Parents Article on why parent's shouldn't watch practice

[raenndrops]

That's OK, she's not the mother

Thank you @COz

 

[COz]

Still waiting for your autobiography. Let me know when it's ready

 

[Deleted member 14190]

But not all of gymnastics is about making it to L10 or college gymnastics. Gymnastics is something my gymmies DO... it is not who they are.
They are in it to do the best that THEY can do... and if they never get past L7, that is fine with me - if that is what they want.
And our HC has no problem with it. It HELPS the girls and the team!
I support them to the extent they want me to... in everything that they do.

Well, not so fast, you are missing the entire point. Which is,,, on average kids will progress faster and further without you sitting in the front row coaching them. Being that the objection of parents watching isn't about rec, but JO team, I think it fair that you post your experience but also add all the details. Such as, at what level did your OD stop team, (sounds like she does open gym now). And what level/age is your youngest.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

That's OK, she's not the mother

=
now I am lost is raindrops the parent or the coach?

 

[Canadian_gym_mom]

FOR THE KIDS, I go to practice. I sit in the front row. I watch them practice. When YG is on bars, I am sitting down by the bars. When she moves to beam, I have my "beam spot," and for floor, she has a spot for me too.
She doesn't want to be at practice without me there - if i have a meeting, I let her know where we will be.
When OG is at Open Gym or when she was at her gym, I was always there too.
I keep the girls grounded and focused. I often get asked "did you see that" and I want the answer to be "YES! I saw it!"
They know that I will (AT THEIR REQUEST) use my "judge eyes" and tell them what I see... and it works for us. YG had a personal best beam score and a personal best vault score Saturday.

You do this all practice, every practice? In my opinion, that isn't healthy for any of you. Maybe it's different where you live but I have never been to a gym where parents can be out in the gym watching and moving rotations with their children. Viewing is done from the viewing area behind glass.

Are you an actual coach and judge as well? I am still kind of shaking my head at this. I don't want to offend you, it's just something I've never heard of, let alone witnessed.

Oh, how old are your kids and what level are they?

 

[Deleted member 18037]

Both our gyms, current and old, strongly recommend you don't stay (for team), although neither would kick you out (well they might if you are completely unbearable). Some parents do, some don't, some part, some all.

I find there are a lot of kids who get distracted by parents in the gym. Mine doesn't. And I pretty much don't watch, but I do stay partially sometimes. Its more about catching up and bonding with the parents, a bit at the beginning, a bit at the end.

I also hear parents at drop giving all kinds of comments, advice, coaching. Don't forget to work on xyz because it needs work. Or pay attention when you do xyz, it was sloppy last practice. I just listen and think, that is what I am paying the coaches for. My job is cheer and support. All I say at drop off is, "Have fun". At meets, all we say is do your best and have fun, we can't wait to watch you.

I see lots of parents stressing who is ahead of who, what their kids can or cant do. I just leave that to the coaches. I especially do not stress their up training. All when level 3s were working on L4 and L5 skills and I would and do see parents stressing it. The kip, was a biggie everyone was stressing. I was like ladies they don't "need" this until next Sept/Oct, why worry in December about something they have another 10 months to get.

Really, I enjoy those 2.5 hours to do things like grocery shop, Xmas shop, have a date with my husband, meet up with the girls. Its my time. I consider it very expensive child care Did I mention date my husband

My girl is not a talker, so I rely on connecting with the parents to tell me about a new skill. I remember the first time I saw her BHS, I was like when the heck did she get that and one of the usually stay moms, told me oh she has been doing that for weeks now . I did get to see her first 2 kips but that was because the coach and I were having a "where is she at" conversation (that I do try to do every other month or so) and it came up, and we had a difference of opinion on how close she was. Coach based on bar coach info said not close. I said well I am just a parent she looks pretty close to me. So she went onto the floor to see for herself, don't you know on her second attempt with whatever this coach said she got it, and then got it again. One of the last kids, but she has been pretty consistent since, at least so my girl says. I haven't seen a practice since and that was a month ago.

But I think it helps that our coaches don't move them mid season. Their level is their level and they up train to keep them engaged. At our end of year in gym program they get to show off their new higher skills and share their goals for the coming year. That is the time for us parents to watch and see their growth. And since their is no judging the kids are totally relaxed and happy to show off, stress free.

