Parents New Parent and Gym Concerns

[windydays]

I am new to Chalkbucket, but I have enjoyed reading the various forums. I finally registered today because I am in dire need of advice.

A new family joined our gym almost a year ago. Please let me know if you experience these situations or have in the past and what you did, if anything, to resolve them.

Parent coaches and criticizes child from the parent-viewing area during practice. My child has said that her friend gets things taken away until she makes a skill. Child doesn't want to come out of locker room after practice and face parent. Brought child in to practice even when ill. Dad has medicated child in parent area with child crying and then sent her out to the floor. Parent is paying for private lessons each week so his child can get skills. Parent criticizes gym/coaching constantly.

I had a meeting with HC and nothing has been resolved. The parent calmed down for a few weeks (maybe two or three) and then is back at it. Is this the norm? If we leave and go somewhere else, should I expect similar problems? I don't want to keep dealing with this anymore.

 

[MILgymFAM]

Although I can see why it could be annoying to others in earshot, I am not sure why this is something you are dealing with- your child isn't being corrected by this parent, right? Is there a gym rule about parents? At our gym, parents may watch from the balcony, but there is no talking to kids or coaches on the floor at all. If there is a rule, I would ask it be enforced. Otherwise, those are crazy gym parents, for sure, but I am not sure there is anything you can do.

 

[happychaos]

I am new to Chalkbucket, but I have enjoyed reading the various forums. I finally registered today because I am in dire need of advice.

A new family joined our gym almost a year ago. Please let me know if you experience these situations or have in the past and what you did, if anything, to resolve them.

Parent coaches and criticizes child from the parent-viewing area during practice. My child has said that her friend gets things taken away until she makes a skill. Child doesn't want to come out of locker room after practice and face parent. Brought child in to practice even when ill. Dad has medicated child in parent area with child crying and then sent her out to the floor. Parent is paying for private lessons each week so his child can get skills. Parent criticizes gym/coaching constantly.

I had a meeting with HC and nothing has been resolved. The parent calmed down for a few weeks (maybe two or three) and then is back at it. Is this the norm? If we leave and go somewhere else, should I expect similar problems? I don't want to keep dealing with this anymore.

Unless it is directly harming your child (or unless it's abusive, obviously) I wouldn't do anything. Stay away from the viewing area and avoid this parent. No matter what gym you're at, or what sport or activity your kid chooses, there will always be those whose parenting choices make you cringe.

 

[windydays]

My child isn't being coached or corrected but gets to hear all this stuff on a weekly basis. She has expressed increasing concern for her friend, and I am running out of things to tell her. Every week some new question or situation arises from this parent. We do have a parent handbook and coaching isn't allowed from parent viewing, but nothing is being done.

 

[Amusibus]

Windydays, I would be aggravated by this behavior too... if our gym had a parent viewing area. Which it doesn't. As much as I am annoyed by this policy, stories like the one you are telling make me see the reason for it. Our gym is all drop-n-go's, and I have never once seen a "crazy gym parent" there.

 

[GYM0M]

I'm sorry. I know it must be very disheartening for your hold to pretty much watch her friend suffer, but it is part of it. Maybe encourage her parents to take a look at chalkbucket! Other than that, not much you can do, these types of parents are everywhere. Take some solace in knowing these kids, & parents don't usually hang around for too long.

 

[shelovestoflip]

What level and how old is the child? From the sounds of it, I'd guess young and compulsory. As others have said, I'm guessing the family won't last in the long run....they'll either switch gyms because they don't think the coaching is 'good enough' or their child will self destruct and quit (sad, but true).

As for what to tell your daughter, I'd explain that different families do things differently and your family isn't like that and while it makes her feel sad to see her friend like that, there's not much she can do other than be nice and continue working hard at practice.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Although I can see why it could be annoying to others in earshot, I am not sure why this is something you are dealing with- your child isn't being corrected by this parent, right? Is there a gym rule about parents? At our gym, parents may watch from the balcony, but there is no talking to kids or coaches on the floor at all. If there is a rule, I would ask it be enforced. Otherwise, those are crazy gym parents, for sure, but I am not sure there is anything you can do.

because it is stressful to her own child. these kids become friends.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Windydays, I would be aggravated by this behavior too... if our gym had a parent viewing area. Which it doesn't. As much as I am annoyed by this policy, stories like the one you are telling make me see the reason for it. Our gym is all drop-n-go's, and I have never once seen a "crazy gym parent" there.

don't you mean the reason not to have a viewing area? in this instance, there is a problem BECAUSE of the viewing area which "sick" dad sits and watches. or am i missing something here?

 

[Deleted member D3987]

I am new to Chalkbucket, but I have enjoyed reading the various forums. I finally registered today because I am in dire need of advice.

A new family joined our gym almost a year ago. Please let me know if you experience these situations or have in the past and what you did, if anything, to resolve them.

Parent coaches and criticizes child from the parent-viewing area during practice. My child has said that her friend gets things taken away until she makes a skill. Child doesn't want to come out of locker room after practice and face parent. Brought child in to practice even when ill. Dad has medicated child in parent area with child crying and then sent her out to the floor. Parent is paying for private lessons each week so his child can get skills. Parent criticizes gym/coaching constantly.

