Sending DD alone with coach to national tops testing

[Muddlethru]

Got an email from HC contemplating just taking my DD to national testing alone with her. According to her, in the past she has not allowed the parents to accompany the girls to tops testing. The only reason she allowed my husband to accompany my DD last year is because she was just getting to know my DD and was the only one going to test. I would not mind sending my DD alone with her, except last year, my DD had such a traumatic experience at the national testing. Our HC was terribly harsh on her and made her feel really bad. She did not even try to suppress her disappointment when my DD did not do too well at a skill. According tomy DD, she said mean things to my DD to get her to perform better. The thing is my DD was trying real hard and was already being so hard on herself. So, I don't want to send my daughter alone. I want to be there for my DD this time for any reason. In addtion, she will be the only one going from our gym and they will be staying at a hotel 40 minutes away from the ranch.

My question, is it the norm to send your DD alone. I may be more amendable to sending my daughter alone if she had a other friend with her. She will be thousands of miles away. What are your thoughts? What have you done with your DD and if you are a coach, what do you coaches do if you only have one participant? Camp is a different story because I don't think I have a choice.

 

[Aussie_coach]

No, no, no don't do it. Any coach who would even contemplate going to a competition alone with a child is crazy. In this day and age of litigation its a really stupid thing to do.

Insisting that parents don't come for a trip that will require travel and overnight stays should ring alarm bells in your head. I would not trust a coach that would even suggest such a thing. Especially for only 1 child.

 

[gymcritter]

I think it just depends on the situation. with my dd her coach is awesome and we totally trust her, I actually had thought she'd just go with her coach but since we have girls in different age levels we'll be going to. I just think its what you and your dd feel the most confortable with!

 

[gotgym]

As a coach that have had TOPS Testers go to Nationals,Imho Id say go. The first yr I had only 1 make it and her dad went with. It really relaxed her to have a family member. After that I have had several make it each time and always recommended at least 1 parent go if possible.(last yr 3 8yold) This is a great opportunity and parents should share in it to make the gymnast as comfortable as possible. There are also meetings for the parents that are very informative. In the case your child does make it back for camp you will feel a little more comfortable knowing where your daughter will be at seeing first hand at the testing.. Remember most cell phones do not work at camp. I have Tmobile and Atand t.Though I am not a verizon customer I purchased a to go phone just for attending camp .

 

[MaryA]

Always listen to that mommy gut. Go. Do not take no for an answer on this one.

 

[coachmolly]

I'm guessing the HC and your dd's personal coach are different people? I'm just assuming this wouldn't even be a question if it was a matter of sending your dd with the berating coach.
I've heard of coaches taking kids to meets/camps alone before to build team relationships and what not but in almost all of those situations they are traveling with other teammates and parents are made aware that they are welcome to attend provided they make their own hotel independent travel plans. This situation doesn't sound like an ideal one. With her being the only athlete, and staying away from the camp and other TOPs participants, I just feel like it could be uncomfortable for your dd, no matter how close she is to her coaches. To be in a setting away from peers and family members for support, especially in a situation that is high stress already, just sounds like a melt down waiting to happen. Especially if her last experience wasn't a great one.

 

[Luv2Sew]

I went with my daughter the first time last year to nat'l testing as we had to stay in a hotel and commute and it was her first time away. However, she went to the camp a month later with only her coach. Parents are not allow to watch and participants stay at the camp housing (including coaches). So it was basically like sending her away to camp. I will go to natl testing with her again though.

 

[gymnastics123]

I went last year since it was our DD first year at national testing and our coach felt we should go once for the parent meeting. This year I am sending our DD with her coach. She is the only one who qualified from our gym. She spends 25 hours a week in the gym with her and I fully trust her. I think it depends on the coach relationships with the girls. It is very unfortunate what happened to your DD last year. Good luck in making that decision. Just remember at the end of the day no matter what the coach says you are the one paying the cost to have your daughter there......

 

[Muddlethru]

Thanks for your respnses. I decided not to send her alone because of last year's experience and because my DD does not want to go alone. After speaking with our hc, she agreed but made it sound like she was doing me a favor by ketting me go. Last year, my husband, my daughter and her coach stayed at a hotel at the Woodlands. My DD always gets car sick and 40 min. ride to the ranch with the last 20 minute dirt road ride puts her over the edge. She indicated she could barely stand up once she got to the ranch and was very nauseous. Our coach says parents cannot stay at the ranch. Is that true? She also said there are roaches and the accommodations are subpar. How bad is it at the ranch?

 

[gotgym]

For the testing we stayed at a hotel. I along with the kids and parents. As far as camp no parents can stay and you do have to stay in the cabins.. send lots of bug spray, and anti itch cream. It was not any different than any other camp with cabins out in the wilderness. except occasionally you may see Bela on a tractor

 

[gymdog]

Sounds like your gut feeling is no...so I'd respectfully decline.

 

[Deanna]

I agree with some of the other Mommas. I think you made a wise choice in going with your Momma instinct. As a general rule, our gym doesnt have the coaches taking the girls anywhere. But, we dont have alot of girls going to "major" events, outta state that often. When this does arise. The coaches are more than willing to travel with that gymnast, and alone with no parents if thats how it needs to be. But they prefer the parent(s) to be there also. I would be a little concerned if they said.."hey we are taking Kadee here, and you cant go". For me and the way Kadee's gym runs, that would throw up a red flag for me. But I guess every gym is different and from readind some other comments it happens more than I would have thought. For me, it would be what "I" and my "DD" were the most comfortable with. But thats me. Please keep us posted on how things go. And good luck to your DD

 

[Muddlethru]

Are parents/chaperones allowed to stay with the gymnast at the ranch? The housing info certainly liiks like chaperones can stay with their gymnast. But our hc says parents are not allowed to stay in the cabins or hotels at the ranch. When my husband was waiting at the ranch for my dd to finish testing, he said it appeared to him parents were actually staying at ranch.To those who have actually stayed at the ranch, what are the pros and cons? Is it better to stay at an offsite hotel?