I like this article

http://growingleaders.com/blog/what-parents-should-say-as-their-kids-perform/

 

[Deleted member 18037]

You do this all practice, every practice? In my opinion, that isn't healthy for any of you. Maybe it's different where you live but I have never been to a gym where parents can be out in the gym watching and moving rotations with their children. Viewing is done from the viewing area behind glass.

Are you an actual coach and judge as well? I am still kind of shaking my head at this. I don't want to offend you, it's just something I've never heard of, let alone witnessed.

Oh, how old are your kids and what level are they?

Yep no way a parent is allowed on the floor during practice. In fact our waiting room is closed and has viewing glass. I imagine from a liability issue it would be a huge problem. Once or twice a year our gym has Parent day. We are allowed on the floor. They go over their routines and let us know what they are working on, what the judges are looking for.

We are also allowed on the floor when they are working on their custom routines in a private to video.

Otherwise, not a chance. They would rather you don't stay and if you do behind the wall/door in the waiting area.

 

[raenndrops]

You do this all practice, every practice? In my opinion, that isn't healthy for any of you. Maybe it's different where you live but I have never been to a gym where parents can be out in the gym watching and moving rotations with their children. Viewing is done from the viewing area behind glass.

Are you an actual coach and judge as well? I am still kind of shaking my head at this. I don't want to offend you, it's just something I've never heard of, let alone witnessed.

Oh, how old are your kids and what level are they?

The way you asked, I am not offended... We are in a YMCA Program that competes USAG JO Levels and Xcel Gold and Platinum. We compete within our district of 11 YMCA teams from Late October through Mid-March when we have District Championships. Those who qualify, can go to YMCA Nationals.
The team sends girls to Y Nationals every year (and even though we compete against teams that practice a lot more hours and compete in USAG meets against private clubs, we have girls place every year).
Our entire team (L3-L7 and Xcel Gold and Platinum) only practices 7.5 hours a week (3 x 2.5 hours). YG (age 10, Xcel Gold) actually only goes 2 days a week right now and works on bars and/or beam for 30 minutes before practice starts and then works with her team for an hour and a half - 2 hours. She has a stepsister in rec (the level before team) that has 2 hour practices, but they start 30 minutes before team, so we are there for her class time and THAT is the time that I am ACTIVELY talking to YG while she does stuff.

OG is actually taking time off due to family drama, but she is 13 and Xcel Platinum (the goal is L7 in 2-3 years ... and POSSIBLY Middle School gymnastics this coming September).

"Moving rotations" involves me moving down on the bleachers... My "bar spot" is 12 feet from my "beam spot" which is 15 feet from my "floor spot." We are in a school gym with 10 rows of bleachers that run almost the full length of the gym (with the exception of the stairs to the "upper gym" that are on each end of the bleachers) and this is where people can watch from. Some parents stay part of practice... or stay for a while, leave, and come back. I don't drive, so I stay.

I am a "bench coach" ... HC has me there if needed and she asks me to record and / or watch different things and give the girls tips. We have several teenage coaches too and sometimes they don't catch everything. I help out there too. One coach, in particular, has trouble explaining things to some of the girls. She will ask me to watch them do something... and then she tells me - in her words- what she needs them to do, then I explain it so the gymnast understands. (My degrees in education and psychology come in handy with this ).

Until OneTrueMedia shut down, I was also the team Videographer... I would record all the girls doing different things and create a yearly team video. I took this season off because I am still trying to see if I can find a new way to make them (I don't like iMovie on my Mac or I would just use that.)

I am not a JUDGE... but I know the ins and outs of the Xcel Program... and L3-L7 major deductions and a lot of minor ones.

 

[raenndrops]

Well, not so fast, you are missing the entire point. Which is,,, on average kids will progress faster and further without you sitting in the front row coaching them. Being that the objection of parents watching isn't about rec, but JO team, I think it fair that you post your experience but also add all the details. Such as, at what level did your OD stop team, (sounds like she does open gym now). And what level/age is your youngest.

