Parents Quitting?

[kikimom]

DD has had two bad level 6 meets in a row. After today's meet which she didn't finish she says she is quitting. Last meet was travel meet right after our vacation so she had only practiced once and made two critical mistakes - on beam she touched the beam after saluting and then withdrew her had to reposition before starting. She said nobody ever told her that was a deduction. Then she did what looked like a great floor routine but had turned the wrong way in a pass so again got deduction. On a good note she got her highest vault score ever, which has been her weakest event. Yesterday she had a great practice so was looking forward to the meet today. She was first up on beam for her team (she hates to be first it makes her extra nervous) she wobbled on her half turns and then fell on the full turn so she only got a 7.625 - her lowest beam score. Next rotation floor her routine looked really nice, but as soon as she left the floor, all three coaches began (in her mind ) to yell at her because she again turned the wrong way. In her defense it was obvious from the stands that she must have done something wrong because none of the coaches hugged her and they looked mad as she stood in front of them while they talked to her (we obviously can't hear what they are saying). She got an 8.25, so it was not horrible (two team mates who didn't turn the wrong way got 8.3 and 8.4) DD immediately sits down and starts crying and can't stop. When they rotate to vault she is still visibly upset and not paying attention, so the coach reprimands her, which starts a whole new flood of tears and she wants to go home. She scratched vault and bars and cried the whole way home. She now wants to quit because she doesn't think the coaches like her / appreciate her, she is the worst girl on the team and she will never accomplish her goals or make state. She has finally stopped crying enough to tell me she never turns the wrong way in the gym because she always starts in the same place and knows the pattern based on gym landmarks - she doesn't know why she keeps getting messed up, but she just thinks she should quit!!! Help - not sure what I should do.

 

[bogwoppit]

How old is she? Age can be a big part of wanting to quit.

More that that she sounds like a kid who would do great in an optional system, great skills just not enjoying the rigidity of the USAG system.

How about you ask her to work out at gym for a week befoer she decides about quitting. See if she can separate the gymnastics from the competing, they are two separate things after all. Talk to her coaches and let them know what you are doing so you can be on the same page.

She may after a week calm down and be ready to continue on, or she may decide that she has had enough. If that is the case you could suggest looking into other types of gym programmes.

Maybe during the week you can explore other gymnastics options, prep op or mason dixon type leagues or if she is older a High School gym programme.

If non of the options work for her, she might just need a break. Gym is a huge mental sport and she may need to get her head around it sll.

You are doing a great job as a Mom, you obviously care a lot about her feelings and that is great. Hopefully you can get her to calm down and take it one day at a time until she is able to think clearly about gym.

 

[kikimom]

Thanks - she just turned 10 last week. She cried for close to 5 hours so at least she has stopped crying. Hopefully she comes around.

 

[sally]

To me it sounds like she wants to quit because of the coaches, not so much on what happened. I would be having a chat to the coaches, as that sounds terrible. No wonder your poor dd wants to quit. Everybody has a bad day, even the best do. My grandfather use to say to me when I use to play pro tennis " back to the drawing board". Meaning get back to practise and start again. I don't know a huge amount about gymnastics, but if the coaches ever did that to my daughter I would be considering changing clubs. Every kid does their best to win, somedays you do and somedays you don't. You just have to learn to go back a train harder. That is what I tell my daughter, Giving up is not an option. And for a coach to make dd feel like she is hopeless not a good way, I would be doubting if they have the support to help her to be the best she can be, as that is what is needed to improve, not just the parents and gymnast, you need a coach who believes in you.

 

[bogwoppit]

Thanks - she just turned 10 last week. She cried for close to 5 hours so at least she has stopped crying. Hopefully she comes around.

Oh she's so little and oh so talented to be at L6. Hopefully her coaches can help her through this. She must have moved through the levels very quickly and that can be hard too.

You really need to talk to the coaches, she's a little kid and that kind of coaching just won't work. It would be such a shame if she quit because they cannot be compassionate. If she makes a mistake it's a mistake, she didn't plan it and she dodn't so it to ruin their day!

Poor baby, she needs hugs more than any of us do. So sorry that she is going through this.

 

[kikimom]

Thanks again - she has only been in gymnastics 4 years - she competed half a season as a level 4, did level 5 last year and is now doing level 6. As I may have mentioned she is sometimes oversensitive, but it seems like the coaches would recognize this and adjust how the pass on messages to her. I know they get frustrated because they think she isn't performing to her ability, but she does want to do her best.

