Parents Article on why parent's shouldn't watch practice

[LizzieLac]

http://soccerparenting.com/2015/02/16/6-reasons-parents-should-not-watch-practice/

It is about soccer, but it made me think of all of the practices I have watched for both of my kids. Sometimes, kids want their parents to see them progress at practice, do the first BHS, etc. but as they have gotten older I have found the pleasure in "staying away."

Enjoy!

 

[MILgymFAM]

I disagree with articles like these, and a lot of the similar advice I see on here.

I wish my parents came to see me play soccer or run track when I was younger. I would have loved that they cared enough to bring me to practice and watch. Other kids feeling bad for kids whose parents watch is completely irrelevant if those kids enjoy their parent being there.

When it comes to my kids, we have completely open relationships. They determine how involved they want me to be, and I truly listen to what they want. My older DD wants me at her practices. On the common theme here I tried for awhile to pull away. I made a point of saving all of my errands for practice time. DD noticed and asked me why I did that and to stop. I told her that people say it's better for parents to distance themselves from their kids sport, and she told me in no uncertain terms that she wants me there because she wants to be able to talk to me about her gymnastics- the good, the bad, and the scary. She also said that she knows we only get to have this particular relationship for awhile more and she doesn't want to grow up sooner than she has to. This is why, at 13, she still has mornings snuggles in my bed and I read to her every night.

Now my younger DD has different feelings on gym. She wants me around but not watching, and I usually sit in the car and read/make phone calls. She wants me to watch open gyms, however, where she shows off all the things she is learning without interrupting her practice flow. I don't think the problem is parents watching or discussing gym with their kids.

In my opinion, it's a problem when they aren't listening to what their kids want, and when they start to internalize their kids struggles and successes. Every kid, every situation, every parent is different, and have different needs.

 

[profmom]

My two are pretty good at this point about letting me know if they particularly want me to watch, and if one of them presses, I try to make it work. DS would love for me to be there just about all of the time to experience all of his awesomeness, but that just isn't gonna happen. For the oldest, I've discovered that if I show up for the last 15 minutes or so of soccer practice and sit entirely silently and do not speak to the teenager or his friends as we leave the dome, he is actually pretty happy if I noticed and comment upon good things that happened in the scrimmage or small-sided game.

For me, the key to being a good observer is to let them initiate conversations about practice or alternatively, if I did see something that I really was excited about, to say something like, "wow, I had no idea your whip tuck was so high!" No critique, no interrogation, certainly no coaching, just appreciation for all the hard work and progress that I've seen when it seems that such observations are welcome. I usually get in the most trouble when DS says, "DID YOU SEE MY X?!?!!!" and I must shamefacedly admit that I was checking email, yakking with other parents, or reading a paper at the time.

 

[LizzieLac]

My takeaway from the article was the added pressure that watching too much practice can cause. Agree with MILgymFAM that every kid and family is different. For me, it made me realize that it was right to step back and hover less!!

 

[2gymnastand1soccerplayer]

both of my dds are the same way, they don't want me their for the whole practice, but last half hour want me to watch, That is usually when they ask their coaches if they can show me something. Their have also been times where my oldest dds coach will see me in the office, and ask me to come in the gym so dd can show me something. In my opinion I think it's based on the kid. Some kids need that feeling of knowing that their parent is there to support them, and other don't like it, my some very much doesn't like it when I watch his soccer practices. He is more of the drop off, pick up type of kid.

 

[lovemygymnast]

I disagree with articles like these, and a lot of the similar advice I see on here.

I wish my parents came to see me play soccer or run track when I was younger. I would have loved that they cared enough to bring me to practice and watch. Other kids feeling bad for kids whose parents watch is completely irrelevant if those kids enjoy their parent being there.

When it comes to my kids, we have completely open relationships. They determine how involved they want me to be, and I truly listen to what they want. My older DD wants me at her practices. On the common theme here I tried for awhile to pull away. I made a point of saving all of my errands for practice time. DD noticed and asked me why I did that and to stop. I told her that people say it's better for parents to distance themselves from their kids sport, and she told me in no uncertain terms that she wants me there because she wants to be able to talk to me about her gymnastics- the good, the bad, and the scary. She also said that she knows we only get to have this particular relationship for awhile more and she doesn't want to grow up sooner than she has to. This is why, at 13, she still has mornings snuggles in my bed and I read to her every night.

Now my younger DD has different feelings on gym. She wants me around but not watching, and I usually sit in the car and read/make phone calls. She wants me to watch open gyms, however, where she shows off all the things she is learning without interrupting her practice flow. I don't think the problem is parents watching or discussing gym with their kids.

In my opinion, it's a problem when they aren't listening to what their kids want, and when they start to internalize their kids struggles and successes. Every kid, every situation, every parent is different, and have different needs.

