WAG Level 5 Gym Switch?

[bookworm]

My advice on a gym change is that if you're even thinking about it, it's usually a year overdue...

And from this moment forward, you do your research ( keeping your mouth shut while doing so) and then you figure out which gym you are switching to ( visit yourself without your daughter, and then have her try it out), make the switch, and then send an email thanking your current gym "for all they have done for Susie" ( but you do not need to give info about where or why) and move on....if your current gym gets wind that you are looking, they make ask you to leave on the spot so that's why I recommend doing it on the down low....

 

[my4buffaloes]

I think a good coach tries hard to hide who their favorites are - just like a good teacher should. Some coaches can't and actually treat the ones they don't like poorly and only talk to or spot the ones they like. It does happen. I think now is a great time to look at a gym switch. Heading into optionals, after states, etc. Do your research well and take your time. Hopefully this will be your only switch.

 

[Gymmommy71]

IMO the beam score not counting remark could mean one of two things - 1. coach was just pointing out how only the top 3 scores count and since there are more than 3 on the team her score doesn't factor in to the team score, or 2. that the coach feels that even had she done her best (not fell, wobbled, or whatever happened that made the score low) she wouldn't have been in the top 3 anyway cause there are much better beam girls on the team. The 1st is obviously not mean at all, and the second may or may not be depending on if it's clearly true or not - some kids just aren't the best on all events and clearly understand this, but some may not realize this and get very upset at a coach pointing it out.

 

[flowerchild]

While I generally am in favor of transparency, a gym switch is a situation in which I am not.

Best advice is to keep your mouth shut.

I made the mistake of telling DDs old coach that we were leaving before I had finalized arrangements at new gym ( she had gone for a tryout, but Nothing was final, signed, etc). The day after I told HC/ GO that I was moving DD, suddenly new gym couldn't take her any more.

Good luck in your gym switch!

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

IMO the beam score not counting remark could mean one of two things - 1. coach was just pointing out how only the top 3 scores count and since there are more than 3 on the team her score doesn't factor in to the team score, or 2. that the coach feels that even had she done her best (not fell, wobbled, or whatever happened that made the score low) she wouldn't have been in the top 3 anyway cause there are much better beam girls on the team. The 1st is obviously not mean at all, and the second may or may not be depending on if it's clearly true or not - some kids just aren't the best on all events and clearly understand this, but some may not realize this and get very upset at a coach pointing it out.

Or, coach could have very well said it to be supportive. I can imagine saying something similar if a gymnast gets a low score and feels down about it. Trying to take the pressure off by saying the score doesn't count but focusing on what the gymnast can improve on to be personally more successful next time, KWIM? I'm probably not wording that well, my coffee hasn't kicked in yet...

 

[SurpriseGymMom]

To the OP, this is a good time to put feelers out but definitely talk to your HC first. If her coach isn't aware you think there's a problem, there's no way for them to try to fix it!! It is quite hurtful to find out people are unhappy with things and suddenly leave without even attempting to discuss and resolve the issues. Now, if it's something that has been addressed before and no changes have been made, that's a different story. Just tread lightly, the gym world is small and you don't want to have your kid labeled as "the one with difficult parents". Not at all saying you appear to be unreasonable in your concerns, but there's a fine line and always two sides to the story.... And be aware that the prospective gyms will likely be hearing the OTHER side of the story also, from people (coaches etc at your current gym) they may possibly have a long, professional relationship with....

 

[GymCharis101]

well, my gym doesn't take in other gymnasts mid season, that's just the policy. if i were you, would look around a little more, and if there are absolutely no spots, then maybe wait until meet season is over.

 

[volleymom7]

Thanks everyone for your input. We have tried to address the behavioral issues with the gym owner and were met with a "what do you want us to do about it" attitude and they basically did nothing. We also let them know we felt one coach was refusing to coach her and they just had her switch to different coaches. The beam comment was made before she competed beam that day - we thought her coach was really encouraging her but then when we heard what she really said we were disappointed to hear expectations were being set so low for her. The poster who stated our switch is probably a year overdue is correct and we just need to find the right gym.

Others have switched to gyms that are further from where we live so those are not a great option but we will (quietly) check out a few closer to home. Those who have switched have told us how refreshing it is to be at a gym where they cannot tell who are the coach's favorites and their daughters are very happy so it gives me hope.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I always suggest people be up front and tell the owner that you are not happy and thinking of exploring other options. Obviously some coaches/owners may fly off the handle, but others won't. In fact most coaches I talk with only have a problem when the gymnast and parent sneak around and then lie about where they were. I can tell you from experience that having a child who I coached for years look me in the eye and lie to me is devastating.. This effectively severs the bond that I have with the child, (I can't stand being lied to from anyone about anything).
I have had families be very up front, and it was hard for me/everyone, but to this day we say hi etc.... A couple of which I have even taken back. Sometimes it's not why,,, it's how. Just saying.... your leaving anyways so why not leave with dignity....

