Women Taking other kids to a meet

[kimute]

Hi there,
I am taking two of DDs teammates to a travel meet. I have paid for a hotel room with the three girls and have purchased flights for the four of us. In asking the other families for reimbursement do you think I should have them each cover a share of my costs (i.e. divide everything by 3)? Or should I pay for myself and DD and just ask them to cover their girl? What would you do?

Thanks!

 

[John]

Pay for yourself and your DD. Ask the other parents to pay for part of the room and provide their children with money for food. You will then get part of the room subsidized.

 

[gymnastmom05]

I would definitely ask them to cover their flights. As far as the hotel room, I would probably ask them to pay the difference. For instance, if you had to upgrade your room to accommodate them, I would ask them to cover that cost (divided between the two girls). Or you could divide the room into four (four of you in the room including you and your daughter), you pay your two parts and each girls' family pay for 1/4 of the cost. I would ask for money for meals ahead of time unless you have other arrangements made. I'm a little surprised all of this wasn't worked out before flights were purchased, that would make me nervous!

 

[wandrewsjr]

Just divide it all by four. You will hopefully be part of a team with these families for a long time and they will have the chance to have your back at some point too. Have fun on the trip!

 

[gymdog]

Make sure you look into what you need if they need medical treatment or get injured. You may need notarized permission and a copy of their insurance cards. I have seen this be an issue before when a child was injured at a meet that another parent brought them too.

 

[suebee]

I assume you would be going anyway, so unless you worked it out with the other kids’ parents in advance, I would say that the hotel and fight costs should be divided by 4, and each person, including you, should pay a share. You’re probably spending a little less than you would have, given the hotel will be split in 4.

That being said, I can also see the point of view that 1 adult “needs” to go so if that person is you, and that saves the other parents from needing to go (and the costs associated with their travel), so I can see the reason for wanting to ask the other parents to split your travel fees as well (divide by 3). But I feel like that is something you should have already discussed with them before you made and paid for the arrangements if that is what you wanted.

 

[MILgymFAM]

I’m surprised this wasn’t set beforehand. I wouldn’t ever ask someone else to subsidize our travel. I would ask them to pay for their kids’ flights and send money for food. I doubt I would ask for the hotel money unless I had to upgrade in some way, then I would ask them to split the difference. I definitely would have laid it all out and got everyone on board prior to booking though.

 

[Ali'sMom]

Definitely the flights!!! and money for food.
Myself, I'd probably not ask for a share of the room, as I'd be going anyway.

 

[skschlag]

So, I have done this multiple times. Each time, the parents paid for their child's flights and their portion of the hotel room. IMO< I would not expect my child to have a free hotel room going with someone else. The parents also sent money for their children. They held with gas to and from airport, parking, and tolls. They paid their part of the rental car. Most parents also paid a portion of my trip, as I was now basically "caring" for their child for 3 days or more, and therefore, they were not. When we set it up, we worked out all the details.

It is added stress for you, and make sure you have insurance info and permission for them to travel with you. Yes, I was going anyway, and yes, I had to pay for those things anyway. But you are now the "caregiver" for that child for the duration. IMO, yes, they have to pay their portion of everything. And, IMO, that includes your expenses as well.

 

[Texasmomof3]

I would never ask anyone to pay anything unless it was agreed up front. If I invite a kid without mentioning money, I am the host and the one responsible for paying everything. They would simply be my guest. So I hope you already had the discussion up front and the parents agreed to the cost of the plane tickets you found, etc.

And I would never ask someone else to subsidize my travel. That feels extremely rude to me.

 

[skschlag]

I would never ask anyone to pay anything unless it was agreed up front. If I invite a kid without mentioning money, I am the host and the one responsible for paying everything. They would simply be my guest. So I hope you already had the discussion up front and the parents agreed to the cost of the plane tickets you found, etc.

And I would never ask someone else to subsidize my travel. That feels extremely rude to me.

I get your point, but it does not seem rude to me. They aer saving a TON of money by not going, and you have added stress, and added responsibility. If i am a chaperone, then i should be treated as such. Now, if I invite...then no, but if they are askign me to be responsible for their child for an extended period, I see nothing rude about it.

 

[gymnastmom05]

I think the circumstances as to why she's taking 2 extra teammates with her is important (and we don't know unless I missed it). I know if I were in the position that one of my DD's teammates couldn't attend a meet due to finances or a parent just unable to make the meet for whatever reason (not that they just didn't want to go but had a conflict, health issues, money problems, etc), I would probably just ask to cover their actual costs only. Actually even if the parent didn't want to go and I liked the child, I would probably feel the need to offer (but definitely ask for her actual expenses to be paid!) If the hotel room didn't cost me any extra money by having them, then no big deal. I consider most of my DD's teammates and their families as friends, and have no problem helping them out. I know other parents have stepped in when I'm stuck (stuck in traffic, another child's sporting event, sickness, etc). And sometimes you volunteer to do something, thinking it'll be fun and then realize a weekend with 3 girls and being the lone adult is no fun and you'll never volunteer to do it again!