I had a meeting with HC and nothing has been resolved. The parent calmed down for a few weeks (maybe two or three) and then is back at it. Is this the norm? If we leave and go somewhere else, should I expect similar problems? I don't want to keep dealing with this anymore.

okay windydays. this is a "sick" dad. HE needs the medication. unfortunately, we have parents like this in sports. all sports.

whoever is there that can document what the "sick" dad states to undermine the gym should document it with dates and times and get it to the owner. let them figure out if they want a toxic dad in the room where EVERYONE sits. i don't have regular observation and i throw people like this dad out of the program.

 

[MILgymFAM]

because it is stressful to her own child. these kids become friends.

I understood that to be her point. One thing I have learned from moving all over and being in every walk of life, is that everyone runs their family differently, and- short of abuse- the best course is to not stress about other people's family. I have had to teach my kids that also. My girls may think some kids parents are mean/permissive/crazy/etc, but hey have to understand it doesn't really affect them, and all they can do is be a good friend, an ear, and a shoulder. I wasn't trying to minimize the issue, but I do think that unless they believe the child is actually abused, turning the other cheek is the only course.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

i understand this. yet, some kids are more empathetic to these kinds of things and are easily distracted by them. maybe that's where she is at...distracted all the time. and it's not the kids fault...you gotta a sick dad here.

 

[MILgymFAM]

i understand this. yet, some kids are more empathetic to these kinds of things and are easily distracted by them. maybe that's where she is at...distracted all the time. and it's not the kids fault...you gotta a sick dad here.

Trust me, I get this. My older DD is empathetic to a fault, and it has been a struggle to keep her focused on her own needs and family. I agree the picture painted is of some seriously flawed parenting. IMO. That's the point. We all have opinions about good parenting, and I bet they don't all line up. Maybe dad was dosing allergy or some other type of regular meds that affect health and ability of not administered. There are girls with asthma, diabetes, migraines, etc at our gym, and their parents medicate at the gym as required. It could look terrible if you didn't know what was going on. There are two sides to every story, and the truth lies somewhere in the middle.

 

[gymgal]

don't you mean the reason not to have a viewing area? in this instance, there is a problem BECAUSE of the viewing area which "sick" dad sits and watches. or am i missing something here?

I believe Amusibus was saying - that as much as they are annoyed by a non- viewing policy at their gym, they can understand the reason for having such policies, given the stories here. That's how I read the post anyway.

To the OP - I would probably talk to the hc again and let him/her know that it is affecting the other girls, not just by hearing it but in caring about this little girl. Also, have you tried to strike up a conversation with the parent? Sometimes getting their attention away from the practice helps. And gradually you can ease your way into talking about how the skills will come when they come and trusting the coaches. This may all be wishful thinking for this situation but it can/does work with some folks.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

yep. that's what i thought but thought i would ask. observation areas are evil places when you get a parent like this....

 

[happychaos]

Yes, the Dad needs to chill out. I am wondering if he is even aware that his behavior is inappropriate? Maybe he used to watching his son's hockey practice where vocal criticism is more accepted? Or, it sounds like the family may be new to gymnastics....maybe they just need a chat with the HC? Throwing them out sounds a little extreme.

And if OP's DD is bothered by it, MILgymFAMS advice to discuss different family styles with DD sounds great! A lesson that will apply to many situations, no doubt

 

[Deleted member D3987]

okay guys, give me a small bit of credit. i've been doing this for a LONG time. what the poster described is a "pathology". not a one time thing or something he did in another sport. they need to get him outta there. keep the kid but boot the dad. that's it.

 

[wallinbl]

Parent coaches and criticizes child from the parent-viewing area during practice.

Coach and/or owner needs to put a stop to that. I coach soccer, and have no problem telling parents they aren't to do it, especially if they're critical or negative. They're there to cheer and be supportive. Fortunately, the head coaching staff is very good about backing the coaches on telling the parents to do nothing more than cheer.

As for going somewhere else, these parents are everywhere. But, you'd like to see the gym put an end to it.

 

[LJL07]

okay guys, give me a small bit of credit. i've been doing this for a LONG time. what the poster described is a "pathology". not a one time thing or something he did in another sport. they need to get him outta there. keep the kid but boot the dad. that's it.

We actually had a Dad like this on DD's soccer team. She was goalie and would get "punished" for letting balls get past her. Dad would get disgusted and go sit in the car when she got scored on. Our coach finally said something to the parents. Didn't do much good, but the child is no longer on the team. I think this is a sticky boundary issue coming from a parent. IMO, this is something that should be brought to a coach's attention and gym staff should handle. I agree those parents are everywhere, so I wouldn't let that be the reason for leaving the gym.

 

[windydays]

Thank you for your responses. I would feel better if it were being handled, but it doesn't appear to me that it is. Then I start asking myself, "What else is allowed to go on when I am not there?" I guess we have some decisions to make.