Parents New Parent and Gym Concerns

[gothgymmom]

Wow, if my DD would get punished for not making skills, then wow she would still be grounded! haha. If I may suggest something...since he is being vocal, talk to the coaches and let them be aware that on a certain practice day your going to be a bit vocal as well, (make sure its ok with them and explain the reasoning)...everytime any one of the children - his especially - gets a skill, or even does a skill good, cheer for them by name..talk to some of the other parents and see if they can do it too. Show this father that this is how we parent gymnasts, by encouragement. It might also help boost her self esteem up as well.

 

[profmom]

I just want to emphasize that what the OP describes is really far down the line. This is not "normal" crazy gym dad behavior. Let's break it down:

1) Parent coaches and criticizes child from the parent-viewing area during practice.
2) My child has said that her friend gets things taken away until she makes a skill.
3) Child doesn't want to come out of locker room after practice and face parent.
4) Brought child in to practice even when ill.
5) Dad has medicated child in parent area with child crying and then sent her out to the floor.
6) Parent is paying for private lessons each week so his child can get skills.
7) Parent criticizes gym/coaching constantly.

OK, I've seen some of #1. I've seen #4, but usually only in the context of "let's see how it goes and mom/dad will stay to take you out if you discover you can't make it through practice." I've definitely seen #6, and I've seen #7. Some combination of these would make me say to myself, "Uh oh, CGD alert!" but not feel more than some mild worry for the child and a desire to distance myself from the person.

However, IMHO, numbers 2, 3, and 5 are red flags that this is seriously dysfunctional even beyond what we talk about here when we jokingly refer to CGMs or CGDs, and all of them together -- whoa. This man is doing significant damage to his daughter. I don't think there's much you can do, Windy, other than express your concerns to the coach forcefully and if others are concerned, encourage them to do so as well.

My heart breaks for that little girl.

 

[GymRatMama]

We had a crazy mom at our gym who would compare her daughter to girls at higher levels and tell everyone how her daughter was better than them. She would complain about the coaches constantly for not moving her daughter up. When two families left the gym after one of her rants one night the owner banned CGM from observing practice. That worked for a few weeks until she started to slowly come back in to watch. When she started to get loud again they kicked her daughter and her out of the gym for good. I felt bad for the daughter because she was a nice girl. The funny thing is that I saw her at a store one day and at her daughter's new gym she is still on the same level she was on at our gym.

 

[Amusibus]

don't you mean the reason not to have a viewing area? in this instance, there is a problem BECAUSE of the viewing area which "sick" dad sits and watches. or am i missing something here?

Dunno, did you notice I wrote that post at 1:26 am?? But actually I was referring to our gym's policy to not have a viewing area. The policy was the thing being referred to in the phrase in question.

 

[kandkfunk]

One thing to maybe bring up with the coaches is how distracting this type of behavior can be for the other team kids (if it is distracting them). I imagine a dad coaching from the viewing area isn't exactly quiet, so all the girls are subjected to his distraction. We actually had a mom on my DD's pre-team who would clap and whistle from the viewing area to get her DD's attention to correct her. One class per week was on Saturday mornings so it was very quiet in the gym until this lady piped up. All the girls would stop what they were doing to watch this mom.

I would be very annoyed as the coach and I think you have legitimate concern if the behavior is distracting or impacting your child.

 

[mimi]

I can totally understand how this is creating a toxic environment for many, not just the crazy dad's child. Kids are much more intuitive and observant than we give them credit for, and this type of thing creates such negativity. I'm sorry that you are dealing with this, though if you have already had meetings I'm not sure what more you can do.

 

[3rd_time_around]

Windydays, I would be aggravated by this behavior too... if our gym had a parent viewing area. Which it doesn't. As much as I am annoyed by this policy, stories like the one you are telling make me see the reason for it. Our gym is all drop-n-go's, and I have never once seen a "crazy gym parent" there.