 

[momnipotent]

I think you should ask for the full cost of the flights and food cost, plus 1/4 of the hotel room and all other expenses (rental car, gas, etc.) I don’t think I would ask for part of my plane ticket, but that would depend on a few factors. If I was definitely going anyway, I would not ask, but if none of us really wanted to go and I agreed to be the chaperone, then I probably would. It’s a lot of extra work to travel with other people’s kids, and you being willing to take their children saves them a lot of time and expense. I also agree that if this wasn’t agreed to in advance then there needs to be a conversation about expectations regarding the division of costs.

 

[Texasmomof3]

@skschlag I suppose it really depends how it all came about.

If the gym says, "we need three parents to volunteer as chaperones" and I volunteer, I would not expect to have to pay anything more than my personal costs that I would have paid anyway, and maybe even some of those should be covered for me.

If I say to a fellow gym mom, "I'm taking dd anyway. So I'm happy to have your child stay with us so you don't have to go. If you want her to join, here're our flight and hotel details. Just let us know." I would expect her to buy her own plane ticket to match mine and then send her dd with some spending money, but in reality I would pay the meals and things I took them to.

If I say to a fellow mom, "Dd and I are going to X. We'd like to invite your dd to join." I would expect to pay 100% of the cost of her dd as my guest.

So it requires more information than I have available.

 

[LouLou]

I’m really surprised that some would expect reimbursement for part of their flight, car rental, even hotel. Their own flights sure (unless they are your guests which it doesn’t sound like). I’d probably just ask them to take some money for food, but I’d pay if we went out to a sit down dinner. It’s not costing you any more for hotel (assuming two queens/doubles) or car rental. As far as the added stress of having two extra kids, well you signed up for that when you volunteered to take them! If someone were taking my kid, it wouldn’t even occur to me to “pay” the parent, however I would give them a thank you note & gift card to a spa or something they’d enjoy after they return.

 

[Muddlethru]

I too would divide everything by 4. I would never have anyone subsidize my trip especially if I had planned to go all along. I also tend to pay for the girls’ meals if we all eat together or if they are around and I am buying my kid something. I feel so responsible for them, so I don’t do it that often.

In your case, however if none of the parents including you either did not want to go or cannot afford to go, and you’ve all agreed to subsidize whoever is willing to go and chaperone the girls, then by all means charge them.

 

[momnipotent]

I’m really surprised that some would expect reimbursement for part of their flight, car rental, even hotel.

See, this is why I think the context is so important and why everyone is so surprised the financials weren’t worked out in advance. From the other side, if someone was taking my kid to a fly-away meet, it would never occur to me that they should be stuck with the entire cost because they “were going anyway” so my kid gets to tag along for free. I would expect to be responsible for paying my child’s fraction of the hotel room or other expenses because those are expenses I would normally have to pay in full but am not incurring because another parent is taking my child.

 

[skschlag]

See, this is why I think the context is so important and why everyone is so surprised the financials weren’t worked out in advance. From the other side, if someone was taking my kid to a fly-away meet, it would never occur to me that they should be stuck with the entire cost because they “were going anyway” so my kid gets to tag along for free. I would expect to be responsible for paying my child’s fraction of the hotel room or other expenses because those are expenses I would normally have to pay in full but am not incurring because another parent is taking my child.

Yes. I have done this about 6 times between camps and meets over my son's career. Each time, parents have paid their son's portion of the cost, including flight, their ratio of hotel and rental car, their share of transportation costs, etc. In addition, they have covered part of my expenses, even though I 'was going anyway'.

the reason is that I am saving them a ton of money. I am saving them their airfare cost. I am saving them money on hotel and rental car. I am saving them their money on food, and incidentals (meet entry fee, etc). I am saving them the costs of siblings traveling, pet boarding etc. Plus, I am the one losing money because I had to take off work.

I have never had to ask..most of the time, they offer to pay part of my expenses as a thank you for helping them out. One time, I did charge, but I was taking 10 boys to camp and was gone for a week. Parents did not blink an eye. They expected it.

So, IMO, each should at least pay their part of any shared things...hotel, car, transportation, etc. Plus food and incidentals for their child.

 

[skschlag]

But, I understand this is not always the case. It has just been the way it has happened for me, each time I have gone. If someone has a financial hardship or other, then I get it. That can be different.

 

[kimute]

OP here. Thank you for your wonderful and helpful comments. For perspective. Both of the other families asked for my help because it is harder for them to adjust their work schedules. If I couldn't help, they probably would have taken off work and managed. Their DDs are my DDs best friends and we love both of the families and I'm happy to have their girls along. I bought everyone's plane tickets as inventory was running low and it was important that we ended up on the same flight!

True as everyone has said we should have sorted finances in advance. That said, I'm not worried. I often take these other girls in (to our home and on trips/to meets) as my schedule is more flexible and I love them as my own. Just wondering what seems appropriate to others. Thank you so far for all your thoughts and further thoughts with this perspective most welcome!