....... It was a very warm fuzzy private school, but even when I taught there I remember thinking that this teacher spent too much time alone with some of the older (5th-6th grade) girls. I didn't think (though maybe I should have... I was a teacher but not yet a parent at the time, plus he was such a "nice guy") that there was anything amiss going on.......
Bottom line, the smart ones (mentors teachers, coaches, and all) go out of their way NOT to be alone with kids. Classroom doors get left open, other adults are around, etc. Anyone who seeks out time to be alone behind closed doors with a kid who is not his/her own is suspect, IMO.
It can happen anywhere, anytime.....these sick people look for certain traits in kids..... the worst part, is that the brainwashed people and kids really bought into him being the best guy in the world!
In this situation the parents of the girl allowed her to be alone with him,
ride in the car with him, even go to his house alone....... Her mom admits in retrospect that she was blinded by all the special attention the coach gave her DD and the promises he made regarding her gymnastics career. The mom played right into it. Trust no one. Not even family members. I have no problem being the overprotective mom and looking crazy for it.
I went with him alone, with no cell phone to the space and felt very very creaped out. I gave him his stuff as fast as I could...... I could not verbalize a reason but the feeling was extremely strong....... Later he dated a friend of mine and beat her bloody.
What I want to know is how he kept getting hired??? Doesn't everyone do a background check...... munchkin3
As far as I know, and in my opinion.......
The problem with the background check is they rely heavily on two things, public records and internet searches of those records. That's all fine and dandy except for two things, the number of county and federal court houses would require something like 3000 different searches, and the fact that there are volumes of records that date back to times before everybody archived records on the internet. So as everyone knows..... if it isn't on the internet, as a practical matter, it doesn't exist.
The only way the companies can economically conduct searches is to focus on the counties in which an applicant has lived or been employed. Well that ought to work but for one thing, they only know where to look based on disclosures made by the applicant. So you tell me what you would do if you were Ray Adams. Would you disclose those, if any, convictions....... or those instances where moving on was the best way to avoid allegations getting to the point of a criminal investigation? Yeah right, like that'll ever happen. I'll let you draw your own conclusions about the reliablity of companies that do these background checks.
Whether you trust background checks or not, the best defense against these creeps is you. As your read through the thread you saw statements like the above I put in bold. Much of what's said can be seen to some degree at every gym, but it's not a clear indication or cause to suspect the coach who pats kids on the back or gives a shoulder hug when they are appropriate expressions consistent with what's taking place..... like making it through a routine or skill for the first time, or consoling a kid who's pet hamster escaped and.... well, you know.
So what should set off your creeper alarm??????
When a coach pats or hugs with no cause. Really, how often does a kid do something great or suffer a personal tragedy? Maybe once, possibly twice a day for the great stuff, and few kids have tragedies they need to be consoled for.
When the patting moves over time from an acceptable landing spot, on the middle or upper back, and creeps a little bit lower each week, or moves off center and closer to the side of their body than the center.
When they seem to good to be true to certain kids, but not to everyone else. Genuine goodness gets shared with everyone, but creeps are too busy focusing their attention on the select few. Oddly, these kids seem no more skilled for the attention they recieve.
When they come to 'the rescue' so often you feel obligated to them in some way. The irony of this one is that you sometimes express your thanks by including them in some activity that includes part or all of your family..... like maybe something simple like "Hey, we were just going to get pizza, and we'd love to have you along.
When you get "that feeling"...... maybe because.........
You keep getting told how well your child is doing, but they don't shine the same way at competitions. Hey, now *there's* another chance for a consolation hug that more resembles a 50's 'first step' at the movies.
Great coach..... but kinda clumsy and moving the wrong way *all the time*...... Whoops!
There's probably more but that's all that comes to mind at the moment. Feel free to add to the list.
I just want to add that the profile of the victim is not consistent with with respect to age or skill level. I know of a few instances where the child was an extremely accomplished gymnast, so don't assume these people can't walk and chew gum at the same time.
Keep in mind that there are *thousands* of gym coaches and very few instances of abuse. Please don't suspect every coach with one or two quirky behaviors....... So wadda you do? Don't trust them to be alone with your child no matter the circumstance, tell other parents that you've seen this or that so they can be on the lookout for any of these behaviors, and if your observations go beyond the point of that's 'peculiar,' take a moment to chat with the owner, head coach, or the peculiar individual. All you really have to say is..... I'd prefer, for everyone's benifit, that this wasn't done.