I am just curious--how do you put up with this policy? I could not leave my child/children in a place that I'm not allowed to drop in and watch whenever I felt it necessary or just because I wanted to. I spent years staying the entire practice because of the distance I had to drive. What are parents supposed to do who live 45-90 min away? Sit in their car the whole time? Gas is expensive and practices are 4 hours long. If you go home, you have to turn around almost immediately and go back. Not wanting to argue here, but every time I read this policy or hear about it, I just don't get how parents put up with it. Our owner has said that she can't keep parents from watching or staying, because she would not want to be a parent that wasn't allowed to stay.

 

[MILgymFAM]

GAgymmom- I totally agree. I sit through all the practices. Some I watch and some I am otherwise occupied, but I am always there. It just isn't in my gas budget to drive home during. I couldn't imagine not being allowed to see what goes on.

 

[LJL07]

^^Same boat during school year. My little one takes a class during DD's team practice, and there is no way I would have time to drive home after that class and get back to get the other one when team is over. There really is no place nearby to go and just "hang out" while they are at gym. I don't know what I would do either if there was a no parents allowed policy.

But...practice just went up to 4 hours and rec classes are over, so now I do have time to go home. It has actually been really nice. I think I prefer not watching.

 

[Amusibus]

Well in answer to your question GAgymmom, first off I have to say that I hate this policy just like you would. I used to love watching my daughter at her previous gym, and I miss it. Why I put up with it is complicated... a big reason is that having a special needs child (adhd and aspergers as well as several fairly unusual medical conditions), I am not really in a position to rock the boat. She has been happy and thriving and accepted in this gym for two years now. In her pre-team years we had bad experiences at two previous gyms related to coaches not really understanding /tolerating her conditions.

The gym has a rec side and a team side. The rec side of course has an observation area. The team side is visible, but from far away. We are not really supposed to hang out there but a lot of the moms do anyway after the owner goes home at 4:30. I do observe once or twice a month for about an hour from over there, but you can't see much. Parents who drive from far can wait there... I am sure the owner would be fine with that if they came from far away. However, it is a city surrounded by suburbs, so mostly everyone is local as there are several other big gyms close by. I live ~8-10 minutes from the gym, the practices are 4 hours long, she's 8 years old and fine alone, and I trust her coaches. Plus I have two other children. A lot of reasons to not stay. I would not have wanted to leave when she was teeny. But she's happy and I see her progress at the meets and I'm a busy mom!

 

[3rd_time_around]

When I had/have a car pool, I don't stay. But when I have to drive both ways I often still stay. My other kids are mostly old enough to be home without me, except the 9 and 4 year old. But in the past i'd drag all 5 with me because of the distance. We actually have girls come from 1 1/2 hours away, so their moms do lots of work while they wait--grade papers, computer stuff, knit, read, etc., or just watch. My dd is 17 now, but I still wouldn't like it.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

ad nauseum on the observation thing...

 

[sce]

ad nauseum on the observation thing...

What do you mean by this? I'd be interested in your coach's opinion on the original posters situation and on observing in general.

Our gym allows it but it is behind glass, to keep parents from speaking to their children (This was esp a problem with the preschool age.) I do like catching glimpess of what my children are working on, though I am also chatting, reading etc. There are also chairs in the lobby where some parents wait, can't really see from there. It is nice that they accommodate parents, driving home is unreasonable for me and for many others.

Some parents won't stay the whole practice but will pop in to watch for a bit. The parents of younger kids (6 or 7yo) often stay the whole class, but it's just 50 minutes, and many of those kids still look for a wave from Mom and dad every so often.

I also see how the parents notice the team kids. I think it helps them see where this could go by seeing what the "big" kids are doing.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Attention all parents, your child will progress faster and further if you give them independence. That is a nice way to say "leave them alone and let the teachers teach".

 

[Pickle]

We live 3o minutes from our gym. I usually drop DD off, run errands, grocery shop, grab something to eat with another mom, read in the car, and then head back and watch the last 30 minutes or so of practice. Our gym does allow parents to stay, but encourages us to leave. I think only 1 parent stays the whole time. I do stay on the day that my youngest has class, because she is a wild card and I am not comfortable leaving her due to behavior issues, and once she is done with class ODD only has about 45 minutes left. Honestly, while I love watching DD, I would go crazy sitting there for that many hours. Plus my other kids would lose it if they had to sit there. Now that it is nicer out we will sometimes hang out in the lobby while the littles do their homework and then head to a near by park.

