WAG Concerns re future potential level 4 child

[Krisztina10]

She's in Level 4...so much is hard to know about her future in gymnastics. There are tons of kids who do great in L4 and peter out a couple levels later. There are kids who barely make it through L4 and then start scoring well at the higher levels. We just don't know. Her coaches might be able to predict more accurately - but they may not.

Your concerns seem to be mainly about her tumbling and vault. These are definitely skills that take a long time to learn and perfect - especially vault. Why do you think we spend several years doing the same dang FHS vault? And no, she shouldn't necessarily have a good standing BHS at L4. In fact, having a good standing BHS on floor isn't really important - it is important on beam, but she has plenty of time before she will need to compete that. Maybe she will make huge improvements on floor and vault...maybe they'll never be on par with her other events.

You said you don't want her to quit at 14 and be left with nothing. She may quit (at 14, or at a different time) whether or not she is successful at competitions. She may want to do something else, or have too many injuries, or simply age out of the sport. The thing about gymnastics is eventually she will quit, because most gymnasts don't continue after high school or college. But she won't be left with nothing - there are so many interesting, useful, growth-inspiring things to do and learn other than one sport. For example, after I aged out of gymnastics I felt like I was left with nothing but I was also excited to try other things...dance classes, committing more to school, learning to sew, learning to paint, getting my first job, etc.

Thanks!

My kid is a level 7.
She would never do a bhs at home. In her mind that is not a safe place to do one.
She won't do one in public either. Gym is gym. I get it. And am glad honestly. I think it sounds like she is doing fine. She just had a rash of bad luck. Hopefully this season will be more successful for her!

That's super helpful. I thought it was a weird fear thing because all her friends and teammates are throwing bhs and even back tucks in their basement! Which I think is nuts and NOT safe. But I thought a bhs on a large mat was different. But I think I was wrong. It should all stay in the gym. Glad her fear around it is normal. I was wrong to question in.

 

[Krisztina10]

I think you may need to readjust your perception of "success". My dd (level 4, age 9) may potentially always be a 35.5 gymnast. She is not a risk taker and not super powerful. She has to work harder at picking up skills and is often last on her team to get them. But gosh darn it she loves it. Day after day she plugs away, working her butt off for little external reward. Each year more girls from her team quit gymnastics, girls that picked it up fast, were at the top of the podium. And yet, here she still is. Her passion for gymnastics is clear and I would never dissuade her from it because she's not meeting *my* expectations. I am SO proud of her. The life lessons she's learning are immeasurable.

If your dd is still loving it, leave her be. Whether she repeats level 4, never scores above a 35.5, or never sees optionals, you can still consider her gymnastics journey a success.

Thank you! And I should have said that I think a 35.5 is a great score. My concern is more that a lack of speed and power at this age = lack of speed and power later. Which - based on stuff in this forum - seems to indicate that certain skills will forever be out of her reach. I think I'm just looking for encouragement that the speed and power can come with time. Because god knows that's all the upper levels of this sport seem to be about these days...And the nice dance and other elements she's good at now seem to not count for much later.

I 100% agree about the life lessons, skills being developed etc. I tell that kid all the time she's exhibited characteristics and done skills I will never do in my lifetime. Just what they're willing to do at a meet alone is mind-blowing. How can anything in life be insurmountable after that?

 

[Krisztina10]

I haven't read the posts above... I should, but I'm already procrastinating work things I really need to be doing.

I might be your daughter as a grown up. I have huge mental blocks at times... without going into this too deep, or making it all about me, I can pull out a gymnastics comparison. I have been "able" to do a ROBH for at least two years. But I'm still "working" on it and am overcoming hesitancy, self doubt and little whispering fears that I know are silly. Sometimes on the days I'm going to class I can feel the doubts coming around to settle in.

She needs to keep at it, for her future self. She will learn what it feels like to keep going back and working, even if the gains are small and peppered by back slides. It's good for her not to quit at this point. As long as there is a love or a willingness to continue coming from her, keeping at it is a good thing. Even if there aren't concrete rewards for her sitting on the bookshelf, there are more important rewards for her psyche coming.