 

[flowerchild]

I always suggest people be up front and tell the owner that you are not happy and thinking of exploring other options. Obviously some coaches/owners may fly off the handle, but others won't. In fact most coaches I talk with only have a problem when the gymnast and parent sneak around and then lie about where they were. I can tell you from experience that having a child who I coached for years look me in the eye and lie to me is devastating.. This effectively severs the bond that I have with the child, (I can't stand being lied to from anyone about anything).
I have had families be very up front, and it was hard for me/everyone, but to this day we say hi etc.... A couple of which I have even taken back. Sometimes it's not why,,, it's how. Just saying.... your leaving anyways so why not leave with dignity....

Well, coachp, the problem is... You never know if the coach/owner is going to be a professional about the gym switch, or not.

I get that you have coached these kids for years, and spend a lot of time with them. But at the end of the day, they are someone else's child.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Well, coachp, the problem is... You never know if the coach/owner is going to be a professional about the gym switch, or not.

I get that you have coached these kids for years, and spend a lot of time with them. But at the end of the day, they are someone else's child.

Actually the problem is, parents would rather have their kids lie for them instead of making the hard choice and having that difficult meeting . Look at your own sentence,,, "You never know if the coach",, thats right you never know how anyone is going to take anything in life, so just run and lie.... awesome philosophy. And yes at the end of the day you can do whatever you want even if it harms your kid and former coach. Great topic and I hope I reach at least one person.

 

[gymbeam]

We made a gym switch last year. We did not tell old gym we were considering it. We just didn't say anything until we said goodbye. No lies were ever told.

 

[txgymfan]

Coachp, kids often lack the discretion about when it's best not to have a conversation. I often don't want my kids to lie, but it's also best if they don't have certain discussions with certain people. For example when they ask their dad " why doesn't Aunt Susie like you?". That is not a discussion that they are allowed to inquire about during Christmas holidays when Aunt Susie may be in the room.

That's why I highly recommend that parents both try to resolve issues with their current gym and with the utmost discretion investigate other gyms and narrow down the possibilities. Then I suggest that parents have their child try out at the two or at most three finalists and possibly not return to practice until a final decision has been made and papers signed. That way the child does not have to "lie". Frankly, as a coach, even a devoted one, I think it's best you don't know we are considering a switch until it's done. Just like I would not want my boss to know I am looking for a new job until I have signed the papers and set a start date for my next one.

 

[flowerchild]

Actually the problem is, parents would rather have their kids lie for them instead of making the hard choice and having that difficult meeting . Look at your own sentence,,, "You never know if the coach",, thats right you never know how anyone is going to take anything in life, so just run and lie.... awesome philosophy. And yes at the end of the day you can do whatever you want even if it harms your kid and former coach. Great topic and I hope I reach at least one person.

I never said lie. In fact, I was upfront with my DDs GO, told him I was considering a gym switch for her before I ever took her anywhere bc I felt my DD would be better off in another gym. GO asked me not to pursue a gym move, promised they could make things work, etc.

Fast forward 6 months, when I decided that it was really in my DDs best interest to move her, and started to act on it, the fallout was really horrible. I won't go into the details, but my DD now thinks her old coaches hate her.

I still think it's better to make your decision and silently act on it. Do your research, and have your DD go to her gym try outs and miss practice. Make your final decision, then let old gym know.

 

[bookworm]

Actually the problem is, parents would rather have their kids lie for them instead of making the hard choice and having that difficult meeting . Look at your own sentence,,, "You never know if the coach",, thats right you never know how anyone is going to take anything in life, so just run and lie.... awesome philosophy. And yes at the end of the day you can do whatever you want even if it harms your kid and former coach. Great topic and I hope I reach at least one person.

Coachp this is a rather harsh statement for someone who has only walked in the coach's shoes, and not the parents. No one wants their kid to lie but if you've had an experience with being upfront, trying to resolve an issue and then being shown the door and treaTed like dirt afterwards....I'm not feeling the love you think is going to come from this scenario....

At the end of the day , you are in a business as a coach/gym owner and I am in the business of doing what's best for my kid, period.

 

[my4buffaloes]

Our old gym was notorious for treating parents and gymnasts horribly if they got wind of someone even thinking of looking. We saw many screaming insults in the middle of the gym. Therefore we made the decision we were leaving, had dd try out at new gym, and sent an email thanking them for coaching our dd and stated we were leaving. We then tried to have a civil conversation via the phone and that was the wrong move. We should have just ignored the phone calls. To say it did not go well is an understatement.

