My DD who's 6 y.o. says she wants to quit gymnastics. Why? The coaches are mean and she doesn't like sweating. I don't think the coaches are really mean, more like tough., and the sweating part.. well I don't know anyone who really likes sweating. I think the real problem is up until now, everything has come to her fairly easy. I don't want to let her quit just because it's harder now. I think that would be the wrong message for her to learn. At the same time, I do want to listen to her and can not see myself forcing her to do something she does not want to do. Any advice out there for us?
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My advice would be tell her she has to finish out maybe a month and see how she is she may change her mind. If she continues to complain maybe it is just not the sport for her. Also talk to the coaches maybe they can help and talk to her. My daughter has done this on and off but it usually passes in a week or 2. She just went through this she is 10 but she usually does not give me a reason why. It is frustrating because my daughter will be completely obsessed with gymnastics then out of blue she will say she wants to quit. So far she always ends up changing her mind. Does your daughter compete yet usually the kids it seems like the girls who enjoy competing stick with it. I think practice can be tough but when they like to compete and do well they realize that it is worth it. Good luck.
Oh do they not do level 4. Maybe you should just let the coach know what is going on. For my daughter her big motivator was competing at the meets. Does she have a lot of friends at the gym and do they do fun things besides training. This was another reason why my daughter loved gym. Perhaps if she continues to complain maybe another gym where she can compete level 4 would be a better option or maybe just a recretational class.
- Moderator
- #5
Over a gymnasts career, they do tend to utter the words "i want to quit" and few times but often don't really mean it. You as a parent have to work out if this is true or not.
The best way is often to ask them to finish their commitment. You may have to decide what that commitment is. ie end of the school term, where you've paid up to and so on. Usually their desire to quit is forgotten by then unless it is genuine.
The best way is often to ask them to finish their commitment. You may have to decide what that commitment is. ie end of the school term, where you've paid up to and so on. Usually their desire to quit is forgotten by then unless it is genuine.
mumoftwogymnasts
Proud Parent
I agree with Aussie coach ^^^^ at times both of mine have said that they wanted to quit or weren't sure if they wanted to continue. This has happened with other activities not just gymnastics. I've always had the rule that you continue until the end of the time that is already paid for and then we re consider.
Sometimes at the end of the term/year they still want to quit, DS gave up swimming after six years, for the entire last term he maintained he wanted to quit at the end of that term. He had reached the end of his swimming journey, he was sure, I was sure and he walked away with no regrets.
"The coaches are mean", is something I heard a lot from dd when she first made team, she was 6 years old. I think kids today are used to a culture of positive reinforcement and praise. DD was certainly used to a school system that always found something positive to comment about any work she did. She found it quite unexpected and confronting to suddenly have a coach that was saying "great job" but also saying "squeeze your knees more, point those toes and lift your leg higher" . She perceived it as being picked on by the coach. We sat her down and explained that the coach was only trying to help her, that in gymnastics the little details matter a lot and it was the coaches job to point out the things she needed to work on to become a stronger gymnast. I think she needed to change her mindset about what the coach was trying to do, I stopped hearing about how mean they were after that
Sometimes at the end of the term/year they still want to quit, DS gave up swimming after six years, for the entire last term he maintained he wanted to quit at the end of that term. He had reached the end of his swimming journey, he was sure, I was sure and he walked away with no regrets.
"The coaches are mean", is something I heard a lot from dd when she first made team, she was 6 years old. I think kids today are used to a culture of positive reinforcement and praise. DD was certainly used to a school system that always found something positive to comment about any work she did. She found it quite unexpected and confronting to suddenly have a coach that was saying "great job" but also saying "squeeze your knees more, point those toes and lift your leg higher" . She perceived it as being picked on by the coach. We sat her down and explained that the coach was only trying to help her, that in gymnastics the little details matter a lot and it was the coaches job to point out the things she needed to work on to become a stronger gymnast. I think she needed to change her mindset about what the coach was trying to do, I stopped hearing about how mean they were after that
Oldest gave up last year, she told me in Jan uary she wanted to finish after 10 years, I told her that she needed to finish the season which ended in May. During the 5 months she did work hard and did meets, but she never changed her tune. WHen the last meet in May came she stopped and has now moved on to other things that she enjoys.
