WAG Coffee with a friend

[Midwestmommy]

I had coffee with a good friend this weekend. I was jabbering on about how I am looking forward to meeting with the coaches next month to discuss my daughter's progress at gym. She on the other hand said she was going to try to avoid it. I finally shut up and really listened to her, and this pretty much summed up her thoughts on the subject:

Dear coach, please forgive me for throwing away the flyer about the conference and forgetting to sign up. You see, I have eyes and ears and I already know she is not your favorite. I know you are busy, and don't actually really care what I think or really want to talk to me anyway.

I already know that she is not the strongest or the fastest or most flexible kid on team. I know that you think she will struggle but you are going to try moving her up. I also know that she will probably have one of the top four all around scores from our gym at that level, because she always does.

I won't say what I am really thinking, that you forgot to congratulate her that day she got five medals. None of them were first place like the standouts, but she was really proud anyway and so was I.

She asked me why in that same voice she uses when she asks why her dad is too busy to drive down for her meet again, late at night when she always asks me the hard questions.

Really, don't worry about it because she is getting older and asks less and less these days about stuff like that.

Anyway, please forgive me for throwing away that flyer because I worked 45 hours this week, and the last thing I feel like doing is watching my daughter put on her brave face to brace herself to hear about how mediocre her gymnastics prospects are. I just want to enjoy her accomplishments and drink my tea instead.

 

[raenndrops]

WOW!!!

 

[2G1B]

why isn't she looking into a different gym? I don't think I'd leave my kid in that situation.

 

[billise]

Gosh, I'm sorry she is having such a hard time. I don't know her, her DD or her DD's coaches but it sounds like she is frustrated with several areas of her life. I hope things get better for her and I hope that she understands that her frustrations with her job, her daughter's father, etc. COULD cloud her judgement when it comes to her DD's coaches. I hope she is able separate things and understand that her other frustrations are not the coaches fault.

Prayers and best wishes to your friend!

 

[Pineapple_Lump]

I won't say what I am really thinking, that you forgot to congratulate her that day she got five medals. None of them were first place like the standouts, but she was really proud anyway and so was I.

Coaches don't need to congratulate kids for the medals they have earned, the medal is a reward in itself (unless everyone got one).

 

[curlygirls]

Coaches don't need to congratulate kids for the medals they have earned, the medal is a reward in itself (unless everyone got one).

I completely disagree with this. Yes, the medal is a reward. However, it is customary and polite to congratulate others for their accomplishments. I think this acknowledgement is especially important in a coach/athlete relationship.

 

[Seeker]

I completely disagree with this. Yes, the medal is a reward. However, it is customary and polite to congratulate others for their accomplishments. I think this acknowledgement is especially important in a coach/athlete relationship.

Hmmmmm.....I don't think most coaches agree with this. I don't think our coach has ever congratulated any gymnast on getting a medal. Sure, they will say nice job or something after the routine, but our coach rarely is present for awards and they don't see each other until back at the gym a few days later.

If the coach is congratulating others and specifically excluding this one child, that is wrong. But our coach never talks about placement or medals or anything. Performance yes, medals no. I guess I thought that was par.

 

[curlygirls]

I don't think the coach has to specifically mention the medals, but the accomplishment of successful routines or a successful meet should be acknowledged.

 

[Seeker]

I don't think the coach has to specifically mention the medals, but the accomplishment of successful routines or a successful meet should be acknowledged.

Yes, but I think that happens out on the floor, immediately after the performance (not after medals are handed out). At least that's how it is at DD's gym.

 

[curlygirls]

I'm glad that our coaches also personally recognize and acknowledge a great meet result after awards. It really seems to mean a lot to our girls. They don't make a production out of it, but a simple and heart felt "Great meet! Your hard work is paying off" generates a lot of good will.

 

[krisnkids]

I could have written everything the same for my oldest dd except the coach's part. My dd's coach was a one of a kind person and coach, my dd was the struggler, she worked harder than anyone in the gym, completed every conditioning assignment and then some, gymnastics never came easy for her. Her dad also didn't do crap for her, went to one meet only because I guilted him into going.

Her coach? Gave her extra hugs, coach's husband would come cheer her on, dd loved it when she went to state and she was the only one w/ the coach because of the age break downs, coach always went the extra mile, when dd couldn't have the lunch that was provided at camp she sent another coach to Subway to get her something. My dd is who she is today because of that coach. Coaches and how they "CARE" for the gymnasts makes all the difference in the world.

 

[gymgymgymnast08]

When I was 13, so when I still really cared what my coaches thought, at one meet I won 3 events and All Around. I was so excited but one of my coaches yelled at me for not doing well on the event that I didn't win. And the other coach told me that I only won because everyone else did badly.

Yes, winning 3 events and All Around was a huge accomplishment for me and I didn't need my coaches to be telling me "good job! your hard work has paid off!" I would have been happy without them saying anything. But it definitely ruined my excitement when the one coach yelled at me, and the other coach literally told me "you only won because everyone else did badly."

There are a lot of amazing coaches in the gymnastics world, but there are also some coaches who don't realize how much influence they actually have in their gymnasts' lives and the things they do or don't do can really affect their young gymnasts.

I actually wrote my college application essay about the dysfunctional relationship I had with my gymnastics coach as I was growing up!

 

[MaryA]

I actually wrote my college application essay about the dysfunctional relationship I had with my gymnastics coach as I was growing up!