 

[emandelsmom]

I have a 10 year old as well. She is very sensitive. My daughter started out as a level 4 this year. She stressed herself out way too much and then that just made it worse. At one meet, she fell off beam 3 times. Got a 5.65. Horribe. We made the decision to move her back to a level 3. She is now doing level 4 again but not competiting it. Her friend started out level 4. At the same meet, she fell off beam 3 times and got mixed up. She made a 5.45 on beam. Her parents left her a four. This meet this weekend, she was last place all around. She cried through the whole meet. She will repeat level next year. Give her a year to learn it and perfect it. The girls will be back together next year. Both having grown. Maybe set up a meeting with the coaches to give daughter some tips. I think it is the age.
Good luck!

Megan

 

[NotAMom]

That's one risk with kids moving through the ranks quickly. They at such a young age probably have so much pressure bottled up that it was just looking for an opportunity to blow. The time, the expectation (both external and from within), the fatigue, etc. With success, it makes things bearable. The rewards give them something to look forward to. OTOH, everyone has a limit for what they can tolerate when it comes to disappointments (mistakes, coaches, peers -- whatever that may be). Wanting to quit happens to be pretty common amongst kids in these situations.

I would suggest to have a talk with the coaches and figure out more on where they are coming from. Draw a conclusion from the conversation and reaction. If it sounds like what you believe it is, it's time to move on to another gym or another type of program as others have mentioned. There is a chance that what happened may be different than what you have described. I'm not implying any wrong doing on the part of your child at all, but a 10 yo (which I also currently have) often cannot express their true feelings (either in words or in action). If it's perceived to be a misunderstanding, maybe something can be worked out between you and the coaches in attempt to ease off the stress put on the child. I would definitely keep a closer eye on the development if that turns out to be the case.

Good luck!

 

[gymjourneymom]

I feel so bad for your little DD! She must be in a lot of emotional confusion right now. So much for a 10yr old to deal with. The biggest thing she needs to decide, (aside from all the pain & confusion she is feeling right now) is does she still love doing gymnastics? If she still loves the sport, but is have a rough patch, it doesn't mean she has to quit.

Kids tend to think in concrete("Gymnastics like this or quit"), but there are many options for her that she is not aware of. Could she only practice & not comptete for a while, until she feels more confident? Tell her coaches how she is reacting & that she wants to quit, see if they respond in a caring way. That will tell you a lot! See if they really WANT to help her succeed in this sport. How do the coaches see her progress?(make sure you schedule a private meeting, so you can all speak freely without interruptions). Do you agree with their plans for her progress? Is their coaching style the right style for your DD??? Maybe a gym switch is what's needed? Is the program the right program for her(maybe a prep op or YMCA program might be less stressful for her)? Help her to see that there are other options out there. It doesn't have to be "gym or no gym".

Remember above all else they are suppose to be having fun & enjoying what they are doing(even though it is hard work). If she's not enjoying it, something has to change. Maybe it is her time to exit the sport, if she wants to try new things. But make sure she knows she has other gym options 1st.

Good luck to her!(((hugs)))

 

[mariposa]

It sounds to me like she does not mesh well with her coaches maybe? I really dislike seeing coaches act negatively at meets to how a kid does. We completely skipped checking out a gym because at 2 different meets, I saw the same (main) coach get all mad at a kid because they messed up something. Who is the adult?? Seriously. That is just a grown up temper tantrum and totally uncalled for. What kid WANTS to go out there and mess up? I am sure she said in the morning, "I think I am going to make my coaches mad and mess up on floor again." Give me a break.

Is there any way you could check out other gyms with more positive coaching? Sounds to me like she would have reacted differently had she gotten a neutral or positive response from the coaches after floor.

Hugs to both of you.

 

[Panda-girl's Mom]

It sounds like you daughter is just frustrated, it also sounds like the coaches are not helping. I think some kids get ultra nervous at meets to the point of where they are not enjoying the sport. I would try talking to the coaches and let them know how upset your daughter is. If she really loves gymnastics I do not think quitting in the middle of the season, she probally just needs the coaches to give her more support and help her gain more confidence. I would give the coaches the oppurtunity to help her with this and then if they still continue to be unsupportive then maybe a gym switch is in order.

 

[kikimom]

Thanks - I'm sure the coaches didn't intend to be so hard on her, but your exactly right about the age and not being able to express her feelings. As soon as she left the floor she was standing in front of all three coaches who were sitting on the floor looking up at her telling her what she did wrong (see looked like she was standing before a judge in court) and when they said "you turned the wrong way again". She said "I know" but she really didn't know she just didn't know what to say and apparently they didn't like that response.....