Give her a time frame that works for you and then see what happens. Not every kid is going to stay in gym for the long haul. I have seen MANY girls with huge potential stop because they found gym boring!
Give her a time frame that works for you and then see what happens. Not every kid is going to stay in gym for the long haul. I have seen MANY girls with huge potential stop because they found gym boring!
My daughter quit for 9 months and it worked out really well. She was doing pre-team as a 6yo. We moved and chose a gym that had it all. But the coaches weren't not as fun and thought she didn't work hard enough. (hello ADD!) I decided that maybe it wasn't her thing after all (while thinking so much potential wasted, ugh) and she did soccer, basketball, brownies, you name it. As she was doing the 1000th robhs I said would she like to try again some place new? Sure. Not excited. We had her try out at several gyms. One clicked and she loves going. She likes to tell people she has been doing it for 4 years but really, its more like 2 with moves and quitting. But I am guessing she would have quit eventually if she hadn't explored the other activities. At 6 they really want to do what their classmates do. At 10, she has school friends but her gym friends are who she invited to her birthday party. They get her excitement about 3 hr practices. Her school friends think it sounds like too much work.
This is a tough one, but the good news is even if she does quit, she can always go back!
I tend to make my kids stick out whatever the commitment was made was, either based on what I paid for or in terms of the team (i.e. you made a commitment to play that position and they need a certain number of kids, etc.) During that time you will see if they are really unhappy or just had a few bad practices that made them "think" they want to quit. If they are truly unhappy during the time they are meeting their commitment, then I think you know.
You may want to see if making a change to her practice schedule could help. Maybe it is just too many hours for her at this point.
I tend to make my kids stick out whatever the commitment was made was, either based on what I paid for or in terms of the team (i.e. you made a commitment to play that position and they need a certain number of kids, etc.) During that time you will see if they are really unhappy or just had a few bad practices that made them "think" they want to quit. If they are truly unhappy during the time they are meeting their commitment, then I think you know.
You may want to see if making a change to her practice schedule could help. Maybe it is just too many hours for her at this point.
When I have to drag my DD away from a playdate or she can't go to a sleepover because she has a meet the next day, she sometimes whines and complains. I always say, "You could always quit gymnastics..." and she always says "No way!" If one of these days she says "O.K." I don't know how I'll respond! But yes, I feel like once the season has started, she's committed for that season (especially after I've paid for it!).
bookworm
Proud Parent
If she wants to quit now and they don't plan for her to compete until next year, then I'd say let her quit and see if she misses it; she's only 6. As other posters have said, she can always come back to it.
When my now 15 yo daughter was 5 years old I thought she had too much on her plate with school, swim lesson, dance and gymnastics so I pulled her out of gymnastics ...well a month later she stomps into the living room and says to me (with complete indignation and hands on hips for effect) .."why am i NOT in gymnastics?" and I say "because I thought you were doing too much so I cut something out" and she replied " you can cut something else because I want to go back to gymnastics"...and so we did, and have been there ever since...so I guess my point is, she'll let you know if she misses it..
Eh. My experience in gymnastics was that by the time people were saying they wanted to quit, they were pretty much done and that was reflected in their practice. 6 years old is very young though, maybe she needs a lower pressure environment or to cut the hours back, or to take a break. She can always go back. Personally I grew up doing gymnastics and I can honestly say I don't think I'd ever make a kid do gymnastics for as long as like five months after they said they want to quit, especially an older kid. The idea just makes me mad for some reason...and I'd be so afraid of my kid being resentful because I knew a lot of girls who resented being made to do that growing up.
