WAG Big mess before state meet this weekend:(

[Amber]

Thanks Gymom! Sometimes I wish DD had just picked soccer

 

[GYM0M]

Ain't that the truth! Hope it works out for you guys!!

 

[Amber]

I am proud of her for just going to the meet!

 

[GYM0M]

Yep and crossing fingers for a start on beam so bars will be last event. Just going shows how much she loves gymnastics. Or would she do better if she just got bars over with first? So maybe better to say, crossing fingers that she makes it through tomorrow FOR HER!

 

[Amber]

Ironically, I've heard it's beam first...bars last. But she is so stressed, can she stay "in the moment" for each event? She told me she worries about bars the entire practice?!? Practice has been good except where bars and HC#2 is involved. This will be the longest meet ever. I think every parent gets this

 

[Seeker]

This does not bode well for the long term. Get thru the meet tomorrow and then have a heart to heart with her about what she wants to do. If it were my dd, I'm not sure that she'd want to stay. Some bridges cannot be rebuilt once they are burned. I'm sorry.

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Ok, dd has had a great year. Bars have been especially good, typically getting 1st or 2nd at level 7 for the past 4-5 meets. The coaches are usually laid back about States, but this year, they have really been pressuring the girls on level 7-10.

My dd works directly with HC. There is a second coach directly under, who I'll call HC #2. On Monday, she was doing bars, and HC#2 was critiquing a lot, for tiny things. And saying things like "your last bars at meets aren't good enough, you have to do better!" This goes on for the whole rotation. My dd (4th grader) starts to really doubt herself. By end of practice, she can't even get through her bar routine (which has typically scored 9.4+).

On Tuesday, HC and HC #2 start threatening her on bars. She was told if she can't do a perfect routine, she'll be kicked off team. More insults and threats. DD now can't even do a kip on bars. Instead of doing all events, they keep her only on bars. She comes home hysterically crying, with hands that look like hamburger meat.

I immediately call HC. HC is contrite, says it was an off day, but stands by critiquing on Monday. HC calls and speak to DD directly, apologizing profusely.

HC asks for dd to come in early on Wed, to work bars. Bar routine not happening, DD too scared of coach, even though coach is extremely contrite. DD does rest of events, but is shaky on one other event, where HC #2 is coaching. Another coach comes and makes real progress with DD on bars. Fear seems to be disappearing, fast! Things are looking up! But HC says DD has to work with either HC or HC#2 only, b/c only they will be at State Meet on Friday.

Practice today is more of the same. Bars is not happening. HC pulls DD and me into office, apologizes a lot, tells DD it doesn't matter what happens on bars at meet. Scratching is likely. HC#2 never apologizes, but ignores DD.

DD is a mess. I am giving her constant pep talks. Read the Doc Ali articles about fear with her. Told her I don't care about the meet tomorrow. Told her to try her best, I'm proud of her no matter what. But something seems broken in her, and it kills me. I am DREADING the meet tomorrow.

Not much to add. Last week, this kid had a level 8 bar routine down pat. Now she can't do a kip with the coaches that will be with her tomorrow. It's not vestibular. DD is a major pleaser, in 5 years of gym, never in trouble, a strict rule follower. I feel so bad for her! Just venting and sad, I guess...

yikes! not vestibular. they broke her. hope they're happy...

 

[Deleted member D3987]

Thanks Gymom! Sometimes I wish DD had just picked soccer

don't say that. maybe that you should have picked another gym. imbecile coaches...

 

[curlymomof3]

This makes me so sad for your Dd. We have actually been dealing with a similar situation with our Dd at her gym and she is now at the point where she will either quit after states this weekend or move to the Xcel program just to avoid this particular coach. But I refuse to allow her to remain in such an abusive situation where she is afraid to even talk to her coach. I wish we had other options but unfortunately there are no other gyms within our sane driving range. I am so sorry Good luck to your Dd at states tomorrow!! Hopefully you can help her gain the confidence she needs before she competes. We are heading to States on Saturday and I am heartbroken to think that it could possibly be our Dd's last meet

 

[GlobalNomad]

. Maybe some pain reliever like ibuprofen or Tylenol for her hands too? Poor kid. This sounds like a coaching fail.

 

[MabelSt]

Can you just not make her go? If it were me I think I'd tell you you're done with that gym, you don't let anyone treat her that way. I'd probably leave it up to her if she wants to compete or not- but if she knows she's gone after that, then it takes the pressure off.

 

[profmom]

Honestly, if she is still freaking out about bars today, I would tell the coaches to scratch her and tell them you don't want her competing an event in which they have destroyed her trust and confidence in herself to the point where she could incur an injury. Let them reap what they have sown. It's L7. Your DD in no way needs this kind of pressure to hit now, and never needs such negative coaching and threats.