I completely agree with you! We talk to my dd and sometimes she wants me to stay & watch, other times not. But I grew up in a family where both parents worked long hours. The activities I could be involved in, they were never able to watch. So, I enjoy watching but also realize this is her sport and she gets to choose. My boys would be mad if weren't there to watch them in any of their many activities, so it's really up to the kid & family.

 

[B.Gold]

Good article-def. food for thought. My DD says she would prefer I was there all hours of practice. But her behavior changes significantly the moment she spots me. And she spots me within moments of me walking in the door no matter how camoflouged, far away and hidden among parents I am-how does she do that?? Then she will look at me after every turn, and tries to send me sign language to get my feedback. I'm definitely a distraction to her regardless if she wants me there or not.

 

[LJL07]

^^me too. I'm definitely a distraction.

 

[aerials]

Great article! However I'm not sure this applies to little kids. When my dd was younger and practices were shorter I did watch a lot. However I think most little kids just think "yea my mom's here"! While most tweens and teens may feel more pressure (real or imagined) becuase of the parents watching. I don't think it has anything to do with your relationship, it's just about being that awkward age. And at some point the parent needs to step away and let the child claim gymnastics as their own.

I also do think that it is a good idea to occasionally to watch some practice, to keep in touch with what's going on.

 

[Deleted member 17723]

I hate when my parents watch practice. Sure, I am a teen, but I find them distracting. The gym is one of the times I can be myself-and I'm not the same with my parents around. I'm more outgoing and friendly while I am at the gym.

 

[GymmieC]

I read the article on FB. I too would have liked to have parents who were more involved. I wasn't able to watch DD's practice when she was younger because gym had a strict policy against parents staying to watch, etc. DD was four and on team training 16 hrs and I couldn't watch. I felt like a terrible mom then. But DD was happy, so I figured things were okay. She did mature so much because she had to do for herself at such a young age.
DD just recently told me that she likes me to be there in the gym especially when she gets a new skill. I don't like going in too much because I am always thinking what coaches would think if I were there too long. So I ussually come in 30 or so mins befor the end of practice. I must admit, it is very comforting to have the okay to pop in if I want to.

 

[COz]

...DD was four and on team training 16 hrs and I couldn't watch...

Wow!

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I disagree with articles like these, and a lot of the similar advice I see on here.

I wish my parents came to see me play soccer or run track when I was younger. I would have loved that they cared enough to bring me to practice and watch. Other kids feeling bad for kids whose parents watch is completely irrelevant if those kids enjoy their parent being there.

When it comes to my kids, we have completely open relationships. They determine how involved they want me to be, and I truly listen to what they want. My older DD wants me at her practices. On the common theme here I tried for awhile to pull away. I made a point of saving all of my errands for practice time. DD noticed and asked me why I did that and to stop. I told her that people say it's better for parents to distance themselves from their kids sport, and she told me in no uncertain terms that she wants me there because she wants to be able to talk to me about her gymnastics- the good, the bad, and the scary. She also said that she knows we only get to have this particular relationship for awhile more and she doesn't want to grow up sooner than she has to. This is why, at 13, she still has mornings snuggles in my bed and I read to her every night.

Now my younger DD has different feelings on gym. She wants me around but not watching, and I usually sit in the car and read/make phone calls. She wants me to watch open gyms, however, where she shows off all the things she is learning without interrupting her practice flow. I don't think the problem is parents watching or discussing gym with their kids.

In my opinion, it's a problem when they aren't listening to what their kids want, and when they start to internalize their kids struggles and successes. Every kid, every situation, every parent is different, and have different needs.

Wait, how do you watch your older dd in gymnastics but not the younger one..?

 

[MILgymFAM]

Wait, how do you watch your older dd in gymnastics but not the younger one..?

They go to two different gyms at different times.

ETA: one does artistic and one t&t.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Which one does t&t?

 

[MILgymFAM]

Which one does t&t?

The younger one. She was the same when she did artistic though, and the older one is still herself when she is at the t&t gym. They both felt the same in reference to their dancing. And swimming. And soccer. Their personalities aren't tied to the activity.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

That's a lot of driving! So the older is still in artistic?

 

[MILgymFAM]

That's a lot of driving! So the older is still in artistic?

Yes, it is. Many hundreds of miles a week. My older DD is in artistic (xcel) but also does open gym at the t&t gym and just started a tumbling class there also. My younger wants to do artistic also, just rec, but we haven't been able to make that happen.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Oh. Okay you said something about the oldest in t&t and I wa s confused. So your oldest is in the process of quitting ?

 

[MILgymFAM]

No one is quitting. Oldest is in xcel gold, but also works out at the t&t gym. Youngest used to do artistic and now solely does t&t.