Just for another perspective because whenever these threads come up that's what everyone says and I have never seen that work out in real life. But I went to a very strict training environment where you couldn't just back off and relax, or you better watch out, so maybe that had something to do with it and girls who were done with that being made to stay. But I would have probably hated my parents a lot for making me do it if I needed to be done, because I'd feel so out of control. Having the option if it got too hard or scary every day was important.
I never wanted to quit and I never told my parents I did (haha, they told me they did). I don't really think it's true that "everyone says they're going to quit" at some point. Not everyone wants to keep doing this forever. Pretty much everyone I know who said that did end up quitting, at least for some time. Let her miss a week or month or something (depends on the payment I guess). It's not the end of the world.
Edit: Also if she just started K or 1st grade, keep in mind it is a hard adjustment school wise too. For K they might not be used to going to school every day, and 1st is usually even more of an adjustment to higher expectations, less play, possibly longer hours depending on the school. So it may just be too much for a 6 year old. If you a cut day out or shorter practices she might respond better. This might be her way of telling you it's too exhausting for her. We've all felt that but at 6 years old you can't yourself make the decisions to cut the commitments and destress/have some downtime.
Just for another perspective because whenever these threads come up that's what everyone says and I have never seen that work out in real life. But I went to a very strict training environment where you couldn't just back off and relax, or you better watch out, so maybe that had something to do with it and girls who were done with that being made to stay. But I would have probably hated my parents a lot for making me do it if I needed to be done, because I'd feel so out of control. Having the option if it got too hard or scary every day was important.
I never wanted to quit and I never told my parents I did (haha, they told me they did). I don't really think it's true that "everyone says they're going to quit" at some point. Not everyone wants to keep doing this forever. Pretty much everyone I know who said that did end up quitting, at least for some time. Let her miss a week or month or something (depends on the payment I guess). It's not the end of the world.
Edit: Also if she just started K or 1st grade, keep in mind it is a hard adjustment school wise too. For K they might not be used to going to school every day, and 1st is usually even more of an adjustment to higher expectations, less play, possibly longer hours depending on the school. So it may just be too much for a 6 year old. If you a cut day out or shorter practices she might respond better. This might be her way of telling you it's too exhausting for her. We've all felt that but at 6 years old you can't yourself make the decisions to cut the commitments and destress/have some downtime.
Last edited:
Watch a competition
Lots of good advice so far! I would just suggest that your daughter watch a few competions of both younger and older girls. Maybe watch a level five competition and a seven or eight competion. Maybe the "wow" factor in seeing other girls competing will motivate her. Our gym teams higher level girls up with younger girls as team sisters for motivational support, etc. Maybe your daughter could talk to someone like this who might motivate and encourage her. Maybe her coach could suggest someone she/he knows who could talk to your daughter.
My daughter is much older and is entering level ten. She has never said to me that "I want to quit". However, she has recently refused to do more extra hours than the minimum Optionals are expected to do. We have gone along with this. But in your daughter's case, seeing other girls compete might be inspirational.
Julio Garcia,
Jamy's dad
Lots of good advice so far! I would just suggest that your daughter watch a few competions of both younger and older girls. Maybe watch a level five competition and a seven or eight competion. Maybe the "wow" factor in seeing other girls competing will motivate her. Our gym teams higher level girls up with younger girls as team sisters for motivational support, etc. Maybe your daughter could talk to someone like this who might motivate and encourage her. Maybe her coach could suggest someone she/he knows who could talk to your daughter.
My daughter is much older and is entering level ten. She has never said to me that "I want to quit". However, she has recently refused to do more extra hours than the minimum Optionals are expected to do. We have gone along with this. But in your daughter's case, seeing other girls compete might be inspirational.
Julio Garcia,
Jamy's dad
Here is my take on this...
To me, in order to quit an activity like gymnastics, they have to first commit. At the age of 6, I don't think the term applies. Kids this young only commit to necessities and I highly doubt sports is one of them. Being a gymnast (with the hope of a career) at the age of 6 is a commitment on the parents' part (generally speaking there is nothing wrong with that) and often parents find that hard to let good.
