $90 leo.

I expect your gym to be more expensive in tuition and coaching fees and I expect that the meets in SoCal are more, because real estate is more expensive and people need higher salaries etc.

But competition wear is the same all over because it's mail order. Maybe they buy expensive because they think the parents will tolerate it. Maybe they have been to 1000s of meets and can tell the difference between a $100 and a $300 competition leo, but can the girls or anyone else? And should it be part of the gym's ego to sit back smugly knowing that it's girls have the most expensive leos at the meet?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I have no idea how a gym can justify making each girl pay almost $500 for competition clothes.

Our gym has really really really nice leos and may be the most expensive in the area and the girls spend $300 for leo, warmup and bag. It does not make the scores go up, they have to do that on their own.

DDs previous gym was $175 for a leo that just gets 2 "really's" for being nice, a nice velvet/velour/stoned warmup pant and jacket, and a bag. They looked as good as anyone there. Seriously. You can get a lot of stones with a $90 leo.

I expect your gym to be more expensive in tuition and coaching fees and I expect that the meets in SoCal are more, because real estate is more expensive and people need higher salaries etc.

But competition wear is the same all over because it's mail order. Maybe they buy expensive because they think the parents will tolerate it. Maybe they have been to 1000s of meets and can tell the difference between a $100 and a $300 competition leo, but can the girls or anyone else? And should it be part of the gym's ego to sit back smugly knowing that it's girls have the most expensive leos at the meet?

precisely why they charge more for uniforms. higher brick and mortar costs in SoCal.

 

[Bajanswife]

My 8 year old doesn't work as hard as she should in gym. She "cheats" during conditioning, she goofs off with her friends etc. She's very variable - she has horrible form (unless she's really concentrating, then it's just OK), but sometimes she gets a skill in an amazing way, long before the rest of her training group, to the point where the coach will use her to demonstrate it to the others. But during competition she'll get so many form deductions that she never gets great scores. She's gotten a couple over 9, but most are in the low to mid 8s, except when she falls off the beam and gets under 8. She likes competing because it means getting on a plane and going somewhere (we don't have any meets in driving distance - small island) - especially when it's to the U.S. where she gets to shop! So she's not the most committed gymnast in the world.

But she has gotten so strong. Her friends are amazed by some of the things she can do. Yes it's expensive and time consuming to have her take this sport so lightly, but I feel like she is getting benefits from it. Any sport that involves competition is good for a child, and right now I feel like it's a little late to switch to another competitive sport. Well, DD could do swimming (she swims for her school once a year, but doesn't really train seriously in between - her gym strength is enough for her to be a very fast swimmer without any real lessons!!), but that doesn't interest her as much as gym does. And here it would mean early morning training that am not prepared to do! I am hoping that one day she will mature enough to really start to work hard and get somewhere with the sport. She's only now training level 5, and she's only 8, so I know she has time. She may be looking at level 7 when she's 11, just like the OP's DD

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i LOVE barbados!

 

[MaryA]

Is there something your DD's gym has done to make you think that they're mostly just interested in continuing to collect your tuition checks? You have mentioned this issue several times. By the hour, the team pays a pittance compared to rec kids (My nephew takes a tumbling class at DD's gym... my sister-in-law pays $15/hour for his class, I pay $4/hour for my DD's team practice). I suspect that, if the coaches are reluctant to "let her go" it will be more likely because they believe in the sport of gymnastics and its benefits (the same way my other daughter's band director gave her a major guilt trip last year when she quit trombone) and because they have a lot of their own effort and energy invested in her. Ultimately, if they are good coaches, they will have your daughter's best interest at heart, and have likely been through this many times. When you meet with the coaches, I don't think you should go into it with the attitude that they look at you and see dollar signs. $$$$

 

[MarR99]

She likes competing because it means getting on a plane and going somewhere (we don't have any meets in driving distance - small island) - especially when it's to the U.S. where she gets to shop! So she's not the most committed gymnast in the world.