One of my sons is a lot like me in the head. Oh, was it tough for me to not wonder, "should I steer him to quit? I know I shouldn't. He needs to work through this. He may never be great, but he can't give up when it's something he does like beneath all the fear and frustration and feelings. This *is* the right thing to do, right?" At those points I'd confess to my husband and he'd back up that we were doing the right thing. Soon enough something would happen or the kid would say something that buoyed the decision.

Hang in there, both of you. Manage yours and her expectations and it'll be for good benefit in the end.

Thanks - and I def don't want her to quit anytime soon. She wanted to quit after first year level 3 b/c she was too scared of the BHS. It took a lot of coaxing but I made her see that b/c she loves it, she can't let a fear hold her back and she can't quit without trying to conquer it. Which she did. And we go back to that all the time. I couldn't have been more proud of her.

 

[Krisztina10]

It seems odd you would be at a top optionals gym but the coaches "aren't good" at teaching kips or back handsprings. That would be very unusual. Is it a really large team or do they have different homeschool groups or something?

No matter what drills and curriculum are used, kids will still progress at their own rate somewhat. It sounds like she is getting better - I think you should compare to where she was last year.

Btw I'm not being totally skeptical - I think they should work on standing back handsprings, my kids do only standing back handsprings practically, but it is a little weird so I'm just wondering if you're sure it's like that or maybe when your daughter had to miss practices she missed some stuff? I think her scores are good for the kind of issues you described - she obviously had the basic skills down. It seems reasonable to assume she would have scored higher with full participation.

I've seen the phenomenon you described but usually the gym has two groups of compulsories and the top optionals are coming out of the "select" one or something. I've also seen it where the gym is huge and has huge compulsory groups, so I guess numbers are just on their side of kids who will improve when moving to optionals. It doesn't sound like your gym has either of those things and that they seem to suggest your daughter would be on the optionals track - so I think they will work with her on what she needs?

The level 4's practice with the 5's - they are about 25 of them. And 3 coaches. Not sure if that's too big or not. A lot of the girls on the optionals team though come from other gym's compulsory programs (some drive well over an hour to come there). There seem to be few home grown optionals. And the home grown ones seem to be the ones who were consistently ahead of the pack in compulsories. I'm worried middle of the road ones like her get squeezed out at level 7. I could be wrong. But I'm fairly certain the caliber of the compulsory coaches is nothing like the optional ones. If they attract good talent from other gyms, do they really need to care how good the compulsory program is? I may be totally wrong. But I worry. And to me 25 girls seems like a big group.

 

[Krisztina10]

Here is how you can determine if she will be successful: is she a hard worker and long to be at the gym training the boring stuff and not cheating? Does she tell you how much she loves it? Does she treat her teammates with kindness and compassion? Is she respectful to her coach? Is she making her best effort? If you can answer yes she will be. If you look at physical attributes to who can do what at what age many of us parents here would say why bother. I was looking for a book to buy my daughter for her birthday this month and it talked about a gymnast who won worlds at 11 shooting for the 2016 Olympics. I had never heard of her.
There are girls who are 11 training elite. Gymnastics is challenging and very competitive and if you try to look at the end result now, well it just would make you sad. But that doesn't mean it should not be attempted because she is years behind others etc. Gym teaches perseverance, hard work ethic, time management, teamwork, how to handle stage fright and adversity etc.
I wish I had a crystal ball as well but I had to learn to let it go. My DD could be training lvl 7 in a couple months but has developed a fear of BWO on beam. Kids who are 10, 11, 12 that are elite can have a career ending injury.
I say the kid who keep showing up and making an effort is the kid you want. Once you get to optionals the naturals have to work just as hard as those who are not. And those who have been working on it do have the advantage from that prospective. My DD is naturally strong. Bars is her Favorite but the learning comes slow and she really works for every skill. I will be sad the day she gives up gymnastics but will be thrilled with all of lifes little lessons it gave her along the way.