So, if your 6-yo gymmie doesn't want to continue, the reason is pretty straight forward. Aside from the things already mentioned (like being too tired, too stressed, etc.) maybe she is just too young or has lost interest altogether. Maybe backing off the hours or pulling her out for a few months are the best things for her.
To me, in order to quit an activity like gymnastics, they have to first commit. At the age of 6, I don't think the term applies. Kids this young only commit to necessities and I highly doubt sports is one of them. Being a gymnast (with the hope of a career) at the age of 6 is a commitment on the parents' part (generally speaking there is nothing wrong with that) and often parents find that hard to let good.
So, if your 6-yo gymmie doesn't want to continue, the reason is pretty straight forward. Aside from the things already mentioned (like being too tired, too stressed, etc.) maybe she is just too young or has lost interest altogether. Maybe backing off the hours or pulling her out for a few months are the best things for her.
She did just start first grade. First time in school full time. She had always been home with me before this, and only went to Kindergarten for a couple of hours each day last year. I know she is still adjusting to being in school as it's only been a month so far.
Her gym does do Level 4. But Level 4 is not an option for her as she has been fast tracked to the Pre-Elite program. She could not switch to the Level 4 Team during this school year as they have already started their competition season. In the Pre-Elite program she has practice 3 days a week. She has to get out of school about a 1/2 hour early to get to the gym on time for practice and she does not get home til 7pm on gym days.
Then there's TOPs practice every Saturday each week also which is required in the Pre-Elite program. It is a big commitment for a 6 year old.
She started gymnastics when she was 5 years old. She was pulled out of a recreational class right away to be placed on PreTeam. She did PreTeam all last year training Level 4. She was chosen to be an aspiring Elite due to her body type, natural talent, ability to pay attention, listen and make corrections, endurance, competitive nature, personal drive etc... I think now it is to much pressure for her. I can see that gymnastics used to be fun for her and now it is work.
Her gym does do Level 4. But Level 4 is not an option for her as she has been fast tracked to the Pre-Elite program. She could not switch to the Level 4 Team during this school year as they have already started their competition season. In the Pre-Elite program she has practice 3 days a week. She has to get out of school about a 1/2 hour early to get to the gym on time for practice and she does not get home til 7pm on gym days.
Then there's TOPs practice every Saturday each week also which is required in the Pre-Elite program. It is a big commitment for a 6 year old.
She started gymnastics when she was 5 years old. She was pulled out of a recreational class right away to be placed on PreTeam. She did PreTeam all last year training Level 4. She was chosen to be an aspiring Elite due to her body type, natural talent, ability to pay attention, listen and make corrections, endurance, competitive nature, personal drive etc... I think now it is to much pressure for her. I can see that gymnastics used to be fun for her and now it is work.
Ah I remember now. This is pretty typical burn out, too much for her to manage. Have you asked her if she enjoyed pre team more than this pre elite path? Perhaps the fun has just been knocked out of her with all the pressure.
We had a little girl at our gym who was picked, through an evaluation, to go on their pre elite path at a big city gym. SHe was 7 and her parents drove her to the programme 4 days a week. Within three months the child wanted to quit gym. SO they took her out and brought her back to our gym. She is still doing gym now at 11 years old, and she loves it. But she will never reach her full potential in our low pressure, more fun environment. However she would never have lasted in the other gym.
Sometimes kids just aren't up to what is being asked of them.
We had a little girl at our gym who was picked, through an evaluation, to go on their pre elite path at a big city gym. SHe was 7 and her parents drove her to the programme 4 days a week. Within three months the child wanted to quit gym. SO they took her out and brought her back to our gym. She is still doing gym now at 11 years old, and she loves it. But she will never reach her full potential in our low pressure, more fun environment. However she would never have lasted in the other gym.
Sometimes kids just aren't up to what is being asked of them.