WOW, I thought it was expensive to compete here. We do travel a little but only to San Diego or the farthest has been Las Vegas, which is 6 hours away.

Your dd sounds like mine in many ways. They are fun loving with bundles of talent that is there but not completely tapped yet. Of course many of dd's friends are very impressed with her, as are all of our family and friends when I post videos up on facebook. I am getting some pressure to just let her keep going since she wants too. They are not footing the bill though are they!?

 

[Bajanswife]

i LOVE barbados!

We're having our first meet in April 2012 - you coming?

 

[MarR99]

I have no idea how a gym can justify making each girl pay almost $500 for competition clothes.

Our old gym was way more reasonable. Granted, the leotards were not as "flashy" but they were really nice and only cost us $100 and the warm up was $50. The warm up was basically a cheap looking sweat suit though so I like our new fancy, diamond studded velvet ones. If they were real diamonds I might be more OK with the cost though.

They make the optional girls wear different leotards at our gym but she will have outgrown the one she has in a year anyways. I would resell the one she has to another gymnast but they change the style every two years and we are on the second year. Oh well . . .

 

[MarR99]

I think it if were me I take the scores/achievements etc out of the equation because that's not necessarily within her control. Discuss her attitude, and if she really want gymnastics. If the answer is yes, then give her 6 months/ a year, which will tie in nicely with her no meets year off. After that point out gym gets serious, competitive, and is a career and a life choice, and a big sacrifice for family. She needs to show some drive and dedication and make you believe she wants it, or you will look for a good alternative program/sport where she can have fun without the pressure.

Good advice Faith.

I asked her again last night why she really wants to continue and she said that she had always wanted to learn some of the skills the optional girls were doing. I can respect that. It is a better answer than "I will miss my friends." But I asked her if it was worth it to train so hard since the hours are going up now and she will be at gym every night from 4:30 to 8:30. She said that she "was not sure." So the fact that she is on the fence is probably what we are already seeing from her in her commitment level and the result is lower scores. It will be interesting to see how the next month goes. Maybe she will kick it into "high gear" knowing she needs to, or maybe she will just decide it is not worth it anymore and move on. I already had her start thinking about other things she might want to try if she does quit. She has some ideas. They are all more expensive than gym, of course (snowboarding, surfing, ice hockey!) AHHHHHHH! LOL

 

[txgymfan]

Thats a great start. If she has other activities in mind it may be easier to think past gym. I think some of the kids forget that they are still young and if they don't do gym they can do something else. Also, starting the discussion now means that she will have time to think before this comes up again.

 

[MarR99]

Is there something your DD's gym has done to make you think that they're mostly just interested in continuing to collect your tuition checks? You have mentioned this issue several times. By the hour, the team pays a pittance compared to rec kids

Our gym has NO rec team at all, only a girls competitive team so we pay the bills. They have some "super stars" here and some elite girls as well as a couple girls already signed to college scholarships. I have noticed at our competitions that when dd does a pitiful looking bar routine she gets a "high-five" even if she scores really low. The younger girls may do an even better routine but then get scolded from the coaches, so their expectation level is obviously different for my daughter than some of the other girls. I think they already have an idea of what track the girls are on and base the coaching on that, unfortunately.

 

[bogwoppit]

Our gym has NO rec team at all, only a girls competitive team so we pay the bills. They have some "super stars" here and some elite girls as well as a couple girls already signed to college scholarships. I have noticed at our competitions that when dd does a pitiful looking bar routine she gets a "high-five" even if she scores really low. The younger girls may do an even better routine but then get scolded from the coaches, so their expectation level is obviously different for my daughter than some of the other girls. I think they already have an idea of what track the girls are on and base the coaching on that, unfortunately.

Do you mean that your gym has no other gymnasts other than the competitive team? I have never heard of a gym that is comp only. Usually there are kids that do gym for fun or that are too young for comp team and it is their infalted fees that subsidise the comp team.

