Lucy Moore
Gymnast
- Dec 3, 2015
- 2
- 0
Almost the same thing happened to me I wasn't happy at one gym and my top choice gym had no spots but then a coach I new switched to their gym and had me try out so maybe an inside connection could help
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This usually occurs as the result of the gym not having open lines of communication with the parents - where talks only happens when there is something wrong, or happens only at a group level. Parents don't feel comfortable having a 'bad' conversation if they haven't had any 'good' conversations. Open door policies don't work well for meetings either because it relies on the parent to make the first move, which they typically won't do if there is nothing pressing to discuss or if they are new and don't want to waste time.
We switched gym for my dd this summer. The new gym required full disclosure to the old gym before allowing a try out. So, I spoke to old gym HC about why dd wanted to go try out at a new gym.
The result of that conversation confirmed to me that we had to leave, whether it was to the new gym we were trying or somewhere else or even to quit gymnastics completely. The conversation began with HC telling me that he understood our concerns (revolving door of short term coaches, significant constant dead time at practice and kids coaching each other and no skills progress for dd for almost a year as a result) but that he had a plan and if we would give him the summer, it would be resolved. I thanked him for his candor and said I wasn't sure if she would actually move gyms or not, but that she did want to still try the other gym before making her decision. That is when HC got nasty, telling me that basically my dd sucks as a gymnast (even though he had never coached her directly) and that is why she had no progress in skills over the year. He then said he knew the other gym well enough to know that they wouldn't want her once they saw her workout, as she really has no future in gymnastics.
The reaction was quite a slap in the face from a gym with bible verses and posters about sportsmanship plastered all over their walls. They had never complained or raised concerns about dd for all the years they took our money.
I never spoke to HC or any of her old gym coaches again. Dd did not return to that gym after that day. She did hear from old teammates that one coach told the girls that they should not stay friends with dd as she abandoned them and is not a true friend. (Good news is new gym loved her, welcomed her, and her very first meet with new gym saw a full 2 point score improvement over where she used to score at old gym. She went from 34s-35s to 37s. And she has plenty of friends as new gym as well as the continuing loyalty of her friends from old gym.)
I think as a coach it has to be hard to have a gymnast leave for many reasons. One thing that no one leaving ever intends to cause is a stir amongst the other gymnasts staying... why is so-and-so leaving? Should we be checking out other places too? Etc, etc. I'm sure there is some reassuring or damage control on the coach's part that goes along with a gymnast leaving and I'm sure no one likes to deal with that.
??? what on earth are you even talking about..left field.. Yes, for the right reason, not my reason but "the" reason (thought that was pretty self explanatory). The scenarios mentioned by Aero are prime examples of people leaving for the wrong reason. I have told this story on here in the past, but here goes again....And this is exactly what happened to us and why I advocate keeping your mouth shut with a gym move....they agree with you until you disagree with them, and then it gets ugly, and remains so....and once you've opened that door, it can never be shut again.
Another point to make is that Coachp says he's "not against a gym switch, if it's for the right reason"...uh sorry, I decide what's the "right" reason to switch....that statement just smacks me as another egotistical response like Refugee describes....
One more thing I would like to say. I simultaneously agree and disagree with @bookworm about reasons for switching being "right." There are, as a fact, reasons that are good and not good for a switch, regardless of how you feel about them as a parent. As an example, a fact that a switch needs to happen is if there is some form of abuse occurring in the gym. Another would be if there are big safety issues that are not addressed, and are ignored. Conversely, a fact that a reason to switch is bad would be that a parent is not happy with how a coach is progressing their child, even though the coach is doing what is safe for the child, like not letting them compete skills they are not ready to safely execute yet. Another scenario would be if a coach avoids certain things at practices and forbids things to be done at home during an injury, but the parent disagrees and pushes the kid against the coach's decision. If you decide that a gym switch is the right thing to do in the latter situations, then you are undeniably wrong. That is the behavior of a delusional parent, a CGP. Now, I am not at all saying you are this way bookworm, I just have to disagree with the "I'm the parent and I am always right" sentiment.
@bookworm, just to be clear, I am simply sharing my thoughts. In my two years on this forum, I have found you to be incredibly wise and experienced, and I always read your posts. I have learned a great deal from you, and others like you on this website. Thank you for being so free with your experiences!
Coaching philosophy...#1 reason. Coach may say child left for the wrong reason because the coach believes in his/her philosophy. But not every athlete can learn and excel under that approach to coaching. Some can. Those that can't need to find what works for them by going to another gym.
This covers things like spotting vs. little/no spotting, working out "on their own," drills vs. not enough drills, not dealing with fears in a way that helps the athlete. Those are all the right reasons to leave, but coaches may not think so because it would call into question their coaching.
Coaching philosophy...#1 reason. Coach may say child left for the wrong reason because the coach believes in his/her philosophy. But not every athlete can learn and excel under that approach to coaching. Some can. Those that can't need to find what works for them by going to another gym.
This covers things like spotting vs. little/no spotting, working out "on their own," drills vs. not enough drills, not dealing with fears in a way that helps the athlete. Those are all the right reasons to leave, but coaches may not think so because it would call into question their coaching.
You need to go back and read the thread.... My comment "Completely understand your opinion, but see zero harm in communication. I am not objecting to the gym switch so long as it's for the correct reason." was in response to this post by you, "Coachp this is a rather harsh statement for someone who has only walked in the coach's shoes, and not the parents. No one wants their kid to lie but if you've had an experience with being upfront, trying to resolve an issue and then being shown the door and treaTed like dirt afterwards....I'm not feeling the love you think is going to come from this scenario....At the end of the day , you are in a business as a coach/gym owner and I am in the business of doing what's best for my kid, period." At no time in your post or the previous post from you did you give any information about why you left your gym, so I fail to see how you related my comment directly towards you.... Not to mention I have zero desire to debate with anyone who has already left for whatever reason.Aoro and Coachp, if you'll notice in my post just prior to Aero's, I describe our switch after " many a chat" with the coaches about what was going on with the situation... Times they had told me " when we feel we can't coach her anymore, we'll help you find the best place going forward "...well I waited it out 3 years of promises and finally said " it's not working, I need to move her for her to get X skill, where do you you suggest?" ...and all hell broke loose! We were shown the door, accused of thinking we were better than everyone else, told she'd NEVER get X skill and that they could still coach her and that we were being ridiculous to think otherwise.... So in this scenario, I think the coaches thought that we left for the " wrong" reasons but after she got the skill in question within 2 weeks of moving, I knew that we had moved for the "right" reason.... I had talked to them until I was blue in the face, given them time to coach the skill ( or get in someone who could) and it never happened....
We were treated so awful by this coach afterwards , that is why I advise a keep your mouth shut policy going forward because in the course of our numerous chats , I never saw it coming...