M
Megley
It does sound like the program might be too much for her. Sounds like there is a good deal of pressure in this fast track program. I would agree with others about backing down the hours at this gym if possible. I know you say she cannot compete Level 4, but is there any way she could at least train with the Level 4s? It may be that their season has already begun, but I'd bet your dd could be up to speed and competing by the end of the season. Otherwise, maybe look at another lower stress program at another gym. Level 4 is quite a lot of fun for the kids and I totally agree that the competitions are what the kids love most. My dd competed Level 4 as a 6yo and she LOVED the meets. To this day, she would tell you her absolute favorite thing about gymnastics is the meets! I know USAG is probably out to make money with all these lower levels competing, but I think it keeps a lot of kids in the sport as well.
If stepping back is not an option, maybe take a few months off and see if she comes begging to pick up gym again. We have a girl on our team who was slated to compete Level 4 as a 7yo, but decided she didn't like gym and wanted to quit. So her mom took her out and she did other things for a year - dance, soccer, etc. She finally decided she wanted to come back and competed Level 4 as a 9yo. She is now 12 and will be competing Level 9 this year. So quitting for a few months or even a year, at age 6, certainly is not a big deal. It doesn't mean she won't eventually be a successful gymnast or even an elite if that's what she wants and she has the ability. At age 6, though, it has to be fun.
If stepping back is not an option, maybe take a few months off and see if she comes begging to pick up gym again. We have a girl on our team who was slated to compete Level 4 as a 7yo, but decided she didn't like gym and wanted to quit. So her mom took her out and she did other things for a year - dance, soccer, etc. She finally decided she wanted to come back and competed Level 4 as a 9yo. She is now 12 and will be competing Level 9 this year. So quitting for a few months or even a year, at age 6, certainly is not a big deal. It doesn't mean she won't eventually be a successful gymnast or even an elite if that's what she wants and she has the ability. At age 6, though, it has to be fun.
P
Pickle's Mom
I want to bookmark this thread and point to it the next time someone asks what path their 5 year old should take.
Pickle is 8 and she trains 13-14 hours per week. When she was in first grade, she was there for 9 hours. I cannot imagine spending even one more minute at the gym than we do. We know that she will never be an Elite gymnast. But she loves it, she loves her coach, and she loves the feeling that she gets when she achieves something new. Last week, she even told me how much she loves the feeling of being sore after a workout.
I understand that you don’t want your daughter to learn “if something is hard, just quit…†Really, I do. But I’m not sure what lesson she will learn if you stick with it.
I think a meeting with her coach is definitely in order. Something like “maybe we pushed this too fast… what are our options?â€
Pickle is 8 and she trains 13-14 hours per week. When she was in first grade, she was there for 9 hours. I cannot imagine spending even one more minute at the gym than we do. We know that she will never be an Elite gymnast. But she loves it, she loves her coach, and she loves the feeling that she gets when she achieves something new. Last week, she even told me how much she loves the feeling of being sore after a workout.
I understand that you don’t want your daughter to learn “if something is hard, just quit…†Really, I do. But I’m not sure what lesson she will learn if you stick with it.
I think a meeting with her coach is definitely in order. Something like “maybe we pushed this too fast… what are our options?â€
I agree with the others it sounds like too much pressure for a 6 year old. There has to be more fun. The program she is in IMHO sounds like too much for a 6 year old. She might really enjoy gymnastics if she could go a diffferent route and can be sucessful in the long run. What is your gyms track record how many girls go this path a become elites. How important is this for you. I could tell you now if my daughter was in a program like this she would probally not be doing gymnastics today. At 6 they really do not know what they want but sometimes the parent has to choose the best path. I kept my daughter in gymnastics because she wanted to be there and I was supportive of her while a lot of others have left. It is really up to you at this age it sounds like the position you and your daughter are in is not your typical a 6 year old wanting to quit. The program your daughter is in is nothing I have had experience with I would maybe try to talk to other parents in your gym whose went this route.
D
Deleted member D3987
that's way too much for a kid that age. geesh...
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