Parents What constitutes a braggy parent?

[Flicfliclay]

This is just a just for fun post.. But curious what others constitutes as a braggy overly enthusiastic parent? Gym owner and coaches always say.. let the sport belong to your child, and it's their sport not yours? So, when does it become eye-roll worthy? Is it over sharing? Is it constant over sharing of ones own child's accomplishments?

 

[John]

@Flicfliclay Great question. I find myself so proud of my daughter for the things she has accomplished and at times want to shout look at Her, then I remember most people do not care what my daughter is doing. I remember most people are proud of their children's accomplishments as well. It's a fine line when someone is fishing for compliments and bragging versus just looking to share with friends family. The chalk bucket CAN be a soft place to talk and share but not always. I find myself wanting to share videos but usually do not and when I have chosen to do so I usually feel anxious about doing so. Sometimes it is hard to return to the thread and read the comments.

So instead of sharing or bragging, I think:

Gymnastics is indeed my daughter's sport, the thing she loves more than anything at this moment. Those feelings may change tomorrow so, for now, I am enjoying the journey with her. Today she wants me on her team and to be included in most of what she does. I tend to try to enjoy the current status of team Dani knowing next week everything could change.

I would like an open sharing thread for us parents that need to just get the excitement or disappointment out.

 

[Annikins]

I also like the idea of an open/sharing thread, as it is so hard to know when it's ok to share. You don't want to be braggy, but in real life there aren't that many people that I would feel comfortable showing her gymnastics to. It's a really tough sport - you must be able to celebrate the good in it.

 

[M2Abi]

I don't mind when others share their gymnast's accomplishments. No matter the level or proficiency, it's pretty amazing what our kids can do. I only have a problem with people who want to put down others.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Braggy parents and fun post don’t go together.

For me it the parents who use “we”. We have States, we have practice.....

Um no, your daughter has States.

 

[gymdoc]

On the overly enthusiastic side, I dislike the parents that clap during warm up at a meet. One father had a full on stand-up, shout and clap during bar warm up. It was clearly not a skill she was recently struggling with. Plus he'd taken off his shoes, so he was already not gonna be my people....

That same meet, the mom behind me was complaining that her L7's floor score was SO low (it was a 9.4) and should have been higher because she did a full and a layout. It was definitely a fish for compliment/brag combo

 

[Aussie_coach]

This is an age old question for athletes as well, when is is it comsiderence confidence and when is it considered arrogance? And what is the difference between confidence and arrogance?

IMHO the difference is in how you treat and refer to others. If you boast about your child's achievements without putting others down then that is totally acceptable pride. It crosses the line when it starts to be at the expense of other kids.

 

[triplethreat+1]

I don't mind when others share their gymnast's accomplishments. No matter the level or proficiency, it's pretty amazing what our kids can do. I only have a problem with people who want to put down others.

Yup, exactly this. I think we all (or at least most) can appreciate each other's excitement at what our children achieve, whether that's placing first in elites or the first back handspring.
What crosses the line is when it's put as a comparison to others- better, younger, etc (or when long-term assumptions or claims are made).

 

[LindyHopper]

Braggy parents and fun post don’t go together.

For me it the parents who use “we”. We have States, we have practice.....

Um no, your daughter has States.

 

[LindyHopper]

I use "we" quite often... why? Because 9 times out of 10, I am going too. I am sitting there, and just as unable to make any other commitments as she is. (And sometimes, it's the whole family of 7 people. If that isn't a "we", I don't know what is)

I will never take credit for my daughter's accomplishments or live through her. I will take credit (with my husband) for raising her. And I have my own life filled with accomplishments (no matter how big or small) in my previous work, with music and with swing dancing.

"We" doesn't mean I am fusing myself to my daughter. It can simply be inclusive language--and a whole lot faster than saying "Short Stack has a Meet, and I am going too"

ETA, this post was not intended to be antagonistic in any way. Just offering another perspective... the use of one word does not necessarily indicate a braggy parent. And I will cede that I have come across a braggy parent or two who do use "we" that way.

 

[skschlag]

I use "we" quite often... why? Because 9 times out of 10, I am going too. I am sitting there, and just as unable to make any other commitments as she is. (And sometimes, it's the whole family of 7 people. If that isn't a "we", I don't know what is)

I will never take credit for my daughter's accomplishments or live through her. I will take credit (with my husband) for raising her. And I have my own life filled with accomplishments (no matter how big or small) in my previous work, with music and with swing dancing.

"We" doesn't mean I am fusing myself to my daughter. It can simply be inclusive language--and a whole lot faster than saying "Short Stack has a Meet, and I am going too"

ETA, this post was not intended to be antagonistic in any way. Just offering another perspective... the use of one word does not necessarily indicate a braggy parent. And I will cede that I have come across a braggy parent or two who do use "we" that way.

i was going to say something similar. I use the "we" because we are all going. However, "we" did not win anything. It gets frustrating to have to police that all the time when I am talking so I don't offend someone. And I will be very happy when "we" do not have practice anymore and I can just say "he" has practice! Freeing up a lot of time in my week And not trying to be antagonistic either...just agree with the above perpective!

Now, for braggy parent.... to me these would be the ones who just talk, and don't listen. Or who have on golden glasses in that their child is perfect and the judging was unfair or coaching not good enough for their child. I think being able to admit what was messed up in addition to what went well is important. And to be excited for other parents who are bragging about their child.

 

[LindyHopper]

For me, I guess it's all about tone and intent.