OG is taking a year off. She is 13. She competed Old L4-L6 and Xcel Gold. She was set to compete Platinum before Family Drama started. She wants to get back into the gym and compete Platinum, POSSIBLY Middle School Gymnastics, and eventually L7.
YG is 10. She competed Old L4 and Current L3, and now competes Xcel Gold (after 3 years, she still didn't have the mill circle, and was bored with doing the same skills over and over when she had more skills in her repertoire). Her goal is to have fun. She wants to get up to L6... and maybe L7... when she is older.
They both go to Open Gym occasionally... OG to keep up her skills and YG to work higher skills on the tumble track and trampoline ... because it is fun.
I am not a parent... more like an aunt... and TECHNICALLY I am a "Big Sister" and they are my "Little Sisters" in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

OG is taking a year off. She is 13. She competed Old L4-L6 and Xcel Gold. She was set to compete Platinum before Family Drama started. She wants to get back into the gym and compete Platinum, POSSIBLY Middle School Gymnastics, and eventually L7.
YG is 10. She competed Old L4 and Current L3, and now competes Xcel Gold (after 3 years, she still didn't have the mill circle, and was bored with doing the same skills over and over when she had more skills in her repertoire). Her goal is to have fun. She wants to get up to L6... and maybe L7... when she is older.
They both go to Open Gym occasionally... OG to keep up her skills and YG to work higher skills on the tumble track and trampoline ... because it is fun.
I am not a parent... more like an aunt... and TECHNICALLY I am a "Big Sister" and they are my "Little Sisters" in the Big Brothers/Big Sisters program.

=
Please no offence, but your posts are irrelvant to the subject at hand. I totally think what you do is great and my hats off to you for what you do. But your opinions and experience are not what this thread is about. I mean that in the nicest way.

 

[skschlag]

I have been a parent that for years has been saying that parents should stay and watch if they want. However, my tune is changing. Sure, kids love to have their parents watching, but they notice everything! If I frowned at someone in the lobby but was looking toward the gym, d thought I was mad about something. He was always looking to me for validation and for encouragement. In practice, this is the coach's job.. YOu many not think you are a distraction, but you are. If not to your kid, it could be to his teammates.

I now only stay if I have a booster meeting, or if I get done with my errands and have some time left. I sit in a room that cannot see the gym, or in the back. I might walk up to see what they are doing, but only watch if d invites me to watch a skill. Parents are a distraction in the gym, whether we want to admit it or not. (and I will say, I have done a complete 180 on this topic!)

D's gymnastics is much better now. And I LOVE that I see the completed skills and not the 4 billion drills and reps leading up to it. And, I find that with me out of the gym, the CGM that lurks under the skin tends to stay at bay a bit more, and I actualy have a life that does not involve gym!!

eta: I am talking team practices, not short rec practices.

 

[raenndrops]

=
Please no offence, but your posts are irrelvant to the subject at hand. I totally think what you do is great and my hats off to you for what you do. But your opinions and experience are not what this thread is about. I mean that in the nicest way.

IMHO, there really isn't a nice way to tell someone their experiences are irrelevant. The subject was why parents shouldn't watch practice. I may not be an actual parent, but I am LIKE a parent to my gymmies.
Everyone's experience is different. I know of several parents who DO watch practice and their children are progressing just fine... On average, I think it depends on the child whether or not the parent watches practice and how it affects the gymnast's progression.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

IMHO, there really isn't a nice way to tell someone their experiences are irrelevant. The subject was why parents shouldn't watch practice. I may not be an actual parent, but I am LIKE a parent to my gymmies.
Everyone's experience is different. I know of several parents who DO watch practice and their children are progressing just fine... On average, I think it depends on the child whether or not the parent watches practice and how it affects the gymnast's progression.

You are not a parent and are even considered a coach, not the same. Sorry.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I have been a parent that for years has been saying that parents should stay and watch if they want. However, my tune is changing. Sure, kids love to have their parents watching, but they notice everything! If I frowned at someone in the lobby but was looking toward the gym, d thought I was mad about something. He was always looking to me for validation and for encouragement. In practice, this is the coach's job.. YOu many not think you are a distraction, but you are. If not to your kid, it could be to his teammates.

I now only stay if I have a booster meeting, or if I get done with my errands and have some time left. I sit in a room that cannot see the gym, or in the back. I might walk up to see what they are doing, but only watch if d invites me to watch a skill. Parents are a distraction in the gym, whether we want to admit it or not. (and I will say, I have done a complete 180 on this topic!)

D's gymnastics is much better now. And I LOVE that I see the completed skills and not the 4 billion drills and reps leading up to it. And, I find that with me out of the gym, the CGM that lurks under the skin tends to stay at bay a bit more, and I actualy have a life that does not involve gym!!

eta: I am talking team practices, not short rec practices.

_ this is very well worded and parents need to keep in mind that for whatever reasons, girls are even more sensitive than boys regarding this issue.

 

[Deleted member 18037]

IMHO, there really isn't a nice way to tell someone their experiences are irrelevant. The subject was why parents shouldn't watch practice. I may not be an actual parent, but I am LIKE a parent to my gymmies.