Love your post. Thank you!!

 

[Deleted member 18037]

She is going at her own pace.

My kid is a turtle. She is never the first to get anything. One of the last to kip. One of the last to BHS on beam. I am sure she will be near last to CHS and Giant. She'll get there though.

Her vaulting at 9 in L4 was not good, if need scores to relate, it was low 8s to even high 7s. Finished level 5 mid 9s and a high 9 at states, now one of the better vaulters on her team.

We have a coach to gymmie ratio of about 1:8. Yep 3 coaches for about 25 kids

There is ebb and flow.

 

[Krisztina10]

She is going at her own pace.

My kid is a turtle. She is never the first to get anything. One of the last to kip. One of the last to BHS on beam. I am sure she will be near last to CHS and Giant. She'll get there though.

Her vaulting at 9 in L4 was not good, if need scores to relate, it was low 8s to even high 7s. Finished level 5 mid 9s and a high 9 at states, now one of the better vaulters on her team.

We have a coach to gymmie ratio of about 1:8. Yep 3 coaches for about 25 kids

There is ebb and flow.

Very interesting data point re vault - looks like your daughter made big strides. My gut feeling is that it will just click one day but then i worry I'm telling myself what I wanna hear. You give me hope. Happy the kid/coach ration is in line with other gyms. I don't really have any comparison points.

 

[SMH]

After my first year of watching my daughter on team I've come to the conclusion that if you spend too much time trying to predict your gymnasts future you will drive yourself crazy.
Kids progress in all kinds of different ways and paces. There have been skills I was sure she would never get, that she cried about, and then- they just came. Like many smart people have said- it's her journey. Let her walk the path and be there to support her.

 

[momstrong]

Thanks! That's super helpful re your daughter's experience in tumbling and fears.

I agree with what you're saying. And what others have said re not being in it to win etc. What is success? You're right that I'm not sure. I think doing it through HS would be great. Level 10? 9? The thing with gym though is that it takes up sooooo much time. There's a big opportunity cost there. So I do think parents need to think about whether their kids are cut out for the sport. She spends 15 hrs at the gym and its only going to increase. Other kids on her team do traveling soccer, dance, etc. She doesn't want to b/c she says gym already takes up so much time. With that and school I don't feel comfortable pushing her into other things. And then there's missed vacations and family time. So I'm concerned about a situation where she has to stop and then has nothing else to turn to. If I knew she had less potential - I would be more aggressive in making her try other things, particularly in the summer. Last summer it was soccer. She didn't like it. Though she was quite good.

I would think there are lots of things she could turn to. Cheer maybe? Track is something that you can pick up at any time. I've heard gymnasts make great pole vaulters. We are even behind you with my dd just turning 10 this week and on preteam. I tried having mine in soccer - same, she was great, but not feeling the love of sport. Mine is also doing an acro dance class which incorporates gym. I feel like that (advanced acro dancing) could be a potential route if gym doesn't continue for whatever reason. Good luck!

 

[Flyaway]

Thank you! And I should have said that I think a 35.5 is a great score. My concern is more that a lack of speed and power at this age = lack of speed and power later. Which - based on stuff in this forum - seems to indicate that certain skills will forever be out of her reach. I think I'm just looking for encouragement that the speed and power can come with time. Because god knows that's all the upper levels of this sport seem to be about these days...And the nice dance and other elements she's good at now seem to not count for much later.

I 100% agree about the life lessons, skills being developed etc. I tell that kid all the time she's exhibited characteristics and done skills I will never do in my lifetime. Just what they're willing to do at a meet alone is mind-blowing. How can anything in life be insurmountable after that?

Sure there's a chance that dd many never develop the same speed and power. And in terms of optionals that will mean that she's got different strengths than the girls with power in spades. But both can be successful. Madison Kocian is no Simone Biles in terms of power but hugely successful in her own right and a beautiful bar worker. I just think at this stage it's impossible to predict.