Well, at least you got something out of it!

Honestly, if I was your mom I would be livid... not only that you were treated that way but that I had paid lots and lots of money in order to have you treated that way!

 

[cprp]

Gosh, I'm sorry she is having such a hard time. I don't know her, her DD or her DD's coaches but it sounds like she is frustrated with several areas of her life. I hope things get better for her and I hope that she understands that her frustrations with her job, her daughter's father, etc. COULD cloud her judgement when it comes to her DD's coaches. I hope she is able separate things and understand that her other frustrations are not the coaches fault.

Prayers and best wishes to your friend!

 

[raenndrops]

Coaches don't need to congratulate kids for the medals they have earned, the medal is a reward in itself (unless everyone got one).

In our gym, the practice after a meet, we go over a lot of things... Individual goals met... personal bests achieved... team goals met (x # of beam cartwheels made @ L4, y # of no-fall beam routines for a level, etc.)... Individual top 3 event finishes... Individual AA 2 or 3... 1st Place AA... "Hand On The Wall" scores... Nationals Qualifiers... Team 1st or 2nd place finishes for a level... "Mandate Scores" (these are important because after making it 2x, the gymnast gets more uptraining time, so HOPEFULLY, they have all the skills for the next level before July Team Camp... the rest of the team does a little uptraining, but focuses on their current skills first, especially if a meet is approaching). I know all of this in advance for every level because that's my job. I keep track of it all!

After that, we look at the breakdown of team placement per event / level... If we finished low in an event, she talks to the judges to see what we should improve on (toe point... high releve... not arching... whatever it might be for an event), and that level works on whatever they were weak on. This part isn't my responsibility, but I do keep track of the other team scores too, so I know how far behind or ahead we were... and I keep track of the High Score for each age group at each level during awards, so that I can answer almost any question asked.

 

[Becauseisaid]

Dear coach, please forgive me for throwing away the flyer about the conference and forgetting to sign up. <snip>
Anyway, please forgive me for throwing away that flyer because I worked 45 hours this week, and the last thing I feel like doing is watching my daughter put on her brave face to brace herself to hear about how mediocre her gymnastics prospects are. I just want to enjoy her accomplishments and drink my tea instead.

Honestly, all of this seems to me to be a very good reason TO attend the conference with the coach. It seems to me that your friend has a lot to say to the coaching staff that needs to be said. Good luck to her.

 

[Granny Smith]

Through the years I have told my daughter this... Sometimes the only acknowledgement you are going to get in regards to a meet is from yourself and sometimes that just has to be good enough. You have to be proud of your own accomplishments and know that you yourself did the best that you could do.

Kids want acknowledgement from their coaches, who doesn't, but it does not always happen and it can't always be expected. It goes the same for adults in their jobs, they was the acknowledgement from the bosses, but it doesn't mean it's going to happen. Basically life lessons.

 

[Learning Parent GB]

I think a coach congratulating gymnast should be a given. We come from a very small team and the coach congratulates them or gives them a boost after every performance as they go round. And at the end she congratulates every gymnast on what thy have done well, so that would include the medals for those that win them. The point is that all the other parentsca sile and say well done, and Grandparents can be excited, but only the coach really understands what they have done well for them and so their encouragement and praise means so much more.

So yes, it is about the performance rather than the medals, but it is pure bad manners not to congratulate one of your own gymnasts on receiving a medal. Maybe not serious enough to lave a gym over, but wouldn't it be nice if caches were adults that our kids could look up to and respect as human beings too?

 

[Seeker]

So yes, it is about the performance rather than the medals, but it is pure bad manners not to congratulate one of your own gymnasts on receiving a medal. Maybe not serious enough to lave a gym over, but wouldn't it be nice if caches were adults that our kids could look up to and respect as human beings too?

Our coach rarely attends the awards, so while I assume she gets the score sheet, I don't know that she knows who got a medal and who didn't (unless they were in the top 3).

Really, focusing on the meet placements and medals is just not a focus at our gym. The team does very well and we generally have at least a few gymnasts in the top 3 AA, but the coaches focus on the training and continued improvement. They don't dwell on who got a medal and who didn't.

 

[Natasha]

I think a coach congratulating gymnast should be a given. We come from a very small team and the coach congratulates them or gives them a boost after every performance as they go round. And at the end she congratulates every gymnast on what thy have done well, so that would include the medals for those that win them. The point is that all the other parentsca sile and say well done, and Grandparents can be excited, but only the coach really understands what they have done well for them and so their encouragement and praise means so much more.

So yes, it is about the performance rather than the medals, but it is pure bad manners not to congratulate one of your own gymnasts on receiving a medal. Maybe not serious enough to lave a gym over, but wouldn't it be nice if caches were adults that our kids could look up to and respect as human beings too?

Our coaches congratulate gymnasts on a good routine, not medals. A good routine for gymnast A may look very different than gymnast B. The goal is improvement at each meet. And, the coaches do not really acknowledge medals, which I have been thankful for in the past, as at some meets depending on the age groupings, my dd could have a higher AA score (but not place at all) while a teammate places 1st. It is bad enough to sit through awards, but then if the coach made a big deal about it too, it takes away from what is really important. The reality is that sometimes a gymnast can have their best meet ever and not medal and other times they may only perform so-s0 and win only because everyone else in their group had a bad day.