If you are not a parent, it is irrelevant. I am a great aunt, and my nieces and nephews place a lot of weight on what I say and the conversations we have. And I am not their parent.

I am also a stepparent as well as a parent. And I can tell you I love my stepson as if he were mine, but in the scheme of things I more like the queen then the prime minister. I mostly get to wave nicely.

I can assure "like a parent" is in no way an actual parent.

And you can not possibly get that until you are a parent.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

If you are not a parent, it is irrelevant. I am a great aunt, and my nieces and nephews place a lot of weight on what I say and the conversations we have. And I am not their parent.

I am also a stepparent as well as a parent. And I can tell you I love my stepson as if he were mine, but in the scheme of things I more like the queen then the prime minister. I mostly get to wave nicely.

I can assure "like a parent" is in no way an actual parent.

And you can not possibly get that until you are a parent.

Not to mention this is the parent forum.

 

[wgymmom]

I stopped staying at the gym when the practices became 3 hours long. I have a YDD and the poor girl would be miserable hanging out in the lobby 18 hours a week. The lobby accommodations are limited, no good viewing area. We have two gyms and the girls use both, so I would have to get up and move around to keep watching DD.

DD would love for me to come watch, but I can see that she will find me and smile or wave, and I don't want that. I love her and I'm glad she loves me, but I want her focused on her training, not wondering if I saw this or that.

Our gym does allow parents to stay if they want. Some lower level parents stay, but I think most drop and dash. You will get booted if you're nasty and gossipy though (we seriously had to have a reminder of this one year after an influx of new 3's).

 

[COz]

I think people should be very careful here.

No one knows the details of @raenndrops 's personal relationship with 'her children' or the relationship of anyone else to the children they talk about in this forum.
@raenndrops has been very open and tolerant of some comments that really are verging on unpleasant.

I am quite sure there are step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents and in some circumstances aunts/uncles or grandparents that happily and healthily fulfill a 'parent' role in a child's life without being their actual 'parent'.
I would hate for people to say that they aren't welcome in this forum. Perhaps it would be called a 'relative's forum' and again, it is not your place to judge her relationship with the children she lives with and cares for or anyone else's relationships.

There have been comments in the past (perhaps from @bogwoppit ) about only posting in this forum in your 'parent' capacity of you are both a parent and a coach. Are you wearing your coach's hat whilst making these comments?

 

[skschlag]

I think we do have to be careful on mayn fronts. I will say, being a coach at the gym does make it different than being a parent. Kids do notice. Kids do comment. And it gets worse as they get older. It is important that the gym be their place, and their sport. If as a parent, you are giving the advice and coaching them, oyu are undermining their coach, and eventually it will show . HOwever, if you are a coach at the gym, it brings a different dynamic.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I think people should be very careful here.

No one knows the details of @raenndrops 's personal relationship with 'her children' or the relationship of anyone else to the children they talk about in this forum.
@raenndrops has been very open and tolerant of some comments that really are verging on unpleasant.

I am quite sure there are step-parents, adoptive parents, foster parents and in some circumstances aunts/uncles or grandparents that happily and healthily fulfill a 'parent' role in a child's life without being their actual 'parent'.
I would hate for people to say that they aren't welcome in this forum. Perhaps it would be called a 'relative's forum' and again, it is not your place to judge her relationship with the children she lives with and cares for or anyone else's relationships.

There have been comments in the past (perhaps from @bogwoppit ) about only posting in this forum in your 'parent' capacity of you are both a parent and a coach. Are you wearing your coach's hat whilst making these comments?

=
No one including myself indicated or intended to say that this person had no right to post here. (although looking back I can see how someone might take my post as such) My point was, this is the parent section so anyone who does not know Raindrops, (including me) automatically assumed they were the parent. I thought it was a bit misleading of this person to post as a parent in the parent section. Had this post been in the WAG forum I could then "maybe" see how they just forgot to identify themselves as not being the parent, but being that this IS the parent forum and the subject IS about parents, I think it a bit coy/misleading to leave that little detail out... Hence my comment. And for the record I would consider a Step Parent, adoptive Parent, foster Parent to be parents, hence the word parent.... I am here as a parent and yes I am a coach, but either way my opinoin is the same, along with several other parents here as well....
Lastly, am I to understand that you are defending a person who is not a parent but is a coach on the parent forum , and at the same time questioning if my comments are legit based on the fact that I am a parent and a coach???? Ironic isn't it?