I wonder if your gym tends to attract power gymnasts and that's why you're struggling to see how a different type could succeed?

 

[CLgym]

You have gotten some great advice here, and it sounds like you are feeling much better! I just wanted to share that I have had many of the same thoughts as you swirling in my head this year too....

My DD was pre-team (age 6), Xcel Bronze (age 7), switched gyms and was JO Level 4 (age 8) this year. Level 4 scores sound similar to your DD (high scores so far this year were AA 35.65, bars 9.35, beam 9.1, floor 9.1, vault 8.45). Clearly vault is not a strength! I've caught myself wondering whether we should move back to Xcel -- or thinking it's crazy to spend so much time in the car driving to/from the gym for middle-of-the-pack performance. But then I realize how unfair I'm being! She loves gymnastics today, right now. That has to be enough.

Like others have said, don't worry about whether she will "go all the way." Very few gymnasts do. In fact, very few kids involved in any sport get to the highest level. I wouldn't dream of telling my oldest to stop playing high school & travel baseball because he's never going pro.... So why would I hold my DD to that standard for gymnastics?

I hear you re: the high hours of gymnastics at such a young age. To balance this (and I understand some may disagree), I have allowed my DD to participate in other activities when she really wants to, within reason. She will play baseball this spring (her 4th year doing so), and we will figure out the schedule as best we can for those 10 weeks. Our gym was understanding when I approached them about this (thankfully).

I'm not gonna lie -- sometimes I still find it hard not to compare my DD to others who are progressing faster or placing higher at meets. After all, the very nature of the sport compares athletes by scoring them! But, if I'm being painfully honest with myself, a lot of that worry is more about me and my own ego. (Ugh, that's hard to admit!) Truth is, my DD loves going to the gym every day, whether she places first or sixth or not at all.

 

[tpMom]

First off, I think I understand where you're coming from. My daughter started practicing Level 3 without a ROBHS. In fact, when she first started we discovered that she had been using a different leg for cartwheels than the one she used for levers, handstands, back walkovers etc... so she actually had to relearn her cartwheel and roundoffs with the correct leg right off the bat. I remember watching her struggle to get any type of rebound out of her RO and wondering how she was ever going to get enough power to do "real" gymnastics. It was especially noticeable when she was working alongside gymnasts with a lot of power on the floor. All I can say is be patient and trust in your daughter and her coaches. My DD ended up excelling on floor - taking first place on floor at State with a routine that included a beautiful ROBHS. She's currently perfecting her ROBHSBT and when I watch that I wonder how she'll ever get the height to turn the tuck into a layout - but I know that she's willing to work hard and her coaches know what they're doing with her.

With your daughter, the coaches obviously believe in her or they wouldn't have put her in Level 4. Also, try not to compare her to the other gymnasts you see. Instead, if you have to compare her to anything, compare her to where she was last month, or 3 months ago, or a year ago. Do her skills look more powerful than they did this time last year? If so then she is succeeding at everything she needs to do! I would also just caution you to be careful how you're communicating these concerns to her - both verbally and nonverbally. As all of us know, gymnastics puts SO much pressure on our children to do well. Does your daughter love the sport? Is she happy and healthy and getting stronger? If so then hopefully these would be reasons enough to let her continue with her training, even if her skills aren't quite where you wish they were. As a parent, I consider my main role to be my daughter's biggest cheerleader. I drive her to practice, pay for everything without complaining about it (at least within her ear shot) and tell her how proud I am of what a hard worker she is. I leave the rest to the coaches. It sounds like you're doing a great job with her, and it sounds like she's doing a great job too!

 

[gymmom11]

As a mom, if you don't think the coaching is adequate, seek out other gyms and try them out. She has the right to switch gyms after her season is over... just because the gym is well known doesn't mean she will get the best technique. There are many smaller teams that have powerhouse gymnasts for the simple fact they have more 1 on 1 coaching.