We have a couple of kids who are more or less anchors on particular events on the boys' team and the coach before states let them know he was counting on them for big routines for team. However, he was encouraging them all week to go out there and do the best they possibly could, not scaring and threatening them. Nitpicking away? Sure! But in a tone of "you are very good on this event; now try to be great."

Don't let this drop after states. This is absolutely not OK and must not happen again. HC#2 needs a trip to the woodshed and you need assurance that this has been fully addressed if you plan on keeping your DD there.

 

[my4buffaloes]

This is just so sad! Why do adults feel like they can criticize a little kid like this? Yes corrections need to be made but they should know your dd well enough to know how to correct her without this happening. What a mess.

I would try to boost her confidence as best you can and let her know that those coaches really don't matter. Whether she does bars or not doesn't matter. She needs to do what she knows how to do for HER and no one else. Prove them wrong at the meet - and then switch gyms. Or just scratch bars and then move on.

Honestly it seems like they were seeing stars and high scores in your dd's potential and then totally ruined it. Would serve them right if she didn't compete. I am so sorry!

This is one more example of how the coaches can control gymnasts - make sure you trust who has the control over your child.

 

[sevenatenine2]

I would call the gym early this morning. I would say that you're unhappy with the situation, but that you except the apology from the coach. I would follow up to say, however, the damage has been done, and that you would like the coach that work with your daughter this weekend was able to see some progress to go to the competition and coach her there, in and attempt to salvage something for the state meet. After the competition. Your daughter can work on rebuilding relationships with her coaches after the meet!

 

[Clover]

This is terrible, and my heart breaks for your DD.

I agree with some other posters that you should go into it with DD and her coach planning for her to scratch bars. Otherwise, she may go the whole meet dreading the last event and let it affect the entire meet. If she feels more confident based upon performance by the time she gets to bars she can always tell coach that she has changed her mind, but taking the pressure off of her at this point may do a world of good.

 

[rjb123]

I think at this point I might try talking to your Dd about how she feels about gym (before this). I assume she loves it and would talk about using today to just have joy in her gymnastics. Go out there, ignore the "stuff" and win, lose or in between just have fun. Laugh. Smile. Find the love of her sport again. good luck to her today and I will pray for her that she has a wonderful day.

 

[coachmolly]

I am so sorry this is happening to your dd, those things should have not been said AT ALL regardless of situation, time of the season, or what medals/awards were at stake. Serioulsy bad move on their part. Are there other gyms in the area you can try after state? Those are hard things for a little kid to work through, and despite the apologies, this kind of thing can happen again and again. Those kinds of wounds don't heal overnight and NO child needs to be in situation that causes those kinds of feelings of inadequacy and fear.
Try to keep the mood light as you look ahead to the meet, maybe find something to keep her mind off of it? Give her lots of love regardless and let her know it's okay to scratch bars if needed- there is no shame in that. Celebrate her getting through the meet, regardless of what happens! Just showing up at the meet with all she has been through takes a whole heck of a lot more strength of character than showing up to a meet knowing you are going to win.
I hate hearing stories like these, I really think some coaches have no idea how to deal with little kids, or how much weight those little kids place on their word and actions. Lots of love to you and your daughter!

 

[Ali'sMom]

My heart breaks for your daughter. and goes out to you as Mom.
I have absolutely no words of wisdom, just sending some support!!!

 

[Amber]

Thanks for the replies. I told DD scratching bars is fine. No one will be upset with her. That in higher levels, it's common to scratch events. She cried really hard, saying she'll come in last at AA. I told her that it doesn't matter, she could still do well on the other events. And even if the whole meet is awful, we'll be proud of her for going when she's scared.

I think the major confusion to her is that she's never been afraid of bars. She's been working on double backs, bails, and stalders. Bars have been like "coming home" for her. Now she feels like she doesn't know what she's doing up there!

And yes, she was doing her routine with coach #3. But HC has always felt threatened by coach #3, going as far to ban any privates with this coach for all optionals. This coach is trained to coach higher levels at her previous gym, and she's always had success with my dd.

DD doesn't want to switch gyms. She loves her teammates, and 95% percent of the coaches. I think she's even forgiven HC, who has made a huge effort to make up with DD. I did say my piece to HC directly several times. I mean, when it comes down to it, it's a little girl! Not a 20 year man in boot camp! And these coaches have been with DD for 2 years...they should know what coaching style works with her by now! Ugh!!!

 

[sevenatenine2]

Can Coach 3 come to the meet? I would ask. I don't care if HC is threatened by Coach 3. HC did wrong, and I think you'll be able to see just how willing he is to do right by whether or not he'll allow Coach 3 to take over at the meet.