 

[Mack_the_Ripper]

Always, always, always. We have mainly one girl (age 9) who goes to national testing now, and she goes with the coaches. She is very close to them; they are like second parents. It is also nice not to have the parents around, because as my coach says, "I love everything about gymnastics and coaching except the parents." This particular girl's mother would only add to the anxiety and pressure, and the mother knows this and thus stays behind. So I wouldn't worry about sending your DD with the coaches as long as you trust them. I can imagine hundreds of Problem Parent situations that could arise, not necessarily with the OP, but with parents and kids in general.

 

[txgymfan]

To keep everything safe for all involved adults (including coaches, teachers, tutors etc.) should not be alone with one child in a room with a closed door. Privates and tutoring should be done in an open gym with other around. If traveling is done with coaches and kids at least one other child or coach should be around and the group should be around groups whenever possible. This was one of the first lessons I learned as a teacher and I would encourage gyms to make it a policy. You just never know when somone is going to go wrong. If a coach and one child (say the only athlete going to a national camp) do travel alone together they should stay with other athletes at the camp, not a hotel. I hate to see soemthing go wrong and have only two people in a room. It could just be tragic.

 

[Muddlethru]

To keep everything safe for all involved adults (including coaches, teachers, tutors etc.) should not be alone with one child in a room with a closed door. Privates and tutoring should be done in an open gym with other around. If traveling is done with coaches and kids at least one other child or coach should be around and the group should be around groups whenever possible. This was one of the first lessons I learned as a teacher and I would encourage gyms to make it a policy. You just never know when somone is going to go wrong. If a coach and one child (say the only athlete going to a national camp) do travel alone together they should stay with other athletes at the camp, not a hotel. I hate to see soemthing go wrong and have only two people in a room. It could just be tragic.

I agree with you and Aussie Coach 100%. Often times, I think we are too quick to trust (on the other hand, often times we are also too quick to mistrust). But when it comes to the safety of our children, it is better to err on the side of caution.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

at the ranch, the kids stay in one set of cabins only for kids. and the coaches stay in another. the parents do not stay at the ranch, but at the hotels fairly close by.

and it's always better to err on the side of caution in anything having to do with kids.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Are parents/chaperones allowed to stay with the gymnast at the ranch? The housing info certainly liiks like chaperones can stay with their gymnast. But our hc says parents are not allowed to stay in the cabins or hotels at the ranch. When my husband was waiting at the ranch for my dd to finish testing, he said it appeared to him parents were actually staying at ranch.To those who have actually stayed at the ranch, what are the pros and cons? Is it better to stay at an offsite hotel?

just for clarification, there are no hotels on the ranch property. they're off site and nearby. and parents do not stay in the cabins. if they do now/today i would be in complete and utter disbelief.

 

[SkiBumGymMom]

I might be in the minority here. I let my DD go alone with her coach to testing one year (I think it was the year before it was held at the Ranch if that sounds right? Or am I crazy and has it always been held at the Ranch?) and L 10 Nationals the other. The first year she qualified for Nationals I was able to scrape together to attend with her and bring her sister for a family vacation. As a teacher I understand harm reduction for both the adult and child by trying to avoid situations where there is one on one contact. As a parent who has had a child who suffered from sexual abuse too close to her, I'm petrified of something like that every happening and try to mitigate it as best as possible without locking my girls up inside their rooms all day and throwing away from the computer.

As far as both nationals and testing went, my DD and her coach "teamed up" with another gymnast and her coach from our state. Our gym is very small and we live in a fairly rural area and often times my DD was the only L 9 or L 10 at her gym. We didn't have a TOPs training program per se, it was mostly built into regular conditioning and girls were allowed to test if they wanted to. Also being a single mother with two girls who are involved in competitive activities, a housemate with severe disabilities and working a fairly demanding full time job with two part time jobs seasonly made going to every single activity of both DDs absolutely impossible. I do trust both DD's coach and greatly appreciate the effort the made to both take my girls to various competitions they wouldn't have been able to because of my work schedule as well as try to go with other gymnasts/dancers/coaches they knew from around the state. The coaches initiated this set up and it furthered my trust with them. Though I know the situations we're all trying to avoid often occur most with a trusted known adult rather than a stranger, my girls coaches are more than just their coaches. I teach my youngest DD's ballet coach's son, I was part of a ski racing club where I instructed oldest DD's gymnastics coach's two daughters. We know each other from school functions, the bank, adult social engagements, etc. Just the way small towns are.

Obviously you want to first and foremost trust your instinct. That's the most important thing. But depending on the age of your child, who your coaches are, your relationship and trust with them and other factors, I don't think sending them alone is in black and white letters wrong, particularly if they have no plans on sharing a hotel room or something off putting like that. In an ideal world I would have been able to travel to all of my children's events across country. But it's not an ideal world, and our family's financial situation (we lived comfortable and had food on the table and I was somehow able to pay gym and dance tuition at local rec center programs! but it was still tight at times) didn't allow this. It was a main factor in not allowing my DD to pursue elite, and I didn't think it was fair to prevent either of my girls from going to competitions they had worked so hard to be able to attend. Especially when I didn't think their safety was in anyway at risk and that the proper steps were in place to ensure that, outside my already existing trust.

 

[gymdog]

I certainly don't think it's always wrong. I know coaches that I would happily send a child off with, and coaches who I would not. It depends on your individual situation. Sounds like in this particular situation, there are some reasons to believe it could be difficult for the child.