 

[gymgal]

Thanks! I definitely have no interest in pulling her or telling her to stop until SHE wants to. I love what gymnastics has done for her and she's not doing it to succeed. But I also as a parent want to set her up for success and steer her to things she will succeed in. If she stops at 14 and has got nothing else to turn to, that will be a big blow to her. I think a sense of a kids potential in a sport is good to have.

Trust me, if she does quit in middle or high school, many team coaches will be recruiting her for sports (maybe not basketball if she is a peanut ;-) ).It is well known among school coaches that former gymnasts are the hardest working athletes around. Skills can be taught. Core strength, dedication leadership are what the coaches want.

As a mom, if you don't think the coaching is adequate, seek out other gyms and try them out. She has the right to switch gyms after her season is over... just because the gym is well known doesn't mean she will get the best technique. There are many smaller teams that have powerhouse gymnasts for the simple fact they have more 1 on 1 coaching.

I agree with most of the other posts about how to let her lead the way. If she is happy, then it doesn't really matter how far she is destined to go. However, Gymmom11 has a point. If you truly are concerned about the level or dedication of the coaches (not your dd), then I would definitely seek out other gyms for comparisons. I would consider it a red flag that the gym scoops up optionals from other gyms but has few homegrown ones. 3 things going on: 1. they don't have good compulsory coaches (your concern) or 2. they are extremely picky about who moves up to optionals or 3. their compulsory program is so demanding that most girls transfer out before moving to optionals. Only you can answer these questions based on what you see? Where are the compulsory kids going and when do they leave?

I will add that many gymnasts are not powerhouse tumblers (that includes vault). They do better on beam and bars. My dd has always been like this. Because she is not super in all 4 events, she has a hard time with that AA score, but that's ok. She loves gymnastics. That's what counts. She made it to L10, second year now. Still way better on bars and beam than vt and fx.

Let your dd find her way to the extent that she wants to continue. The scores don't matter. The levels don't matter. She is learning so much more than gymnastics in those 15 hours a week she is in the gym. That's what matters. As for all the expense and lost family time - that is an issue and one your family as a whole needs to come to terms with. It will only get more difficult through the years. It's ok to not want to go that route and decide to find a gym that offer alternatives with less commitment.

 

[gymdog]

The level 4's practice with the 5's - they are about 25 of them. And 3 coaches. Not sure if that's too big or not. A lot of the girls on the optionals team though come from other gym's compulsory programs (some drive well over an hour to come there). There seem to be few home grown optionals. And the home grown ones seem to be the ones who were consistently ahead of the pack in compulsories. I'm worried middle of the road ones like her get squeezed out at level 7. I could be wrong. But I'm fairly certain the caliber of the compulsory coaches is nothing like the optional ones. If they attract good talent from other gyms, do they really need to care how good the compulsory program is? I may be totally wrong. But I worry. And to me 25 girls seems like a big group.

Hm, that makes more sense I guess. I'm not sure - I guess I would recommend you try to do some research (look through meet scores, talk to other parents, etc) and see if you can figure out the likely path for your daughter. Then you can see if maybe another gym or smaller gym might match up more with what you need, or maybe you will feel more confident in the paths at current gym.

 

[Krisztina10]

Trust me, if she does quit in middle or high school, many team coaches will be recruiting her for sports (maybe not basketball if she is a peanut ;-) ).It is well known among school coaches that former gymnasts are the hardest working athletes around. Skills can be taught. Core strength, dedication leadership are what the coaches want.


I agree with most of the other posts about how to let her lead the way. If she is happy, then it doesn't really matter how far she is destined to go. However, Gymmom11 has a point. If you truly are concerned about the level or dedication of the coaches (not your dd), then I would definitely seek out other gyms for comparisons. I would consider it a red flag that the gym scoops up optionals from other gyms but has few homegrown ones. 3 things going on: 1. they don't have good compulsory coaches (your concern) or 2. they are extremely picky about who moves up to optionals or 3. their compulsory program is so demanding that most girls transfer out before moving to optionals. Only you can answer these questions based on what you see? Where are the compulsory kids going and when do they leave?