 

[sce]

Attention all parents, your child will progress faster and further if you give them independence. That is a nice way to say "leave them alone and let the teachers teach".

See, I do this, the coach teaches. But I also still watch them as well as using the gym as a place to hang out because driving home would be a waste of time and gas. It's fun to see them learn new stuff. They ask me to watch sometimes. I'm not teaching, I'm watching. After practice whether I've watched or not, I ask questions like: What is one highlight form today, or what is one thing that was hard about today? etc.

 

[tooootsie]

in our handbook it says something like we can watch one practice a month. I never see parents stay. I watch the last 15 mins but that is all. I agree that they do better with out us there. I did have the commute issue at our old gym. I'd usually run errands.

 

[billise]

Our gym prefers if team parents leave. As posted, it's due to space constraints but we have also been told that the kids do better when parents aren't there. My DD is still pretty young (1st grade) and as such, she almost always begs me to stay and watch her do something so I usually stay for the first 30 minutes for warm-up and stretch then I leave. It's certainly not exciting but it satisfies DD's desire to have me "watch something" and every now and then I do get to see her do something fun like last week when she did her straddle press handstand in front of her coaches and teammates for the first time

 

[3rd_time_around]

Yes, but staying at the gym because the drive home is too long and expensive doesn't mean we are bothering the kids, or not giving them independence. I'm just saying I could not deal with a policy that won't allow me to see my kids practice if I wanted to. I would wonder what was going on that we couldn't see, it would make me suspicious. An open door policy is not a bad thing, it helps with trust and feeling safe that your child is in good hands. Parents that don't obey the "no coaching your child from the balcony" get called out in front of everyone, so it rarely happens. Like I said, I don't want to argue about this policy, I just wanted to hear from a parent(s) that goes along with it and how they deal. And I got a few responses that answered that question. I don't need the the famous sharp tongue of Coach P. I never bother the coaches, or interfere, I know better. I just can't imagine being barred from practice. That's all.

 

[stillgotmyleotard]

We moved recently to a gym which doesn't have provision for viewing. I still have to wait for my daughter at the premises but I do it in a room away from the gym. This has been a good thing for me for many reasons.

Firstly, it is time that can be genuinely defined as 'spare' and that is as rare as unicorn poo. I get a lot of work done. Granted, I could use it to work out (the facilities are there) but I don't. I could if I wanted, and that feels like enough. It's the thought that counts, so they say..

Secondly, my daughter works better without the distraction of knowing that I am not hawk-eyeing along with the coaches. As I trust them enough to hand over my money and my daughter, I am happy to also trust their care and their coaching. It is paying dividends, she is doing well.

At her previous club, the ability to watch was too compulsive for my weak-will to ignore. As was the compulsion to pass comment. Obviously not during practice, but after. I think sometimes I have been her harshest critic and I am ashamed of myself for that.

I believe the level of crazy gym parent is in direct correlation to the amount of time spent watching and needing to know. Were I a mathematical (or even logical) type, I would construct an equation or Venn diagram to illustrate. Being a Mum is quite simple. Even being a crazy Mum is simpler than being a gym Mum and being a crazy gym mum must be absolutely exhausting. For all concerned!

Not watching means I am able to ask her how her session was and just listen. When she comes out happy (which is mostly), I can be excited with her. On the rare occasion that she isn't happy, I can provide sympathy and comfort. It also means we don't just talk about gym all the way home.

Importantly, not watching has meant that I have a far nicer relationship with the coaches because I am not harbouring unspoken, niggling feelings and thoughts. If I want to ask anything, I just ask and they answer. Who knew it was all this simple?

I am currently working on applying it to as many aspects of my life as possible. Beginning with the housework.