MAG Emotional Son

[skschlag]

So..bit of a long story.

My ds is a level 9 (14 years old). For the past 3 years, his gym has had spotty coaching...with a coach quitting 3 years ago...3 months no coach. New coach that quit in april, and interim A/C. AC got a full time job and is done. So the gym decided yesterday to close the boys' program.

Last night, D goes to practice. A coach is there?? confused. He is trying to "work a plan" to keep the program open "through the season". Makes some comments about how these boys are unfocused and will not be able tod o another program because they have no drive, nothign with in them to keep them going. Um....the stuff within is all that has kept them goign the past few years.

So on the way home, D is talking about how excited he is to start fresh, and check out a new, bigger program.
Thirty minutes later, he is in tears saying he might want to quit. No clue what brought it on. He is at school crying. He does want to do the eval at the other gym, so that is scheduled for tomorrow.

Any advice? I have told him that his reaction is normal and ok. Crying and beign sad is ok. What else? any one btdt and have any advice?

 

[trampolinemom]

Just be his supporting mum. He has all the reasons to be emotional and confused. But he will sort it out and make a new start. So sorry no more advice it sounds like you are doing a good job allready. Good luck to him

 

[munchkin3]

Boys are equally hormonal and have, IMO, even more emotions than girls. Its just that they are taught NOT to show them. Your poor guy has been through a lot with the coaching and is an EXTREMELY talented gymnast to persevere and succeed with the environment he has been given! Just think how well he will do in a stable program.

Just listen, acknowledge his feeling....but get him to another gym!

sending a BIG BOY hug his way........(this post really got my eyes watering)

 

[2G1B]

Just be supportive. I haven't dealt with a 14 yo going through this; but even my kids, at 7, was emotional when the boys team got dropped at his old gym. He knew he didn't want to quit; but he loved his coach and his team and the thought of going somewhere else was almost overwhelming. Once he settled in though, he was good to go.

For you, I'd just schedule the evaluations, be supportive, and cheer him on. I'd encourage him to not quit right now, that it might seem just easier; but that IF he decides to quit it needs to be on HIS terms, not because of this mess.

And that coach from last night is ridiculous. that these boys have done anything over the last 3 years is amazing. The coaching upheaval has been ridiculous and their determination and love of the sport should be commended.

Personally, I think that he is going to thrive with consistent coaching. I have only met D the one time; but it was obvious that he loves gymnastics and I bet in a year he is going to look back and be glad he finally got pushed to move on to a better situation.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

AND he is probably scared about going to a new gym, with strangers, strange methods etc. Will he be any good ? Will they want him ? Will they like him ? His self-confidence has had a huge blow recently, and although he is a big strapping lad, he is still emotionally a little boy.

 

[Tuppy]

Sorry. Sounds like it's been a hard, bumpy ride. And I think it's natural to be emotional. I think you just have to be supportive of him. Big hugs for you both.

 

[GymDad9.9]

My children are younger than 14 but from personal experience be as supportive as you possibly can to your son. It doesn't sound like he wants to quit but the circumstances in front of him may seem overwhelming. When I was 14 I quit a sport I really loved and have regretted it ever since. Keep the faith.

 

[gracyomalley]

UGH! so much to handle at that age...and yes, in my experience the boys are just as emotional but with less language to deal with it...DD still talks eloquently about the "year I died inside"...referring to her hardest year of puberty, losing beloved coach, and the end of gym and all it was to her - with a sarcastic smile...but boys and girls all have those feelings at this age about these things...

Our boys went through several hard years as you may remember with coaching and some very tragic, heinous loss of role models. Truthfully, very little of the team that was there when it all went down is still there now, 3 years later. The kids that are pre-teen and up were most likely to quit when their coaches/role models fall through, even if they love the sport.

With all the inconsistent coaching, I would guess transition will be hard, but that isn't the kids fault. I will say that once the dust settled here and a good, professional, experienced coach who really loves to coach/teach kids gymnastics took over the program (which took 2 years) the kids who had stayed that long mostly made the transition - although most have had to relearn many things, and the coach has had to be skilled at walking the fine line of helping them get on track athletically while honoring their past and keeping them from feeling like all his corrections and such meant they were failures.

I hope that you have options enough to find a place where your son can continue and thrive, and perhaps blossom - but it will be a transition and an emotional one. If he loves gym enough he'll thrive, otherwise he will come out stronger for the experience, if a bit bruised....

Hugs and thoughts to you all!

