Parents Coming clean.....I bribed her

[Gymnasticsgirl521]

Oh heck I think we all do it in some way. DH made a deal with the Devil as I call it just this weekend. DD wanted a puppy and he told her if she won AA state champ he would purchase her any pet she wanted....... Ok now I have to put restrictions because that would be DD asking for a REAL pony and not the puppy. But This is something that she could achieve and I am willing to reward her year's of hard work with something her little heart desires. Mind you if she asks for a snake, hamster, spider, bird we will have to look harder at the pony option. Yes Mommy does have the trump card and can over rule anything that will freak me out. Since I will have to help with it.

We also do little bribes for those smaller accomplishments that are giving her troubles. Mind you they are little rewards a new leo for a skill that has given trouble or such. Heck I remember a barbie was the reward for a skill once. DD is determined to acheive her personal goals but those little extras help make it happen sooner.

I have to say with DD when we make these deals we know to be prepared to anty up because she is one little one that wont ever let it drop.

Now my parents were INSANE with their bribes when I was a teenager. Car for winning Nationals, diamond earings for an event etc. Heck my Dad has already told DD if she ever makes it to the olympics that he will purchase her a car of her choosing. Mind you she is 6 now. As I have told him he may have made a deal with the devil if she puts her mind to it. He could be purchasing her a very expensive car some day. He still laughs about it and says it would all be worth it if she ever made him pay up. Now they are asking what her rewards are for certain scores and placement for a regular meet. I told them that is up to them. We have the State reward on the table anything further than that they can make with her. I can't afford to reward her beyond her own achievements and pay for the sport. They laughed and said they would have a reward for her lined out. They are totally insane I tell you. Heck they pay my kids for grades so what can I say.

 

[MdGymMom01]

I do think that the bribing can end up backfiring at times, though. Believe me--I have done my fair share of bribing but have found that it sometimes doesn't work especially if there is a major fear issue involved. No matter how enticing that bribe or reward is, dd's fear ends up winning and then she will justify not getting the reward saying, "well, I didn't really need a new phone or I don't need a shopping spree right now". I also try to teach Dani that the feeling of accomplishment and setting a goal, working hard and reaching it is the reward in and of itself. I want her to appreciate hard work for the sake of hard work not because she will get some new gadget or something that she wants. I do think that bribing and rewards are good for the younger kids and it helps motivate them, but when you start hitting the age of 10 and up, I think it is important to teach them the value of achieving a goal and the satisfaction it brings as its own reward.

Ok--off my soapbox now

 

[thnkGd4kds]

One of our coaches once told me of a girl who was offered a substantial amount of money if she'd get a certain score on beam. The girl got up there and completely froze, then fell apart. She'd fixated on that prize/reward/bribe, and that pressure, on top of the pressure of doing well for herself and the meet, was too great. Every person is different, and I could see bribing working for some kids, but I believe that with my dd, the pressure she puts on herself is great enough that the bribe would be an added, negative pressure for her, as well.
But, heck, I'm also that weird Mom who doesn't even have her kids participate in Pizza Hut's reading rewards program because I think that children should read for their own pleasure and not for a reward. To each his/her own!

 

[NotAMom]

Another downside to bribing is what happens when the incentive is taken away. What then?

As a side story, my mom-in-law repeatedly offers to pay my daughtes for not biting their finger nails. (I think she does that just to get to me) Good thing that my daughter paid no attention to that. They eventually stopped biting and didn't remember what grandma said altogether (until they are reminded again). Now, with that, they made my proud.

 

[mariposa]

We don't do rewards around here, for gym or anything else for that matter. It just doesn't follow our parenting philosophy or the life lessons I want my kids to learn.

 

[skfleming255]

We only do rewards for skills that are scary for my dd. Once she finally gets the skill, she gets a new Webkinz. This usually happens once a year with the beam. It's funny b/c she is always scared of the new beam skills, but is the state champion on beam.

 

[bogwoppit]

I know we've been down this road before.
To each his own for sure. But in my house the reward is knowing you got it by yourself using your own drive and determination. My kids do get treats but we try not to attatch them to anything in particular.

My kids are driven nuts by the kids at school who get paid for their top grades. Oldest son had a friend who got $50 for each grade over 90% he got, my DD has a friend that gets $5 for every A on her report card. Does it motivate, oh I am sure it does. But more valuable (IMHO) is my child getting the grades because he or she can do it for themselves and not to please someone else.

Can a child really control what AA score or placing? So why reward for something they cannot control? Goals are always good and should be celebrated, but those goals should be something the child has control over.

 

[gymnut1]

Alot of girls here get a new leotard for a new skill and we have done that once or twice. I am not keen on it now because my dd will do the skill for the reward and then wont do it again.

My most frequent bribe is having a KFC on the way home if she has worked hard regardless of the moves or skills done. (about once a fortnight). I make a point of asking the coaches to check if she has just incase she is tempted to make it up lol. I often hear other kids getting food as a reward too expecially Macdonalds or sweets. I think that is OK as long as it isn't every night!

The little kids I coach get stickers at the end of a session for new or significantly improved moves.

 

[SamIam]

Some interesting replies. I don't feel bad at all for our agreement last year. Some of you guys have really taken it to the next level with cars, cash, and diamonds. I like it. To each his or her own on the parenting. Reading the various responses makes this an interesting thread.

I may have improperly titled this thread with bribe. It was more of a talking without thinking episode. That is certainly more along my lines than bribery.

 

[cathiann]

LOL! I'll have to talk to Beth and find out what she wants! DH always bribes our youngest at soccer--she scores a goal and he buys her ice cream.

 

[melmonette]

I just got Emily a new leo for getting her flyaway and she finally got her back walkover the other night on beam too and since both these 2 skills were big mental and fear blocks... She is getting another reward for getting her back walkover. Sometimes after a meet if she does really well, I will also let her pick something out at the sales tables at the meets... which she usually picks out a new leo.
God the money we spend on leos.... shheesshhh