I will add that many gymnasts are not powerhouse tumblers (that includes vault). They do better on beam and bars. My dd has always been like this. Because she is not super in all 4 events, she has a hard time with that AA score, but that's ok. She loves gymnastics. That's what counts. She made it to L10, second year now. Still way better on bars and beam than vt and fx.

Let your dd find her way to the extent that she wants to continue. The scores don't matter. The levels don't matter. She is learning so much more than gymnastics in those 15 hours a week she is in the gym. That's what matters. As for all the expense and lost family time - that is an issue and one your family as a whole needs to come to terms with. It will only get more difficult through the years. It's ok to not want to go that route and decide to find a gym that offer alternatives with less commitment.

THANK YOU. Your advice is very reassuring and helpful. Good job to your daughter for getting to level 10 - and to you for supporting her through it. I may need to look into the coaching more - including b/c my daughter complains a lot about her coaches. They're very negative and don't try at all to relate to the kids as people. Very little positive reinforcement. And their communication with the parents is abysmal....beyond bad...all of which I will save for another post. But, either way, I'd hesitate b/c I hear the optionals coaches are much nicer and definitely good (girls get recruited, we have elites, etc.) - and I'd worry if she left they'd not let her back.

 

[gymgal]

THANK YOU. Your advice is very reassuring and helpful. Good job to your daughter for getting to level 10 - and to you for supporting her through it. I may need to look into the coaching more - including b/c my daughter complains a lot about her coaches. They're very negative and don't try at all to relate to the kids as people. Very little positive reinforcement. And their communication with the parents is abysmal....beyond bad...all of which I will save for another post. But, either way, I'd hesitate b/c I hear the optionals coaches are much nicer and definitely good (girls get recruited, we have elites, etc.) - and I'd worry if she left they'd not let her back.

I would be very concerned about the negative feedback (or no feedback) from the coaches to the gymnasts. But since she really only has L5 left as a compulsory, you will need to make the decision whether to stay to get her to the upper level coaches. Having college and elite gymnasts is a great sign but you have to figure out if they are great because of their former coaching before transfer or due to their current coaching. And you also have to determine how many of your compulsory gymnasts actually make it to the optional team.

 

[Krisztina10]

First off, I think I understand where you're coming from. My daughter started practicing Level 3 without a ROBHS. In fact, when she first started we discovered that she had been using a different leg for cartwheels than the one she used for levers, handstands, back walkovers etc... so she actually had to relearn her cartwheel and roundoffs with the correct leg right off the bat. I remember watching her struggle to get any type of rebound out of her RO and wondering how she was ever going to get enough power to do "real" gymnastics. It was especially noticeable when she was working alongside gymnasts with a lot of power on the floor. All I can say is be patient and trust in your daughter and her coaches. My DD ended up excelling on floor - taking first place on floor at State with a routine that included a beautiful ROBHS. She's currently perfecting her ROBHSBT and when I watch that I wonder how she'll ever get the height to turn the tuck into a layout - but I know that she's willing to work hard and her coaches know what they're doing with her.

With your daughter, the coaches obviously believe in her or they wouldn't have put her in Level 4. Also, try not to compare her to the other gymnasts you see. Instead, if you have to compare her to anything, compare her to where she was last month, or 3 months ago, or a year ago. Do her skills look more powerful than they did this time last year? If so then she is succeeding at everything she needs to do! I would also just caution you to be careful how you're communicating these concerns to her - both verbally and nonverbally. As all of us know, gymnastics puts SO much pressure on our children to do well. Does your daughter love the sport? Is she happy and healthy and getting stronger? If so then hopefully these would be reasons enough to let her continue with her training, even if her skills aren't quite where you wish they were. As a parent, I consider my main role to be my daughter's biggest cheerleader. I drive her to practice, pay for everything without complaining about it (at least within her ear shot) and tell her how proud I am of what a hard worker she is. I leave the rest to the coaches. It sounds like you're doing a great job with her, and it sounds like she's doing a great job too!