Coachp - I think you are rare in the gym world - most gym owners and coaches take it very personally when a gymnast leaves and do not act like adults. It is our job as parents to protect our kids from that.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Coachp this is a rather harsh statement for someone who has only walked in the coach's shoes, and not the parents. No one wants their kid to lie but if you've had an experience with being upfront, trying to resolve an issue and then being shown the door and treaTed like dirt afterwards....I'm not feeling the love you think is going to come from this scenario....

At the end of the day , you are in a business as a coach/gym owner and I am in the business of doing what's best for my kid, period.

Completely understand your opinion, but see zero harm in communication. I am not objecting to the gym switch so long as it's for the correct reason. Both my kids were competitive gymnasts (so was I), so maybe not quite the same.... But I do understand why a person would not want to stir up the bees nest, or have an adult throw a tantrum. I get it completely,,,, But if you just take 5 minutes and stir the nest, you can resolve a lot of things or at least let it all out. When you duck out without the last conversation you could be making a mistake. In some circumstances people leave because of what they believe to be reality, only to find out (or never find out) that they were just buying in on all the gossip. Obviously once you have come to your conclusion to switch, having you child tryout is the next step. Simply put, just do us all a favor and never have your child in a position to lie to us,,,,, it's extremely hurtful for all.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

Our old gym was notorious for treating parents and gymnasts horribly if they got wind of someone even thinking of looking. We saw many screaming insults in the middle of the gym. Therefore we made the decision we were leaving, had dd try out at new gym, and sent an email thanking them for coaching our dd and stated we were leaving. We then tried to have a civil conversation via the phone and that was the wrong move. We should have just ignored the phone calls. To say it did not go well is an understatement.

Coachp - I think you are rare in the gym world - most gym owners and coaches take it very personally when a gymnast leaves and do not act like adults. It is our job as parents to protect our kids from that.

=
Well I don't blame you there! But that isn't the norm and obviously nothing will work in that scenario. However; I see lots of coaches hugging / saying hello to kids/parents who were once with them. So it does happen. Finally, I am not"rare", each time I lose a kid it hurts and it is personal. And some of the kids who left our program are not welcome back and some are (and I have taken some back). There are just better ways to do things.

 

[Deleted member 14190]

I never said lie. In fact, I was upfront with my DDs GO, told him I was considering a gym switch for her before I ever took her anywhere bc I felt my DD would be better off in another gym. GO asked me not to pursue a gym move, promised they could make things work, etc.

Fast forward 6 months, when I decided that it was really in my DDs best interest to move her, and started to act on it, the fallout was really horrible. I won't go into the details, but my DD now thinks her old coaches hate her.

I still think it's better to make your decision and silently act on it. Do your research, and have your DD go to her gym try outs and miss practice. Make your final decision, then let old gym know.

=
Wait, you did everything right . In the end if they handled it horribly then it's on them (and would of been unavoidable). And your child took the high road out. I am sure you are upset at the whole thing, but you at least tried to work it out. Plenty of parents out there that followed your path and ended up leaving, but still on terms with the coach.

 

[chalkbowl]

But if you just take 5 minutes and stir the nest, you can resolve a lot of things or at least let it all out. When you duck out without the last conversation you could be making a mistake. In some circumstances people leave because of what they believe to be reality, only to find out (or never find out) that they were just buying in on all the gossip. Obviously once you have come to your conclusion to switch, having you child tryout is the next step. Simply put, just do us all a favor and never have your child in a position to lie to us,,,,, it's extremely hurtful for all.

Agree with this post...

As a coach I would like parents to be upfront about the reasons they are leaving, if there is something that we can fix or improve on I would like to be given the opportunity. We have had athletes leave our gym when the parents ideas of "right: and the gym's philosophies just do not mix (wanting an athlete to compete an event w/o a skill, wanting an athlete to move-up a level without being able to safely do a skill) and they went to a gym who better met their needs. I have no issues with that and I'm still friendly with several families that have left the gym.

That being said, I know some parents have left and started rumors about how poorly we handle athletes leaving. One former parent told other parents that as soon as she gave notice she was leaving, that I blocked her on facebook, which was not true (and i'm not longer friends with current parents on facebook!) We have even had former parents tell our current parents that we tell athletes not to talk to athletes to have left for other gyms...again 100% incorrect and current parents were shocked and confused as they had never heard such a thing from their athletes. I often feel like former parents scrutinize every interaction I have with their former athlete and no matter what I do, it's construed in a negative light.