Is it excitement? Is it I am so thrilled for my daughter that I can't help but share it? Is it said to an audience that will be receptive? Does the listing of accomplishments get brought up immediately, or does it come from somewhere organic in the conversation? And lastly, would the person speaking be just as willing to reciprocate--listen to the accomplishments of other gymnasts and celebrate with their parents?

Or... would the conversation always be about their gymnast and only their gymnast? Would there be one-upsmanship? Would there be a tone of condecenscion? Is it the first thing this person talks about when they see you? Is the conversation happening at an appropriate time?

The exact same words can be said, but who they are said to, when they are said and how they are said (including tone of voice and body language) can make the difference between bragging and not.

But, I am interested in aspects of interpersonal communication too.

 

[RTT2]

I have a friend who posts every single new skill her kid gets to the point that I imagine mom must live in the gym waiting to record every skill, posts shots of her daughter posing everywhere ("This is how a gymnast does the playground!"), posts videos of every event from every meet, and seems to focus all of her time and attention on the daughter in favor of the other child. I get being proud of a child's accomplishments, but the bragging gets old.

 

[3rd_time_around]

I wish I could "brag" more, but I am constrained. I didn't hold back, though, when she went from scoring low to mid 8's on beam to a 9.475 and placed 1st! I posted that!! She worked hard to overcome her fears and and stick that routine!

 

[Flicfliclay]

Wow! I love all these replies! It is very interesting seeing all the different interpretations of what "braggy" may be. I guess for me, it would be more of the nonstop braggy brag type of parent. I think it is great to be excited for your child's accomplishment, but when you see the same thing over and over and over for days.. then I feel like it is overkill. Or like one poster said above.."fishing for compliments". I don't think i have ever shared on this particular site any of my daughters accomplishments for fear of sounding braggy.I have said my daughters level, and that she is training HOPEs/Elite path, and that i feel is a bit much LOL. In the back of my head i think do people think that i think my daughter is going to the olympics? ( i don't btw ) I do however share on my personal facebook page as I am able to share with friends and family all in one place. I think a safe place for us that are not quite ready to shout things out to the main forums would be great!

 

[Jazzjerz]

I think about this topic as it pertains to these forums and FB groups quite a lot. In my personal opinion, I have landed on the following:
Is the parent only sharing the good, amazing times, or do they open up about the rough times as well?
Do they cheer other kids' successes, or always follow up with, "my DD did xyz too."
Do they congratulate me for my daughter's score or placement, but then grumble about their daughter's score, when it was .1 higher than the one they just congratulated mine on?
Are they posting every accomplishment, on every single group and subgroup and message board and sub message board, as opposed to sharing with a group of people who have requested updates, and shown mutual interest in discussing results?

This is just a list of things I have seen, that have personally struck me as "braggy" over a period of time.

 

[raenndrops]

Wow! I love all these replies! It is very interesting seeing all the different interpretations of what "braggy" may be. I guess for me, it would be more of the nonstop braggy brag type of parent. I think it is great to be excited for your child's accomplishment, but when you see the same thing over and over and over for days.. then I feel like it is overkill. Or like one poster said above.."fishing for compliments". I don't think i have ever shared on this particular site any of my daughters accomplishments for fear of sounding braggy.I have said my daughters level, and that she is training HOPEs/Elite path, and that i feel is a bit much LOL. In the back of my head i think do people think that i think my daughter is going to the olympics? ( i don't btw ) I do however share on my personal facebook page as I am able to share with friends and family all in one place. I think a safe place for us that are not quite ready to shout things out to the main forums would be great!

There is a Brag Alert Social Group.
And there are social groups for various levels too.
Of course, I am one that brags if YG manages to only fall off beam once in competition or if she remembers to do all her actual skills that are supposed to be in her routines (Xcel Platinum).

 

[profmom]

I guess for me it comes down to realism and honesty. I love seeing posts on FB and other social media celebrating a great meet but I also like it when the person isn't curating every single thing and only showing the amazing victory moments. I find that talk of crushing the competition grates if it seems serious. And I prefer to see some awareness that winning at low level compulsories isn't an incredible feat that means the child is destined for the Olympics.

I probably post too much about gym on FB, but I hope my non-gym friends appreciate that I don't just post That Amazing Routine that only had .2 in deductions. I put up videos of the whole meet, which lately has meant a lot of falls and other miscues. I'm guessing some people thought I was a huge bragger when my son was having a great year at L5 -- probably not everyone realized that some of what I was saying was VERY tongue in cheek.

It occurs to me that I have a friend who posts very rarely about her daughter's gym journey on FB but I wish I could see more. She is not a braggart at all, but her daughter is mind-blowingly good, especially on beam. The girl just won floor at L9 nationals, and I was so thrilled for that family.

 

[tpMom]

I think the audience matters. For instance, I probably won't come here to share that my kid got her bhslo on floor, or that she placed in a competition, but you better believe Grandma's getting a phone call.

Likewise, I recently did a "brag" post when I spoke about how difficult she's finding her connection on beam and how proud I am that she's pushing that fear. Grandma didn't hear that story because she's not going to understand, but I knew many people on Chalk Bucket could relate and celebrate with us.

Knowing your audience and reading the room is important, as is making sure the bragging doesn't put someone else down.

 

[Annikins]

I think it's great if you have family to 'brag' to, but personally I don't have a lot of family, and those I do have are not that interested. For me, I am really conscious of trying not to brag, but it would be nice to be able to brag a little without fear of unkind comments. Both my dd's have at separate times done what I think are amazing things, but I have been too conscious to post them on facebook, and now think maybe I should have as everyone else seems to!