Parents Finding Zen

[wallinbl]

DD is headed into her fourth competition year this week, competing at level 7 this weekend. I had always assumed that by the time she hit optionals, I'd be unable to watch meets. She's doing great on three events and needs polish on bars to get to where she's likely to actually hit a routine without the low bar cast going over. In years past, I'd be in a state of constant worry over the bars thing, but oddly, I'm simply good with it. She's happy, and that makes me happy. Part of it may be that I never really expected her to get this far; I'm not sure. Part of it may be that we're finally at a gym we completely trust.

Rest assured, if you freak out watching every meet, there's hope for you, too.

 

[Flossyduck]

I so needed to hear that right now!

I've definitely got to the stage where I'm very chilled watching practice. I love watching what my dd can do and if occasionally she has an 'off day' then I know for a fact that she comes back more determined and that good sessions come around.

Big however... as another big comp is coming up in March I am already feeling sick at the thought. The stakes just seem to go up every time and I hate it! I wish I didn't have to watch, but obviously she needs me to be there, smiling through, supporting her whatever and making out that it's no big deal and she should just enjoy herself. Inside I'm fighting nerves, nausea, the works.

I'm not a competitive person, never have been, and I find it all so very stressful, but if she's out there doing that, then the least I should manage is to sit in the stand without fainting and be ready with the hugs for heavens sake. She totally believes I'm calm and says it helps her stay calm. Damn, I'm a good actress!

The thought of being able to watch and really feel all the things I'm telling her I feel... Thanks for sharing Wallinbl and hats off to you

 

[Faith]

I seem to be on a zen/anxiety cycle . I get myself really wound up, think "it's only a sport" and go back to zen again.

I think I'm worse when I know she's put the work in and has been training well, I just want her to perform *her* best- hit the things she usually hits, and come out feeling she did well.

Hope your DD does well in March flossy, comp.3 is a huge deal (not meaning to put more pressure , just it's a huge achievement to even be at that level).

 

[wallinbl]

I seem to be on a zen/anxiety cycle . I get myself really wound up, think "it's only a sport" and go back to zen again.

It helped me a bit when my younger DD started playing the sport I played. She'd get all worried about this or that, and I'd start telling her what the longer road looks like, how it's all part of the journey, and how despite all of my struggles and setbacks with the sport, I love it to this day. At some point, I realized how ridiculous it was that I hadn't related that to gymnastics, and that regardless of any of the bumps, scores, broken arms, etc, DD is loving the journey.

It's only a sport, but it's a fantastic experience in part because the bad parts make the good parts even better.

 

[Fliptwisttumble]

Admittedly I am a bit jealous. I'd like to find Zen myself. I've been caught in two videos of my daughter competing, and I look like I am praying in both instances. I don't believe I was, but I know I was holding my breath and had my hands clenched together tightly.

I don't care if she comes in first or second or third. I don't find myself scouring the scores during the meet. I care that she is happy with herself when she is done, and that she feels that all of the hard work is worth it. And, because I know it is important to her, I want her to land her aerial at the next meet, as it has eluded her in both of the last ones.

Flossy, I so agree with you. The stakes seem to be so high now. And it's only going to get worse, ...... so pass along whatever water you've been drinking, Wallinbl, as I need a long sip of it

 

[wallinbl]

Admittedly I am a bit jealous. I'd like to find Zen myself. I've been caught in two videos of my daughter competing, and I look like I am praying in both instances. I don't believe I was, but I know I was holding my breath and had my hands clenched together tightly.

I had to edit a video for a level 4 beam routine to remove my swearing from behind the camera. She was too young at the time to know any better, so the explanation that the sound cut out worked. If she watched it now, I'm sure she'd know what happened.

so pass along whatever water you've been drinking, Wallinbl, as I need a long sip of it

Bourbon, but I don't bring it to meets!

 

[Flossyduck]

Lol! I haven't been able to show dd's beam routine from her last comp to anyone. She switched her cartwheel tuckback for a round off tuck back and was struggling with it in the last few practices, landing the roundoff a bit low and bent and her tuck back was a bit wild in the leg. At the end of her routine she nailed it and you can hear me very audibly gulp in and sob. It is the most embarrassing thing ever according to my daughter but I can tell she's quite touched really.

I don't care where she comes either. I want her to be pleased with herself and happy that she did her best. It's also important that she passes. The first two competitions she ever did she came last. She will never know she came last as I never told her I knew the results, so she just knows she didn't medal. She was gutted not to get one of those medals but at least she learnt that not everyone gets to win from the outset and not to expect it. She didn't medal until her fifth comp. So medals are not stressed over but I dread the day she comes away crying because she feels she messed up and that is what stresses me. Once she's round and it all went ok and I can see she's happy enough the relief is HUGE and I feel quite giddy.

