Parents Parents giving Financial Rewards for Young Atheletes

[gracyomalley]

We go out to dinner as a family if a new/hard skill is finally mastered - by any kid.. Have done it for kips and giants so far. That's it. Each kid gets one hoodie a year, usually they choose to wait until state/regionals - but they can choose. We do make gym travel as fun as possible with trying to pick hotels with pools, meet friends for dinner, etc...but stay away from any specific rewards for scores/placement...

Kids get paid for work done for me or their grandparents that is above and beyond what they are normally expected to do. Oldest boy has a tiny income from his violin playing - most of which goes directly toward funding said playing...

I pay FOR gymnastics....that's plenty of reward. Learned this year how little high scores will matter if a kid isn't feeling confident/enjoying what they are doing, with DD repeating L7....I'm sure paying her for all those 9s and 36+s wouldn't have made her feel better...but she would have bought a lot of candy!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

As a parent and a coach I support rewards for skills but do not recommend rewards for placement. This easily could add stress to a performance and backfire.

 

[GYM0M]

We give bonuses I guess you could say. But it's always a surprise. She knows that if she works hard and does her best, we will treat her. Usually it's something simple like getting to pick the restaurant after the meet or getting to order dessert. When she made the diamond team, I gave her a diamond necklace that her dad gave to me for our first valentines day. State champ win acquired a trip to the American Girl store for a new outfit for her doll! Like someone sd, they just don't have time to earn an allowance.

 

[Flyaway]

We reward for skills, but not for meet results. Dd usually chooses what she wants her reward to be. Most recently she decided that when she finally gets her BHS she wants a math workbook she saw in a bookstore. I kinda consider that a win-win. Ha!

 

[BachFlyer]

Not here, the most my kids get is ice cream or some other treat (which could even be a fun activity) if they did something that they are particularly proud of or that I think are deserving, but it is always after the fact. I have almost never promised it in an "if you do X, then you get Y" way. This goes for school and sports. The last few examples would be straight As on their last report card, when DD1 took a tough fall off of her horse and got right back on, and when DD2 did the laundry for me without asking.

I don't like money as a motivator for my kids, because I think our society is way to focused on money and materialism as it is. I would rather they find their own inner motivation. My experience is that it really can suck the fun and adventure out of a perfectly good experience when the focus shifts from what you're doing/accomplishing in the moment, to what you'll get when it's over.

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

No monetary rewards and never for placement or scores (those are really out of their control...).
We do reward getting a new (hard) skill or personal accomplishment with ice cream or another treat. Something they worked hard for and took a while to accomplish.
My girls both have a decent list of chores. There isn't a set "salary" tied to each chore, but they do get pocket money weekly that is tied to them doing their "jobs".

 

[Popcorn]

My dad used to do this with me for grades, but I have never done it with my kids are I certainly can't start now, with all of my extra money going to gymnastics tuition

 

[Gymdancer]

I know her coaches have given ice cream for a skill a few times over many years. I've heard of paying for grades but not for sports. Hugs work really well in our house, especially when hard work does not translate to a great meet or new skill very fast.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

bad idea.

 

[my4buffaloes]

I do nothing for competitions - at least ahead of time. We have celebrated after a comp - sometimes for a 1st place, sometimes for doing a skill for the first time in a meet, etc. There is nothing arranged ahead of time and I just surprise my kids with this.

For practices - I have found that little rewards go a long way to keeping them happily plugging along at all the must haves for the next level. Last summer my kids made a chart of the skills they need and the rewards they got. There was things like painting nails with mom, stay up late to play a game with parents, out for ice cream, etc. Small things - never cold hard cash. This summer, the skills are bigger, the fears are bigger, etc. I told the girls they could get new leotards when they got their biggest skill needed for move ups. Younger dd has already completed hers and the leo is on the way.

Don't tell my girls, but they needed new leotards anyway, so I just tied it to the skills.

 

[z2akids]

Last year DD struggled with her BHS. We used to call it her back head spring for obvious reasons.

Her male coach told her she could put makeup on him if she got it by a certain point. That motivated her. Lol. He was such a good sport. he let the girls polish his fingernails once they all got their shoot through.

We haven't done a monetary reward, but do so for ice cream note and again after a particularly difficult practice or getting s skill that had been difficult, etc. Never s if you do this you will get this situation though.

 

[MILgymFAM]

We give gifts for effort or leaping a hurdle previously thought impossible. This is a moving target and different for both our girls. It's a small thing, like a new hair scrunchie or froyo. When my ODD joined team however, we couldn't afford her warm up suit. We told her if she made it through the season to regionals we would buy it to wear there. She made it, but it wasn't available to purchase any longer, so we bought her a team sweat shirt instead. I would never give rewards for grades. I know both my girls are capable of good grades, so that is simply expected. We do reward for above and beyond learning, however. One of the girls taught herself sign language and the other taught herself an instrument, and we allowed them to choose a restaurant for a dinner out.