 

[sce]

For athletes, often, their sport is their escape. His safe escape has been ripped away. He is experiencing a major loss, and is grieving. It might help him to explain about grief and it's many stages That all of those feelings are normal and okay, but not to let the emotion drive his long-term decisions.

I would also want to kick that coach for saying that stuff to them. Self doubt is the last thing they need!

 

[SPX]

Also the gym friends are as big a deal as the gymnastics (maybe bigger). So he is also dealing with the group being divided up no matter what else happens. they've been through a lot already. Maybe remind him he can still get together with those friends. It will be different but doesn't need to go away entirely.

I hope the evaluation goes well and gives him some perspective.

 

[Seeker]

Wow -- what a blow for him (with multiple hits, no less)!! I'm sorry it has come to this and that coach had no business saying any of those things to those kids. What a horrible thing to do to them as they regroup. I hope he's able to calm/comfort himself in the knowledge that he IS a hard worker, he DOES have discipline and he is most certainly driven as he's made it work in less than ideal circumstances.

Hopefully the trial will go well and he will be able to transition somewhat seamlessly. Good luck!

 

[duyetanh]

Oh I hope it just goes amazing for him tonight!!!!! Please update us. I thought good thoughts for him, and so feel for both of you....ugh!

 

[skschlag]

It is actually tomorrow night. He took tonight off.....needed the emotional break!

 

[Madden3]

Don't know what to say about the coach's comments. Ugly IMO.

My 13 year old gets very emotional whenever he is nervous about something. Anticipating a tryout at a new gym would be pretty hard for him to handle, even if it meant a positive change and was something he wanted to do. DH and I have spent years trying to help him with his anxiety over little things with various techniques and this has helped a bit with irrational anxiety. But some things are going to be rationally anxiety-provoking no matter how you slice it and in that case I have found I need to just stay out of the way and let him figure out how to live through it. I do encourage him to talk about it if he wants, but otherwise stay out of the way.

 

[BachFlyer]

I hope that the evaluation is going really well tonight! Can't wait to hear the report.

I wonder if part of his anxiety/upset is worrying about the new gym been stable. He has been through so much, so it would only be natural if He was unsure whether or not the new program will stay solid, or if he'll just go and get comfortable there just to be dealt another blow. So much transition is hard...maybe remind him that even adults feel stressed by change. I know when my dd changed gyms, it actually took me longer to adjust than her!

 

[skschlag]

I am with you BachFlyer! I feel like a duck out of water sitting here! Definitely miss my gym friends

He is smiling so far...40 minutes in. SEems happy. Even better there are 10 boys, and 2! That's right 2! coaches!!!!

 

[Sasha]

That's right 2! coaches!!!!

What crazy land is this with 2 coaches??? At the SAME TIME???

I just can't process..


Rooting for him that he comes out feeling amazing!

 

[skschlag]

What crazy land is this with 2 coaches??? At the SAME TIME???

I just can't process..


Rooting for him that he comes out feeling amazing!

Right? And...they seem to actually be coaching.....the boys......

He seems happy......And the drive was not horrible. They do say most of the boys are doing JD this year as they transition, but I am hoping that They will get D to do L9

 

[Pigeon]

Glad to hear it is going well/went well.

This may be off topic, but...What can be done about the uncertainty (or what I perceive as that) in men's gymnastics? I feel like our men's program is always on the edge of being on the chopping block. And we have about 30-40 boys (compared to maybe 100-110 girls on team). It's stressful for me as a parent, to think that my son works so hard in this sport and we are at the mercy of a board of directors that could decide one day that the program doesn't generate enough income and they would cut it (and we are a solid hour from any other boys program). There are days when I feel like saying "Screw it! Off to baseball you go!" (ha!).

Back on topic...I also have an emotional son. A random grandma-type lady (grandmother of one of the girls) told me today she always watches my son and wants to give him a big hug when she sees him crying (which has been a lot lately...he's 9, new coach, learning giants). I felt terrible, like I was a bad mom for putting him in a sport that made him cry, but that's kind of just his personality. He wants to do well and if he doesn't he's upset with himself. Right now, that shows itself as tears. What I should have told her is "you think this is bad, you should see the waterworks when he forgets his spelling homework at school!". I also think he is learning some pretty good life skills by working through things that are tough.

Anyway, I really hope the new program/situation works out for you! In fact, I wish you were evaluating at our gym - we sure could use some more boy$ !

 

[sce]

Right? And...they seem to actually be coaching.....the boys......

He seems happy......And the drive was not horrible. They do say most of the boys are doing JD this year as they transition, but I am hoping that They will get D to do L9

Look forward to hearing how he feels about it. Was it just him or any of this teammates too?