 

[Bajanswife]

WOW, I thought it was expensive to compete here. We do travel a little but only to San Diego or the farthest has been Las Vegas, which is 6 hours away.

Your dd sounds like mine in many ways. They are fun loving with bundles of talent that is there but not completely tapped yet. Of course many of dd's friends are very impressed with her, as are all of our family and friends when I post videos up on facebook. I am getting some pressure to just let her keep going since she wants too. They are not footing the bill though are they!?

There are definitely challenges - our girls only compete in 2 or 3 meets a year because of the travel factor, so they don't get a lot of exposure. Next year (April) we are hosting a meet here for the first time, which will allow the gymnasts to have one more competition opportunity. The only issue will be getting the other competitors to come to us so that it's a true competition experience. We know some of the clubs from our general region will fly in (Trinidad for sure - it's a short flight and not that expensive), but we'd love it if teams from further away would come too so that it would be a truly international event.

 

[cher062]

Yes. Maybe she is apathetic. DD is a good little actress though. She acts like she is SO passionate about gym and would never want to quit and she training so hard so I want to believe her, but then I see how she does not seem to really focus and just wants to goof off with friends than really train hard. It is hard to tell though, really.

So you mean she is acting like an 11 yo kid? LOL I think all the girls are like that at one point or another.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

and cause we're behind your curve just a bit, it hits the boys at around 14.

 

[MarR99]

There are a handful of gymnasts that come in for some cheer tumbling classes, but there is only one class offered. This gym is solely focused on team only and they take the entry level gymnasts and begin training them for level 4 immediately. I thought I would like it since my daughter is on team, but I wonder if they are creating (without saying anything) their own teams within teams. Granted, I like that better than some places that have the "A" team and the "B" team and so on. Why not give the girls the opportunity to train together regardless of their skills? But it is unusual.

 

[bogwoppit]

Unusual to be sure, and because of that it is probably way more expensive than other gyms.

 

[bookworm]

In terms of her "lack of comittment" to the sport, do you think she might be asking for your permission to stop, in a round about way? I say this because we had a friend whose daughter "loved gymnastics " , was Level 9 , did fine but the mom wasn't quite sure of her committment level either because of certain things she said ( like yours "I'll miss my friends but I hate to practice" etc) so before she invested a boatload of cash into a new season, she told her daughter that she (the mom) thought the daughter "needed time off from the sport to try something else and if in 6 months, she missed it and wanted to return, let her know"...well she did cheering and lacrosse and never looked back...when she actually suggested this to her daughter, the daughter broke down crying saying that she "knew how important gym" was to the mom (!!) and that's why she didn't think she could quit so it may be something to think about going forward with your DD. She's only 11 so she has a world ahead of her for other sports and activities if she's not so into gym anymore..

And about your fees, I wouldn't say they were average; I would say they were high. We were at a gym with a similar fee structure with the meets and the leo/warmup (300 leo; 200 warm up; 45 bag) and they charged what they thought they could get away with...

 

[bookworm]

Our gym has NO rec team at all, only a girls competitive team so we pay the bills. They have some "super stars" here and some elite girls as well as a couple girls already signed to college scholarships. I have noticed at our competitions that when dd does a pitiful looking bar routine she gets a "high-five" even if she scores really low. The younger girls may do an even better routine but then get scolded from the coaches, so their expectation level is obviously different for my daughter than some of the other girls. I think they already have an idea of what track the girls are on and base the coaching on that, unfortunately.

This would be why your fees are so high...most gyms have huge rec programs where the gymnasts in those pay 15 bucks an hour for a 1 hour class( and there are hundreds of kids in rec classes) versus team girls (usually a team maxes out at between 50-100 girls) that pay around 4-6 bucks an hour ...it's like the minnows support the sharks ...but if all you have are sharks then the bills will be higher...