 

[Faith]

Just to play devils advocate a little here .

Why food as a reward? Why ice cream? Isn't it a bad thing linking food and sweet treats with feeling good or reward/commiseration.

I had found myself almost subconsciously using food as a reward system, so I made a deliberate effort to move away from that. It might be ok while they're active youngsters, but as adults reaching for sweets or ice cream every time they think they deserve a reward...

@dunno, could you elaborate please? Why a bad idea?

 

[MILgymFAM]

We use food, ie froyo and choosing a restaurant because we are so strict normally. No junk in the house, no eating out or fast food, no soda or juices. When they get to eat frozen yogurt or at a restaurant they know it's something special and it makes them feel special.

 

[gracyomalley]

Nothing wrong in my opinion about using food as a treat - but that's just it - a treat. We are biologically programmed to get pleasure from food - and in our case, going out as a family is also a social treat - makes the kid feel special. I'm more concerned by the lure of the easy grab a hamburger after practice cuz its 8 pm and mom worked all day too problem....Working on that one!

But to a certain extent this is splitting hairs - I don't think seeing some yummy treat as special sets us up for eating issues - I think WORRYING about it does....moderation is key..

 

[htimcj]

I usually don't give out rewards but I do have a standing deal with DD that when she gets her kip/cast handstand three times in one bar rotation and on three different days in a month she can have a giant Cold Stone Ice cream. She needs to do it on two more days

Sometimes they need a bit of extra when there is a block.

 

[sce]

Do gym parents reward their gymnastics for new skills, placements at competitions, etc? I'd be curious to see what other parents thoughts are on paying your child for athletic accomplishments, as I was quite surprised at the number of parents who said they did this with their kids sports.

I don't pay my kids for the outcome of any sport they participate in. It's about doing your best and achieving personal goals. My dd played soccer whens hew as 8yo. One mom was getting angry at her daughter for not trying to score a goal (coach had the girl on defense, so she was not supposed to be on the goal side of the field.) Moms said, "Remember no ice cream if you don't score!" I could not believe she was not allowing her child to listen to the coach or be a team player.

Sure, I'm happy for my kids when they score a goal or get a medal, but the motivation for doing so should be internal not external (ie money or treats.)

My ds' 1st AA from state meant a lot to him as it is, he didn't need to be paid for it.

 

[Natasha]

My children's extra curricular activities are for their enjoyment (and all the benefits of character development, etc). So no, we don't pay them for those things. My child who is a gymnast knows that we pay a lot of money for her to do her sport, so the expectation is that she does her best, works hard and the reward is she gets to continue doing the the thing she loves. We also don't pay for grades, it is expected that they do their best.
External rewards are used for motivation for unpleasant things. So yes, they get allowance (or allowed privileges) for completing chores. Now, I have no problem with the coach setting up rewards for conditioning, skills, working hard, etc. I see that as the coach using it as a motivating tool, which is fine because some things expected by the coach are unpleasant (facing fear, conditioning, etc.) But as a parent, I don't see it as my role as I don't ever want to send the message that getting the next skill (or placement or score for that matter) is more important to me than it is to her. As soon as you start rewarding those things, that is the message you are sending. Because really "paying" a child for their performance is actually a parent "buying" it, and therefore sends the message of just how important it is to the parent.

 

[lovemygymnast]

We don't give my DD incentives for gymnastics. Everything she does is because she has her own goals set in her mind. After each meet, we do let her choose a restaurant as sort of a celebration of her competition. But I will say, for my sons, we have offered all kinds of incentives for whatever sport their playing just to keep them motivated. They play at sports but just aren't driven at all. They have no passion for it and we have just tried anything we can to encourage them. It hasn't worked. Lol. But I have heard some parents offering $100 for getting certain gym skills (definitely not us! Lol) and I know the same family offered a certain Leo their daughter wanted but I believe it was trying to keep their DD motivated as well since this summer, she quit gymnastics altogether. So, I don't think incentives work very well.

 

[raenndrops]

lol, The girls' dad had only been to 2 meets before this season (both Nationals), but work had kept him from going to most meets.
He surprised them at one of their meets this season... OG got him to agree to give her money for 9s. He said "every score of 9.0 or higher, I will give you $20." As someone who hasn't been to a lot of meets, he didn't realize that AA is also a "score" so she was guaranteed at least $20.
He extended the same deal to YG.
YG got her first EVER 9.0 that meet, so, with AA, she got $40. She COULD have used it to buy a new Leo and Shorts, but she chose to save it.
OG got a 9.0 on bars and a 9.0 on floor... so she got $60. Dad was out $100 in one day... he never made that mistake again