Love the idea of a hip flask, but the drive home would be interesting

 

[Faith]

Bourbon, but I don't bring it to meets!

I'm thinking beta-blockers, or some sort of benzodiazepine . Might help with the terrible palpitations, and I can still drive home!

Flossy, that must be even more pressure too knowing she has to "pass"- that an the fact your club might kick them off elite track at any moment. Haven't looked at comp.3 pass marks- does it allow for a couple of falls and a bad day or do they have to pretty much nail everything to get the score?

 

[Flossyduck]

It's difficult to know how things will go this year and onwards, as the routines have all been upgraded and the c.o.d has changed too. No-one knows quite how they will judge it.

Up until now, you didn't have to go clean to still pass and even score quite well (although of course it helps). At least not in this region. Last year there were a few falls and mistakes at level 3 and level 4, but as long as the form and technique were good and the skills polished, so they weren't being hit with lots of little deductions as well, a fall was ok and someone fell twice on beam I recall and still did ok. It wasn't hard to tell which falls were a blip in an otherwise well prepared routine and which were down to not really being able to do the skill properly.

We were told that you can't afford a fall in range though, although I did see one girl fall in her range in both competition and re-take at the end and she still passed, which seemed strange. Again new range and new rules this year though.

Before that we will be told who is competing what exactly, although there may be fewer surprises this year, I'm not sure.

Bleurghhhh...shudder...swig!

 

[Bajanswife]

I'm not at Zen yet - I still shake like a leaf when I'm watching a meet - especially beam, because I know how often she falls off! Bars, I set up these big expectations inside my own head, because I know it's her strongest event (or has been at compulsories - not sure it is now as a new optional) and I know it's her best shot at a medal. Vault and floor I'm cool with - vault because I don't really understand it very well and it seems so random how she'll do, and floor because she never really messes up but instead has tons of little deductions that add up, and I know she's unlikely to medal on it so the pressure's off. If she screws up bars I know the whole meet will not be an overall success (placing wise), because her AA score will be too badly affected. Normally her beam pulls her down, so if she has beam and bars pulling her down, she won't get a high AA.

I try not to let DD see all that is going on inside of me. Outwardly I just want her to do her best and have fun - but inwardly I have a lot invested in her performance. Part of it is because each meet is a big deal. We travel far and spend a lot of money to compete, and we don't get to do it very often. When the team comes back everyone wants to know how they did. The newspaper will run an article and mention the names of the kids who got high medals. DD is on the national team of her country, so people treat it as a big deal (I guess I do too). It doesn't help that in my family I have a brother who is very athletic and does well in whatever sports he plays, and now his son is doing the same thing in his sports. They live next door and I take my nephew to school every day, so we are in constant contact. He and I have always been competitive, and I feel the need to sometimes be able to say that DD won something. I know, it's my hang-up, and I try very hard not to pass that pressure on to her.

Sigh. Maybe one day I won't care so much.

 

[Iwannabemargo]

but if you didn't care so much your child would be one of the ones hanging about on street corners up to mischief !

 

[wallinbl]

Sigh. Maybe one day I won't care so much.

For me, it's not about not caring, but about finally being able to change what I care about. She's made it to optionals, she's very proud of herself, and she's worked hard for years now. I've seen a lot of her former teammates quit for various reasons (lack of skill, determination, interest, etc), and she's still going.

Will I fret over beam and bars? No doubt. But, at the end of the weekend, she will have competed at level 7, which is a fairly significant accomplishment for that little girl who three years ago went a whole season at level 4 without falling off the beam and only managed one mill circle at a meet. No one who sees her now even believes that (until they look it up on MyMeetScores).

 

[Deleted member D3987]

hahahahahahahahaha, you all crack me up!

gymnastics...gotta love it.

 

[Bajanswife]

For me, it's not about not caring, but about finally being able to change what I care about. She's made it to optionals, she's very proud of herself, and she's worked hard for years now. I've seen a lot of her former teammates quit for various reasons (lack of skill, determination, interest, etc), and she's still going.

Will I fret over beam and bars? No doubt. But, at the end of the weekend, she will have competed at level 7, which is a fairly significant accomplishment for that little girl who three years ago went a whole season at level 4 without falling off the beam and only managed one mill circle at a meet. No one who sees her now even believes that (until they look it up on MyMeetScores).

Well see, that's just it! I care too much about the wrong things - I won't achieve Zen until I can sit back and truly let DD own her sport. I shouldn't care so much about how she does with respect to scores or placements.