Your advice is great - when I compare her to herself, it's clear how far she's come. Your daughter's experience also really resonates.

She loves gymnastics and her friends on the team. The sport has given her so much confidence socially and in herself. You are 100% right that what I express and say around her is incredibly important. I am very cognizant of that. Have I ever slipped and expressed anxiety or concern? I'm sure I have without intending to. But I am very aware that I need to keep my concerns and worries to myself; I fail as a parent if I ever let her feel any of it or pressure as a result.

 

[Krisztina10]

You have gotten some great advice here, and it sounds like you are feeling much better! I just wanted to share that I have had many of the same thoughts as you swirling in my head this year too....

My DD was pre-team (age 6), Xcel Bronze (age 7), switched gyms and was JO Level 4 (age 8) this year. Level 4 scores sound similar to your DD (high scores so far this year were AA 35.65, bars 9.35, beam 9.1, floor 9.1, vault 8.45). Clearly vault is not a strength! I've caught myself wondering whether we should move back to Xcel -- or thinking it's crazy to spend so much time in the car driving to/from the gym for middle-of-the-pack performance. But then I realize how unfair I'm being! She loves gymnastics today, right now. That has to be enough.

Like others have said, don't worry about whether she will "go all the way." Very few gymnasts do. In fact, very few kids involved in any sport get to the highest level. I wouldn't dream of telling my oldest to stop playing high school & travel baseball because he's never going pro.... So why would I hold my DD to that standard for gymnastics?

I hear you re: the high hours of gymnastics at such a young age. To balance this (and I understand some may disagree), I have allowed my DD to participate in other activities when she really wants to, within reason. She will play baseball this spring (her 4th year doing so), and we will figure out the schedule as best we can for those 10 weeks. Our gym was understanding when I approached them about this (thankfully).

I'm not gonna lie -- sometimes I still find it hard not to compare my DD to others who are progressing faster or placing higher at meets. After all, the very nature of the sport compares athletes by scoring them! But, if I'm being painfully honest with myself, a lot of that worry is more about me and my own ego. (Ugh, that's hard to admit!) Truth is, my DD loves going to the gym every day, whether she places first or sixth or not at all.

I feel like you're in my brain - when I am in my right mind. Everything you wrote resonates and is so helpful to read. There's been lots of times when I worry about something for dd and my husband calls me out and says I'm projecting because dd isn't worried or concerned at all. But I also agree that it's so hard not to compare and to worry about comparisons when that is literally the sport. Once when dd was 7 and starting to appreciate what happens and meets she said "mom, you know how we're all a team and really like each other? Do you realize though that we are literally competing against each other at every meet? " I of course gave the long speech about how she's competing against herself, it's silly to compare, everyone goes at their own pace, has different strengths etc. Advice I try to give myself!

 

[RTT2]

I feel like you're in my brain - when I am in my right mind. Everything you wrote resonates and is so helpful to read. There's been lots of times when I worry about something for dd and my husband calls me out and says I'm projecting because dd isn't worried or concerned at all. But I also agree that it's so hard not to compare and to worry about comparisons when that is literally the sport. Once when dd was 7 and starting to appreciate what happens and meets she said "mom, you know how we're all a team and really like each other? Do you realize though that we are literally competing against each other at every meet? " I of course gave the long speech about how she's competing against herself, it's silly to compare, everyone goes at their own pace, has different strengths etc. Advice I try to give myself!

I do this too. Sometimes maybe we try to empathize with them too much! My daughter has a pretty intense personality and I find I stress out about her much more than my easygoing son. She seems to feel everything so intensely that I want her experiences to be positive all the time, and gymnastics is such a tough road. I'm working on trusting DD more rather than feeling like I need to protect her from every little bump in the road.